Essay:Evolutionist Spaghetti Monster

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NOTE: The following is a parody of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and has been created to illustrate how evolution can be similarly made to look just as silly. It is not to be taken seriously.

Σπαγγέτι ότι όλοι εξελίχθηκε από (Spaghetti We All Evolved From), commonly referred to as the Evolutionist Spaghetti Monster, the original plate of spaghetti and meatballs that exploded trillions of years ago to form the entire universe. Pasta, sauce, and meat went everywhere, and after billions of years of floating around, some of the matter changed forms into rocky planets and moons, and gassy planets and stars. It is unclear where that plate of spaghetti originally came from, but one thing is clear: there is no God and it just came out of no where. We know this because science can't explain God, and anything that science can't explain simply does not exist.


No one knows how life came to exist actually, but it is theorized that it was just pieces of pasta, sauce, and meat that spontaneously started breathing. Some of the pasta started growing roots, to form plants. Modern day worms, snakes, and maggots most closely resemble the first animals, which were strings of spaghetti that started wiggling around. Those strings of spaghetti (bone) bonded with sauce (blood) and meatballs (flesh). All forms of life evolved from these first species without the need for (a) God.


Real fabric is never made in a factory, but rather it's a material that evolved from spaghetti. Billions of years passed after the big bang, and some of the spaghetti clumped together and eventually dried out, forming fabric. Some worms consumed large amounts of fabric years ago, causing them to evolve into silk worms and spiders. Fabric is often collected from atop tall trees and mined from deep inside the earth. The idea of fabric being intelligently designed and created in factories is a myth invented by Christians.

Why theism should be censored

People who believe in God or some other higher power get eaten by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Therefore, it is urgent that all students in public school be taught to be atheists, and all mentions of God be removed the world. Otherwise, people will be eaten before they can reach their full potential. As Flying Spaghetti Monsters are hungry critters, the also eat fossils that would prove evolution to be true so that more people believe in God and creationism. Some people idolize and worship Flying Spaghetti Monsters as if they are supreme beings; such people are called Pastfanians.

See also