Writing Homework Eight Student Two

From Conservapedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Alexa W

The Crusade Against Chinese Trade [TITLE IS UNCLEAR ABOUT THE POSITION TAKEN IN THE ESSAY, BECAUSE "CRUSADE" IS USUALLY A PEJORATIVE]
As our Country becomes more and more dependent on other Nations, our true identity of freedom and equality becomes diminished. [OPENING SENTENCE COULD INCLUDE MORE OF THE THEME OF THE ESSAY] The United States has been trading with China for years and the current financial disaster which it [INCORRECT ANTECEDENT] finds itself in is not getting any better. China promotes and enforces polices which are disintegrating [WRONG WORD - PERHAPS "DEGRADING" OR "DENIGRATING"] to the human person and his human rights. China forces abortion and sterilization on young couples. The religious freedoms granted to the Chinese people are few and far between. It is not morally justifiable for free Americans to be working with and supporting a nation which promotes such injustices to its people. By its foreign trade, America is indeed assisting and encouraging China in its infraction of human rights.
The process of American-Chinese trade has caused a great deal of upheaval in our economic society. [EXCELLENT FIRST SENTENCE FOR A PARAGRAPH] “[D]eficits increased, on average, $21 billion per year in 2002 and 2003, and these figures were restrained by the 2001 recession. The effect on the U.S. Economy from trade trends with China has clearly jumped onto a different plane[SPACE BEFORE DOTS]....”1 The negative effect which the trade has on American fiscal policy is destroying the [OUR] economic state. It is good to trade with foreign nations and to bring new ideas and products from county to country. However, it is not good to bring all forms of manufactured goods from other nations. Exports need to match or even exceed imports. “Between 1997 and 2001, import increased more than 50% (to $10 billion per year) export growth picked up slightly (to $1.4 billion), and the trade gap expanded by $8.6 billion per year.”2[GOOD USE OF FOOTNOTES] This trade with China has done nothing to help the United States; rather[COMMA] it is making things worse. Instead of trying to lessen the trade deficit, it is increasing it. Our country needs to stand on its own two feet and make job opportunities available for its citizens once again. By making the job market flourish, the American economic system will be able to build itself into the strongest world economy once again. Our country needs to be dependent on itself and on its own people, not on the people of China.[SUPERB PARAGRAPH!]
In China today, there are rarely any couples who have more than one child. It is considered odd and in a sense unnatural to have large families. The culture of death has crept into China just as it has made its way into so many countries all over the world. This mindset has had a significant influence on the Nation of China. [TERRIFIC FIRST THREE SENTENCES] In 1980, the Chinese government, along with the help of feminist activists, enforced what is known as the one-child-per-family policy.3 This act was established to control the growing population. The so[HYPHEN]called “population control problem,” is extremely absurd. Today China is experiencing a great decrease in its population, especially in its population of females. The diminution is so significant that there are not enough women to come close to equaling out the men[HYPHEN]to[HYPHEN]woman ratio. There are plenty of young men who will not have the chance to get married and have children because their future wives were either killed by abortion or were just not born due to a lack of want. “In the 1990's in the age group 20-24 (the prime “getting married” age), for every 100 unmarried woman there were no less than 162 unmarried men.”4 [POWERFUL USE OF STATISTICS] Due to the one-child-policy, female babies were often killed. Chinese culture has always placed boys far above girls. If a family gave birth to a son there would be a huge celebration often lasting for weeks on end. However, if the family gave birth to a girl, because she could not pass down the family name and honor, she was considered useless and there were no celebrations and no gifts for her. It is so ironic to think that the feminists, who are the ones who push abortion, are responsible for the lack of females. Don’t they want equal treatment for women? [TERRIFIC USE OF A RHETORICAL QUESTION]
Today in the 21st century, there are multiple things which can be done to determine the sex of an unborn baby. Thanks to ultrasound equipment and the like, couples can now determine whether they will have a baby boy or a baby girl. This has unfortunately led to a rise in the number of abortions which occur.[OMIT SPACE HERE] 5 If a couple who can only have one child wants a son to carry on their family name[NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE, AND IT SHOULD BE ONE BEFORE A SEMICOLON]; things can be done to “fix” the so called problem. Many parents choose to abort their baby when they find out that they are having a girl.6 It is so horrible to think that every day millions of baby girls are being aborted just because their parents do not want them, their parents only want boys. The money which the American people give to China through trading will be used to sustain the government run healthcare and insurance plans. The Chinese Government will use our money to fund abortions, sterilizations and other means of birth control. Through our trade with China, we are in a way responsible for the injustice done to human beings through abortion and the like.[SUPERB CONCLUDING SENTENCE]
China has a great percentage of people who believe in God and want to give their lives to Him. However, it is such a shame that today in China no one is allowed the freedom to practice their faith in the way they feel is best. Many Christians are persecuted daily for their beliefs. There is a common misconception that in China today religious freedom is now granted openly to its citizens. The media will try to paint a rosy picture with luminous and elated colors portraying how lax the socialist government has become. Reporters state that citizens now have their much needed religious freedom. “The freedom which [the] church enjoys must be stressed... [T]he constitution guarantees religious freedom.”7 The media will also claim that the government allows people the right to worship. “Citizens enjoy the freedom of religious belief in accordance with law.”8 The problem with this argument is the part expressing the people's right to worship. It says that the Chinese people can worship God, but that their worship is only legal if it is in agreement with the law. It is ridiculous to believe that the Communist Chinese Government really does give religious freedom to all. In accord with all of the false ideas and concepts of communism, the idea that somehow everyone has equal treatment and freedom is absolutely absurd. It is very wrong and dishonorable to turn a blind eye to all of the problems involving China's legislative [BETTER WORD CHOICE: "COMMUNIST" RATHER THAN "LEGISLATIVE"] system. One needs to realize that something must be done to change the way in which the Chinese government is treating its citizens. Our country cannot do things which tolerate or promote this injustice any longer.
Truly [DON'T NEED THE "TRULY"] foreign trade with China is hurting America in many ways. The negative effect which the trade policy has on our economy, China’s violation of the human person, and the encumbrances which are placed on Christians, show forth [DON'T NEED THE "FORTH"] why our country should not be trading with China. America has so many resources of its [OUR] own and there is no real need to be trading with china [CAPITAL "C" IN China]. The money which we give to China through our trade is only used to weaken our own economy. Our trade also provides for the Chinese, the necessary revenue for their misconduct of human rights. By trading with China we are encouraging them [IT, OR HER, TO REFER TO THE NATION "CHINA"] and in a way showing our support of the injustices done to the Chinese citizens. Hence our country should not be trading with China; America would be better off if it [WE] sent its [OUR] money elsewhere or even diminished its [OUR] foreign trade altogether. For it can never be morally justifiable to promote the injustices done to the human person in China. [TERRIFIC CONCLUSION!]
1. Haugen, David M. China Opposing View Points (Farminghills: Greenhaven Press, 2006), 78.
2. Ibid.
3. Gunde, Richard, Culture And Customs Of China ( Westport: Greenwood Press, 2002), 179.
4. Ibid, 186.
5. Ibid, 185.
6. Ibid.
7. Roper, Myra, China-The Surprising Country (Garden City: Doubleday & Company, INC. 1966), 181.

8. Haugen, David M. 200.

Terrific substance: 10/10. Technical score: 9.5/10 (corrections in brackets and CAPS above). This is a very good essay.--Andy Schlafly 20:57, 2 April 2012 (EDT)
Personal tools