Writing Homework Nine Student Two

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Alexa W

Raw Foods: the Forgotten Medicine.
[TERRIFIC TITLE]
“You are what you eat.” [GOOD OPENING SENTENCE] This phrase which [THAT] seems so common and over used [ONE WORD: OVERUSED] by numerous people has clearly taken on a new meaning for Alice Benedetto. While working as a visiting nurse, Benedetto learned just how important food really was in people’s lives.
Ignited with the idea that food is an important part of bodily health and wellness, Benedetto made up her mind to create a line of healthful eating and tasty nutritious raw foods. [EXCELLENT (PRIOR) SENTENCE] Her idea took root and became a global success instantly. Hence Raw Revolution was born.
During her seven years of working as a visiting nurse in Ardsley[COMMA] New York, Benedetto perceived the lack of nutrition [FROM] which her patients suffered from [MOVE THIS "FROM" TO BEFORE "WHICH"]. Often chronic illnesses and health problems sparked from an imbalanced and in-nutritious diet. Benedetto said that food is like medicine and that our bodies react to food and drink in the same way which [THAT] our bodies respond to medications.
Enlightened by this concept, Benedetto went back to school in her spare time and hit the books in order to become a professional natural foods chef. She studied nutrition and the preparation of wholesome foods in the evenings while working during the day.
Raw foods were something which Benedetto wanted to make available to everyone. She knew that many foods, especially fruits and vegetables, easily retain their vitamins enzymes and minerals when eaten raw as opposed to boiled canned or cooked.
Benedetto realized that if she wanted to make healthful foods available for everyone, she needed to change her own style of eating. Becoming vegetarian was not an easy thing for her but it was an important step in the right direction. She said that by eliminating sugar, wheat, caffeine and most dairy from her diet, she had a much needed increase in her energy level.
When she gave birth to her first child, Benedetto knew that healthy eating habits start at an early age. She searched high and low for healthful alternatives to processed baby foods[COMMA] but found nothing.
After some experimenting in her own kitchen, Benedetto created her own raw cookies and bars. These snacks were not only nutritious, but kids loved them. When her neighbors came round in search of more raw indulgences, she decided to make and sell her first raw creation, raw brownies. After this achievement, Benedetto knew that she was on to something.
In 2003, Benedetto piloted the launch of her company Raw Revolutions. Her days off were filled with buying new ingredients, trying new recipes and making her bars. Weekends were filled with long hours of hard, often times ["TIMES" IS UNNECESSARY] unfruitful work. But, after success had ultimately become a reality, the business [OF] which she had dreamed of [MOVE "OF" TO BEFORE "WHICH"] had finally taken off.
Although her neighbors and friends loved her raw creations, Benedetto needed to overcome some major obstacles before her indulgences could go public. Packaging and testing ingredients for bacteria within the strict laws of the FDA, Kosher and Organic standards was a tricky problem to overcome. These complications were conquered by Benedetto’s problem solving skills which she acquired from Nursing.
Benedetto also credits her management and leadership skills to her nursing education. By working with people, a business [AWKWARD: DOES "A BUSINESS" WORK WITH PEOPLE?] becomes a success. Nursing is a team sport much the same as it is in a business. The success of a procedure counts on the cooperation of all the members of the team.
When she encountered problems with preservative packaging, Benedetto did some research. She learned about new technologies and made some changes. From being a visiting nurse, Benedetto understood that flexibility was imperative. She also learned that when a problem arises it is important to think outside of the box and consider all the options. Things do not always happen as expected.
Once a little business run out of Benedetto’s kitchen on the weekends, Raw Revolution now employs 20 people and leases an 8,000-square-foot processing building. They manufacture ten different flavors in snack bars which are distributed nationwide and even globally. The company also sponsors several athletes and celiac disease events.
Although Benedetto keeps extremely busy with her company decisions and her new recipes, she always remembers to set aside time to spend with her family, especially with her two children. She knows that another important aspect to good health is a safe haven to come home to at the end of a busy day: a place of security. [GOOD WRITING]

Even though she does not currently work as a nurse, Benedetto would like to go back to her job in the near future. Nursing, which is a challenging profession, has certainly assisted Benedetto in her creation and continuation of Raw Revolution. All of the skills which she learned in nursing school and her years as a visiting nurse have helped to make Benedetto’s dream a reality. Thanks to Benedetto’s nifty innovation, many people will now have the opportunity to eat themselves to wellness.

Terrific essay! Substance: 9.9/10. Technical: 9.7/10.--Andy Schlafly 20:04, 16 April 2012 (EDT)
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