Writing Homework One Student Four

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Paul R.

1. Its his bad attitude thats the most biggest problem. Irregardless, you can not judge a book by it’s cover.

His bad attitude is his largest problem; regardless, you cannot judge a book by its cover.

Excellent.

2. Me and Davey gone to the football game that day, and we didn’t see nothing there. Instead, the cop yelled at us, “Get lost before you are arrested by me!” Davey got real scared, and he didn’t arrest us.

Davey and I went to the football game on that day, but we saw nothing there. Instead, a cop yelled at us, "Get lost before I arrest you!" Davey was very scared, but we were not arrested.

Nope - you changed what someone else said in quotes. Minus 1. People said what they said.

3. Newt Gingrich declared, "the media is terrified that the audience is going to side with the candidates against the media, which is what they've done in every debate." What mistake(s) did Newt, who has written many books, make in his statement? Explain.

When Gingrich says "they" he is technically referring to the media and thus "they" is ambiguous. Also his use of "is going to" could be better replaced by "may".

Right. Also, strictly speaking, the "media" is plural.

4. A good student is someone that can both write very well and quickly.

A good student can write very well and very quickly.

Repetitive use of "very", which changes the original meaning. Minus 1.

5. Runing inside to avoid the rainstorm, my new sweatur was mostly dry.

After I ran inside to avoid the rainstorm, I found that my new sweater was mostly dry.

OK, but more of a rewrite than necessary.

6. These three things needed to be completed Wedesday morning, and it was: calling my friend, finishing this homework, and jog one mile.

On Wednesday morning I need to call my friend, finish my homework, and jog one mile.

Again, your rewrite changes the meaning slightly, this time by omitting the concept of "completed". Minus 1. Total score on editing portion: 57/60.

6. Describe how and why the writing (lyrics or screenplay) is so good in one of your favorite songs or movies.

Every artist who makes music has different strengths and weaknesses. These can range from melody to harmony to rhythm to vocals, but one weakness I have noticed in the majority of music is in lyrics. Perhaps it is because modern artists find it monetarily serendipitous to sell themselves and sing about the same over-stressed themes again and again, but I have found that a good songwriter is hard to find. Thus it is refreshing to hear the folk group "Nickel Creek" perform a genuinely thought-provoking and introspective song, namely their composition "When in Rome."

Now the title should obviously contribute to our understanding of the song. The title is drawn from the saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." This song refutes the saying with three questions.

The first verse reads:

Where can a sick man go When he can’t choke down the medicine, The old Doc knows. A specialist came to town, but he stays at home, saying no one knows, so I don’t, Honey, when in Rome.

This verse basically sets the stage for the song by observing that in a conformist society those who can do the most good will feel repressed and not advance our society or, in this case, save lives. We see many cases of this in our medical realm where physicians feel obligated to stay in the realm of the "normal" for fear of overzealous lawyers pressing law-suits.

The second verse is similar asking:

Where can a teacher go? Wherever she thinks people need the things she knows. Hey, those books you gave us look good on the shelves at home, And they’ll burn warm in the fireplace, Teacher, when in Rome.

This verse takes the first verse further saying because conformity can be achieved without learning, when one visits "Rome" one may find the whole city full of "blissful ignorance." In our public education system, students in their drive to be normal will seek normal grades and a normal career instead of exceptional grades for an exceptional career. This is because of peer pressure which is basically a synonym for conformity.

The bridge goes:

Grab a blanket, sister, we’ll make smoke signals. Bring in some new blood It feels like we’re alone. Grab a blanket, brother, so we don’t catch cold from one another Oh, I wonder if we’re stuck in Rome.

This verse steps out of the third person into the first person. The singer now is making a personal appeal to, "bring in some new blood," and asks if we're stuck in Rome. In the bridge the songwriter shifts from Rome being a dingy far-off world, to here and now. He urges us personally to resist modern conformism.

The last verse is a shade quieter ["shade quieter"? That is an issue of vocals rather than lyrics. Perhaps "subdued"] and more thoughtful. It asks:

Where can a dead man go? A question with an answer only dead men know. But I’m gonna bet they never really feel at home, If they spend a lifetime learning how to live in Rome.

This verse concludes with a discussion of the emptiness that a dead man would feel after trying all his life to be like everyone else. As the song says, we never are sure of how a dead man feels, but we do know that only those who have stepped out of the conformist mould [misspelling: "mold"] will have had a lasting legacy.

The message of the song is effective and gripping; it is presented well and it stands as a provocative caveat [word choice seems awkward here].

Terrific essay - 10 in substance. In technical style, the misspelling and some questionable word choice yields a 9.5. Well done!--Andy Schlafly 20:46, 7 February 2012 (EST)
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