Writing Homework One Student Six

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Instructor: Andy Schlafly Student: Maddie N. Writing Course 01/28/12 Correct the following (using editing marks or, if done online, by rewriting it while preserving everything that is correct):

1. Its his bad attitude thats the most biggest problem. Irregardless, you can not judge a book by it’s cover.

It is his bad attitude which is his biggest problem. Regardless, you cannot judge a book by its cover.

Excellent.

2. Me and Davey gone to the football game that day, and we didn’t see nothing there. Instead, the cop yelled at us, “Get lost before you are arrested by me!” Davey got real scared, and he didn’t arrest us.

Davey and I went to the football game that day, we did not see anything there. Instead, the cop yelled at us, “Get lost before I arrest you!” Davey got really scared, but the cop did not arrest us.

Correct.

3. Newt Gingrich declared, "the media is terrified that the audience is going to side with t candidates against the media, which is what they've done in every debate." What mistake(s) did Newt, who has written many books, make in his statement? Explain.

Newt Gingrich declared, "the media are terrified that the audience is going to side with the candidates against them, which is what they've done in every debate." What mistake(s) did Newt, who has written many books, make in his statement? Explain.

Media are plural, but he used “is” which is singular instead of “are” which is plural. Saying media more than once in one sentence is repetitive.

Good, but the bigger mistake is that "they" lacks a proper antecedent. Minus 1.

4. A good student is someone that can both write very well and quickly.

A good student is someone who can write both very well and quickly.

Excellent.

5. Runing inside to avoid the rainstorm, my new sweatur was mostly dry.

By running inside to avoid the rainstorm, my new sweater stayed mostly dry.

Sweaters cannot "run" inside. Minus 1. Otherwise good.

6. These three things needed to be completed Wedesday morning, that was: calling my friend, finishing this homework, and jog one mile.

These three things needed to be completed by Wednesday morning: call my friend, finish my homework, and jog one mile.

Correct! Overall score on the above editing portion: 58/60.

Write a flawless essay of 300-500 words (you will be graded both in technical correctness and style) on one of the following topics: 1. Why you don’t throw people off a lifeboat to make it float better, even if it looks like the lifeboat will sink. 2. A nagging fear that you have. 3. Who you think will win the Republican nomination for president. 4. Your favorite passage in the Bible, and why. 5. “Almost everything in school and beyond is easier for those who improve their writing skills.” Discuss. 6. Describe how and why the writing (lyrics or screenplay) is so good in one of your favorite songs or movies. (7. A very short story of fiction.) 8. Which is your favorite season of the year, and why?

She was running; she was gasping for air. She felt ice cold water on her leg and it gave her a chill. She glanced behind her and saw two men in uniform chasing her. She ran toward a crowd and into an alley. She watched the men run right past. She sighed with relief while wrapping her jacket around her. She took out a cross her mother and father had given to her on her fifth birthday. It was her only memory of them; they had made her a lemon pie. Afterwards [better: "Afterward"] they sang Happy Birthday and gave her the cross. The cross was the only thing that survived the fire. She felt a tear ran down her face. She was mad at herself for being sentimental. She was an escaped orphan who fended for herself and didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She was Maggie, known for being tough, not for crying.

Maggie looked down the alley and started walking she wasn’t sure what she was looking for but she was looking for something. Maybe a family who loved her or a group of people who accepted her. Whatever she was looking for she could not find.

Maggie looked around and realized she’d never been this part of New York City before and it looked and smelled horrible. She started walking, [need a transition here: perhaps "but her ..."] her thin shoes did not prove much protection against the ground which was littered with all sorts of garbage.

She had been walking for about a quarter of an hour when she noticed a very oddly placed hole in a wall with a dirty tattered sheet covering it. It was getting late and she was tired so she climbed in the hole and looked around. Maggie realized that it was an abandoned building that just happened to be very clean. She started yawning and sat down in an easy chair.

Maggie woke up and screamed. She saw about seven children all staring down at her. She tried to jump up and run away but they would not let her. They asked her what her name was. She decided not to lie. She told them that she was an orphan who had run away from the orphanage. It turned out that they all had run away from an orphanage one way or another. [repetitive use of "orphan" and "orphanage" here]

They let her get [better than "get" here: "stand"] up. They gave her breakfast and talked to her. They seemed to really like her. They gave her clean clothes and a toothbrush, they seemed to accept her, she experienced an emotion that she had not felt in a while. She was happy, she knew she could be herself. She recognized that for once in her life she had true friends, a family again.

They didn’t seem to care that her hair wasn’t perfect or that she didn’t look like a model. For once in her life she had found a group of people that really accepted her for her [perhaps better: "for who she was"].

Terrific essay - very strong opening and a near-perfect closing. Substance: 9.8. On technical merit this essay is quite good also: 9.7.--Andy Schlafly 21:25, 7 February 2012 (EST)
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