Writing Homework One Student Two

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1.Its his bad attitude thats the biggest problem. Irregardless, you can not judge a book by it's cover.

It's his bad attitude that's the biggest problem. Regardless, you can not judge a book by its cover.

Minus 1: "can not" -> "cannot"

2.Me and Davey gone to the football game that day, and we didn't see nothing there. Instead, the cop yelled at us, “Get lost before you are arrested by me!” Davey got real scared, and he didn't arrest us.

Davey and I went to the football game that day, and we didn't see anything there. Instead, the cop yelled at us, “Get lost before I arrest you!” Davey became real scared, but the cop didn't arrest us.

Minus 1: changed within quotation marks (without using brackets).

3.Newt Gingrich declared, “The media is terrified that the audience is going to side with the candidates against the media, which is what they've done in every debate.” What mistake(s) did Newt, who has written many books, make in his statement? Explain.

Newt made the mistake of using is instead of are when describing the media. Media is a plural noun and thus needs to be described using the plural form of the verb is.

Good, but the bigger mistake is Newt's use of the pronoun "they" when its antecedent is "media" (or candidates), instead of the audience. Minus 1.

4.A good student is someone that can both write very well and quickly.

A good student is someone who can write both very well and quick.

Minus 1: good correction of the placement of :both", but quickly is correct. It's an adverb.

5.Running inside to avoid the rainstorm, my new sweatur was mostly dry.

Since I ran inside to avoid the rainstorm, my new sweater was mostly dry.


6.These three things needed to be completed Wednesday morning, it was: calling my friend, finishing my homework, and jog one mile.

These three things needed to be completed Wednesday morning; calling my friend, finishing my homework and jogging one mile.

Need a colon as in the original. Minus 1. Total score: 55/60.

1.Why you don't throw people off of a lifeboat to make it float better, even if it looks like the lifeboat will sink.

In our society and culture today, no one [overstated] has respect for the value and dignity of the human person. Many people believe that if you are a burden to others then you should not be given the right to life. One idea that is firmly grounded in these views,[omit comma] is the concept of Utilitarianism. Utilitarians believe in doing good for the majority of people but not for individuals themselves. Those of us who follow the laws and ideas of God know that these views are very wrong. Each and every one of us should have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for we are all equal in God's eyes.

Utilitarianism consists of common sets of ideas started [not sure Mill "started" the ideas, and the word choice could be better] by a man named John Stuart Mill. A quote from his book titled On Liberty which was written in the mid 1800's, really sums up how the Utilitarian movement feels. “The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilsed(sic) [need space before "(sic)"] community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others.” One of the most famous scenarios portraying this idea is the argument regarding the lifeboats. If there are eleven people on one lifeboat, but the lifeboat can only hold nine, then two people should jump off for the good of the other nine. This is ridiculous since no one except God has the right to decide who lives and who dies. In our society the child with Autism [lowercase "a" in "autism"] and the elderly lady of eighty-five would probably be thrown off of the lifeboat. Since our society says that they are not useful and are a burden to caregivers, they should be the ones eliminated. It is so wrong to think this way. Everyone, whether they [incorrect antecedent] have something wrong with them [incorrect antecedent] or not, should be able to live. God created everyone in His image and in His likeness. He is the sole creator who alone has the right to make life and to destroy it.

Thus the ideas of Utilitarianism truly are wrong. They are contrary to the words of God that all people are created in His image and likeness. The reasons above fully explain why you would not throw two people off of a lifeboat [extra-space mistake here] if only to save the other nine. We are all God's children and should be treated as such, in a fair and equal manner. No human being has the right to chose who lives and who dies. [superb closing sentence]

Alexa W

Substance is excellent: 9.5. Technical score is 9.5 also (a few mistakes noted in brackets above).--Andy Schlafly 21:04, 6 February 2012 (EST)
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