Writing Homework Three Student Five
Part A: Correct the errors in the following:
1.Asparagus is the best vegetable, but in public school most kids eat candy rather than good food. If you eat better than they do, then you will become healthier than them.
- "healthier than they" (not "them"). (Minus 1).
2. Congress' problem is that it is too weak. By worrying so much about what the public thinks, Washington, D.C. does us all a disservice.
3. The most meaningful day of the year is Easter. Neither July 4th nor New Year’s Day is as special.
- Changed the meaning by replacing "unique" with "most meaningful." (Minus 1). Rest is good.
4. Someone needs to clean up this mess, and they had better do it before the owner gets here. "Get your garbage out of here now," the owner wrote on a note.
- "Someone" -> "they" is a mistake. Better: "Someone" -> "he". (Minus 1).
5. I am determined to catch all the errors this time. I am not going to make any more mistakes! Do you think I like being ridiculed?
6. I know these two things to be true: good writing is priceless, and poor writing will hurt your career. Therefore, I want to become a better writer than that person.
- Good again.
- Score: 57/60. Well done!
The Life of Ivan Ilych
Death. The enemy that all men face had come to claim Ivan Ilych. The fatal foe of humanity had arrived, sure of victory, knowing his victim had lived a meaningless life.
Shortly after Ivan Ilych Golovina, a member of the Court of Justice, breathes his last, a group of his “friends” and colleagues are gathered together in court when Peter Ivanovich, Ilych’s nearest acquaintance, proclaims Mr. Golovina to be dead. Upon receiving what should be sobering news, each man, instead of mourning, instantly begins to think of how this event will affect himself. The complacent feeling is aroused in each heart that, “it is he who is dead and not I.”
Ivan Ilych was the second of three sons, growing up to be “Neither as cold and formal as his elder brother nor as wild as the younger, but was a happy mean between them.” During his years at law school, Ivan became the capable, good-natured man he remained for the rest of his life. He also gained a strict conviction to do “what he considered to be his duty.” Ilych, however, seemed to be gradually losing the conscience of his youth, replacing it with a code of personal conduct dictated by what had the appearance of being socially acceptable and expected. His life began to be governed by what was perceived by him as the way a person should live. This did not mean that he made decisions based on conscience, but that he began to lead a life meant to please society and that would have the appearance of propriety.
Having graduated from law school, Ivan Ilych received an official post in a province in which his father had previously acquired some influence. After five years Ivan accepted a position in a different province as an examining magistrate. When he accepted this new post, he began to project a different public image. Ilych assumed more dignified and enlightened airs and also, following the demands of society, married a woman of good family and excellent reputation.
After a number of years had passed in which Ilych’s wife had given birth to two children, the family moved yet again so Ivan could take a job with significantly higher wages. This job allowed Ilych to buy a fairly large house which he decorated, personally overseeing the work and doing much of it himself. Just as he was finishing with this task he fell, injuring his side. He thought this injury to be minor, exclaiming that it was merely a bruise. This seemingly minor wound, however, would prove to be the cause of his death.
As the weeks passed, Ivan Ilych was sometimes aware of a discomfort in his side where he had sustained the injury. At first he ignored these pains, although they soured his mood making him generally irritable. Eventually he did visit a doctor whose seemingly uncaring attitude was the first hint of the fraudulence of society that Ivan perceived. This was the first step to his disillusionment.
Despite religiously following the instructions of the many doctors he consulted, Ivan’s condition continually grew worse. Even so he tried all that was in his power to convince himself that he would improve. Eventually, nevertheless, Ivan Ilych realized the truth: he was dying. His family and friends, however, seemed to ignore this fact, preferring to reject the idea of Ivan’s death. Their failure to acknowledge his condition caused Ilych horrible mental anguish! He longed for comfort but those who should have been his comforters chose rather to believe a lie.
His only source of consolation came from his servant Gerasim. Gerasim [REPETITIVE USE OF THE NAME], being a peasant, was the only one who was not blinded by the false correctness of society. He would go to great lengths [AWKWARD WORDING: "GO TO GREAT LENGTHS"] to ease Ilych’s suffering, accepting the fact that his master was dying and saying, “We shall all of us die, so why should I grudge a little trouble?” This acceptance soothed Ivan Ilych. He was comforted by the pure honesty and kindness shown by his servant.
As his condition worsened Ivan became increasingly depressed and confused. How could he, who had led a socially “perfect” life of complete “correctness,” be dying? Why was this happening to him? Time and time again the same answer would arise in his mind: “Maybe I did not live as I ought to have done;”[PUT QUOTATION MARK BEFORE THE SEMICOLON] yet every time this thought presented itself, he would immediately dismiss it as an impossibility. Had he not embodied what society called good ethics?
Even during the last few days of his life, Ivan Ilych still could not accept the fact that the life he had led had not been a good one. Only on the last day, just two hours before his death, did he finally become fully aware of the folly of his life. In those last precious hours, Ivan’s son crept into the room in which his father lay screaming with agony and, with tears streaming down his face, the boy began to kiss his father’s hand. As Ivan felt the gentle pressure of his son’s lips, he realized that although he had not lived as he ought, he could still amend his errors. He tried to whisper “forgive me” to his wife and son, but could not. Even so Ivan knew God had understood his final plea. Ilych’s last breaths left him, but they had taken the pain with them. The anguish had been replaced with the utter joy of salvation!
Death had come, but Ivan Ilych had conquered him. Ilych had acknowledged the lie that was his life, and had decided to cling to the truth. And the Truth who is life, gave Ilych life, even in death.
- Superb essay. Substance: 9.7. Technical (note comments above): 9.5.--Andy Schlafly 15:31, 26 February 2012 (EST)