Writing Homework Two Student Two

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Part A

1.God given rights belong to all of us: who else would he have given them to, other then us?

God given rights belong to all of us. Who else would God have given them to other than us?

Need a hyphen in "God-given", and the next sentence should start with "To Whom". Minus 1.

2.“I ain't missing that game again,” I told him. After all, there friend, not me, were at the game and their wasn't no way I was going to miss it.

“I ain't (sic) missing that game again,” I told him. After all, his friend, not mine, was at the game and there was no way that I was going to miss it.

Excellent.

3.When a stranger showed up sought directions, I told them not to bother me and my friend.

When a stranger showed up seeking directions, I told him not to bother my friend and I.

"bother ... me". Minus 1.

4.Neither the Patriots nor the Giants are the best team in the NFL this year. The Packers, lets admit was the finest players. Just joking......... no one around hear doubt that the Giants are the most greatest ever!

Neither the patriots nor the Giants are the best team in the NFL this year. The Packers, lets admit are the finest players. Just joking, no one around here doubts that the Giants are the greatest team ever!

"patriots" is the name of a team: capital "P". Also, need an apostrophe: "let's". Minus 1.

5.All the mistakes in this will be cought by I this time. Does you think this are something to be embarrassed about?

I will catch all the mistakes this time. Do you think this is something to be embarrassed about?

Good.

6.Which is James most proud of. The homework that had the fewest error, of course! This final sentence, the last phrase, and look at the one before it; they was most perfect.

What is James the most proud of? The homework that had the fewest errors of course! In this final sentence, the last phrase and the one before it were perfect.

Good, could say "Of which is James most proud".
Score: 57/60.

Part B As the United States grows bigger and more different from place to place, do you think it will ever break up as the Soviet Union did?

                                                      Back in the USSR?
Can history be used to predict the future? The answer can be found by reviewing common situations that arise in our world today. One question that has been receiving a lot of attention recently is whether or not the United States, as it grows bigger and more different from place to place, will break up as the Soviet Union did. I disagree with this primarily because it is just not logical. When one reviews the history of Our country and of the Soviet Union, one can see why this could never happen. The principles and ideas on which these two unions were founded, are entirely unrelated. Thus I firmly believe that through reviewing our history, the United States will remain firm and united as one country for many years to come.
Before one can make a prediction of whether or not the United States will fall like the Soviet Union did, one must examine the founding of both of these unions. The 1900's were a period of great turmoil and unrest in Europe, especially in Russia. The Soviet Union, which was started in 1917 by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, was in a certain sense the Russian version of the American Revolution. Peasants wanted fair and equal treatment, they did not like the Czars unjust rulings over them. Consequently, the peasants rebelled. Unfortunately the Russian Revolt was a failure and caused the communists to take over, forming a dictatorship. In 1922, the communist leader Lenin established the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR). This organized form of government controlled many socialized republics. With Communism at its greatest height, the communist satellite countries of the USSR had no freedom at all. These countries also had little to no cultural similarities. For example, the people of Poland did not have the same customs and holidays as the people of Bulgaria did. The USSR was also not as centrally located as it should have been to keep control of its different satellite countries. The Soviet Union grew too diverse and too vast to maintain economic and political influence over all its countries. Through each of these reasons, one can see why the Soviet Union was not able to maintain its influence over such immensely different countries.
The history of the founding of a nation truly helps when looking towards its future. [STRONGER OPENING SENTENCE TO A PARAGRAPH WOULD BE BETTER] When one thinks of the word, “America,” what words come to mind to describe it? Perhaps Unity, Freedom, Equality, and Prosperity? These four adjectives really sum up the principles on which America was founded upon. When the Constitution became law of the land on June 21st 1788, after the ninth state had ratified it, the other four states saw the need to be unified and also sanctioned the Constitution. Due to the fact that our country was so vast, the Founding Fathers thought that it would be a wise choice to unite the Colonies or States under a common leader. That is why there is a form of government unique to America that presides over the Country. By having a form of checks and balances in our law system, a sense of unity and need for the other is established. Without the Presidency, there can be no Judiciary, without the Judiciary there can be no Congress and without all of these things, there can be no form of equal and just government. This great historical act will live forever in Our Nation's history because it portrays the need that our Country had and still has to be unified. The founding of the Constitution is the one thing that sets the United States apart from all other countries. It keeps power hungry [NEED HYPHEN: power-hungry] dictators from having too much control and it helps to unite a vast amount of land, from New York to Alaska and from Maine to Hawaii. Even though America is diverse and settled by many emigrants, the constitution and our system of government help to bind our country together. These above factors support us in predicting the future of our country as a whole.
Thus through the above historical examples of the United States and the Soviet Union, one can see [WEAK: "one can see" - avoid phrases like that in strong writing] that it is truly absurd to believe that that United States would break up. The Soviet Union was formed on the false communist principles of so called, “government regulated equality,” while the United States was found on individual liberty and equality. I think that these two vastly different things made and will continue to make all the difference for America. If our Constitution was not as effective as it is, then our Nation would indeed fall apart like the Soviet Union.

Alexa W

Excellent essay. Substance: 9.8. Technical: 9.6.--Andy Schlafly 09:43, 16 February 2012 (EST)
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