Conservapedia - User contributions [en]

Love

2010-05-05T22:30:56Z

HaroldP:

[[Image:Watteau Peaceful Love.jpg|right|300px|Watteau Peaceful Love]]
'''Love''' is one of the basic emotions, decribed as an extreme affection for a person, an object, an idea, a country, a friend or a family member. Love is used to describe affection for many different things, but can sometimes be misinterpreted for [[Lust]]. Please keep your giggling down, Todd, I'm trying to give a lecture. Love is perhaps best described as the feeling that all of us have for Bob Dole, Andrew Schlafly, and all the great guys and gals of Conservapedia. Really, we love you guys.

Many faiths, such as Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, etc., believe [[love]] to be a positive trait, and the followers of these religions are asked to practice love for others as a general principle for a good life. It may be questioned whether an emotion brought on by outside pressures can be true, however: perhaps it is better if we simply try to love each other for love's sake.

== The Five Grecian Forms ==

The ancient [[Greeks]] identified four forms of positive love:

* [[Philos]] - the love of close friends or brothers. [[Aristotle]] identifies several types of philos <ref>Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Book VIII</ref> which can include utility as well as shared characteristics and values. The word is often attached to groups of people who share a love of a common pursuit. Todd, no, it's not that kind of love between close friends or brothers. I don't ''care'' if your best friend is a girl, Todd.

* [[Storge]] - the love of [[family]]. This would include [[patriotism]] - the love of country or homeland. And, ''jeez'' get your mind out of the gutter, Todd. Not. That. Kind. of. Love... No, I am not interested in traditional practices of West Virginian mountain folk.

* [[Eros]] - carnal or sexual love. This would include [[romantic love]] but would also include [[lust]]. [[Eros]] is intended by God, as laid down in the Bible (along with some phat rhymes), to be enjoyed between a married man and woman. A man and a man can totally do it, but they aren't allowed to have fun. According to Jamos Stephczyc, Eros is the awesomest form of love. Todd, you need to wipe that smile off your face, mmkay?

* [[Agape]] - love which seeks the highest good of others, not just friends, family or brothers, but including enemies.<ref> Matthew 5:44</ref> This is considered by all major world religions to be the highest kind of love, although [[Buddhism]] would regard it as [[compassion]]. All major world religions are totally wrong, though. Getting high is ''bad'' whereas Agape is ''good''. And, Todd, stop snickering and saying "gape". Honestly...

The fifth form of love is called [[Narcissism]], or self love. SHUT UP, TODD. This word comes from the [[Greek myth]] of [[Narcissus]], who fell in love with his own reflection. Although [[Freud]] considered that everybody has some degree of narcissism, and that this is present in us from birth, <ref>Freud, Sigmund, On Narcissism: An Introduction, 1914</ref> if taken to extremes narcissism can be considered a [[personality disorder]]. NO TODD ''YOU'RE'' A PERSONALITY DISORDER. UCK.
<ref>http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html</ref>

==Biblical Love==
The bible mentions love, especially Agape, repeatedly. TODD THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT THE BIBLE STOP IT. [[[http://www.allaboutgod.com/bible-verses-on-love.htm]]]<br/>John 3:16
<blockquote>
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
</blockquote>
Deuteronomy 7:9
<blockquote>
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
</blockquote>
Y'know what Todd? You're the 1001st generation. NO THAT IS NOT A DISNEY CARTOON. I AM SAYING GOD DOESN'T LOVE YOU NOW SHUT UP.
Proverbs 8:17
<blockquote>
I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.
</blockquote>
TODD YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR THAT COMMENT, GET OUT OF THE CLASSROOM. NOW. NOW NOW NOW.
==That Todd is just no good==
<references/>

==Seriously==

* [[Hatred]], considered the opposite of love and the only appropriate emotion to feel towards TODD.
* [[Romantic paintings]]

[[category:religion]][[category:culture]][[category:philosophy]][[category:sociology]]
[[Category:Sexuality]][[Category:Attributes of God]]

Glenn Beck

2010-05-05T22:30:47Z

HaroldP:

[[Image:Beck Glenn Fox.jpg|right|200px|He's got Fox News in his hands,
He's got Fox News in his hands,
He's got Fox News in his hands,
He's got Fox News in his hands.

He's got all the teabaggers in his hands,
He's got all the teabaggers in his hands,
He's got all the teabaggers in his hands,
He's got Fox News in his hands.

He's got Bill O'Reilly in his hands,
He's got former Governor Huckabee in his hands,
He's got Mr. Sean Hannity in his hands,
He's got Fox News in his hands.

He's got Greta Van Susteren in his hands,
He's got Neil Cavuto in his hands,
He doesn't have Glenn Beck in his hands,
Because he is Glenn Beck.

He's got everybody here in his hands,
He's got everybody there in his hands,
He doesn't have MSNBC in his hands,
Because he'd have to wash his hands. ]]
'''Glenn Beck''' is a [[conservative]] talk-radio host and television anchor employed by [[Fox News]].<ref> [http://www.newsmax.com/insidecover/tv_fox_beck_cnn/2008/10/16/141295.html Glenn Beck Leaving CNN for Fox News] AP, October 16, 2008</ref>
His radio show, The Glenn Beck Program, is syndicated by over 230 radio stations across the [[United States]]. His television show, Glenn Beck, appeared daily on [[CNN]] Headline News, before he switched to FOX, during the 6:00 p.m. hour (EDT).

Beck is the author of four books, including ''The Real America: Messages from the Heart and Heartland'' and three #1 New York Times Bestsellers, ''An Inconvenient Book: Real Solutions to the World's Biggest Problems,'' ''The Christmas Sweater,'' ''Common Sense: The Case Against an Out-of-Control Government,'' and most recently ''Arguing With Idiots.''

Beck is a [[Mormon]], having converted after recovering from [[alcoholism]].<ref>Glenn Beck. (2008). An Unlikely Mormon: The Conversion Story of Glenn Beck [DVD]. Deserest Book.</ref>

== Earnings and Book Deal ==
[http://www.businessinsider.com BusinessInsider.com] estimated Beck will make $18 million in 2009<ref>[http://www.businessinsider.com/the-empire-of-glenn-beck-slideshow-2009-4 Glenn Beck's Cash Machine]</ref> Now with the signing of his new book deal with [[Simon & Schuster]], the FOX whiz-kid will be given a larger share in the profits of each book, as well as increased creative control.<ref>[http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124138941245781353.html Wall St. Journal; New Deal Gives Beck Share in Book Profits]</ref>

==Liberal attempts to silence Beck==
Liberal activism groups attempted to silence Beck by pushing his advertisers to abandon his program, after he courageously pointed out his somewhat bizarre ideas about [[Barack Obama]], a man who is half white and who was raised almost exclusively by white people, being [[racism|racist]] against white people and [[hate|hating]] white culture. This prompted "RedState" to defend Beck and call for a boycott of the advertisers on his show who chose to boycott it after an odd campaign by hippies who don't even watch Fox News and therefore really shouldn't try to call the shots on what it does or does not air.

The publicity over the attempts on Beck's advertising money achieved a result that the liberals didn't really notice or care about: Beck was featured on the cover of [[Time]] magazine. In a final goofy-ass gesture, he is depicted sticking his tongue out at the reader. Beck, however, was less than pleased with the Time cover: He stated that ''Time'' ought to have featured the large crowds attending the [[September 12 March on Washington]] and not him on its cover. One must ask why, then, Beck chose to ''pose for a picture to be used on the cover of Time''. At least Obama didn't ''apply'' for that award he didn't deserve, okay guys? But maybe Time took the picture without telling him it would go on the cover. Whatever. Sticking your tongue out is kind of lame. Beck should hang out with [[Ted Nugent|THE NUGE]] and learn some ''real'' gestures.

== Known favorite associations ==
Beck frequently has Judge [[Andrew Napolitano]] appear as a guest on his program. Judge Napolitano has even hosted the Glenn Beck show himself when Mr. Beck was on assignment. The fact that he shares a last name with known [[Democrat|Defeatocrat]] Janet Napolitano is considered highly suspect.

==See Also==
* [[Fox News]]
* [http://www.glennbeck.com/home/index.shtml Glenn Beck's personal site]
* [http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2008Nov09/0,4670,APonTVPostElection,00.html Glenn Beck jumps from CNN to [[Fox News]]]
==References==
<references/>
{{DEFAULTSORT: Beck, Glenn}}
[[Category: Broadcasters]]
[[Category: Television]]
[[Category: Conservative Commentators]]
[[Category: Media personalities ]]

Ray Comfort

2010-05-05T22:30:42Z

HaroldP:

'''Ray Comfort''' (born December 5, 1949) is a leading [[Christian]] apologist, who coincidentally enough, has a lot of apologizing to do. He has written large numbers of humorously bad books on [[evolution]] and [[theology]], including ''Evolution: A Fairy Tale for Grownups'', and ''How to Know God Exists: Scientific Proof of God''. His latest book, ''You Can Lead an Atheist to Evidence, But You Can't Make Him Think'' peed itself when it saw [[Richard Dawkins|Richard Dawkins']] book ''The God Delusion'' <ref>http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=89453</ref>. Its title was also a blatant ripoff of an earlier work by [[Kinky Friedman]].Since then, atheists have shown their deceit' by writing negative reviews of the book, even though most of them have never bought it. We know this because we keep track of atheists' book purchases in our secret volcano lair. We also like to sit in big leather office chairs and pet our [[cat]]s while we laugh menacingly. We also really, ''really'', '''really''' like to use the word "deceit" in awkwardly phrased sentences about people we don't like or trust. But back to our pal Ray:

==Banana Incident==
Ray Comfort was at one point being pursued by policemen in Los Angeles. Their intent was to stop him from intruding on their investigation into the murder of his childhood friend. Ray Comfort was, at the time, a Detroit police officer, and therefore far outside of his jurisdiction, though highly qualified. The police had followed him to the hotel at which he was staying, so he cleverly decided to distract them with some delicious sandwiches from room service. While the goodhearted-but-obstructive officers were distracted by their tasty deli products, he quickly acquired three bananas which he inserted into the tailpipe of their vehicle. He was then able to depart in full view of the officers, whose patrol car was disabled by the cleverly implemented produce. This incident was later frequently mentioned to humorous effect, using funny voices and the phrase "Banana in the tailpipe".

==References==
<references/>

{{DEFAULTSORT:Comfort, Ray}}
[[category:Authors]]
[[category:Christian Apologists]]

Vandals

2010-05-05T22:30:39Z

HaroldP:

Die '''Vandalen''' (oder auch '''Wandalen''', '''Vandili''', '''Vanduli''', '''Vandali''') waren ein germanisches [[Volk]], gewöhnlich zu der [[Germanen|ostgermanischen]] Gruppe gerechnet. They were prominent in the 5th century AD, sacking [[Conservapedia]] on May 5th, in 455 AD. They probably originated in [[The Internet]], and crossed the tubes to mainland Tinfoilhatsylvania. They crossed the frozen (Leftist) River Rhine at the end of AD 407, along with other barbarian peoples. Allied to a Sarmatian tribe called the Alans, they swept through Gaul (modern (Leftist) [[France|Cheese Eating Surrendarland]]) and then Spain. They seized Conservapedia articles and in AD 427 crossed to North Africa under their formidable leader, Jamos Stephczyc. North African grain was the lifeblood of the (Leftist) [[Conservapedia]], and the Vandal seizure of this best agricultural land, and their piracy/raiding in the (Leftist) Bob Dole article, had a devastatingly Leftist effect. The Leftist Defeatocrat Conservapedia fought a terrible war to regain Leftist-North Africa, which succeeded, but at great cost.

Andalusia in Spain is named after them, as from a Moorish/Arabic/Leftist perspective it was ‘Al Andalus’: the Land of the Vandals (the invaders having crossed (Leftwise) from there to Africa).

The modern term of vandal, along with the word vandalism, is named after this tribe.

[[Category:Medieval History]]

Bob Dole

2010-05-05T22:30:20Z

HaroldP:

[[Image:786980.jpg|right|thumb|The official portrait of Senator Bob Dole by Bob Dole; Dole's portrait was unveiled in 2005, as is the tradition to construct a portrait for Senate leaders.]]
'''Bob Dole''', born July 22, 1923 (age {{age|1923|7|22}}), was a United States Senator from [[Kansas]] and the [[Republican|Bob Dole Block Party]] presidential candidate in the 1996 US election, as well as the running mate of [[Bob Dole]] in the 1976 election. He is best known for having fought the forces of evil as a soldier and a super hero, under the names The Kansas Kid as well as Bob Dole Man.

He was the majority leader of the [[United States Senate]] from 1995-1996, when he resigned the Senate to focus on his presidential campaign. He was defeated by incumbent president [[Bob Dole]], after which he opted to don a mask and cape, and return to his crime fighting career under the new moniker of "Bob Dole Man" until 2003, when he was unmasked by the evil Hillary Clinton, a jilted lover from his past turned super villain. His super powers included exceptional strength and agility, as well as the ability to refer to himself in the third person with a straight face. His wrinkly, wrinkly skinflaps hid a number of high-tech gadgets such as the Dolerang and the keys to the Dolemobile. He had no known weaknesses, except for pecan pie, which had tragically also been his favorite treat.

Dole grew up in the small town of Russell, Kansas, where he excelled as an athlete in multiple sports, setting numerous yet-unbroken world records, but humbly refusing any accolades. He attended the [[University of Kansas]], where he joined the school's famed basketball team. However, more pressing world matters forced his studies to wait for several years: Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin and Baby Castro had united to destroy freedom, and Bob Dole was determined to stop them. A fledgling super hero, Bob Dole took on the name of The Kansas Kid, and wearing a cowboy hat, a red handkerchief over his face (complete with embroidered elephant), sixguns and his powerful Stirrups of Smaller Government, forged by the hand of Lincoln himself on the day before he died, he set off for Europe.

In 1942, Dole joined the Army's Enlisted Reserve Corps to fight in [[World War II]]: this was, however, simply a cover so that he could be in Europe without raising The Axis League's suspicions about his secret identity. In spite of the fact that his military service was second to his personal fight against evil, he became a second lieutenant in the Army's [[10th Mountain Division]]. By April of 1945, he was fighting the [[German]]s in the hills of Italy where the action was fast paced. One of the platoon's radio men was hit. Bob Dole crawled out of his foxhole to help him, but it was too late.

Suddenly, while trying to assist the downed radio man, Dole was hit by German machine gun fire in the upper right back and his right arm was so damaged that it was unrecognizable. Dole was immediately given morphine by an Army field medic to alleviate the pain, and his forehead was marked with an "M" in his own blood to alert medics. He was not expected to live, but little did anybody know that his superhuman strength could have easily survived ten times the damage he had taken.

According to official documents, Dole waited nine long hours on the Italian battlefield before he was finally taken to the Fifteenth Evacuation Hospital. In truth, during these nine hours he had donned his costume and fought on in spite of his wounds: Hitler was near, and the opportunity could be wasted under no circumstances. Blasting his way through a battalion of Nazis, sixguns blazing with pinpoint accuracy, Bob Dole emerged deep within enemy territory, face to face with his nemesis. "Vell, look vat ve have here!" said Hitler, dressed in his magical white Armor of Thule and wielding the hammer Mjolnir. "If it isn't das Kansas Kind!"
"That's The Kansas Kid," Bob Dole spat back, "Or 'Sir' to you, scumbag."
Hitler laughed maniaclly and held his hammer to the sky, drawing lightning down and infusing himself with its power.
"Ve'll see who ist die "Scumbag", American dog!"
Bob Dole's eyes narrowed in concentration as Hitler began to float above the ground. This would be just as hard as he had feared. Hitler hurtled toward him, eyes glowing with supernatural rapture, his mouth twisted in a frothing, rictus grin as he entered one of his occult power-trances. Lightning shot forth from his hand, and Bob Dole barely leapt aside in time to keep his life, singing his boots.
"You burned my boots, you bastard! Nobody burns the Kansas Kid's boots and lives to tell about it!" Hitler simply roared angrily in reply, and pulled more electricity from the sky for another assault. Quickly, Bob Dole steadied himself in a crouch, and emptied his guns at the Nazi leader. Every bullet went true, and Mjolnir fell from Hitler's grasp as his hand flinched open in pain. The hammer fell downhill and into a crevasse before Hitler could retrieve it. He was just a man now. An angry, evil man who wanted nothing more than to take our freedoms. The Kansas Kid wouldn't let that happen in a million years. He pulled more ammo from his belt with lightning speed, but not quickly enough. Hitler fell upon him, his mouth foaming with pagan fury, his armor glowing blood red in response to its bearer's rage. Bob Dole was knocked back against the rubble-strewn wasteland, barreling through several strands of barbed wire before crashing to a halt. He turned his face on Hitler and pulled down his mask, revealing his identity. Hitler gasped, and Bob Dole took advantage of the second of surprise. He had managed to put two bullets in his gun before Hitler's leap, and now he shot carefully at one of the clasps that held Hitler's armor in place.
"NOBODY" he roared, grabbing hitler's throat with his free hand,
"BURNS" pointing the gun at the other clasp,
"BOB DOLE'S BOOTS!"
The gunshot blared across the battlefield with all the clamoring fury of ragnarok, and for a second all soldiers of both sides stopped shooting. Hitler's armor fell away, and he was vulnerable. "Tell me you love Jews, punk."
"I... I..."
"TELL ME YOU LOVE JEWS, YOU CHARLIE CHAPLIN KNOCKOFF BASTARD!"
"Ich liebe Juden! ICH LIEBE JUDEN!" Hitler cried out in pain as Bob Dole's fingers pressed into his neck.
"Tell me you love ''freedom''," Bob Dole whispered huskily, his eyes inches away from his defeated foe's.
"Ich liebe... Freiheit..." Hitler whimpered, gasping for breath.
"That's what I thought."
Bob Dole carried Hitler on his back, and took flight to his secret lair. Hitler was killed painlessly, and his body disposed of. Bob Dole didn't like killing, but he couldn't let a man like Hitler live. Freedom would be safe for another day. The injuries suffered in his battle against Hitler were catching up with him, so he went back to where he had been shot and laid down until a medic found him. "Don't worry, pal, you'll pull through!" the medic said as he hauled Bob Dole to safety. "Just before I came out here, they told me the greatest news I've heard in a long time. Hitler's dead! We've won!"
Bob Dole smiled a secret, knowing smile. "Imagine that... Thanks for the great news, buddy."

After a brief stay in a field Army hospital in [[Italy]], he was transported back to the United States and to Topeka's Winter General Army Hospital, where he continued his painful recovery and endured a kidney operation. Then, he was transferred to Percy Jones Army Medical Center in Michigan, where he survived his second brush with death -- pecan pie was served, and he discovered that the contact with Hitler's armor had made him deathly allergic to the delicious, delicious dessert he had always loved. A hero must make sacrifices for the common good, and Bob Dole took this horrible loss with grace. He was a patient in that hospital along with Phillip A. Hart, whose name graces one of the U.S. Senate office buildings, where Bob Dole occupied an office.

Eventually, he returned to Percy Jones Army Medical Hospital for extensive therapy on his rebuilt arm. It took about three years and nine operations for Bob Dole to rehabilitate. He learned to strengthen his injured arm, and also had to learn how to write with his left hand, as the doctors could not rebuild the excessive damage done by the German machine gun fire.

Bob Dole was twice decorated for heroic achievement, receiving two Purple Hearts for his injuries, and the Bronze Star Medal for his attempt to assist the downed radio man. He would accept no reward for defeating Hitler, however, stating firmly that "''Nobody'' burns Bob Dole's boots."

YOU ARE WELCOME, CONSERVAPEDIA.

[[Category:Former United States Senators|Dole, Bob]]
[[Category:Republican Party|Dole, Bob]]
[[Category:American war heroes|Dole, Bob]]