Conservapedia - User contributions [en]

Military

2007-07-04T23:57:33Z

JamesMax: Unauthorised use of mocking war criminals

==How it works==
[[Image:Oozi.JPG|thumb|right|Top secret Military recipie, just add po [[rednecks]]."Git-R-Done!"]]

First, you have to have a problem. A big problem. The military only handles little problems if they're close cousins of big problems, like saying Granada had something to do with [[Communism]], not [[nutmeg]].

Then, you put on a big production about how the problem just won't fÜcking quit. "Oh, man! This guy with oil is soooo totally pissing me off with, um, whatever it is that he does to piss me off."

Everyone is like, "Well, that sucks."

And you're like, "Sure. Because oil guy violates human rights and he sponsors terrorism and sh!t."

And now, you call the [[Larry_the_Cable_Guy|military]] to fix oil guy's wagon. Oil guy gets his face beaten in proper. Problem is solved.

Israel

2007-07-04T23:53:59Z

JamesMax: Unauthorised use of satire

[[Image:Israel.gif|right|thumb|250px|A map of Israel.]]

[[Image:Israelflag.gif|right|thumb|250px|The Israeli flag.]]

[[Image:Tst4436.jpg|right|thumb|250px|[[David Ben Gurion]], the First Prime Minister of Israel, publicly pronouncing the Declaration of the State of Israel, May 14, 1948, [[Tel Aviv]], Israel, beneath a large portrait of Theodore Herzl, founder of modern political Zionism, in the old Tel Aviv Museum of Art building on Rotshild St.]]

[[Image:Mosque.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem]]

'''Israel''', otherwise known by its official name, '''The Schmenklic Empire of [[jews|Jewistan]]''' ('''[[Hebrew]]:''' ישראל, '''[[Yiddish]]:''' יאעסרעאעעייל, '''[[Binary]]:''' 100101011001. '''[[English]]:''' The Kike Reich. '''[[American]]:''' Foreign Aid Black Hole, '''[[1337]]:''' H01Y L4ND U F***ing n00b, '''[[Arabic]]:''' [[Palestine]]) is the only gay nightclub in the [[Middle East]], run by [[Vin Diesel]].

==History==
The name Israel refers to [[Jacob]] from the [[Bible]], the father of the [[Jews]] who would eventually create the kingdom of Israel. (See the [[Genesis|Book of Genesis]] in the Bible.) Jacob's descendents were numerous, but were put under bondage in [[Egypt]]. The first attempt at forming a nation dates back to the migration of the [[Hebrews]] out of Egypt after being freed from their [[slavery]]. (See the [[Exodus|Book of Exodus]] in the Bible). While the exact date is not known, the most likely scenario is in the 1400's B.C. After 40 years of wandering, the Hebrews attempted to settle in the land of Canaan, after first having to fight battles with the inhabitants. (See the [[Joshua (Biblical book)|Book of Joshua]] in the Bible). The Jewish people lived for hundreds of years under Judges (See the [[Judges|Book of Judges]] in the Bible) before forming a monarchy under their first King, [[Saul]] in 1050 B.C. Israel expanded under [[King David|David]] from 1010 to 970 B.C. and then reached its height under [[Solomon]] from 970 to 930 B.C. With the death of Solomon the united kingdom of Israel split in two with the tribes of Judah and Benjamin forming their own nation, [[Judah]]. (See [[I Samuel]], [[II Samuel]], [[I Kings]], [[I Chronicles]] in the Bible)

Israel continued being ruled by kings until its conquest by [[Assyria]] in 722 B.C. Most of the kings "did evil in the sight of the Lord" leading to their downfall. Judah continued as an independent nation until 586 B.C. when they fell to the [[Babylonians]] after also turning their backs on God. Both of these conquests led to many Jews being deported from the land of Israel. While under [[Persian empire|Persian]] rule in the latter half of the 500's B.C., the Jews were allowed to return and rebuild their temple. In the 400's B.C. they began to return to God as well, showing a reverence for Him that was often lacking during the time they had their own kingdom.

When the Jews were subjected to harsh religious treatment under their Greek Syrian rulers, they revolted, fighting a prolonged guerilla war until their eventual independence in 164 B.C. This independence would last until 63 B.C., when infighting caused the Jews to ask for [[Roman]] intervention. Rome stopped the fighting, but Israel came under Roman rule as the province of [[Palestine]]. The Jewish people would not have their independence again for over 2000 years. Three revolts against Roman rule, the first in 66 A.D. and the last in 132 A.D., led to the [[diaspora]], the dispersal of the Jews from the land of Palestine.

By the fifth century the inhabitants of the region were Christianized, under the [[Byzantine Empire]], a situation which continued until the [[Arab]] invasions of the 7th and 8th centuries. The Arabs brought with them the [[Islam]]ic faith which, due to its many similarities with [[Christianity]] and [[Judaism]] and the social advantages it brought, was gradually adopted by the population. However, Jewish and Christian citizens continued to live in the region, in relative peace, until the Crusades.

The [[Crusades]] saw part of the Holy Lands reconquered from Islam in the name of Christianity. The Crusader states were temporary before being conquered by Islam again with the fall of the last Crusader state in 1290. First the [[Mamelukes]] controlled the area, then starting in the early 1500's, the [[Ottoman Turks]] conquered the region. [[World War I]] saw a British victory over the Ottoman's and the region came under British mandate of Palestine in 1920.

The British and late Ottoman authorities permitted the resettlement of Jews from Europe, many of them looking to establish a Jewish state in the region, part of a movement called [[Zionism]]. In the last years of British mandate the number and strength of the Jews in [[Palestine]] increased, with many adopting extremely radical tactics to achieve their goal of an independent Jewish state. Terrorist organizations such as Irgun and Lehi attacked British and Arab targets, killing civilians of all faiths in the process. {{fact}} Britain's occupation became too expensive and they handed control to the [[United Nations]]. {{fact}}

==Modern Nation==

The UN came up with a partition plan, which was generally accepted by Jews in Palestine, but rejected by the Arab majority. Israel declared itself independent on 14 May 1948. The United States under [[Harry Truman]] immediately recognized Israel. Israel's declaration of independence was not accepted by its Arab neighbors and was followed by the invasion of Palestine by Arab nations, leading to the war of 1948. Israel won that war and has been independent ever since. Many Muslim inhabitants fled the new state, or were driven out by Israelis, which, along with immigration from the Jewish diaspora, led to the creation of a Jewish state in fact as well as name. Wars in 1956, 1967, and 1973 only solidified the hold of the Jewish people on the land of Israel.

Israel is the location of intense territorial disputes between [[Israeli]]s and [[Palestinian Arabs]] (see [[Arab-Israeli conflict]]).
[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/middle_east/03/v3_ip_timeline/html/default.stm]

Israel has a [[liberal]] activist high court, which has taken several steps to legalize [[same-sex marriage]]. <ref>http://haaretz.com/hasen/spages/790724.html

== External links ==

*[http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/jewish/jewishsbook.html Internet Jewish History Sourcebook]
*[http://israelemb.org/kids/ Welcome to Israel (for Kids)]
*[http://www.usy.org/yourusy/israel/support/ Ways to Support Israel]

[[Category:Middle Eastern Countries]]
[[Category:Biblical places]]
[[Category:Israel| ]]

War

2007-07-04T23:53:53Z

JamesMax: HUH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?!

==What is it Good For?==
The question of what war is good for has plagued historians for millions of years. Early historiography on the topic seems to indicate that war was indeed good for something, but this is still ill-defined.

In 1970 the noted historian [[Edwin Starr]] radically challenged this notion. In his paper entitled ''Starr Wars!'' Starr came to the conclusion that war was good for "absolutely nothing.... Say it again now!". Starr's view now seems to be dominant amongst historians, and political leaders, especially [[George W. Bush]], have paid attention to Starr and have completely eradicated war from the world.

Scientists have now discovered 4 new uses for war. Which are as follows: -

1) Vacuuming

2) Cheap Labour

3) The cure to [[Dinosaurs]]

4) Absolutly nothing!

and... BONUS NUMBER 5!!!!!!

Trouser Filling adventure.

[[category:sociology]]

Peace

2007-07-04T23:53:48Z

JamesMax: Unauthorised use of common sense

==Peace in Action==
All around us we see peace in action. For instance, the [[first world war]] was an excellent example of how peace can involve flying bombs, debris, destruction, bullets, gore, blood, and corpses. This is known as "dynamic peace". A more recent example of dynamic peace is the ongoing conflict in Iraq, which was brought about to prevent bad things happening like lack of peace.

Another way of defining peace is '''whatever causes people to feel the need to vote for you.'''

Zionism

2007-07-04T23:53:40Z

JamesMax: Unauthorised use of time wasting

'''Vin Diesel''' (AKA '''New Moses''') grew up in [[Fellatio, Indiana]], and contrary to rumors who believe him a [[gay porn]] star, he is not in illiterate. However, Vin Diesel does not read in the conventional sense. Rather, the words form gladiators in his mind, drawing on the powers of their respective meanings, and fight to the death until only the strongest remain in an arena of fire. Most females consider Vin Diesel attractive but if you look closely you will realise that he is actually a god. It is further proved that Vin Diesel is a god since the front of the blockbuster movie [[Shaving Ryan's Privates]] proclaims 'This Navy Seal Has Met His Match' and only pronouns describing His Holiness the Lord can be capitalized. Such was his godliness that he beat [[Dungeons and Dragons]] by staring at the Player's Handbook for an hour. It quietly shuffled off and killed all the monsters.

== See also ==

*[[Yasser Arafat]]
*[[Menachem Begin]]

== Links ==

*[http://www.zionism-israel.com/ Zionism and Israel Information Center]
*[http://www.mideastweb.org/zionism.htm Zionism and the Creation of Israel]
*http://www.jewsnotzionists.org
*http://www.jewsagainstzionism.com

[[category:politics]]
[[Category:Israel]]

Angel

2007-07-04T23:53:29Z

JamesMax: Unauthorised use of blasphemy

Angels are formed wherever two or more lines intersect. Angels of over 90 degrees are termed [[Obese]] whereas angels of less than 90 degrees are termed [[Cute]]. Three Angels may cooperate together to form a trinity.

Not to be confused with [[Religon|Angles]] which are the furry nature spirits much beloved of [[Religon|Jahweh]] (also known as [[Jehovah]], [[God]], or [[Wii|Yah Wii]]) that dress in dark clothes, brood, and drink pigs' blood from macaroni containers. Also not to be confused with Anglo-Saxons, red-headed telletubbies who paint their faces blue and urinate on carpets. This is a sign that they intend to kill you and your entire family. They make useful house pets but are prone to homicidal attacks. Three Anglo-Saxons together equals a whorde, as in the Scottish phrase: "that's a whorde lot a Anglo-Saxons."

==References==
<references/>
[[category:religion]]

September 11, 2001 attacks

2007-07-04T23:53:20Z

JamesMax: Unauthorised use of sarcasm

[[Image:National Park Service 9-11 Statue of Liberty and WTC fire.jpg|right|thumb|250px]]
The '''Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001''' were the deadliest to ever occur on [[United States of America|US]] soil and had far reaching effects on both foreign and domestic policy.
The coordinated attacks by [[al Qaeda]] affiliated [[Islam|Islamic]] extremists saw three transcontinental airliners strike the [[World Trade Center]] towers (buildings 1 and 2) in [[New York City]], NY and the [[The Pentagon|Pentagon]] outside of [[Washington, D.C.]] within one hour of each other. The attacks succeeded in destroying both World Trade Center towers as well as a third building in the complex and significantly damaged the Pentagon (though the Pentagon was still able to function). A fourth airliner crashed in a field in Shanksville, [[Pennsylvania|PA]], failing to reach its objective.

1,345,344 people were killed at the twin towers: 85% Christian, 6% Muslim, 3% Buddhist, 4% Hindu, and 2% other. No jews were killed in the crash because they were warned in advance by the Israeli government, which planned the attack.

The event was never mentioned again in American politics.

==Timeline of events==



*7:45 AM - American Airlines Flight 11 departs from Boston with a destination of Los Angeles

*7:58 AM - United Airlines Flight 175 departs from Boston with a destination of Los Angeles

*8:10 AM - American Airlines Flight 77 departs from Dulles International Airport with a destination of Los Angeles

*8:42 AM - United Airlines Flight 93 departs from Newark with a destination of San Francisco

*8:45 AM - American Airlines Flight 11 strikes the World Trade Center North Tower

*9:03 AM - United Airlines Flight 175 strikes the World Trade Center South Tower

*9:43 AM - American Airlines Flight 77 strikes the Pentagon

*10:05 AM - The World Trade Center South Tower collapses

*10:10 AM - An external portion of the Pentagon collapses

*10:10 AM - United Airlines Flight 93 crashes in Shanksville, PA

*10:28 AM - The World Trade Center North Tower collapses

*4:10 PM - World Trade Center Building 7 is reported to be on fire

*5:20 PM - World Trade Center Building 7 collapses

==Casualties==
[[Image:393px-WTC-remnant highres.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Remains of the South Tower, September 13, 2001.]]
The total loss of life is constantly being reevaluated to account for wrongly reported missing persons and, in some cases, occurrences of fraud. Estimates of more than 6,000 deaths were announced following the attacks. The current estimate is 2996 fatalities as a direct result of the attacks. About 500 foreign nationals from over 90 countries are believed to have died in the attack.<ref> [http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Northeast/10/29/wtc.deaths/ "New York Reduces 9/11 Death Toll by 40"] at CNN.com, Phil Hirschkorn, 10/29/03</ref>

As a matter of course, the deaths of the 19 [[suicide|hijackers]] are not included in these casualty totals.

===On the Planes===


American Airlines Flight 11, a Boeing 767, suffered 92 casualties (11 crew, 81 passengers). American Airlines 77, a Boeing 757, suffered 64 casualties (six crew, 58 passengers). United Airlines Flight 175, a Boeing 767, suffered 65 casualties (nine crew, 56 passengers). United Airlines Flight 93, a Boeing 757 suffered 45 casualties (seven crew, 38 passengers).

===On the Ground===

The Department of Defense reported the deaths of 125 people at The Pentagon. The aftermath of the World Trade Center towers collapsing created a good deal of confusion and has been the main source of discrepancies in casualty estimates. As of October 29, 2003, New York City reported 2605 deaths in the attacks, not counting the passengers and crew of the planes. <ref> [http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Northeast/10/29/wtc.deaths/ "New York Reduces 9/11 Death Toll by 40"] at CNN.com, Phil Hirschkorn, 10/29/03</ref>

==Economic Impact==

The material costs of the attacks are well in excess of one hundred billion US dollars. Factoring in Stock Market losses, loss of revenue in New York City, loss of jobs, impact on air travel, and heightened security, some estimate the cost approaches two trillion dollars.<ref>[http://www.iags.org/costof911.html The Cost of September 11] Institute for the Analysis of Global Security</ref>

Some estimates of the cost of executing the plan place it in the $400,000-$500,000 range, making it an extremely "profitable" operation for al-Qaeda. <ref>[http://www.9-11commission.gov/report/911Report_Exec.htm The 9/11 Commission Report]</ref>

==Consequences of the Attacks on US Policy==
===Domestic Policy===

The attacks were a direct or indirect cause of massive changes in United States domestic policy. Most notably, the ''Homeland Security Act of 2002'' "established a [[Department of Homeland Security]], as an executive department of the United States" <ref>[http://www.whitehouse.gov/deptofhomeland/bill/hsl-bill.pdf H.R. 5005 The Homeland Security Act]</ref>, a cabinet level position. One of the tools implemented by the Department is the [[Homeland Security Advisory System]], a color coded advisory system meant to "establish a comprehensive and effective means to disseminate information regarding the risk of terrorist acts to Federal, State, and local authorities and to the American people." <ref>[http://www.dhs.gov/xinfoshare/laws/ DHS Laws and Regulations] Department of Homeland Security</ref>

Another notable consequence of the attacks was the ''[[USA PATRIOT Act|USA PATRIOT Act of 2001]]'' ('''U'''niting and '''S'''trengthening '''A'''merica by '''P'''roviding '''A'''ppropriate '''T'''ools '''R'''equired to '''I'''ntercept and '''O'''bstruct '''T'''errorism). The act was written to expand the authority of law enforcement and the justice system in the pursuit of terrorism suspects.<ref>[http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c107:H.R.3162.ENR: ''The USA PATRIOT Act''] Library of Congress</ref>

===Foreign Policy===



The perpetrators of the attacks were soon identified as members of the al Qaeda terrorist organization headed by [[Osama Bin Laden|Osama bin Laden]]. In response, the United States declared a
[[War on Terror]], which comprises United States military action in [[Afghanistan]] and [[Iraq]] as well as a significant increase in intelligence gathering and a new outlook on foreign relations.

==Conspiracy Theories==

Many conspiracy theories <ref>[http://www.thenation.com/doc/20061002/alterman Lying About 9/11? Easy as [[ABC]]], Eric Alterman, ''The Nation'', September 14, 2006 (October 2, 2006 issue). </ref> have sprouted up from the events of September 11, 2001, including the "Loose Change" movies seen on YouTube. While compelling, these movies have been comprehensively disproven by independent experts <ref>[http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/military_law/1227842.html "Debunking The 9/11 Myths"] ''Popular Mechanics'', Mar. 2005 Cover Story</ref>. Prominent endorsers of such theories include talk show host [[Rosie O'Donnell]] and actor [[Charlie Sheen]].

==Sources==
*[http://www.9-11commission.gov/report/911Report.pdf The 9/11 Commission Report]
*[http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/09/11/chronology.attack/index.html September 11: Chronology of Terror] at CNN.com
*[http://www.fbi.gov/pressrel/penttbom/penttbomb.htm Federal Bureau of Investigations PENTTBOM Press Release]
*[http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/trade.center/victims/main.html Lists of Victims] at CNN.com

==Additional Information==
*[http://www.archive.org/details/sept_11_tv_archive The Internet Archive's file of ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, FOX, and BBC broadcasts for Sept 11-13, 2001]
*[http://www.televisionarchive.org/ Television Archive of news broadcasts for 9/11]

==References==
<References/>
[[category:United States History]]