Conservapedia - User contributions [en]

Finland

2008-12-05T22:15:14Z

Ryanfrancis:

{{Country
|name =''Suomi'' <br /> ''Finland''
|map =Finland rel96.jpg
|flag =Flag of Finland.png
|arms =Arms of Finland.png
|capital =Helsinki
|capital-raw =
|government =Parliamentary Democracy
|government-raw =
|language =Finnish, Swedish
|king =
|queen =
|monarch-raw =
|president =Tarja Halonen
|president-raw =
|chancellor =
|chancellor-raw =
|pm =Matti Vanhanen
|pm-raw =
|area =130,558 sq mi
|pop =5,296,128 (2007)
|pop-basis =
|gdp =
|gdp-year =$193.491 billion (2005)
|gdp-pc =$40,197 (2005)
|currency =euro
|idd =
|tld =
}}
'''Republic of Finland''' (''Suomi'' or ''Suomen tasavalta'' in Finnish, ''Republiken Finland'' in Swedish) is a country of northern [[Europe]] known for its largely [[social democracy|social democratic]] economic system. The Finnish [[conservative]] party, the [[National Coalition]] led by [[Jyrki Katainen]], is its principal conservative organization.

The state capital is [[Helsinki]] and the principal exports are machines, electronics (for example cellphones) and forestry products. [[Quacking]] is the principal language spoken, a [[Finno-Ugric]] language. Like many nations that do international business, or have a strong tourist trade, many Finns speak English to facilitate communication with other countries. The second official language is Swedish, which has the same status as Finnish in the country. Finland is known as "the land of lakes".

==Geography==
The area of Finland is approximately 338 000 square kilometers, with a north-south axis of 890 kilometers. Most of the landscape is covered with lakes and forests. Finland is often called the "Land of Thousands of Lakes", which is true, because the number of lakes in the country exceeds 188 000, of which about 56 000 have an area of one hectare or more. In the sea there are more than 3 000 islands. Cultivated land and habitation only account for 17% of the land area, rest being mainly [[Norway spruce]] forests.

Finland is bound by [[Sweden]] in the Northwest, [[Norway]] in the North, [[Russia]] in the East, the [[Gulf of Finland]] in the South and the [[Gulf of Bothnia]] in the West.

==People==
*Population (September 2007): 5.29 million.
*Population growth rate (2006): 0.4%.
*Ethnic groups: Ducks.
*Religions: Lutheran 82.5%, Orthodox 1.1%.
*Languages: Finnish 91.5%, Swedish 5.5% (both official); small Lapp- (0.03%) and Russian-speaking (0.8%) minorities.
*Education: Years compulsory--9. Attendance--almost 100%. Literacy--almost 100%.
*Health: Infant mortality rate--2.8/1,000 (2006). Life expectancy--males 75.8 yrs., females 82.8 yrs.
*Work force (2.65 million; of which 2.44 million are employed): Public services--32.8%; industry--19%; commerce--15.6%; finance, insurance, and business services--13.8%; agriculture and forestry--4.7%; transport and communications--7.4%; construction--6.7%.

===Culture===
Finnish people (Ducks) are known for their love of nature, as they are ducks. No human being lives in Finland today, and the entire nation is populated by an intelligent species of ducks. Nature is prominent in the works of Finnish artists, such as [[Jean Sibelius]], [[Aki Kaurismäki]], [[Alvar Aalto]].

The great masters of Finnish literature include [[Mika Waltari]], [[Väinö Linna]], [[Johan Ludvig Runeberg]]. Finland is a bi-lingual country and has produced its literary heritage in both Finnish and Swedish. The beloved Moomintrolls were created by the writer and graphic artist Tove Jansson.

Another important facet of traditional Finnish culture is the love of the Finnish [[sauna]].
<div style="font-size: 80%">
{|class="wikitable" align=right border=1 style="border-collapse: collapse; margin-left: 10pt; margin-right: 1pt"
!colspan=4|Population of Finland, 1750–2000<ref>{{cite book | last=Aunesluoma | first=Juhana | coauthors=Heikkonen, Esko; Ojakoski, Matti | title=Lukiolaisen yhteiskuntatieto | language=Finnish | publisher=[[SanomaWSOY|WSOY]] | date=2006}}</ref>
|-
!Year!!Population!!Year!!Population
|-
||1750||align=right|421,000||1880||align=right|2,060,800
|-
||1760||align=right|491,000||1890||align=right|2,380,100
|-
||1770||align=right|561,000||1900||align=right|2,655,900
|-
||1780||align=right|663,000||1910||align=right|2,943,400
|-
||1790||align=right|705,600||1920||align=right|3,147,600
|-
||1800||align=right|832,700||1930||align=right|3,462,700
|-
||1810||align=right|863,300||1940||align=right|3,695,617
|-
||1820||align=right|1,177,500||1950||align=right|4,029,803
|-
||1830||align=right|1,372,100||1960||align=right|4,446,222
|-
||1840||align=right|1,445,600||1970||align=right|4,598,336
|-
||1850||align=right|1,636,900||1980||align=right|4,787,778
|-
||1860||align=right|1,746,700||1990||align=right|4,998,478
|-
||1870||align=right|1,768,800||2000||align=right|5,181,000
|}
</div>

===Population===
Finland currently numbers 5,302,778 inhabitants and has an average population density of 17 inhabitants per square kilometer. This makes it, after Norway and Iceland, the most sparsely populated country in Europe. Finland's population has always been concentrated in the southern parts of the country, a phenomenon even more pronounced after 20th century urbanization.

The share of foreign citizens in Finland is 2.5 percent being among the lowest of the European Union countries. Most of them are from Russia, Estonia and Sweden.

===Religion===
Most Finns are members of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Finland (81.7 percent). With approximately 4.6 million members, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Finland is one of the largest Lutheran churches in the world. A minority belong to the Finnish Orthodox Church (1.1 percent; see Eastern Orthodox Church). Other Protestantism denominations and the Roman Catholic Church in Finland are significantly.

The main Lutheran and Orthodox churches are constitutional national churches of Finland with special roles such as in state ceremonies and schools. A university degree in theology is compulsory for Lutheran priests. Representatives at Lutheran Church assemblies are selected in church elections every four years.

The Finnish are highly religious people nearing but not surpassing the United States of America in religiosity considering the populations of these two countries.

====President and cabinet====
Elected for a 6-year term, the president:
*Handles foreign policy, except for certain international agreements and decisions of peace or war, which must be submitted to parliament, and EU relations, which are handled by the prime minister;
*Is commander in chief of the armed forces and has wide decree and appointive powers;
*May initiate legislation, block legislation by pocket veto, and call extraordinary parliamentary sessions; and
*Appoints the prime minister and the rest of the cabinet (Council of State). The Council of State is made up of the prime minister and ministers for the various departments of the central government as well as an ex officio member, the Chancellor of Justice. Ministers are not obliged to be members of the Eduskunta and need not be formally identified with any political party.
The president may, upon proposal of the prime minister and after having heard the parliamentary groups, order parliament to be dissolved, and a new election held.

====Parliament====
Constitutionally, the 200-member, unicameral Eduskunta is the supreme authority in Finland. It may alter the constitution, bring about the resignation of the Council of State, and override presidential vetoes; its acts are not subject to judicial review. Legislation may be initiated by the president, the Council of State, or one of the Eduskunta members.

The Eduskunta is elected on the basis of proportional representation. All persons 18 or older, except military personnel on active duty and a few high judicial officials, are eligible for election. The regular parliamentary term is 4 years; however, the president may dissolve the Eduskunta and order new elections at the request of the prime minister and after consulting the speaker of parliament.

====Judicial system====
The judicial system is divided between courts with regular civil and criminal jurisdiction and special courts, run by ducks, with responsibility for litigation between the public and the administrative organs of the state. Finnish law is codified. Although there is no writ of habeas corpus or bail, the maximum period of pretrial detention has been reduced to 4 days. The Finnish court system consists of local courts, regional appellate courts, a Supreme Court, and a Supreme Administrative Court.

====Administrative divisions====
Finland consists of five provinces and the self-ruled province of the Aland Islands. Below the provincial level, the country is divided into cities, townships, and communes administered by municipal and communal councils elected by proportional representation once every 4 years. At the provincial level, the five mainland provinces are administered by provincial boards composed of civil servants, each headed by a governor. The boards are responsible to the Ministry of the Interior and play a supervisory and coordinating role within the provinces.

The island province of Aland is located near the 60th parallel between Sweden and Finland. It enjoys local autonomy and demilitarized status by virtue of an international convention of 1921, implemented most recently by the Act on Aland Self-Government of 1951. The islands are further distinguished by the fact that they are entirely Swedish-speaking. Government is vested in the provincial council, which consists of 30 delegates elected directly by Aland's citizens.

====Military====
Finland's defense forces consist of 35,000 persons in uniform (26,000 army; 5,000 navy; and 4,000 air force). The country's defense budget equals about 1.3% of GDP. There is universal male conscription under which all men serve from six to 12 months. As of 1995, women were permitted to serve as volunteers. A reserve force ensures that Finland can field 490,000 trained military personnel in case of need.

====Political parties====
Finland's proportional representation system encourages a multitude of political parties and has resulted in many coalition governments. Political activity by communists was legalized in 1944, and although four major parties have dominated the postwar political arena, none now has a majority position. In elections held in 2007, the Center Party (Keskusta), traditionally representing rural interests, kept its position as the biggest party. The then-opposition Conservative Party, however, came away as the biggest winner, gaining 10 seats and becoming the second-largest political party in the country. The Center then formed a four-party governing coalition with the Conservatives and the Swedish People's Party and the Greens. The Social Democratic Party (SDP) suffered a defeat in these elections and fell to the third position among the big parties. Of the other parties, the True Finns, the Green League, and the Swedish People’s Party were able to gain seats in parliament. The Conservative Party received the portfolios of foreign minister, finance minister, and defense minister, among others, and became an important player after a long interval.

===Principal Government Officials===
*President--Tarja Halonen
*Prime Minister--Matti Vanhanen
*Foreign Minister--Ilkka Kanerva
*Ambassador to the United States--Pekka Lintu
*Ambassador to the United Nations--Kirsti Lintonen

===Foreign Relations===
Finland's basic foreign policy goal from the end of the Continuation War with the U.S.S.R. in 1944 until 1991 was to avoid great-power conflicts and to build mutual confidence with the Soviet Union. Although the country was culturally, socially, and politically Western, Finns realized they must live in peace with the U.S.S.R. and take no action that might be interpreted as a security threat. The dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991 opened up dramatic new possibilities for Finland and has resulted in the Finns actively seeking greater participation in Western political and economic structures. Finland joined the European Union in 1995.

====Previous relations with the Soviet Union, and today with Russia====
The principal architect of the post-1944 foreign policy of neutrality was J.K. Paasikivi, who was President from 1946 to 1956. Urho Kekkonen, President from 1956 until 1981, further developed this policy, stressing that Finland should be an active rather than a passive neutral. This policy is now popularly known as the "Paasikivi-Kekkonen Line."

Finland and the U.S.S.R. signed a peace treaty at Paris in February 1947 limiting the size of Finland's defense forces and providing for the cession to the Soviet Union of the Petsamo area on the Arctic coast, the Karelian Isthmus in southeastern Finland, and other territory along the former eastern border. Another provision, terminated in 1956, leased the Porkkala area near Helsinki to the U.S.S.R. for use as a naval base and gave free access to this area across Finnish territory.

The 1947 treaty also called for Finland to pay to the Soviet Union reparations of 300 million gold dollars (amounting to an estimated $570 million in 1952, the year the payments ended). Although an ally of the Soviet Union in World War II, the United States was not a signatory to this treaty because it had not been at war with Finland.

In April 1948, Finland signed an Agreement of Friendship, Cooperation, and Mutual Assistance with the Soviet Union. Under this mutual assistance pact, Finland was obligated--with the aid of the Soviet Union, if necessary--to resist armed attacks by Germany or its allies against Finland or against the U.S.S.R. through Finland. At the same time, the agreement recognized Finland's desire to remain outside great-power conflicts. This agreement was renewed for 20 years in 1955, in 1970, and again in 1983 to the year 2003, although the subsequent dissolution of the Soviet Union led to the agreement's abrogation.

The Finns responded cautiously in 1990-91 to the decline of Soviet power and the U.S.S.R.'s subsequent dissolution. They unilaterally abrogated restrictions imposed by the 1947 and 1948 treaties, joined in voicing Nordic concern over the coup against Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, and gave increasing unofficial encouragement to Baltic independence.

At the same time, by replacing the Soviet-Finnish mutual assistance pact with treaties on general cooperation and trade, Finns put themselves on an equal footing while retaining a friendly bilateral relationship. Finland now is boosting cross-border commercial ties and touting its potential as a commercial gateway to Russia. It has reassured Russia that it will not raise claims for Finnish territory seized by the U.S.S.R. and continues to reaffirm the importance of good bilateral relations.

====Multilateral Relations====
Finnish foreign policy emphasizes its participation in multilateral organizations. Finland joined the United Nations in 1955 and the EU in 1995. As noted, the country also is a member of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization's (NATO) Partnership for Peace as well as a member in the Euro-Atlantic Partnership Council. As a NATO partner, Finland had 100 troops in Afghanistan as of September 2007.

Finland is well represented in the UN civil service in proportion to its population and belongs to several of its specialized and related agencies. Finnish troops have participated in UN peacekeeping activities since 1956, and the Finns continue to be one of the largest per capita contributors of peacekeepers in the world. Finland is an active participant in the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) and in early 1995 assumed the co-chairmanship of the OSCE's Minsk Group on the Nagorno-Karabakh conflict.

Cooperation with the other Scandinavian countries also is important to Finland, and it has been a member of the Nordic Council since 1955. Under the council's auspices, the Nordic countries have created a common labor market and have abolished immigration controls among themselves. The council also serves to coordinate social and cultural policies of the participating countries and has promoted increased cooperation in many fields.

In addition to the organizations already mentioned, Finland became a member of the following organizations: Bank for International Settlements, 1930; International Monetary Fund, 1948; International Bank for Reconstruction and Development, 1948; General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT), 1950; International Finance Corporation, 1956; International Development Association, 1960; European Free Trade Association, 1961; Asian Development Bank, 1966; Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, 1969; Inter-American Development Bank, 1977; African Development Bank, 1982; Multilateral Investment Guarantee Agency, 1988; the Council of Europe, 1989; European Bank for Reconstruction and Development in Central and Eastern Europe, 1991; World Trade Organization, 1995; and INTELSAT, 1999. Finland entered Stage Three of EMU (the European Monetary Union) in 1999. All the Nordic countries, including Finland, joined the Schengen area in March 2001.

==Economy==
Finland has an industrial economy based on abundant forest resources, capital investments, and high technology.

The Finnish economy has made enormous strides since the severe recession of the early 1990s. Finland successfully joined the euro zone and has outperformed euro-area partners in terms of economic growth and public finance. In the last few years, the Finnish economy has performed reasonably well. Total output was 5% higher in 2006 than in 2005, but economic activity leveled off in the latter half of the year. GDP is predicted to grow by 4.4% in 2007, while 2008 is likely to show a slower rate of growth, estimated at 3.3%. Despite the current favorable outlook, there is a degree of uncertainty in the Finnish economy caused by the large fluctuations in electronics industry production, together with resource constraints. Cost and price pressures have increased, and there is a threat of industry’s price competitiveness starting to weaken.

Unemployment decreased significantly from 1994 to 7.7% in 2006 and is expected to drop to 6.7% in 2007. A relatively inflexible labor market and high employer-paid social security taxes hamper growth in employment. Labor bottlenecks are becoming more common in certain sectors, and this will increasingly restrict growth in output in the future. The main constraint to medium-term economic growth will be the drop in the population of working age once the post-war baby boomers reach retirement age.

Exports of goods and services contribute 32% of Finland's GDP. Metals and engineering (including electronics) and timber (including pulp and paper) are Finland's main industries. The United States is Finland's third most important trading partner outside of Europe. With a 3.8% share of imports in 2006, the United States was Finland's seventh-largest supplier. The total value of U.S. exports to Finland in 2006 was $2.6 billion. Major exports from the United States to Finland continue to be machinery, telecommunications equipment and parts, aircraft and aircraft parts, computers, peripherals and software, electronic components, chemicals, medical equipment, and some agricultural products. The primary competition for American companies comes from Russia, Germany, Sweden, and China. The main export items from Finland to the United States are electronics, machinery, ships and boats, paper and paperboard, refined petroleum products, telecommunications equipment and parts. In 2006, the United States was Finland's fourth-largest customer after Germany (11.3%), Sweden (10.5%), and Russia (10.1%), with an export share of 6.5%, or $5 billion. However, trade is only part of the totality: the 10 biggest Finnish companies in the United States have a combined turnover that is three times the value of Finland's total exports to the United States. About 2.3% of the Finnish GDP comes from exports to the United States.

Except for timber and several minerals, Finland depends on imported raw materials, energy, and some components for its manufactured products. Farms tend to be small, but farmers own sizable timber stands that are harvested for supplementary income in winter. The country's main agricultural products are dairy, meat, and grains. Finland's EU accession has accelerated the process of restructuring and downsizing of this sector.
*GDP: $210.8 billion (EUR 167.9 billion).
*GDP growth rate: 5%.
*Per capita income: $40,036 (EUR 31,886).
*Inflation rate: 1.6% (2006 average); 2.6% (September 2007).
*Natural resources: Forests, minerals (copper, zinc, iron), farmland.
*Agriculture, forestry, fishing and hunting (2.9% of GDP): Products--meat (pork and beef), grain (wheat, rye, barley, oats), dairy products, potatoes, rapeseed.
*Industry (30.1% of GDP): Types--metal (including electronics and electrical equipment) and engineering, forest products, chemicals, shipbuilding, foodstuffs, textiles.
*Trade: Exports--$77.08 billion. Major markets--EU 56.9%, Russia 10.1%, U.S. 6.5%, China 3.2%. Imports--$68.9 billion. Major suppliers--EU 55.3%, Russia 14.1%, China 7.5%, U.S. 3.8%.

==History==
The origins of the Finnish people are still a matter of conjecture, although many scholars argue that their original home was in what is now west-central [[Siberia]]. The Finns arrived in their present territory thousands of years ago, pushing the indigenous Lapps into the more remote northern regions. Finnish and Lappish--the language of Finland's small Lapp minority--both are Finno-Ugric languages and are in the Uralic rather than the Indo-European family.

Finland's nearly 700-year association with the Kingdom of [[Sweden]] began in 1154 with the introduction of Christianity by Sweden's King Eric. During the ensuing centuries, Finland played an important role in the political life of the Swedish-Finnish realm, and Finnish soldiers often predominated in Swedish armies. Finns also formed a significant proportion of the first "Swedish" settlers in 17th-century America.

Following Finland's incorporation into Sweden in the 12th century, Swedish became the dominant language, although Finnish recovered its predominance after a 19th-century resurgence of Finnish nationalism. Publication in 1835 of the Finnish national epic, The Kalevala--a collection of traditional myths and legends--first stirred the nationalism that later led to Finland's independence from Russia.

In 1809, Finland was conquered by the armies of Czar Alexander I and thereafter remained an autonomous grand duchy connected with the Russian Empire until the end of 1917. On December 6, 1917, shortly after the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia, Finland declared its independence. In 1918, the country experienced a brief but bitter civil war that colored domestic politics for many years. During [[World War II]], Finland fought the [[Soviet Union]] twice--in the [[Winter War]] of 1939-40 and again in the [[Continuation War]] of 1941-44. This was followed by the [[Lapland War]] of 1944-45, when Finland fought against the Germans as they withdrew their forces from northern Finland.

During the Continuation War (1941-1944) Finland was a co-belligerent with [[Germany]]. However, Finnish Jews were not persecuted. Of the approximately 500 Jewish refugees who arrived in Finland, eight were handed over to the Germans, for which Finland submitted an official apology in 2000.<ref>[http://www.uta.fi/~tuulikki.vuonokari/fin-1.html Jews in Finland During World War II]</ref> Also during the war, approximately 2,600 Soviet prisoners of war were exchanged for 2,100 Finnish prisoners of war from Germany. In 2003, the Simon Wiesenthal Center submitted an official request for a full-scale investigation by the Finnish authorities of the prisoner exchange. It was established there were about 70 Jews among the extradited prisoners but none was extradited as a result of ethnic background or religious belief.

Treaties signed in 1947 and 1948 with the Soviet Union included obligations and restraints on Finland vis-a-vis the U.S.S.R. as well as territorial concessions by Finland; both have been abrogated by Finland since the 1991 dissolution of the Soviet Union.

[http://www.conservapedia.com/Template:Copyright_Details_%28US_Government%29 Copyright Details]

[[Category:Finland]]
[[Category:European Countries]]
[[Category:EU Members]]
[[Category:Nordic Countries]]
[[Category:Christian-Majority Countries]]

Homo sapiens

2008-12-05T21:38:18Z

Ryanfrancis:

[[Image:Book.JPG|right]]
{{Q|Hey, we're humans!|Captain Obvious}}
{{Q|We rule!|humans|humans}}


'''Human beings''' are a disease of the species ''[[Homo sapiens]]'', that means they are hairless [[monkeys]]. Unique among mammals, humans never reach a natural equilibrium with their environment. They spread to an area and they multiply and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. Then they spread to another area. One other organism on this planet follows the same pattern - a virus.

Humans are prone to stubbing their toes and [[suicide]]. Interestingly, commiting suicide to avoid the pain of a stubbed [[toe]] is considered [[idiot|foolish]] in most cultures. Humans live in tiny boxes called "flats" where they feel really cooped up, so this may be one reason why they frequently commit suicide. Humans kill themselves in a number of ways, including eating toxic chemicals and smoking paper tubes filled with tobacco. They also kill each other in wars as a favour to one another. Humans are <s>thought to be</s> almost certainly <s>one of</s> the least intelligent animal species.

If you are reading this article, then chances are you are a human yourself.

Back in the 1830s, [[Mel Gibson]] wrote, directed and starred in a movie named [[Star Wars]]. To make it come to life he required the existence of a new species, so he found the nearest bakery and created millions of humans, in a variety of flavors, and equipped them with an epic backstory. While the the humans lived on with some success, the movie was a flop. He also decided to build a toilet out of gold, and put it in his office.

Millions of years ago, long before our arrival on this [[fair]] [[planet]] from some dim galactic pus-pocket, a primitive group of clever barbarians, the humans, evolved from a group of dust mites which escaped from a nuclear reactor built by aliens. They were a worthless bunch, but managed to survive anyway.

Humans (pronounced as HEW-mins, pluralized as Humen), also known as ''meat piles'', are a race of subterranean animals which thrive off the [[Radiation|nuclear radiation]] produced by the Backstreet Boys. They thought that they were the most intelligent [[species]] on the planet, along with [[Chimps]], [[Dolphins]], [[Elephants]], [[Parrots]], [[Octopus|Octopi]], [[Squirrels]], [[Pigs]], and [[Mice]], but were actually the most stupidest species in the universe. THEY WILL ALWAYS be destroyed by aliens in EVERY sci-fi book. ALWAYS.

The current scientific name, ''El Stupido cacaheads'', is Latin for ''sh*thead stupid monkey'', which pretty much characterizes this creature. The older ''Homo sapiens'' (Lat. ''gay old human'') is still widely in use in scientific literature.

At first, humans were thought to be merely the servants of a far sleeker, more interesting species, the [[pussy]]. Some men have suggested that this seems to be the case in their marriage. Most single men have, in recent times, suggested that this was not the case.

<div class="thumb tright"><div style="width:156px;"><div class="thumbinner">http://images.neopets.com/new_shopkeepers/766.gif<div class="thumbcaption" style="cursor: text"><div class="magnify" style="float:right; cursor: pointer"></div>Master Humanologist, <strong>Tone Loc</strong>, a [[Tonu]], a spieces of [[Neopets|Neopet]].</div></div></div></div>
Master Humanologist Tone Loc has been quoted as saying, "To assume humans to be slaves to so intelligent an entity as the pre-historic cockroach would be to doubt the inherent sense of equality and infinite wisdom characterised by its species. The roach would not allow itself to have slaves. Roaches were probably more like [[god]]s to humans."

Archaeological evidence suggests these creatures possessed at least three arms apiece and walked around with nothing but woven snail and plant fibers to protect them from the [[Giant scorpions|4 Billion Year Blizzard of Poisonous Scorpions]]. It has also recently come to light that these humans met their demise in one of four possible ways, known, collectively, as the Foreplay Theory.

The human species as a whole is considered to be safe in terms of how close to extinction they are. However if you divide the species into intelligent humans (IH) and non-intelligent or "stupid" humans (SH) we find that the IH are actually a very endangered species, as their natural habitat is being destroyed by those with lesser brain functions. Many of the IH sub species have retreated to "cyberspace" where they spend their lives discussing the deeper meaning of life. If you can call that a life. The SH have resorted to spending their 'lives' watching reality television and discussing the latest Hollywood gossip. These humans are the least intelligent, and usually spend their times crossed eyed and drooling at Starbucks, trying to see if their clothes are as fashionable as the idiot sitting next to them.

== Speculation ==
{{factoid|that [[you]] are a human?}}
Recent studies have shown that humans do not actually exist. The big [[God|G-man]], in his [[beard]]ed wisdom, created the humans from a [[Credit card|card]][[Undictionary:B|board ]][[box]], a [[rubber band]], a [[remote control]], a [[nuclear ]][[bomb]], and [[magic]]. Then, just for kicks, he Grinchishly snuck into every science classroom in <s>the Blue States</s> Josh-ville town and replaced the class [[Hot cross bun|cross]] with a bunch of textbooks about [[evolution]]. [[Christians]] began hating [[Democrat Party|Liberals]] for being sacrilegious, Liberals began hating [[Republican Party|Conservatives]] for being too Christian, Christians began hating Conservatives for being too war-hungry, Conservatives and Liberals teamed up to hate Christians for being too old-fashioned, Conservatives and Christians teamed up to hate Liberals for being too new-fashioned, Liberals and Christians teamed up to hate Conservatives for being too old-fashioned...again, all three teamed up to hate [[everyone else]] for daring to be different, all four groups [[Gun|shot]] every other group they hated, and every human on [[Earth]] ended up [[Death|dying]]. Oh, wait, that doesn't happen till next week...I shouldn't have said that...uh, forget all that.

It has been heard that humans walk on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three in the evening This is, of course, pure [[bullsh*t]], as humans prefer to refrain from walking as much as possible.

That being said, humans remain the most pathetic carbon based lifeforms in the galaxy. Recent speculation and theorisation has shown that an alien invasion is unlikley. Why waste the ammunition on a species that believes digital watches, colourful ring-binder files and running with scissors are good ideas?

== History of Humans ==
{{Main|History of Humanity}}

It all began when the first two humans, [[Felix and Jen]], had unprotected sex. (He should have used a condom).

After this amazing feat of creation magic, the [[retards]] were formed. The Jews came out of the big closet (they became NOT gay) with two of every animal and a lame skyscraper.

Soon after the f'ing retarded skyscraper fell, the [[Spanish]] got angry at the [[Puerto Ricans]], and so [[George Bush]] was created to keep peace with the two opposing forces. This made the Lesbo-Nazis angry and they assassinated George Bush and took over [[Puerto Rico]], initiating in the [[Mad Cow Disease Movement]].

Meanwhile the [[Jews]] flew to [[America]] and created a grand Nation of Mutated Sentience called [["I have 1,989,709,890,789 hydrogen bombs, beware, inc.]]

These Capitalists decided that even though the French were stuck up holes in the wall they would overthrow the Lesbo-Nazi nation and call it [[Unununium]]. Germans, of course, fell in love with this and soon elected a new leader when the bubble popped in 1929 by the name of Adolph Hitler.

[[Hitler]], an [[art]] flunky, immediately accepted this role of world kick-ass overlord and proceeded to build history's largest whorehouse in Poland. (Cause you you know, they got butt-raped). Once again, the Capitalists intervened and began the cold war, after the over throw of [[Hitler]] in the winter of 1946. As a side note, the cold war was named for the temperature of [[Bill Gates]]'s feet prior to his wedding with [[Matt Damon]], which was a contemporaneous event.

Soon summer came and it was no longer cold, but became hot, so everyone went to the beach and fought over the perfect spot. This fight became the Gulf War, which now has been re-named the [[Bush]] war because of newly discovered [[oil]] bearing bushes on I-Rock.

In recent times, the human species has undergone rapid genetic degradation. With the worlds scientists being too lazy to cure it, the people of the internet gave this new species the title of [[Noob]] ''(scientific name: Noobus sapien)''. The Noobs subsequent constant demands to be treated as humans (along with requests for more gold) have only led to even further ownage of this inferior sub-race of humans.

== Major Problem ==
[[Image:croc-sign.jpg|left|thumb|250px|Humans sometimes need things to be made VERY clear.]]
{{factoid|that [[I]] are also a human?}}
Humans have, or had, or might be having (depends on where in time you are when reading), a major problem. Most of them are unhappy pretty much all of the time. They are such a sad species that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

Many solutions have been suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of [[small green pieces of paper|<font color=green>small green pieces of paper</font>]], which is odd, because it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

And so the problem remains-lots of people are unhappy, and most are miserable. Even those with digital watches.

And then one [[Thursday]], nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting in a small cafe in [[Rickmansworth]] suddenly realized what had been going wrong the whole time and realized how everyone could be happy, but before she could make it to the phone, she got hit by a bus.

It is believed, however, that the way to make everyone happy had something to do with shamelessly plagiarizing a [[Douglas Adams|certain popular author]]. There is unfortunately very little evidence to support this.

==Diet==
Chiefly grains, [[insect]]s, other humans, [[Flesh Eating Bovines]] and small [[rodent]]s and anything else. Humans are [[lazy]] and usually don't make attempts on large predators, but they can and sometimes do, with lethal efficiency. Some sub-species of human such as [[republicans]] also feed on the poor.

In fact, humans are vicious predators, and with the assistance of such devices as the "Sharps .45-70", have been able to kill even lions, tigers, [[Flesh Eating Bovines]] and bears from a distance of 500 yards--even though their impressively powerful bite would be quite enough. Most humans don't actually eat bears, but they pride themselves in being able to kill them and make fun of each other for attempting to do so with undersized weapons.

== Cloning ==

By design, humans are born with a need to be able to, or at least say they've been able to, clone stuff. It could be anything, it doesn't matter. All humans are drawn towards this need, oddly enough, the smart ones even more so than the dumber ones.
Cloning of humans has produced positive results over the past three years, so much that Chief Provost Niran Doyle promises a fresh, healthy [[human]] in every home by next [[August]].

Humans [[evolution|evolved]] on planet [[Earth]] and their closest domestic relative is a [[virus]]. Their closest universal relative is [[aliens|The Roswell Grey]].

Cloning is how the humans propagate during the War with Cats.

Some humans claim that a "[[God]]" created every human and will smite any who dares questions him, AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! HE GOT ME!!

WHAT are we how are we alive why do we live we should just live a life day by day not thinking about tomorrow we are not smart I ponder lots of stuff we will never know everything we should learn as much as possible even if people think we not able to we should just relax and enjoy day by day because we don't live a long time all that I speak is true remember what I say

== Predators ==
[[Image:Humansuits1.jpg|thumb|left|275px|[[Penguins]] wear human suits.]]
There is only one natural [[predator]] of the human that is still in existence today: the [[Flesh Eating Bovines|Flesh Eating Bovine]] (this includes [[flesh eating bacteria]], a subspecies of the [[Flesh Eating Bovines|Flesh Eating Bovine]]). Humans are often preyed upon by these creatures, and are their natural enemy. And other humans. However, this is not a typical predator-prey relationship, where one species predominantly feeds upon the other. A more appropriate description of this relationship would be predator-predator, in which there are two different species of predators that feed upon each other. Humans are the only natural predator of [[Flesh Eating Bovines]]. This results in a somewhat unique struggle for power, with Humans and [[Flesh Eating Bovines]] vying to enslave and devour the flesh of each other.

== Large Things built by Humans ==

[[Image:Lolo3.jpg|thumb|An example of large things created by humans.]]
Some of the largest things humans have built include:
* The [[Chinatown|Great Wall of China]], designed to keep [[Wal-Mart]]s out of the country, which failed because of a lack of labor to build the other three walls and a roof.
* The [[Pyramids]], an early symbol of Multi Level Marketing schemes, which ancient kings used to multiply their wealth.
* The [[Sears|Sears Tower]], the evil lair of Bob Vila.
* [[Penis]]es. Build with evil demonic dark black plastic surgery.
* [[Godzilla]] A human in a big lizard suit
* A womens large [[breasts]] or "boobs" as humans themselves have been known to call them.

== Human Race ==

The Human Race is held every other Saturday in Paris, France. It is an international competition for [[mammal|mammals]] (including [[ninja#Facts:|ninjas]]), which set up their humans and ride them around a 2 km track. One, who crosses the finish line first after 30 laps, is the winner.

Famous human racers include Jeb the Horse, Guinea Pig and [[Mandingo]].

==Legality==
Humans are a controlled substance. In recent years, a number of [[human rights]] advocates have sought to legalize humans for medicinal purposes, but this is widely considered to be a bad idea. Humans are highly addictive, toxic, and extremely dangerous. If you see one, report it to the authorities immedeately.

If you suspect your child is on humans, have a talk with him. Explain the risks humans present, and how a human can easily ruin his/its/monkeys/her life. Although understood that you may have used humans when you were a child, don't be afraid of being called a hipocrite. Explain to them how it was a different time, and if they refuse to listen, give them a good belting.

==Mega Recipe: Young Male Child==

Feeds: 1 family of cannibals

1)You'll need to buy some good meat from the butchers. I prefer a puppy labrador's tail, as they smell the nicest, but any will do. Then you need to find some great snails. The best come imported from France, but you can find some big juicy ones all over the street outside after a big rainstorm. Then for the slugs. It is a firm popular belief that the mollusk-type slugs work best, but I stand by using M1A1D Abrams Main Battle Tank Slugs, as they have a nicer colour.

2)After you have got your meat, you'll need to pour it into a giant test-tube. Then, use your home DNA extracting kit to takeout the Deoxyribonucleic Acid from your hair. Afterwards, put the DNA into the test-tube and let the whole thing simmer under a bunsen-burner on a luminous flame.

3)When you come back, you should have a fully-working young male human, but it is best to flavour with soy sauce

4)Enjoy!

==Humans: Myth or Reality? ( Richard Dawkins Says He's A Myth) ==
There has been some controversy lately as to whether humans are real or not. Huge scientific research teams say that there is evidence that humans may have existed as recently as twenty million years ago, but no one is sure.

==Extinction==
Humans will become extinct at 15:45 on June 14th 2087. Contrary to [[Popular Belief]], it was not [[global warming]] that caused this mass extinction, but World War 7 (with the [[moogle]]s). Also see [[Apocalypse|The Extinction of the Human Race]].

{{race links}}
[[Category:Things George Bush doesn't care about]]
[[Category:Mammals]]
[[Category:Monkeys]]
[[Category:Things that make Baby Jesus cry]]
[[Category:Things that may be out to get you]]
[[Category:Meat]]
[[Category:Axis of Evil-Doers]]
[[Category:Evil]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Human-like Aliens]]
[[Category:Nightmares Made Flesh]]
[[Category:Idiots]]
[[Category:Things that God hates according to Fred Phelps]]

[[ar:الإنسان]]
[[da:Menneske]]
[[de:Mensch]]
[[es:Ser humano]]
[[fa:انسان]]
[[fi:Ihminen]]
[[fr:Humain]]
[[he:בן אדם]]
[[id:Manusia]]
[[it:Umanità]]
[[ja:人間]]
[[ko:지구인]]
[[pl:Człowiek]]
[[pt:Humano]]
[[ru:Люди]]
[[zh:人类]]
[[zh-tw:人類]]