Rasputin

2007-03-13T22:47:43Z

Slim:

Rasputin was a peasant-turned-monk who held much power in Russia just prior to the communist revolution, until he was murdered by nobles.

Once World War I broke out, Czar Nicholas IImoved to the front lines and left his wife, Czarina (Tsarina) Alexandra, in charge of running the country. Alexandra’s son Alexis, however, developed a bleeding condition known as hemophilia, which means blood has difficult clotting. A small cut just bleeds and bleeds in a frightful manner. His mother, the czarina, understandably was fraught with worry about his condition. She increasingly relied on the only person who seemed able to stop her son's bleeding: a peasant-turned-monk named Rasputin. Rasputin took advantage of this trust and began making decisions for the country, granting government positions to friends, and causing everyone (especially the nobles) to fear him. Rasputin had a mystical quality that has inspired many books and stories about him.

Rasputin underwent a religious conversion at the age of 18 and when everyone else failed to help the boy's bleeding disorder, Rasputin claimed healing powers that would help. Whatever he did seemed to work, though historians still debate if and how he really stopped the bleeding. Regardless, the nobles hated Rasputin because he was a peasant who now had power over them, and the nobles plotted to assassinate him.

In a Russian tradition that continues to this day, the method of choice for assassination was poisoning. The nobles laced some pastries with enough pastries to immediately kill a horse, and many times more what was necessary to kill a human immediately. Rasputin ate several of the pastries and seemed to enjoy. He drank some wine. Nothing happened to him. His assassins watched and waited for hours. Rasputin was completely enjoying himself and showed no ill effects whatsoever from the massive dose of poison. Finally, after distracting Rasputin by pointing to a crucifix, a noble shot him point-blank. Rasputin fell to the floor and appeared to die. His assassins left him there. But later, when one returned to make sure Rasputin was dead, he sprung to his feet and began choking his assassin. Then Rasputin ran out, promising to tell the czarina. The assassins shot him again and again, and then beat him with a dumbbell, and he still was not dead. Then they tied him up and tossed him into the half-frozen river. He eventually died from drowning, on Dec. 17, 1916.

A museum of erotica in St. Petersburg, Russia, claims to have the 30cm (11.8 inch) long preserved penis of Grigory Rasputin on display in a glass jar.

[[Category:Biographies]]

Hypocrite

2007-03-12T23:34:50Z

Slim:

'''A person who preaches virtue while swimming in vice.'''

''See, e.g.'':

Gingrich, Newt (espouses Christian virtues and values while undertaking 3 marriages, interspersed with overlapping affairs)

Giuliani, Rudolph (espoused Christian virtues and values while undertaking 3 marriages, interspersed with overlapping affairs)

Haggard, Ted (preached against drug use, homosexuality and adultery while having a homosexual affair with a meth-dealing gay escort)

Hyde, Henry (sought to impeach President Bill Clinton for adulterous behavior, when he had had at least one adulterous affair during his marriage)

Livingston, Bob (sought to impeach President Bill Clinton for adulterous behavior, when he had had at least one adulterous affair during his marriage)

Mehlman, Ken (gay man who is head of the anti-gay Republican National Commitee)

Swaggart, Jimmy (preached Christian virtues while having multiple affairs outside his marriage)

''ad infinitum''

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Rasputin

Hypocrite