Difference between revisions of "Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp"

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The '''Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp''' is a military [[prison]] of the [[United States of America]] on the southeastern tip of the island of [[Cuba]]. In this prison, suspected terrorists can be held indefinitely without charge or trial.<ref>"The Supreme Court [ruled] that the U.S. government has the power to hold American citizens and foreign nationals without charges or trial, [but] detainees can challenge their treatment in U.S. courts."[http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,123996,00.html Mixed Rulings on Terror Detention Policies] [[Fox News]], June 28, 2004</ref>  The [[liberal]] organization [[Center for Constitutional Rights]] is organizing attorneys to file [[habeas corpus]] petitions in the Washington, D.C., federal court on behalf of the detainees at Guantanamo Bay.<ref>[http://www.ccr-ny.org/v2/reports/report.asp?ObjID=pQOvjcVXXK&Content=406 First post-Supreme Court habeas petitions filed on behalf of detainees at Guantanamo Bay], [[Center for Constitutional Rights]], 2004.</ref>
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Hey incredibly intelligent, handsome, and otherwise wonderful fux: don't change the nationality!  It will fuuck with the pre-made templates. Oh, by the way, perhaps someone could tell me who died and made me the Grand High Ayatollah of Uncyclopedia. (Sure. It was George.) -->
  
On April 2, 2007, the [[U.S. Supreme Court]] denied appeals by a group of detainees of this camp, with the majority stating that it would be inappropriate to rule until the group had exhausted other remedies.<ref>[[Withdraw of Jurisdiction Upheld - Original Work|Supreme Court rules against detainees]]</ref><ref>Congressional Research Service Report [http://www.fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RL33180.pdf Enemy Combatant Detainees: Habeas Corpus Challenges in Federal Court], updated April 6, 2007.</ref>
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{| align="center" class="wikitable"
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|-
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!'''ATTENTION'''
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|-
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|''This page has been screened by MSNBC™ for authenticity and impartiality, and has been given Republican-proof protection [[condom|for her pleasure]]. While this may be difficult to imagine, there persists a segment of the population who haven't fully understood the stupidity of the worst President in world history. Click on the following link for a first-hand look at the alternative conservative-laden view: [[George W. Bush|The Biography of Dubya as written by heathens]]. Please also note that no other alternative views exist.''
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|}
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{{Whoops|obstructionism}}
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{{Whoops|Idiocracy}}
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{{Q|They misunderestimated me!|George Dubya Bush|American voters}}
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{{Q|We fuucked up big time.|[[George H. W. Bush|George H. W.]] and [[Barbara Bush]]|George Dubya Bush}}
  
== Guantanamo Bay ==
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{{Infobox President | name=George Walker Texas Ranger Dubya Bush (a.k.a. Sheriff George Wanker Bushwood “The Man with No Brain”)
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| nationality='Merkin
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| image name=BUSH FINGER.jpg
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| caption=I'm here to spread freedome all over these internets.
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| order=Fuuck KnowsTH President
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| date1=[[2001]]
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| date2=the year that black dude came along. He interupted!
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| preceded=[[Bill Clinton|Slick Willie Blythe]]
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| succeeded=[[Barack Obama|That one]]
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| date of birth=July 6, 1946
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| place of birth=Barbara's Bush
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| dead=alive
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| date of death=Soon after the Apocalypse he carries out.
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| date of resurrection=April 2nd, 1460 B.C.
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| place of death=Beside Satan and his Horde facing the gathered righteous and God Damn it, for the final battle for Middle Earth.
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| wife=A different one every night, though most of them were really [[John McCain|men with wigs]].
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| party=[[Republican Party|Inbred Hicks]]
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| vicepresident=[[Dick Cheney|Prick Chainy]]}}
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{{NoWikipedia}}
  
Guantanamo Bay is a coastal area on southeastern [[Cuba]] occupied and controlled by the United States government pursuant to a 1903 Lease Agreement with the newly independent Republic of Cuba subsequent to the Spanish-American War. The Agreement established that:<ref name="rasul">''Rasul v. Bush'', 542 U.S. 466 (2004) (quoting lease).</ref>
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'''George “Generalissimus Maximus” “The Decider” Bush''' (born July 6, 1946) '''''was''''' the final president of the Totalitarian American Empire (its successor is the [[Obama|United Liberal Abortionist Republic of Change and Hope]]). Bush was “elected” after a [[robbery|close race]] against challenger [[Al Gore]] in the 2000 Presidential Rip-off and then “re-elected” by voters in 2004. It was a sympathy vote. He previously served as the forty-sixth Governor of [[Texas|Hickville]] from 1995 to 2000. He is the eldest son of 41st President of the United States [[George H. W. Bush]], from whom he received his [[platinum]] spoon.
  
:"the United States recognizes the continuance of the ultimate sovereignty of the Republic of Cuba over the [leased areas]," but "the Republic of Cuba consents that during the period of the occupation by the United States . . . the United States shall exercise complete jurisdiction and control over and within said areas."
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Jesus George, as he's called by people close to him, is a member of the [[White People|Republican]] Party, also known as the [[Republican|Screw the Peasants]] Party.  He is known for his unconventional style of politics, such as aiming a stream of urine at his opponents, screeching while jumping up and down on them, and, in general, keeping his head up his ass.  His work day consisted of finger-painting and pasting macaroni on [[serious business|official government documents]] (something [[Dick Cheney|Prick Cheney]] repeatedly told him was a “no-no”). He loves non-alcoholic beer and [[Splenda|sugar-free]] frozen treats, and spent most of his presidency on his ranch, taking three naps a day and posing for photos in which he pretended to be clearing brush. He holds the record for the smallest [[penis|vice president's first name]] of any president (2.1&nbsp;inches, undercutting his father's 2.7).
  
In 1934 the United States and Cuba entered into another treaty that provided that, absent an agreement to modify or abrogate the lease, it would remain in effect "[s]o long as the United States of America shall not abandon the . . . Naval Station of Guantanamo."<ref name="rasul" />
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In his rare public appearances, he was assisted by Prick Cheney, who concealed himself under a podium so he could stick his first name up Bush's aas and use him as a ventriloquist's dummy. This made it much easier for poor lil' Georgie, who just wasn't made for difficult presidential duties like “readin'” and “writin'” and “listenin' to them poopyhead [[Congress|corrupt fuucks]]men and the public”.
  
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==Debauched Youth==
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[[Image:Bush rocks.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Bush has always been a fan of Children of Bodom, even after they released ''Are You Dead Yet?'']]
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Born in New Haven, [[Connectthedots]], Bush was the first son of George H. W. Bush and Barbara Bush. [[Vagina|Bush]] was raised on a freerange farm in [[Houston]], Texas, with his vile siblings, [[Jeb Bush|Jeb]], [[Toad|Neil]], and [[Martian|Marvin]]. As a child, George W. wished to be an astronaut, but when he grew up he found that NASA wasn't sending chimps into space anymore... and if they still did, they'd be ''SMART'' ONES. His hopes crushed, little George started abusing cough medicine by the gallon and was soon a raging alcoholic as well. George was initially home-schooled because doctors believed he was dumb enough not to hate Republicans and he was unable to stop eating his Crayolas. Graduating at five spots above the bottom of his high school class, [[pubes|Bush]] was immediately accepted into Yale under the Ivy League school's Affirmative Action Program for Mentally Retarded, Coked-up Sons of Prominent Alumni. Although Bush has claimed he was an average student, classmates recall him as "a fuucking idiot".{{fact}} His school records mysteriously disappeared in 2000 at the same time as his [[Bush's National Guard service|Texas National Guard records]].
  
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At school, [[pubes|Bush]] learned [[making shit up|valuable skills]] that would come in handy when he was later appointed to fuucking his vice president Dick "[[Dongher magic]]" Chainy to fuuck the world by the Supreme Court, such as sucking himself and getting everyone else to do the hard work. And taking credit for things he didn't do. And avoiding blame when anything goes wrong. In his adult years, he would call this delegatin'.
  
==References==
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He single-handedly ([[AWOL]] in military jargon) saved the Divided States (United then) from Viet Congs during the last stage of the [[Vietnam War]] in [[Texas]]. After returning from military service, he joined his brothers [[Jeb Bush|Jeb]] and [[Bill O'Reilly]] in the short-lived band "The Underachieving Sons of Wealthy Sugar-Daddies", in which he played the jugs to all manner of songs[[Image:GeorgeBushEatingA_kitten.jpg‎|thumb|George Bush huffing a kitten before a certain important press conference on an aircraft carrier...]]  by the Beverley Sisters. The band had local success before splitting up due to their out-of-control [[heroin]] and more importantly, kitten, use. Bush carried the burden of a terrible addiction to kittens or ("the orange fuzzy ones" as he is reputed to have called them at a press conference) far into his adult life.
{{reflist|2}}
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[[Image:Test0000.gif|thumb|300px|This test on international politics taken by Dubya shows a somewhat less than satisfactory result]]
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[[Image:DubyaDopePoster.jpg|thumb|200px|A now-iconic poster from Dubya's short-lived first attempt at gaining public office]]
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==Entry into Politics==
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In 1978, Bush ran for the U.S. [[House of Representatives]] from the 19th Congressional District of Texas. After he ran over several Representatives in his [[Fox News|magic drug dealing bus]], his chances of success looked dim. After losing by over a million votes, he returned to the oil industry, becoming a senior partner or chief executive officer in several major scams. Despite Bush's apparent anti-gay stance, he was actually an active homosexual in the 80s, often abandoning his family for men.  He had affairs with [[Ryan Seacrest]], [[Brad Pitt]], [[Michael Jackson]], [[George Michael]], [[Your Dad]], [[Mike Patton]], [[Tom Cruise]], [[Dick Cheney|Prick Cheney]], Trent Lott, Johnny Rebel, [[SpongeBob SquarePants]], [[Lance Bass]], [[Osama bin Laden]], [[Harry Potter]], [[Karl Rove]], [[your mom]], [[Rob Halford]], that guy from Testament, and even Tommy Pickles after huffing several "trippy orange kitties". Bush reverted back to heterosexuality when his father told him, "every time you think a homosexual thought, the [[Flying Spaghetti Monster]] devours a [[kitten huffing|kitten]]."
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Bush purchased a share in the Texas Rangers baseball franchise in April [[1989]] and immediately demonstrated his business acumen by trading [[Sammy Sosa]] for a bag of [[crack]]. That year, the lifelong [[cocaine]]-abusing junkie and underachiever was [[born again]] after a grueling month of [[Hide and go fuuck yourself|masturrbation]] to [[Pat Robertson]]'s exorcism cassette tapes. He soon discovered his true talents: stuttering on national television, running from public service that isn't "fun", and publicly showing off his lack of intelligence in the form of visible herpes outbreaks of the eyes.
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==Road to Presidency==
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[[Image:Bush2004debate.png|thumb|300px|left|The usual "fam" watching the 2004 debate.]]
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On October 23, 1993, drunken at the press conference, Bush declared his candidacy for the 1994 Texas gubernatorial election, threw up, staggered backwards with his pants at his ankles, and fell over. His political career was launched. After beating some other [[Flaming asshole|Republican dilldo]] in the primary, Bush faced incumbent Governor Ann Richards, a popular Democrat. Bush, trailing badly in the polls, hired his unbelievably slimy pal [[Karl Rove]] as a consultant. With Rove providing winning slogans like "Ann Richards wants to kill your puppy with a power drill" and "she's Hitler with tits", [[Idiots|Texas voters]] elected Bush in a landslide.
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He was happy in this ceremonial and undemanding job until [[God]], speaking off the record, told him that He could fix it for Bush to win the presidential election in 2000. Soon Dubya had raised enough money thanks to being a drooling imbecile. His campaign was funded by reputable news corporations. The media sought after an agent provocateur for the purpose of producing debacles, which stimulate news consumption. The campaign Bush conducted was known for its violent acts against political opponents, including an incident where, escaping from his handlers, he hurled feces at [[John McCain]] and bit the moderator during a televised candidates' forum. Voters liked what they saw, and gave Bush a strong second-place finish behind Al Gore. Bush's equally incompetent brother [[Jeb Bush|Jeb]], asking "How come Georgie doesn't get to be president just because the meany U.S. public doesn't want him?", prevailed upon the Supreme Court to tilt the table a little, and Georgie was "elected" president.
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In 2005, President George Dubya Bush declared himself Generalissimo Bush and hired a tailor to make him a "cool dictator kinda space suit". Thus began a period of military/fascist rule over the country under newly appointed Emperor [[Dick Cheney]], who made all of Bush's decisions for him. To keep him happy, Cheney let him ride Air Force One and change the white stars on the American flag to white crosses. Then a couple of months later pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers were added to the flag, reportedly at Bush's request ("YUM, Lucky Charms!" he said).
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George Dubya Bush then made a powerful speech that announced that America was a [[fascist]] nation to the entire world. All hail the mighty newly formed American Empire!! Seig Heil!! Seig Heil!!
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"Es ist Zeit für Rache, Wir müssen die Mikaeler Mooren und Clintonismus ausrotten und stinkener liberaler!!" (It is time for revenge! We must eliminate terrorists!!) &mdash; A few lines in [[Spanish]] from Bush's emotive inauguration speech.
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==Wars and other conflicts==
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[[Image:darthbush.jpg|thumb|230px|Darth Bush, Cheney's right hand man/puppet, seen here in front of the redesigned American Empire Flag ("MMM, LUCKY CHARMS!" –Bush.)]]
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[[Image:WMDSearchsm2.jpg|thumb|right|300px]]
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[[Image:11.jpg‎|right|thumb|300px|Bush insists that he had no forewarning of 9/11.]]
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[[Image:Bushtard.jpg|right|thumb|300px|Bush after his presidency]]
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<code>''"ACK! Hghk chahk ''*cough*'' kha!"''</code>
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:<code>~ '''George W. Bush on [[pretzel]]s'''</code>
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George Dubya Bush took a firm stand against America's enemies (i.e. any nation that did not accept him as [[The One]]). Identifying 188 countries that make up an "axis of evil", he pledged to bring them [[Death|freedom]] and to win the [[Oil|hearts and minds]] of the world. People in every nation want to see the American Empire take over the world. They love [[Oprah Winfrey|Oprah]]. They love American haircuts. Everyone now LOVES The American Empire. Republicans are delighted about this, as it fuels the profitable war machine.  All hail the American Empire, because if you don't absolutely love us WE WILL FUuCKING INVADE YOU. We are serious. We know where you live.
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Dubya is credited with starting the undeclared and unending "War on Terrorism", which began as the result of an unfortunate misinterpretation of the now-famous phrase "Let's all nuke those furkin' terrierists" – he was actually "out to git" people keeping terrier dogs (he preferred poodles), but this was taken as a good excuse to nuke the entire [[Middle East]].
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In [[2000]], [[Saudi Arabia]] attacked the Divided States. George [[nuke]]d them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Taxpayers loved Georgie. Arabian people now enjoy American haircuts without curse of the flat top. War criminals are shaven, fed Doritos, and photographed naked with hillbilly bitches riding them like horsies. The war is dirt cheap and magic mushrooms are found. The Saudi people accept Jesus as their personal savior and the new government becomes America's best friend.
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In [[2001]], [[Afghanistan]] attacked the American Empire. George invaded them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. The war was dirt cheap and the golden chocolate-chip cookie was found. The new government becomes a friend.
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In [[2002]], [[France]] and [[Germany]] attacked the American Empire by voting against Bush in the UN. George threw a tantrum. Oil and Bratwurst were secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. The American Empire also received [[Luxembourg]], [[Liechtenstein]], [[Belgium]] and the [[Netherlands]] in the deal for a minor league prospect to be named later.
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In [[2003]], [[iRaq]] [[Declaration of war on Iraq|attacked]] the American Empire, when [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]] aimed his Moustache of Mass Destruction at America in a threatening manner. George liberated Iraq in a [[Clusterfuuck|brilliantly executed war]]. GIs sagged under the load of candy and flowers tossed by grateful smiling [[Muslim|Shiites and Sunni]]s as the MMD was shaved off. The new government is a part of the American Empire.
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[[Image:Timecover.jpg|left|thumb|Bush's summary of the war in Iraq]]
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In [[2004]], [[North Korea]] attacked the American Empire. No wait, they had weapons of mass destruction.  Some shit like that. ''Anyway''... they were wrong. We were right. Georgie gave them a stern warning and they fainted. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. The war is dirt cheap and Pirate DVDs are found. [[Kim Jong-Il]] becomes a key US ally.
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In [[2005]], Bush saw a television program that explained the Domino Theory of Communist Aggression. Alerted to this grave and growing threat, he immediately phoned the FBI, demanding that they locate "the evildoer Fats Domino". Fearing a backlash if he attacked the beloved [[New Orleans]] musician, Bush sent the Army Corps of Engineers to "make it look like an accident". Bush "fixed" the levees, then went on vacation and waited for [[Hurricane Katrina|Katrina]]. Population decimated, insurrection suppressed, mission accomplished! Not a single Republican was hurt. Bush's approval rating skyrocketed among [[KKK|party faithful]].
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Also in [[2005]], [[China]] attacked the American Empire with breaches of copyright. They were evil and they were wrong. Georgie called them terrorists and threatened to authorize use of new "rice-seeking" nuclear missiles against them. The Chinese Communist Party backed down and declared Bush new Party head and supreme leader of China. For averting a crisis, Dubya won a [[Nobel Peace Prize]].
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Later that year, under the direction of Emperor [[Dick Cheney]], Bush proposed "improvements" on Reagan's Star Wars project to turn it into the American Empire [[Death Star]].  Fearing that there was an imminent threat of "Space Terrorists", he requested $25 trillion to build the Death Star and take it to [[Venus]], [[Mars]], [[Saturn]], [[Jupiter]], and [[Mercury]], which were thought to be harboring terrorists.
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Troubled by intelligence reports indicating that the sun emits radiation, Bush declared that the terrorists must be hiding radioactive "dirty bombs" on the sun. In a televised speech, Bush laid out the threat to the American people: "If we don't build a $25 trillion nukular space bazooka to destroy the sun, the terrists win!!!" Development is due to start this year, under exclusive no-bid contracts to Bush's companies.
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==Laws passed under George Dubya Bush==
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[[Image:Bush gollum.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Dubya in Iraq, searching for the [[Atomic Bomb|preciousssssssss]].]]
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In [[2001]], George Dubya Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in [[Iraq]] to leave their children behind, even if they've been blown to bits by random mass bombings. Implementation was problematic until Congress passed the "Soldier Age Reduction Act" of 2006, allowing for the deployment of service members' children as young as 10.
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In [[2005]], George Dubya Bush passed legislation that added the 28th amendment to the [[US Constitution]], banning [[human]] clothing. He wrote the amendment all by himself. With crayons.  Emperor Cheney was reportedly "very proud of the lil' feller."
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In [[2005]], George Dubya Bush proposed a bill that would make him the Supreme Chancellor of the Senate. He also proposed that in war-time, he could be given emergency powers and assemble a Supreme Army of the [[Republic]]ans with which to fight the evil Democratic Separatists. At war's end, he would relinquish those powers.  Once Bush took his seat, however, he figured out he didn't know what to do since he was a complete imbecile.  Soon afterwards all power was relinquished to Emperor Dick Cheney.  All hail Emperor [[Dick Cheney]]!! SIEG HEIL!!
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==Bloopers==
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<center><youtube>BqLvBUSJucg</youtube></center><br />
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Here he's actually drunk:
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<center><youtube>FrEdjaJt9iY</youtube></center><br />
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“There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.”
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<center><youtube>eKgPY1adc0A</youtube></center><br />
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==Music career==
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Dubya has always loved to sing and he usually sings [[punk rock]] with his best mate [[John Howard]]. Here they do a little duet about the importance of beef in a friendship seen in this video.
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Also, he has played guitar with [[John Petrucci]], causing Bush to drop 50 IQ points from his brain cells being destroyed by the pure awesome.
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<center><youtube>mlLNvpdpzXw&hl</youtube></center><br />
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His happy hardcore performance:
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<center><youtube>nJB-XfsqPho</youtube></center><br />
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==Acting Career==
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[[Image:DFM.jpg|thumb|right|200px|The third movie that Bush starred in.]]
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[[Image:Picture3.png‎|thumb|right|200px|Dubya goes(?) to 'Nam.]]
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[[Image:Liar.png|thumb|right‎|200px|Trust him. *cough*]]
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[[Image:Presidentevilbush.jpg|center|thumb|Dubya goes to Africa to find his girlfriend.]]
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[[Image:Picture4.png‎|thumb|right|200px|Bush and Saddam meet for the first time.]]
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[[Image:Picture5.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Second in the epic saga. ''The Gulf Wars III: Revenge of Obama'', is coming soon.]]
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[[Image:MofKG.jpg‎|thumb|right|200px|Need I say more?]]
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*''The 2000 Chronicles of Disaster''
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*''The Iraq [[Chainsaw]] Massacre''
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*''The Hickville Horror''
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*''Judge George''
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*''[[Brokeback Mountain|Dumbfuuck Mountain]]''
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*''George Almightier''
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*''Men in Black''
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*''[[AWOL|We Weren't Soldiers]]''
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*''The Iraqanator''
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*''Liar Liar''
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*''Forest Hump''
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*''Born on the Sixth of July''
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*''Shaving Ryan's Privates''
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*''Windfockers''
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*''[[300|299]]''
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*''English Are Hard''
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*''Backyard Hoes 5''
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*''Meet the President''
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*''[[Star Wars|Gulf Wars Episode II: The Clone of the Attack]]''
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*''All the King's Men''
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*''The [[drunk driving|MADD]]ness of King George''
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*''The Round Office''
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*''Along Came Bush''
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*''[[Fundagelical Christianity|The Born Againity]]''
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*''The Born Offensively''
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*''The Born Ulta-hate-'em''
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*''PayBax''
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*''WMDs 2: I Can't Find Them''
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*''Dirty Georgey''
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*''Spin City''
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*''[[Curious George]]''
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*''Planet of the Apes''
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*''[[Resident Evil|President Evil]]''
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*''President Evil 2: The Final Term''
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*''President Evil 3: Four More Years''
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==Other important events==
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In [[2001]], George Dubya Bush was diagnosed with "cranial rectalosis". Doctors define this as "the state or condition of having your head up your ass", and speculate that he got it from [[Ann Coulter]] while taping an episode of [[Fox News]].
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[[Image:Head up ass.jpg|left|thumb|George W. Bush's "cranial rectalosis". This isn't much different than his natural state.]]
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In [[2002]], George Dubya Bush got so frustrated by his inability to find Osama bin Laden that it began affecting his golf stroke. Furious, he implemented his new "Ignore Him and He'll Go Away" Policy. So far it seems to be working...I mean, have you seen the goat-fuucker around since? And people criticize Bush. He obviously knows what he's doing.
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In [[2002]], while George Dubya Bush was presenting [[Steve Nash]] with a plaque to honor him with becoming the [[NBA]]'s International Delegate for Peace and Justice, Nash suddenly attempted to stab Bush with a broken syrup bottle.  He was subdued and went on to receive his plaque.
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In March [[2003]], George Dubya Bush engaged in a much publicized [[chess]] game wherein his opponent was a [[pineapple]]. The event was caught on high-definition tape by Les Blank, famous for such other documentaries as ''Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe''.
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Emperor Dick Cheney later had the pineapple chopped up and thrown into a fruit salad which he ravenously ate as punishment for its insubordination.  The American Empire WILL NOT TOLERATE insubordination!!!
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In [[2006]], it was also discovered that he is a "cretinoid coprocephalic," the medical terminology for "stupid [[shithead]]."  Finally, an explanation for the War in Iraq!
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[[Image:Ds bushdog.jpg|thumb|left|FINGER LICKIN' GOOD!!!]]
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Late in [[2006]] Bush decided that trips to the vet for the family dog were getting too expensive. He performed an anal probe himself to verify the dog's health.
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==Major platforms==
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After debuting as the only survivor of a Kamikaze Air National Guard Unit, in 2000 George Dubya Bush was elected the 39th Master of the Universe, hailed as the "Great Defecator", the [[bridge]] over the [[Democratic Party|Democrat]]/[[Republican Party|Republican]] Schism. Over the next several years he stopped the bitter feuding between [[ants]] and focused the country on important goals, such as the raising of the [[Titanic]] and equal rights for hummingbirds with bipolar [[depression]]. The country rallied behind him and his goals, re-electing him with 12% of the vote in [[2004]], coinciding with his exhaustive and noble efforts at fostering peace between East Coast and West Coast rappers, and helping white rapper Vanilla Ice to win another record deal in the process.
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He also continued his subtle agenda to stop [[global warming]] and save the [[environment]] by discontinuing all [[government]] purchases of non-renewable resources and closing all non-Texan-owned [[oil]] wells.  At the Kyoto Conference, he outlined a worldwide plan to burn [[You|retarded children]] as a source of renewable fuel, so as to stop all ozone production worldwide by the year 2010.
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Lastly, his shitty economic plan — widely accepted to be the greatest achievements in financial history after 345 BC — managed to turn the modest $7 trillion national debt into an unheard-of number somewhere in the quadrillions. Riding on a huge wave of unprecedented popularity, he convinced [[Congress]] to stop payment on all debts except for China, which he claimed "is my second Lord and Master after Our Lord [[Jesus]] Christ."
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===Science as a point of view===
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[[Image:Cheating800.jpg|right|thumb|George Dubya Bush's famous game of chess versus a pineapple.]]
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George Bush's [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] [[capitalist]] views have led him to the obvious conclusion that science is merely a slightly unruly branch of the legal system. He advocates [[Intelligent design]] being taught in schools (see [[Fallacy]]), and is in good company with many who feel that it should be taught to [[Microsoft]]. While he has never commented publicly, many commentators have suggested his views on intelligent design arose because he finds it hard to believe that evolution could result in a human society stupid enough to elect him. Subversive organizations like the National Academy of Sciences have been exposed as outdated adherents of such barbaric practices as 'research' and even the obscene 'peer review'. Their theorems have been comprehensively disproven by teams of [[crack]] lawyers led by [[Keith Chegwin]], who have proven beyond reasonable doubt that [[Global Warming]] is a breach of the [[29th Amendment]] of the [[Constitution]] and therefore impossible. The validity of this position was further strengthened by renowned sciento-lobbyist Myron Ebell who has no hidden agenda, and anyone who says otherwise will be sued by his employer, [[Exxon]].
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 +
===Alternative cartography===
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[[Image:Dickavis and bushead.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Dubya with his [[Dick Cheney|Dick]] at the [[White House]].]]
 +
George Bush, along with [[Dan Quayle]], invented an academic alternative to traditional cartography and boldly scorned the use of higher mental functions when leading others. According to Bush's genuine method, [[Canada]] is next to [[Mexico]], [[Osama bin Laden]] is from [[Iraq]] instead of [[Saudi Arabia]], [[Chicago]] is a state, and [[Africa]] is a country. More and more scholars have accepted this method and jettisoned the outdated "scientific" model.
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 +
===Green Values, Poverty and Crime===
 +
President Bush has long been against binding international treaties, such as the Kyoto Agreement, for reducing greenhouse gas emissions. The reason is that he is a staunch believer that incentives to the private sector and industry R&D will take care of the problem.
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 +
Mr Bush also believes '''[[Santa]]''' will solve poverty in the third world and is a strong proponent in engaging '''[[Tarzan]]''' to solve international crime.
 +
 
 +
==George W. Bush the person==
 +
[[Image:Photooftheyear-cuunt-bush.jpg|thumb|216px|George shows off his most recent, and highly successful, campaign slogan]]
 +
In the little spare time that he has, George W. [[Pussy|Bush]] enjoys what he describes as "indulging in the cascade of beauty and thought that was the European Renaissance." He is known for making witty comparisons between the works of his favorite artists and the foreign policy of other nations. He has written a few minor works, the most famous being a satirical play concerning power [[politics]] in 18th century [[China]]. As an amateur mathematician, he is even credited with a few [[novel]] proofs. A stalwart environmental activist, George refuses to buy a car and can often be seen cycling around [[Washington]] D.C., stopping to have the occasional chat with his beloved countrymen.
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 +
[[Image:The damascene Bush.jpg|right|thumb|150px|Bush lived and got married in Syria, here is a photo in his damascene house.]]
 +
There is widespread [[speculation]] about George W. Bush's IQ. Generally, it is believed to be below that of the average [[Republican]], which is exceptionally low; it may even be below zero. It is now far more common to speculate on Bush's "stupidity quotient", which is believed to be off the scale.
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 +
[[Image:Bush plays noorleans.jpg|thumb|300px|right|And the band played on...]]
 +
Bush is known to play a mean fiddle with his pinkies and fourth fingers when he is not conquering the universe. He had a huge contribution to the [[Nightwish]] songs "Planet Hell" and "End of Hope". To relax after killing whiney pinkos, he "chills out" to "groovy choons" from a diverse palette of musicians, from Garth Brooks to [[U2]]. He is also known to have a soft spot (although not for long) for [[Britney Spears]], but only buys her DVDs because "the [[fuucker]] can't sing to save her midriff."
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 +
George Bush has been featured in several hip-hop jams.[http://www.archive.org/download/George_Bush_Doesnt_Like_Black_People/GeorgeBushDoesntCareAboutBlackPeople.mp3]
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 +
As his regime approached its [[hope|scheduled end]], Bush spent most of his time secluded <s>in his bunker</s> ''at his ranch'' in Texas, seldom seen on the outside. He now <s>is forcibly confined to</s> ''lives in'' a $2 million mansion in a racially-homogeneous sector of [[Dallas]], where he will hopefully never be able to dick around with the United States (or pretend to be a cowboy) ever again.
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 +
==Achievements and accomplishments==
 +
[[Image:Devil Bush.jpg|thumb|George Bush shortly after his election as governor of [[Hell|Texas]].]]
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 +
In 2001 George Dubya Bush became the first President to be awarded the ''Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor''. Of course, as the first President to be in power after the award was created, this was not that surprising. He was given the medal for his exceptional bravery during the events of September 11, when he listened to a bunch of kids reading ''My Pet Goat'' while the worst attacks ever to occur on American soil were being carried out. Although critics complained that he later jumped into Air Force 1 and flew around like a panicked chicken, his press secretary put the record straight by explaining this as "a surveillance flight. He had a big telescope, and was scanning the countryside looking for the terrorists so he could personally kill them in hand-to-hand combat if he found them." A leaked memo, however, reveals that he was just trying to get ''My Pet Goat'' out of his head. He is very afraid of goats. Horses, too, which is why he is never seen anywhere near one. And birds.
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 +
George W. Bush has recently become the only president in history who nukes first and asks questions later.
 +
 
 +
George W. Bush was awarded the "Best President in History" award from the Society of Mentally Retarded and Brainwashed Idiots Who Are Oblivious to Current Events.
 +
 
 +
George W. Bush was awarded the ''[[Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Prize]]'' for his staunch insistence that the Iraq War is going well, that Brownie was doing a heck of a job, and that [[Alberto Gonzales]] is a man of real integrity.
 +
 
 +
He also starred in his own TV show, [[Everybody Hates Dubya (Television Series)|Everybody Hates Dubya]], which somehow managed to last 8 seasons.
 +
 
 +
===An exhaustive list of Presidential/Personal Accomplishments===
 +
Logjammed, overcame his horrifying addiction to kittens, developed an even more horrifying addiction to making ridiculous comments on world issues, drank very heavily, [[Dallas|shot J.R.]], did incredibly impressive amounts of cocaine, deep-throated a pretzel, stuck a finger up his ass, stuck Dick Cheney's finger up his ass, surfed on a mechanical bull, gay-bashed, looked for stuff that's not anywhere to be found, believed in things that don't exist, didn't care about black people, ate roadkill, regurgitated roadkill for his father, [[masturrbation|played with himself]], [[sexual harassment|played with Cheney]], watched Saturday morning cartoons, bowled at the U.N., peed on the [[Constitution of the United States|U.S. Constitution]], sneered at the mockery of the [[MSNBC|liberal]] (and [[CNN|moderate]]) media, lost his hands inside his pockets, lost his hands in a washing machine, sucked off Cheney, got sucked off by Cheney, pronounced "nuclear" wrong, scratched his ass, watched his foot fetish spiral out of control, high-fived [[Bill O'Reilly]], low-fived [[Osama bin Laden]], induced a fatal heart attack in [[George Carlin]], sprayed diarrhea on circus animals, tried to bribe MSNBC with peanuts and popcorn, parachuted off of the Statue of Liberty and landed on top of the Constitution with spiked boots, handed out dry ice and [[Wal-Mart]] gift cards to Katrina victims, declared April 1st "Dubya Day", kept reading ''The Berenstain Bears'' when asked to respond to national tragedies, burned ants with a magnifying glass, beat his wife, beat Cheney, was beat off by Cheney, rode on a short bus, legally changed his name to Dubya, brushed his teeth, fuucked Condoleezza Rice not once but twice, combed his hair, said his prayers, stole money from Jerry's Kids, killed [[Captain America]], watched ''Saving Private Ryan'', smoked bong hit after bong hit until the White House was completely dry, aborted toddlers, huffed glue, ate paint chips, drank paint, dug up [[Abraham Lincoln]] and skull-fuucked him, dug up [[Martin Luther King Jr.|MLK]] and azz fuucked him, blew up a [[Boeing|jumbo jet]], stalked and killed homeless people, poisioned [[Heath Ledger]], tripped on thin air, used the White House's best American flag as a beach towel, got stoned off his ass and accidentally voted for Obama, repeatedly survived severe brain damage from hitting his head on the doorway into Air Force One, sucked up every breath of fresh air from the Planet Druidia, dumped toxic waste on the Moon, rebuilt the Death Star, force-fed paraplegic vegans Big Macs, force-fed protesters chloroform, murdered his own secret Service agents, resurrected Jason Voorhees, pushed unsuspecting people into trains, pushed an innocent guy into a helicopter propeller, stalked Winona Ryder, dressed up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter during policy meetings, called Proposition 8 “a miraculous achievement for the state of Colorado”, sucked a big cock, interrupted Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie in their aas-fuucking, attended a 9/11 anniversary and giggled like a school girl, tried to melt the Liberty Bell, ate a melt at [[Taco Bell]], stole candy from babies, cancelled "Arrested Development", disco-danced, wrote an autobiography entitled "Mein Kampf II", drowned his dogs in a Slurpee machine, shot off some Uzi rounds at Muslims, shot off some Uzi rounds in a retirement home, drank virgins' blood, dug up [[Jimmy Hoffa]] and buried him somewhere else, robbed a convenience store while wearing a Bill Clinton mask, dressed up like Santa on the 4th of July, tried to open the Ark of the Covenant, smoked the ashes of hundred-year-old bones, bought a pet iguana, strangled [[Dakota Fanning]], ran down [[Wall Street]] naked and on fire, sacrificed his only infant son to Jesus Christ, talked shit but NEVER got hit, crashed a limo, crashed a tractor, crashed a fire truck into an ice cream truck, crashed a tank into the Lincoln Memorial, crashed into [[Princess Diana]], stuck a crown up his nose and into his brain, watched 2 Girls 1 Cup and re-enacted it with Cheney, ate some broccoli, took a nap, tea-bagged Sarah Palin while giving John McCain a rim-job while butt-fingering Dick Cheney, jizzed on the drapes in the Oval Office, jizzed on little kids, jizzed on the elderly, jizzed on Cheney, jizzed in every state (and Puerto Rico), jizzed on the Constitution, jizzed in his pants, went to bed, tried to kill himself, [[erectile dysfunction|tried to get it up]], tried to make things up, told the wrong time on a digital watch, mistook the economy for a [[Uncyclopoly|Parker Brothers board game]], had some birthday parties, and '''broke the trust and the spirit of all Americans.'''
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 +
It is quite clear why Dubya is now synonymous with [http://www.google.com/search?q=miserable+failure failure].
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 +
[[Image:plan.jpg|thumb|George Bush's Road Map to Peace]]
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 +
==George W. Bush in Popular [[Culture]]==
 +
The uncannily accurate world simulator, ''Civilization III'', included George W. Bush as a benevolent representative of the [[people]].  He is credited, along with the wise overlords of Clear Channel Communications, with finally ridding the airwaves of that scourge of country music, the [[Dixie Chicks]].
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 +
Elsewhere, his speeches have been transcribed into prize-winning literary collections, including ''"um"'', ''"hmmm"'', and ''"mmmm"''. [[Salman Rushdie]] was overheard saying, "Bush is certainly a [[cumming linguist]]."
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 +
Bush has sparked a revolution of popular culture in the United States.  People are returning to old-school values and old-school IQ levels.  The "in" thing is shifting from drugs and baggy pants to cowboy hats, invading foreign countries and saying "huh?". On New Year's Day 2006 he officially opened the [[George Bush Themepark]], along with his pet rock, Terry.
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 +
George Bush has also written several books, some of which "The White House Sure Was Fun" and "From Cowboy to President" which remained on the best seller list for months, until they were knocked off by Barack Obama's "The Audacity of Hope."
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 +
In 2006 a [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381971/ documentary] was released about the childhood of (Curious) George W. Bush.
 +
 
 +
He has two pet goldfish, Bert and Ernie, which he's often been known to defer to, especially on matters relating to the Iraq War and the economy. When asked whether he thought the goldfish were qualified to be his adviser, he replied "Bert and Ernie are people too, and frankly I resemble that you are questioning the qualifications of two of my bestest friends."
 +
 
 +
Famous quotes:
 +
"I'll be back!"
 +
"It's your money, you paid for it"
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 +
==Trivia==
 +
{{Trivia|not the location of the missing WMDs; try looking elsewhere}}
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[[Image:Mirror frontcover.jpg|right|thumb|Bush in popular culture.]]
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[[Image:Ball pool.jpg|left|thumb|250px|Bush searching for ''Iraqian'' WMDs during playtime at the White House.]]
 +
*In 2003, he was listed in The Observer as one of the 50 funniest acts in British comedy.
 +
*Although his last name is Bush, he actually doesn't have one due to an accident with an electric razor.
 +
*In an interview when asked where England is Dubya reported said, "I don't like countries I haven't heard of." And when Dubya spoke to British Prime Minister Tony Blair on this subject, Blair said "Are you mad?", then promptly suffered a cerebral vascular accident (a stroke) by the explosive loss of IQ points from being in close proximity to Dubya.
 +
*Dubya represents the Americans and the brain-dead in the Trinity of Evil (Jeremy Clarkson represents the pompous twats and Lily Allen represents the Chavs).
 +
*Dubya wanted to become a cat food tester in Connecticut; but misfortune spared nobody in US.
 +
*After making a speech at NASA in 2004, NASA scientists Fred Robster and Ghengis Khan discovered George W. Bush to be the '''Densest Object in the Known Universe'''. They made this remarkable (yet unsurprising) discovery using a block of lead, a flashlight, and a piece of toilet paper.
 +
*George Bush really does not care about black people&mdash;the token black Christian-fundie mentally handicapped woman is merely for making Affirmative Action quotas look silly.
 +
*George W. Bush is the White Ranger that holds a key to one of the five Robot Lions that can form Ultra Jesus. He attributes his lack of concentration on America to his involvement in Ultra Jesus' constant battles against Rosie O'Donnell Mark 2.
 +
*Second worst super hero only behind Aquaman stuck in the desert.
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[[Image:Thebushring.jpg|thumb|210px|George Bush showing off the only Weapon of Mass Destruction found in Iraq, despite covering up the fact he found it. Note the sort of behaviour you would not normally associate with politicians, who are supposed to be ''devious''.]]
 +
*Bush is believed to the the biblically prophesized Angel of Pestilence since everything he talks about or attends withers and dies (e.g the economy, Iraq, the America's Summit, etc.)
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*He hates the Flat Earth Society because Earth is dome-shaped and stands on an infinite pile of giant turtles anyways.
 +
*Despite his apparent lack of intelligence, [[Mensa]] made Bush an honorary member when they realized there were no [[Republicans]] within the organization. Bush's induction into Mensa was slammed by [[Howard Dean]] as "unaffirmative action."
 +
*He is the only nominee for the Whole-Planet Darwin Awards, but isn't expected to win as he might survive his nuclear policies (along with Waylon Smithers) even if no one else does.
 +
*A supporter of George W. Bush is called a fuucking [[retard]]. A detractor is called an American, or resident of the rest of the entire planet.
 +
*Bush achieved a first place ranking in Richard Simmons' "Sweating Your Fat Ass Off to the Hokey Pokey" marathon by sprinkling [[steroids]] and methamphetamines on his [[Cap'n Crunch]].
 +
*Bush was never a junkie. He was only known to snort cocaine in his adolescence and then only during very special occasions.
 +
*At Laura's urging he went cold turkey in 2000 and quit sniffing glue, with exceptions only on weekends, on weekdays after 3pm, and before important speeches.
 +
*Nobody has yet translated his [[George W. Bush (quotes)|personal language]] into anything even remotely comprehensible to human beings.
 +
*Despite what people say, George doesn't like Barney. He prefers Biker Mice From Mars.
 +
*That when Bush said he was "''a uniter, not a divider''" he meant it literally. George never did learn multiplication or division at elementary school.
 +
*Bush reads comic books voraciously. He also likes to think of himself as a train and often circles his office, pretending to be a conductor and mimicking train noises.
 +
*Bush stole (or borrowed) Barack Obama's bike, but Obama decided to steal it anyway.
 +
[[Image:George-W-Bush.gif|right|thumb|300px|George W Bush showing the full extent of his close evolutionary link to Apes]][[Image:Oh Shit.jpg|200px|thumb|Bush depicting ape behavior.]]
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[[Image:Bush mono.jpg|right|thumb|200px|George Bush showing even more proof that he is related to apes.]]
 +
*Proponents of Darwin's [[Evolution]] theory praise the existence of George Bush as he provides a perfect missing link between apes and humans (see picture). In fact, some scientists believe Bush can't be classified as human, and is instead his own species, ''Homo Bushus retardicus''.
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 +
*A reporter once asked Bush, if he was to reflect on his term, what was the most memorable moment in retrospective. After having the difficult, foreign-sounding words explained to him by a secretary, he answered truthfully that it definitely was back when he went to [[Alaska]] and 'caught a [[fish]], ''This Big''.
 +
*He worships Dr. Evil.
 +
*Q: What's the difference between George W. Bush and [[vacuum|Herbert Hoover]]? A: At least Hoover balanced the budget.
 +
*Q: What's the difference between Dubya and [[Adolf Hitler]]? A: At least Hitler had a clue about what he was doing.
 +
*Q: What's the difference between Dubya and [[Darth Vader]]? A: The Helmet, the gloves, body armor, the boots, the light saber, and the breathing machine.
 +
*Q: What's the difference between Dubya and [[John Lennon]]? A: Lennon got shot; Dubya killed him.
 +
 
 +
==Quotations==
 +
[[Image:Cutey tar.jpg|thumb|right|President Bush’s swift grasp of the nature of the unfolding events on 9/11 pleased the folks who [http://www.royal.gov.uk/output/Page1.asp really rule America.]]]
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[[File:SoldierTshirtBush.jpg|right|thumb|250px|''- As a soldier I gave my skin [[USA|for our country]]!''<br>''- OK. I'll give you a T-Shirt.'']]
 +
''For the main list of quotations, see [[George W. Bush (quotes)]].''
 +
 
 +
*"What, me worry?" –on 9/11
 +
*"You can't handle the truth!" –on the War in Iraq
 +
*"I'll fuuckin' tie you to a fuuckin' bedpost with your aas cheeks spread out and shit, right? Put a hanger on a fuuckin' stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour, take it off and stick it in your ass slow like tssssssss..." –on global terrorism.
 +
*"Gee, a Red Ryder BB gun... Thanks, Dad!"-on his fathers penis before his first time
 +
*"I take pride in the knowing of the fact of knowing the f-f-fact that I, George W. Bush, am THE WORST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY. We gotta have pride in this life and ...hey...what smells so damn good?...Is mom baking pie? Oh, look a blue car." –from his second inauguration speech
 +
*"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop [[Lateral Thinking|thinking]] about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
 +
*"We have an old sayin' back in Texas... I know it's in Tennessee, probably in Texas... Fool me once... sh-shame on you... f-fool me... you can't get fooled again. Now pass me one of those pretzels." –on not getting fooled again.
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*"I got, fat bags of skunk I got, White Owl blunts / And I'm about to go get lifted / Yes I'm about to go get lifted." –on the economy.
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*"Hmmmm, it was either weapons of mass distruction, or.....students of mass instruction? LET'S INVADE!"
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*"I'm sorry, I don't speak Mexican."
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*"Was it on par?" –on hearing of Ariel Sharon's stroke.
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*"My fellow Americans: [[STFU]]."
 +
*"The nice thing about approval rating is it can never go negative... oh..."
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*"Iraq still has weapons of mass destruction, I can prove it... Just let me get the receipt out of my pocket."
 +
*"Ya know Laura, what is with Al Franken?  He thinks he's a genius just cause he did some acting on Saturday Night Live and that his political views are smart."
 +
:Jon Stewart: "Quit calling me Laura!"
 +
*"Fry him." –when referring to a recently convicted murderer.
 +
*"Fry him." –when referring to a recently caught wild [[turkey]].
 +
*"Fry him." –when referring to a recently uncooked [[french|freedom]] fry.
 +
*"Fry him." –when asked for the desired voltage on [[Dick Cheney]]'s electroconvulsive therapy.
 +
*"Thompson, my dad's buddy wants you to lay off him. Pass the coke." –to journalist [[Hunter S. Thompson]].
 +
*"I am against [[gay marriage]]. I am also against widespread literacy and the refrigeration of food."
 +
*"I just LOVE a good fake fart straight from the armpit!"
 +
*"America: love it or move to [[Canada]]."
 +
*"Is it chicken, or is it fish?" (When looking at a can of "chicken of the sea" tuna)
 +
*"Oil...Oil....OIL.....OIL!!!....OILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!"
 +
*"[[Jesus]] Christ, do I have to do another State of the Union tonight? Fuuck this shit; being the President is hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work."
 +
*"It's hard work."
 +
*"There is no reason to ever allow any country to harbor Weapons of Math Instruction."
 +
*"[[Poland|You forgot Poland]]!"
 +
*"The Iraqians have PUNS OF MASSIVE CIVILISATION. Saddam has a bunker of [[nukular]]s where he smokes them with oil-fuelled lighters. We must go in there and liberate the oil-fuelled lighters. God bless amurika. Terra terra terra terra 9/11 9/11 9/11 we are going to inishate a "shawk n [[chicken]] raw" campaign against the massive puns of civilisation. Thank you amurika and remember to always not forget: you forgot Poland!"
 +
*"Hey I said stop quoting me! Cut that out! Put that fuucking [[pencil]] down right now motherfuucker!"
 +
*"Laura, didya git that there Clapper hooked up to one of my [[nuclear|nukular]] missiles yet?"
 +
*"I feel like God wants me to run for President. I can't explain it, but I sense my country is going to need me. Something is going to happen... I know it won't be easy on me or my family, but God wants me to do it." –on 'egotism and stupidity'
 +
*"Iraq my fault?...yea?...Well...erm...God told me to do it."
 +
*"My fellow Invertebrates, this week a major incident reportedly took place at sea, during which Colin Powell captured my battleship. Oh yeah, and we also raidified that stupid North Korean boat as well. As a result, the North Korean leader, Kim Jong a.k.a Top Song Bong, announcified that he would be resumerating their nuclear program. A program I condemn, because it threatens to de-salinate the region. And also because it's a program that has not once featured the Fonz. But be warned, King Kong. Like others before you, should you threaten New York by climbing the Empire State Building, then my fleet of bi-planes will have no choice but to oblitifry you from the face of the Earth"
 +
*"I believe the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully."
 +
*"The French have no word for Entrepreneur"
 +
*"My fellow astronauts:"
 +
*"My fellow underevolved shit-throwers:"
 +
*"My fellow Texan pot-bellied fighting orangutans:"
 +
*"Why does asparagus make my pee smell funny?"
 +
*"You have more waffles than a house of pancakes."
 +
*"When I think, it hurts real bad [[testicles|up here]]."
 +
*"My name is George Dubya Bush. Won't you be my friend?"
 +
*"I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, '''that's just the way it goes'''." –Aug. 21, 2000
 +
*"They non-anti-non-anti-un-non-un-un-anti-un-non-misunderestimated me."
 +
*"Nancy Pelosi gave me a thumping, shows what I know! Why didn't Laura save me, I was nearly aborted but she agreed she wanted to work with me as she sat on my chest.  A lot of new Congressmen and women got a seat that day."
 +
*"You have black people too?"—speaking to the President of Brazil
 +
*"The q-q-question is: Is our children learning?"
 +
*"We need the breast and brightest in our armed forces."
 +
*"Don't taze me, bro!"
 +
*"Will it Blend?"
 +
*"A village idiot is only an idiot if he has people to make him an idiot! Wait... uh, [[Nirvana|nevermind]]."
 +
*"Neeeeoum! I'm an Aeroplane! Kill the highjackers, quick!"
 +
*"Chuck Norris doesn't run for president of Texas, he wakes up one morning and realized that he's held that office his entire life". (it was later determined that this was actually a quote from [[This Guy]] and Dubyah simple stole it and changed the case on the verb "realizes" to make it seem more like an authentic "Bushism".)
 +
 
 +
==Impeachment proceedings==
 +
The [[Senate]] has recently moved to impeach Bush after allegations that he used his brain. A leading ultra-radical conservative said that it seriously risked national security and several countries may have to be nuked as a result. The [[CIA]] denied any possibility of it happening stating that aliens are the more likely cause.
 +
 
 +
The last president to be impeached was [[Andrew Johnson|That Guy Whatsisname]], who did ''not'' sleep through terror attacks and preside over the destruction of New Orleans.
 +
 
 +
==Re-election Campaign==
 +
[[Image:Mccain'08.gif|thumb|A George W. Bush bumper sticker supporting his 2008 presidential bid.]]
 +
Bush has recently announced that he intends to run for a third term due to wartime expansions of executive power. When asked about the [[constitution]]al amendment specifically denying him the ability, he responded, "[the 22nd amendment] doesn't seem to understand that we're at war here. If we just start changing presidents in the middle of a fight, we're gonna get hit again. Besides, Congress authorized me to run for a third term when they authorized me to use force in Iraq."
 +
 
 +
The campaign slogan is provisionally "We are all in a whole lot of danger, so be afraid. No, not the kind of danger that implies Bush failed to make us safe, the other kind that just make you vote Republican." but is expected to be shortened by November. Consequentially, everyone has already stopped caring. Bush replied with, "The slogan is not short, but it is not long in the sense of the word. Once our children teached us that finger painting is the ultimate art, and such, takes long to innovate completely. Stay with us until we completely inaugurate this great land!" A reporter responded with, in a summary of the world's curiosities, "What the fuuck?"
 +
[[Image:Bush connecticut welcome.jpg|thumb|250px|right|You think that's going to get you off the hook?]]
 +
[[Image:Stig.PNG|thumb|right|George Bush in one of his 'Freedom Hats', as worn in [[The North American War]]]]
 +
 
 +
His Main (RE-only) Policy is to send the entire population of the United States to Iraq, this has not met with any critisism because of the [[Idiot|Mind Controll Array]] placed by [[Hitler|Dick Cheny]] in conjunction with [[Hitler|Rupert Murdoch]] to increase sales of his [[Oil tanker|Products]], he plans to move to the moon with the [[Communist|Friend]] [[Hitler|Queen Elizebeth the 24th]] it is at this time, [[Australia|The Best Country]] will move in, with [[kangaroo|war mammels]] and conquer the world
 +
 
 +
[[File:obama-wrote-crayon.jpg]]
 +
 
 +
==See also==
 +
*[[Media:Georgew.mp3|A few words from our <u>former</u> President]]
 +
*[[Dubya kodak moments]]
 +
*[[Bush Family]]
 +
*[[Crawford, Texas]]
 +
*[[Talk Like George Bush Day]]
 +
*[[Satan]]
 +
*[[Declaration of war on Iraq]]
 +
*[[Leatherface]]
 +
*[[666]]
 +
*[[Everybody Hates Dubya]]
 +
*[[Uncanada]]
 +
*[[George W. Bush]]
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*[[Dumbbass]]
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*[[The North American War]]
  
 
==External links==
 
==External links==
*[http://www.nsgtmo.navy.mil/ Naval Station Website]  
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*[http://www.buttafly.com/bush/ George W. Bush Conspiracy Generator]
*[http://www.jtfgtmo.southcom.mil/ Joint Task Force Website]  
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*[http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=643 Speech]
*[http://www.defenselink.mil/news/May2006/d20060515%20List.pdf List of detainees at Guatanamo Bay]  
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*[http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=642 Bush's first attempt at MTV]
*[http://www.defenselink.mil/home/features/Detainee_Affairs/ US Dept of Defence site]  
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*[http://www.wimp.com/address/ State of the Union address]
*[http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118217520339739055.html?mod=mm_main_promo_left The Prison Poets Of Guantanamo Find a Publisher]
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*[http://bushstrikesback.games.eplay.com/ Bush Strikes Back Game]
  
*[http://www.fairgofordavid.org/ Another David Hicks site]
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[[Category:George W. Bush]]
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[[Category:Featured]]
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[[Category:Politicians]]
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[[Category:2000s]]
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[[Category:Wannabe Rulers of the World]]
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[[Category:Axis of Evil-Doers]]
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[[Category:Things that are evil]]
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[[Category:Minions of Satan]]
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[[Category:Nasty Right Wing Bastards]]
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[[Category:War criminals]]
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[[Category:Dictators]]
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[[Category:Aasholes]]
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[[Category:Whores]]
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[[Category:Cuunts]]
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[[Category:Epic Failures]]
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[[Category:People Without Talent]]
  
[[Category:United States]]
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[[eo:George Bush]]
[[Category:Military]]
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Revision as of 16:48, February 9, 2010


ATTENTION
This page has been screened by MSNBC™ for authenticity and impartiality, and has been given Republican-proof protection for her pleasure. While this may be difficult to imagine, there persists a segment of the population who haven't fully understood the stupidity of the worst President in world history. Click on the following link for a first-hand look at the alternative conservative-laden view: The Biography of Dubya as written by heathens. Please also note that no other alternative views exist.

Template:Whoops Template:Whoops They misunderestimated me!

~ George Dubya Bush on American voters

We fuucked up big time.

~ George H. W. and Barbara Bush on George Dubya Bush

Template:Infobox President Template:NoWikipedia

George “Generalissimus Maximus” “The Decider” Bush (born July 6, 1946) was the final president of the Totalitarian American Empire (its successor is the United Liberal Abortionist Republic of Change and Hope). Bush was “elected” after a close race against challenger Al Gore in the 2000 Presidential Rip-off and then “re-elected” by voters in 2004. It was a sympathy vote. He previously served as the forty-sixth Governor of Hickville from 1995 to 2000. He is the eldest son of 41st President of the United States George H. W. Bush, from whom he received his platinum spoon.

Jesus George, as he's called by people close to him, is a member of the Republican Party, also known as the Screw the Peasants Party. He is known for his unconventional style of politics, such as aiming a stream of urine at his opponents, screeching while jumping up and down on them, and, in general, keeping his head up his ass. His work day consisted of finger-painting and pasting macaroni on official government documents (something Prick Cheney repeatedly told him was a “no-no”). He loves non-alcoholic beer and sugar-free frozen treats, and spent most of his presidency on his ranch, taking three naps a day and posing for photos in which he pretended to be clearing brush. He holds the record for the smallest vice president's first name of any president (2.1 inches, undercutting his father's 2.7).

In his rare public appearances, he was assisted by Prick Cheney, who concealed himself under a podium so he could stick his first name up Bush's aas and use him as a ventriloquist's dummy. This made it much easier for poor lil' Georgie, who just wasn't made for difficult presidential duties like “readin'” and “writin'” and “listenin' to them poopyhead corrupt fuucksmen and the public”.

Debauched Youth

File:Bush rocks.jpg
Bush has always been a fan of Children of Bodom, even after they released Are You Dead Yet?

Born in New Haven, Connectthedots, Bush was the first son of George H. W. Bush and Barbara Bush. Bush was raised on a freerange farm in Houston, Texas, with his vile siblings, Jeb, Neil, and Marvin. As a child, George W. wished to be an astronaut, but when he grew up he found that NASA wasn't sending chimps into space anymore... and if they still did, they'd be SMART ONES. His hopes crushed, little George started abusing cough medicine by the gallon and was soon a raging alcoholic as well. George was initially home-schooled because doctors believed he was dumb enough not to hate Republicans and he was unable to stop eating his Crayolas. Graduating at five spots above the bottom of his high school class, Bush was immediately accepted into Yale under the Ivy League school's Affirmative Action Program for Mentally Retarded, Coked-up Sons of Prominent Alumni. Although Bush has claimed he was an average student, classmates recall him as "a fuucking idiot".[Citation Needed] His school records mysteriously disappeared in 2000 at the same time as his Texas National Guard records.

At school, Bush learned valuable skills that would come in handy when he was later appointed to fuucking his vice president Dick "Dongher magic" Chainy to fuuck the world by the Supreme Court, such as sucking himself and getting everyone else to do the hard work. And taking credit for things he didn't do. And avoiding blame when anything goes wrong. In his adult years, he would call this delegatin'.

He single-handedly (AWOL in military jargon) saved the Divided States (United then) from Viet Congs during the last stage of the Vietnam War in Texas. After returning from military service, he joined his brothers Jeb and Bill O'Reilly in the short-lived band "The Underachieving Sons of Wealthy Sugar-Daddies", in which he played the jugs to all manner of songs
File:GeorgeBushEatingA kitten.jpg
George Bush huffing a kitten before a certain important press conference on an aircraft carrier...
by the Beverley Sisters. The band had local success before splitting up due to their out-of-control heroin and more importantly, kitten, use. Bush carried the burden of a terrible addiction to kittens or ("the orange fuzzy ones" as he is reputed to have called them at a press conference) far into his adult life.
File:Test0000.gif
This test on international politics taken by Dubya shows a somewhat less than satisfactory result
File:DubyaDopePoster.jpg
A now-iconic poster from Dubya's short-lived first attempt at gaining public office

Entry into Politics

In 1978, Bush ran for the U.S. House of Representatives from the 19th Congressional District of Texas. After he ran over several Representatives in his magic drug dealing bus, his chances of success looked dim. After losing by over a million votes, he returned to the oil industry, becoming a senior partner or chief executive officer in several major scams. Despite Bush's apparent anti-gay stance, he was actually an active homosexual in the 80s, often abandoning his family for men. He had affairs with Ryan Seacrest, Brad Pitt, Michael Jackson, George Michael, Your Dad, Mike Patton, Tom Cruise, Prick Cheney, Trent Lott, Johnny Rebel, SpongeBob SquarePants, Lance Bass, Osama bin Laden, Harry Potter, Karl Rove, your mom, Rob Halford, that guy from Testament, and even Tommy Pickles after huffing several "trippy orange kitties". Bush reverted back to heterosexuality when his father told him, "every time you think a homosexual thought, the Flying Spaghetti Monster devours a kitten."

Bush purchased a share in the Texas Rangers baseball franchise in April 1989 and immediately demonstrated his business acumen by trading Sammy Sosa for a bag of crack. That year, the lifelong cocaine-abusing junkie and underachiever was born again after a grueling month of masturrbation to Pat Robertson's exorcism cassette tapes. He soon discovered his true talents: stuttering on national television, running from public service that isn't "fun", and publicly showing off his lack of intelligence in the form of visible herpes outbreaks of the eyes.

Road to Presidency

File:Bush2004debate.png
The usual "fam" watching the 2004 debate.

On October 23, 1993, drunken at the press conference, Bush declared his candidacy for the 1994 Texas gubernatorial election, threw up, staggered backwards with his pants at his ankles, and fell over. His political career was launched. After beating some other Republican dilldo in the primary, Bush faced incumbent Governor Ann Richards, a popular Democrat. Bush, trailing badly in the polls, hired his unbelievably slimy pal Karl Rove as a consultant. With Rove providing winning slogans like "Ann Richards wants to kill your puppy with a power drill" and "she's Hitler with tits", Texas voters elected Bush in a landslide.

He was happy in this ceremonial and undemanding job until God, speaking off the record, told him that He could fix it for Bush to win the presidential election in 2000. Soon Dubya had raised enough money thanks to being a drooling imbecile. His campaign was funded by reputable news corporations. The media sought after an agent provocateur for the purpose of producing debacles, which stimulate news consumption. The campaign Bush conducted was known for its violent acts against political opponents, including an incident where, escaping from his handlers, he hurled feces at John McCain and bit the moderator during a televised candidates' forum. Voters liked what they saw, and gave Bush a strong second-place finish behind Al Gore. Bush's equally incompetent brother Jeb, asking "How come Georgie doesn't get to be president just because the meany U.S. public doesn't want him?", prevailed upon the Supreme Court to tilt the table a little, and Georgie was "elected" president.

In 2005, President George Dubya Bush declared himself Generalissimo Bush and hired a tailor to make him a "cool dictator kinda space suit". Thus began a period of military/fascist rule over the country under newly appointed Emperor Dick Cheney, who made all of Bush's decisions for him. To keep him happy, Cheney let him ride Air Force One and change the white stars on the American flag to white crosses. Then a couple of months later pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers were added to the flag, reportedly at Bush's request ("YUM, Lucky Charms!" he said).

George Dubya Bush then made a powerful speech that announced that America was a fascist nation to the entire world. All hail the mighty newly formed American Empire!! Seig Heil!! Seig Heil!!

"Es ist Zeit für Rache, Wir müssen die Mikaeler Mooren und Clintonismus ausrotten und stinkener liberaler!!" (It is time for revenge! We must eliminate terrorists!!) — A few lines in Spanish from Bush's emotive inauguration speech.

Wars and other conflicts

File:Darthbush.jpg
Darth Bush, Cheney's right hand man/puppet, seen here in front of the redesigned American Empire Flag ("MMM, LUCKY CHARMS!" –Bush.)
File:11.jpg
Bush insists that he had no forewarning of 9/11.
File:Bushtard.jpg
Bush after his presidency

"ACK! Hghk chahk *cough* kha!"

~ George W. Bush on pretzels

George Dubya Bush took a firm stand against America's enemies (i.e. any nation that did not accept him as The One). Identifying 188 countries that make up an "axis of evil", he pledged to bring them freedom and to win the hearts and minds of the world. People in every nation want to see the American Empire take over the world. They love Oprah. They love American haircuts. Everyone now LOVES The American Empire. Republicans are delighted about this, as it fuels the profitable war machine. All hail the American Empire, because if you don't absolutely love us WE WILL FUuCKING INVADE YOU. We are serious. We know where you live.

Dubya is credited with starting the undeclared and unending "War on Terrorism", which began as the result of an unfortunate misinterpretation of the now-famous phrase "Let's all nuke those furkin' terrierists" – he was actually "out to git" people keeping terrier dogs (he preferred poodles), but this was taken as a good excuse to nuke the entire Middle East.

In 2000, Saudi Arabia attacked the Divided States. George nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Taxpayers loved Georgie. Arabian people now enjoy American haircuts without curse of the flat top. War criminals are shaven, fed Doritos, and photographed naked with hillbilly bitches riding them like horsies. The war is dirt cheap and magic mushrooms are found. The Saudi people accept Jesus as their personal savior and the new government becomes America's best friend.

In 2001, Afghanistan attacked the American Empire. George invaded them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. The war was dirt cheap and the golden chocolate-chip cookie was found. The new government becomes a friend.

In 2002, France and Germany attacked the American Empire by voting against Bush in the UN. George threw a tantrum. Oil and Bratwurst were secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. The American Empire also received Luxembourg, Liechtenstein, Belgium and the Netherlands in the deal for a minor league prospect to be named later.

In 2003, iRaq attacked the American Empire, when Saddam aimed his Moustache of Mass Destruction at America in a threatening manner. George liberated Iraq in a brilliantly executed war. GIs sagged under the load of candy and flowers tossed by grateful smiling Shiites and Sunnis as the MMD was shaved off. The new government is a part of the American Empire.

File:Timecover.jpg
Bush's summary of the war in Iraq

In 2004, North Korea attacked the American Empire. No wait, they had weapons of mass destruction. Some shit like that. Anyway... they were wrong. We were right. Georgie gave them a stern warning and they fainted. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. The war is dirt cheap and Pirate DVDs are found. Kim Jong-Il becomes a key US ally.

In 2005, Bush saw a television program that explained the Domino Theory of Communist Aggression. Alerted to this grave and growing threat, he immediately phoned the FBI, demanding that they locate "the evildoer Fats Domino". Fearing a backlash if he attacked the beloved New Orleans musician, Bush sent the Army Corps of Engineers to "make it look like an accident". Bush "fixed" the levees, then went on vacation and waited for Katrina. Population decimated, insurrection suppressed, mission accomplished! Not a single Republican was hurt. Bush's approval rating skyrocketed among party faithful.

Also in 2005, China attacked the American Empire with breaches of copyright. They were evil and they were wrong. Georgie called them terrorists and threatened to authorize use of new "rice-seeking" nuclear missiles against them. The Chinese Communist Party backed down and declared Bush new Party head and supreme leader of China. For averting a crisis, Dubya won a Nobel Peace Prize.

Later that year, under the direction of Emperor Dick Cheney, Bush proposed "improvements" on Reagan's Star Wars project to turn it into the American Empire Death Star. Fearing that there was an imminent threat of "Space Terrorists", he requested $25 trillion to build the Death Star and take it to Venus, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and Mercury, which were thought to be harboring terrorists.

Troubled by intelligence reports indicating that the sun emits radiation, Bush declared that the terrorists must be hiding radioactive "dirty bombs" on the sun. In a televised speech, Bush laid out the threat to the American people: "If we don't build a $25 trillion nukular space bazooka to destroy the sun, the terrists win!!!" Development is due to start this year, under exclusive no-bid contracts to Bush's companies.

Laws passed under George Dubya Bush

File:Bush gollum.jpg
Dubya in Iraq, searching for the preciousssssssss.

In 2001, George Dubya Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq to leave their children behind, even if they've been blown to bits by random mass bombings. Implementation was problematic until Congress passed the "Soldier Age Reduction Act" of 2006, allowing for the deployment of service members' children as young as 10.

In 2005, George Dubya Bush passed legislation that added the 28th amendment to the US Constitution, banning human clothing. He wrote the amendment all by himself. With crayons. Emperor Cheney was reportedly "very proud of the lil' feller."

In 2005, George Dubya Bush proposed a bill that would make him the Supreme Chancellor of the Senate. He also proposed that in war-time, he could be given emergency powers and assemble a Supreme Army of the Republicans with which to fight the evil Democratic Separatists. At war's end, he would relinquish those powers. Once Bush took his seat, however, he figured out he didn't know what to do since he was a complete imbecile. Soon afterwards all power was relinquished to Emperor Dick Cheney. All hail Emperor Dick Cheney!! SIEG HEIL!!

Bloopers

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Here he's actually drunk:

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“There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.”

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Music career

Dubya has always loved to sing and he usually sings punk rock with his best mate John Howard. Here they do a little duet about the importance of beef in a friendship seen in this video. Also, he has played guitar with John Petrucci, causing Bush to drop 50 IQ points from his brain cells being destroyed by the pure awesome.

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His happy hardcore performance:

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Acting Career

File:DFM.jpg
The third movie that Bush starred in.
File:Picture3.png
Dubya goes(?) to 'Nam.
Trust him. *cough*
File:Presidentevilbush.jpg
Dubya goes to Africa to find his girlfriend.
File:Picture4.png
Bush and Saddam meet for the first time.
File:Picture5.jpg
Second in the epic saga. The Gulf Wars III: Revenge of Obama, is coming soon.
File:MofKG.jpg
Need I say more?
  • The 2000 Chronicles of Disaster
  • The Hickville Horror
  • Judge George
  • George Almightier
  • Men in Black
  • The Iraqanator
  • Liar Liar
  • Forest Hump
  • Born on the Sixth of July
  • Shaving Ryan's Privates
  • Windfockers
  • English Are Hard
  • Backyard Hoes 5
  • Meet the President
  • All the King's Men
  • The Round Office
  • Along Came Bush
  • The Born Offensively
  • The Born Ulta-hate-'em
  • PayBax
  • WMDs 2: I Can't Find Them
  • Dirty Georgey
  • Spin City
  • Planet of the Apes
  • President Evil 2: The Final Term
  • President Evil 3: Four More Years

Other important events

In 2001, George Dubya Bush was diagnosed with "cranial rectalosis". Doctors define this as "the state or condition of having your head up your ass", and speculate that he got it from Ann Coulter while taping an episode of Fox News.

File:Head up ass.jpg
George W. Bush's "cranial rectalosis". This isn't much different than his natural state.

In 2002, George Dubya Bush got so frustrated by his inability to find Osama bin Laden that it began affecting his golf stroke. Furious, he implemented his new "Ignore Him and He'll Go Away" Policy. So far it seems to be working...I mean, have you seen the goat-fuucker around since? And people criticize Bush. He obviously knows what he's doing.

In 2002, while George Dubya Bush was presenting Steve Nash with a plaque to honor him with becoming the NBA's International Delegate for Peace and Justice, Nash suddenly attempted to stab Bush with a broken syrup bottle. He was subdued and went on to receive his plaque.

In March 2003, George Dubya Bush engaged in a much publicized chess game wherein his opponent was a pineapple. The event was caught on high-definition tape by Les Blank, famous for such other documentaries as Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe.

Emperor Dick Cheney later had the pineapple chopped up and thrown into a fruit salad which he ravenously ate as punishment for its insubordination. The American Empire WILL NOT TOLERATE insubordination!!!

In 2006, it was also discovered that he is a "cretinoid coprocephalic," the medical terminology for "stupid shithead." Finally, an explanation for the War in Iraq!

File:Ds bushdog.jpg
FINGER LICKIN' GOOD!!!

Late in 2006 Bush decided that trips to the vet for the family dog were getting too expensive. He performed an anal probe himself to verify the dog's health.

Major platforms

After debuting as the only survivor of a Kamikaze Air National Guard Unit, in 2000 George Dubya Bush was elected the 39th Master of the Universe, hailed as the "Great Defecator", the bridge over the Democrat/Republican Schism. Over the next several years he stopped the bitter feuding between ants and focused the country on important goals, such as the raising of the Titanic and equal rights for hummingbirds with bipolar depression. The country rallied behind him and his goals, re-electing him with 12% of the vote in 2004, coinciding with his exhaustive and noble efforts at fostering peace between East Coast and West Coast rappers, and helping white rapper Vanilla Ice to win another record deal in the process.

He also continued his subtle agenda to stop global warming and save the environment by discontinuing all government purchases of non-renewable resources and closing all non-Texan-owned oil wells. At the Kyoto Conference, he outlined a worldwide plan to burn retarded children as a source of renewable fuel, so as to stop all ozone production worldwide by the year 2010.

Lastly, his shitty economic plan — widely accepted to be the greatest achievements in financial history after 345 BC — managed to turn the modest $7 trillion national debt into an unheard-of number somewhere in the quadrillions. Riding on a huge wave of unprecedented popularity, he convinced Congress to stop payment on all debts except for China, which he claimed "is my second Lord and Master after Our Lord Jesus Christ."

Science as a point of view

File:Cheating800.jpg
George Dubya Bush's famous game of chess versus a pineapple.

George Bush's totalitarian capitalist views have led him to the obvious conclusion that science is merely a slightly unruly branch of the legal system. He advocates Intelligent design being taught in schools (see Fallacy), and is in good company with many who feel that it should be taught to Microsoft. While he has never commented publicly, many commentators have suggested his views on intelligent design arose because he finds it hard to believe that evolution could result in a human society stupid enough to elect him. Subversive organizations like the National Academy of Sciences have been exposed as outdated adherents of such barbaric practices as 'research' and even the obscene 'peer review'. Their theorems have been comprehensively disproven by teams of crack lawyers led by Keith Chegwin, who have proven beyond reasonable doubt that Global Warming is a breach of the 29th Amendment of the Constitution and therefore impossible. The validity of this position was further strengthened by renowned sciento-lobbyist Myron Ebell who has no hidden agenda, and anyone who says otherwise will be sued by his employer, Exxon.

Alternative cartography

George Bush, along with Dan Quayle, invented an academic alternative to traditional cartography and boldly scorned the use of higher mental functions when leading others. According to Bush's genuine method, Canada is next to Mexico, Osama bin Laden is from Iraq instead of Saudi Arabia, Chicago is a state, and Africa is a country. More and more scholars have accepted this method and jettisoned the outdated "scientific" model.

Green Values, Poverty and Crime

President Bush has long been against binding international treaties, such as the Kyoto Agreement, for reducing greenhouse gas emissions. The reason is that he is a staunch believer that incentives to the private sector and industry R&D will take care of the problem.

Mr Bush also believes Santa will solve poverty in the third world and is a strong proponent in engaging Tarzan to solve international crime.

George W. Bush the person

File:Photooftheyear-cuunt-bush.jpg
George shows off his most recent, and highly successful, campaign slogan

In the little spare time that he has, George W. Bush enjoys what he describes as "indulging in the cascade of beauty and thought that was the European Renaissance." He is known for making witty comparisons between the works of his favorite artists and the foreign policy of other nations. He has written a few minor works, the most famous being a satirical play concerning power politics in 18th century China. As an amateur mathematician, he is even credited with a few novel proofs. A stalwart environmental activist, George refuses to buy a car and can often be seen cycling around Washington D.C., stopping to have the occasional chat with his beloved countrymen.

File:The damascene Bush.jpg
Bush lived and got married in Syria, here is a photo in his damascene house.

There is widespread speculation about George W. Bush's IQ. Generally, it is believed to be below that of the average Republican, which is exceptionally low; it may even be below zero. It is now far more common to speculate on Bush's "stupidity quotient", which is believed to be off the scale.

File:Bush plays noorleans.jpg
And the band played on...

Bush is known to play a mean fiddle with his pinkies and fourth fingers when he is not conquering the universe. He had a huge contribution to the Nightwish songs "Planet Hell" and "End of Hope". To relax after killing whiney pinkos, he "chills out" to "groovy choons" from a diverse palette of musicians, from Garth Brooks to U2. He is also known to have a soft spot (although not for long) for Britney Spears, but only buys her DVDs because "the fuucker can't sing to save her midriff."

George Bush has been featured in several hip-hop jams.[1]

As his regime approached its scheduled end, Bush spent most of his time secluded in his bunker at his ranch in Texas, seldom seen on the outside. He now is forcibly confined to lives in a $2 million mansion in a racially-homogeneous sector of Dallas, where he will hopefully never be able to dick around with the United States (or pretend to be a cowboy) ever again.

Achievements and accomplishments

File:Devil Bush.jpg
George Bush shortly after his election as governor of Texas.

In 2001 George Dubya Bush became the first President to be awarded the Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor. Of course, as the first President to be in power after the award was created, this was not that surprising. He was given the medal for his exceptional bravery during the events of September 11, when he listened to a bunch of kids reading My Pet Goat while the worst attacks ever to occur on American soil were being carried out. Although critics complained that he later jumped into Air Force 1 and flew around like a panicked chicken, his press secretary put the record straight by explaining this as "a surveillance flight. He had a big telescope, and was scanning the countryside looking for the terrorists so he could personally kill them in hand-to-hand combat if he found them." A leaked memo, however, reveals that he was just trying to get My Pet Goat out of his head. He is very afraid of goats. Horses, too, which is why he is never seen anywhere near one. And birds.

George W. Bush has recently become the only president in history who nukes first and asks questions later.

George W. Bush was awarded the "Best President in History" award from the Society of Mentally Retarded and Brainwashed Idiots Who Are Oblivious to Current Events.

George W. Bush was awarded the Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Prize for his staunch insistence that the Iraq War is going well, that Brownie was doing a heck of a job, and that Alberto Gonzales is a man of real integrity.

He also starred in his own TV show, Everybody Hates Dubya, which somehow managed to last 8 seasons.

An exhaustive list of Presidential/Personal Accomplishments

Logjammed, overcame his horrifying addiction to kittens, developed an even more horrifying addiction to making ridiculous comments on world issues, drank very heavily, shot J.R., did incredibly impressive amounts of cocaine, deep-throated a pretzel, stuck a finger up his ass, stuck Dick Cheney's finger up his ass, surfed on a mechanical bull, gay-bashed, looked for stuff that's not anywhere to be found, believed in things that don't exist, didn't care about black people, ate roadkill, regurgitated roadkill for his father, played with himself, played with Cheney, watched Saturday morning cartoons, bowled at the U.N., peed on the U.S. Constitution, sneered at the mockery of the liberal (and moderate) media, lost his hands inside his pockets, lost his hands in a washing machine, sucked off Cheney, got sucked off by Cheney, pronounced "nuclear" wrong, scratched his ass, watched his foot fetish spiral out of control, high-fived Bill O'Reilly, low-fived Osama bin Laden, induced a fatal heart attack in George Carlin, sprayed diarrhea on circus animals, tried to bribe MSNBC with peanuts and popcorn, parachuted off of the Statue of Liberty and landed on top of the Constitution with spiked boots, handed out dry ice and Wal-Mart gift cards to Katrina victims, declared April 1st "Dubya Day", kept reading The Berenstain Bears when asked to respond to national tragedies, burned ants with a magnifying glass, beat his wife, beat Cheney, was beat off by Cheney, rode on a short bus, legally changed his name to Dubya, brushed his teeth, fuucked Condoleezza Rice not once but twice, combed his hair, said his prayers, stole money from Jerry's Kids, killed Captain America, watched Saving Private Ryan, smoked bong hit after bong hit until the White House was completely dry, aborted toddlers, huffed glue, ate paint chips, drank paint, dug up Abraham Lincoln and skull-fuucked him, dug up MLK and azz fuucked him, blew up a jumbo jet, stalked and killed homeless people, poisioned Heath Ledger, tripped on thin air, used the White House's best American flag as a beach towel, got stoned off his ass and accidentally voted for Obama, repeatedly survived severe brain damage from hitting his head on the doorway into Air Force One, sucked up every breath of fresh air from the Planet Druidia, dumped toxic waste on the Moon, rebuilt the Death Star, force-fed paraplegic vegans Big Macs, force-fed protesters chloroform, murdered his own secret Service agents, resurrected Jason Voorhees, pushed unsuspecting people into trains, pushed an innocent guy into a helicopter propeller, stalked Winona Ryder, dressed up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter during policy meetings, called Proposition 8 “a miraculous achievement for the state of Colorado”, sucked a big cock, interrupted Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie in their aas-fuucking, attended a 9/11 anniversary and giggled like a school girl, tried to melt the Liberty Bell, ate a melt at Taco Bell, stole candy from babies, cancelled "Arrested Development", disco-danced, wrote an autobiography entitled "Mein Kampf II", drowned his dogs in a Slurpee machine, shot off some Uzi rounds at Muslims, shot off some Uzi rounds in a retirement home, drank virgins' blood, dug up Jimmy Hoffa and buried him somewhere else, robbed a convenience store while wearing a Bill Clinton mask, dressed up like Santa on the 4th of July, tried to open the Ark of the Covenant, smoked the ashes of hundred-year-old bones, bought a pet iguana, strangled Dakota Fanning, ran down Wall Street naked and on fire, sacrificed his only infant son to Jesus Christ, talked shit but NEVER got hit, crashed a limo, crashed a tractor, crashed a fire truck into an ice cream truck, crashed a tank into the Lincoln Memorial, crashed into Princess Diana, stuck a crown up his nose and into his brain, watched 2 Girls 1 Cup and re-enacted it with Cheney, ate some broccoli, took a nap, tea-bagged Sarah Palin while giving John McCain a rim-job while butt-fingering Dick Cheney, jizzed on the drapes in the Oval Office, jizzed on little kids, jizzed on the elderly, jizzed on Cheney, jizzed in every state (and Puerto Rico), jizzed on the Constitution, jizzed in his pants, went to bed, tried to kill himself, tried to get it up, tried to make things up, told the wrong time on a digital watch, mistook the economy for a Parker Brothers board game, had some birthday parties, and broke the trust and the spirit of all Americans.

It is quite clear why Dubya is now synonymous with failure.

File:Plan.jpg
George Bush's Road Map to Peace

George W. Bush in Popular Culture

The uncannily accurate world simulator, Civilization III, included George W. Bush as a benevolent representative of the people. He is credited, along with the wise overlords of Clear Channel Communications, with finally ridding the airwaves of that scourge of country music, the Dixie Chicks.

Elsewhere, his speeches have been transcribed into prize-winning literary collections, including "um", "hmmm", and "mmmm". Salman Rushdie was overheard saying, "Bush is certainly a cumming linguist."

Bush has sparked a revolution of popular culture in the United States. People are returning to old-school values and old-school IQ levels. The "in" thing is shifting from drugs and baggy pants to cowboy hats, invading foreign countries and saying "huh?". On New Year's Day 2006 he officially opened the George Bush Themepark, along with his pet rock, Terry.

George Bush has also written several books, some of which "The White House Sure Was Fun" and "From Cowboy to President" which remained on the best seller list for months, until they were knocked off by Barack Obama's "The Audacity of Hope."

In 2006 a documentary was released about the childhood of (Curious) George W. Bush.

He has two pet goldfish, Bert and Ernie, which he's often been known to defer to, especially on matters relating to the Iraq War and the economy. When asked whether he thought the goldfish were qualified to be his adviser, he replied "Bert and Ernie are people too, and frankly I resemble that you are questioning the qualifications of two of my bestest friends."

Famous quotes: "I'll be back!" "It's your money, you paid for it"

Trivia

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Bush in popular culture.
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Bush searching for Iraqian WMDs during playtime at the White House.
  • In 2003, he was listed in The Observer as one of the 50 funniest acts in British comedy.
  • Although his last name is Bush, he actually doesn't have one due to an accident with an electric razor.
  • In an interview when asked where England is Dubya reported said, "I don't like countries I haven't heard of." And when Dubya spoke to British Prime Minister Tony Blair on this subject, Blair said "Are you mad?", then promptly suffered a cerebral vascular accident (a stroke) by the explosive loss of IQ points from being in close proximity to Dubya.
  • Dubya represents the Americans and the brain-dead in the Trinity of Evil (Jeremy Clarkson represents the pompous twats and Lily Allen represents the Chavs).
  • Dubya wanted to become a cat food tester in Connecticut; but misfortune spared nobody in US.
  • After making a speech at NASA in 2004, NASA scientists Fred Robster and Ghengis Khan discovered George W. Bush to be the Densest Object in the Known Universe. They made this remarkable (yet unsurprising) discovery using a block of lead, a flashlight, and a piece of toilet paper.
  • George Bush really does not care about black people—the token black Christian-fundie mentally handicapped woman is merely for making Affirmative Action quotas look silly.
  • George W. Bush is the White Ranger that holds a key to one of the five Robot Lions that can form Ultra Jesus. He attributes his lack of concentration on America to his involvement in Ultra Jesus' constant battles against Rosie O'Donnell Mark 2.
  • Second worst super hero only behind Aquaman stuck in the desert.
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George Bush showing off the only Weapon of Mass Destruction found in Iraq, despite covering up the fact he found it. Note the sort of behaviour you would not normally associate with politicians, who are supposed to be devious.
  • Bush is believed to the the biblically prophesized Angel of Pestilence since everything he talks about or attends withers and dies (e.g the economy, Iraq, the America's Summit, etc.)
  • He hates the Flat Earth Society because Earth is dome-shaped and stands on an infinite pile of giant turtles anyways.
  • Despite his apparent lack of intelligence, Mensa made Bush an honorary member when they realized there were no Republicans within the organization. Bush's induction into Mensa was slammed by Howard Dean as "unaffirmative action."
  • He is the only nominee for the Whole-Planet Darwin Awards, but isn't expected to win as he might survive his nuclear policies (along with Waylon Smithers) even if no one else does.
  • A supporter of George W. Bush is called a fuucking retard. A detractor is called an American, or resident of the rest of the entire planet.
  • Bush achieved a first place ranking in Richard Simmons' "Sweating Your Fat Ass Off to the Hokey Pokey" marathon by sprinkling steroids and methamphetamines on his Cap'n Crunch.
  • Bush was never a junkie. He was only known to snort cocaine in his adolescence and then only during very special occasions.
  • At Laura's urging he went cold turkey in 2000 and quit sniffing glue, with exceptions only on weekends, on weekdays after 3pm, and before important speeches.
  • Nobody has yet translated his personal language into anything even remotely comprehensible to human beings.
  • Despite what people say, George doesn't like Barney. He prefers Biker Mice From Mars.
  • That when Bush said he was "a uniter, not a divider" he meant it literally. George never did learn multiplication or division at elementary school.
  • Bush reads comic books voraciously. He also likes to think of himself as a train and often circles his office, pretending to be a conductor and mimicking train noises.
  • Bush stole (or borrowed) Barack Obama's bike, but Obama decided to steal it anyway.
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George W Bush showing the full extent of his close evolutionary link to Apes
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Bush depicting ape behavior.
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George Bush showing even more proof that he is related to apes.
  • Proponents of Darwin's Evolution theory praise the existence of George Bush as he provides a perfect missing link between apes and humans (see picture). In fact, some scientists believe Bush can't be classified as human, and is instead his own species, Homo Bushus retardicus.
  • A reporter once asked Bush, if he was to reflect on his term, what was the most memorable moment in retrospective. After having the difficult, foreign-sounding words explained to him by a secretary, he answered truthfully that it definitely was back when he went to Alaska and 'caught a fish, This Big.
  • He worships Dr. Evil.
  • Q: What's the difference between George W. Bush and Herbert Hoover? A: At least Hoover balanced the budget.
  • Q: What's the difference between Dubya and Adolf Hitler? A: At least Hitler had a clue about what he was doing.
  • Q: What's the difference between Dubya and Darth Vader? A: The Helmet, the gloves, body armor, the boots, the light saber, and the breathing machine.
  • Q: What's the difference between Dubya and John Lennon? A: Lennon got shot; Dubya killed him.

Quotations

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President Bush’s swift grasp of the nature of the unfolding events on 9/11 pleased the folks who really rule America.
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- As a soldier I gave my skin for our country!
- OK. I'll give you a T-Shirt.

For the main list of quotations, see George W. Bush (quotes).

  • "What, me worry?" –on 9/11
  • "You can't handle the truth!" –on the War in Iraq
  • "I'll fuuckin' tie you to a fuuckin' bedpost with your aas cheeks spread out and shit, right? Put a hanger on a fuuckin' stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour, take it off and stick it in your ass slow like tssssssss..." –on global terrorism.
  • "Gee, a Red Ryder BB gun... Thanks, Dad!"-on his fathers penis before his first time
  • "I take pride in the knowing of the fact of knowing the f-f-fact that I, George W. Bush, am THE WORST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY. We gotta have pride in this life and ...hey...what smells so damn good?...Is mom baking pie? Oh, look a blue car." –from his second inauguration speech
  • "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
  • "We have an old sayin' back in Texas... I know it's in Tennessee, probably in Texas... Fool me once... sh-shame on you... f-fool me... you can't get fooled again. Now pass me one of those pretzels." –on not getting fooled again.
  • "I got, fat bags of skunk I got, White Owl blunts / And I'm about to go get lifted / Yes I'm about to go get lifted." –on the economy.
  • "Hmmmm, it was either weapons of mass distruction, or.....students of mass instruction? LET'S INVADE!"
  • "I'm sorry, I don't speak Mexican."
  • "Was it on par?" –on hearing of Ariel Sharon's stroke.
  • "My fellow Americans: STFU."
  • "The nice thing about approval rating is it can never go negative... oh..."
  • "Iraq still has weapons of mass destruction, I can prove it... Just let me get the receipt out of my pocket."
  • "Ya know Laura, what is with Al Franken? He thinks he's a genius just cause he did some acting on Saturday Night Live and that his political views are smart."
Jon Stewart: "Quit calling me Laura!"
  • "Fry him." –when referring to a recently convicted murderer.
  • "Fry him." –when referring to a recently caught wild turkey.
  • "Fry him." –when referring to a recently uncooked freedom fry.
  • "Fry him." –when asked for the desired voltage on Dick Cheney's electroconvulsive therapy.
  • "Thompson, my dad's buddy wants you to lay off him. Pass the coke." –to journalist Hunter S. Thompson.
  • "I am against gay marriage. I am also against widespread literacy and the refrigeration of food."
  • "I just LOVE a good fake fart straight from the armpit!"
  • "America: love it or move to Canada."
  • "Is it chicken, or is it fish?" (When looking at a can of "chicken of the sea" tuna)
  • "Oil...Oil....OIL.....OIL!!!....OILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!"
  • "Jesus Christ, do I have to do another State of the Union tonight? Fuuck this shit; being the President is hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work."
  • "It's hard work."
  • "There is no reason to ever allow any country to harbor Weapons of Math Instruction."
  • "You forgot Poland!"
  • "The Iraqians have PUNS OF MASSIVE CIVILISATION. Saddam has a bunker of nukulars where he smokes them with oil-fuelled lighters. We must go in there and liberate the oil-fuelled lighters. God bless amurika. Terra terra terra terra 9/11 9/11 9/11 we are going to inishate a "shawk n chicken raw" campaign against the massive puns of civilisation. Thank you amurika and remember to always not forget: you forgot Poland!"
  • "Hey I said stop quoting me! Cut that out! Put that fuucking pencil down right now motherfuucker!"
  • "Laura, didya git that there Clapper hooked up to one of my nukular missiles yet?"
  • "I feel like God wants me to run for President. I can't explain it, but I sense my country is going to need me. Something is going to happen... I know it won't be easy on me or my family, but God wants me to do it." –on 'egotism and stupidity'
  • "Iraq my fault?...yea?...Well...erm...God told me to do it."
  • "My fellow Invertebrates, this week a major incident reportedly took place at sea, during which Colin Powell captured my battleship. Oh yeah, and we also raidified that stupid North Korean boat as well. As a result, the North Korean leader, Kim Jong a.k.a Top Song Bong, announcified that he would be resumerating their nuclear program. A program I condemn, because it threatens to de-salinate the region. And also because it's a program that has not once featured the Fonz. But be warned, King Kong. Like others before you, should you threaten New York by climbing the Empire State Building, then my fleet of bi-planes will have no choice but to oblitifry you from the face of the Earth"
  • "I believe the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully."
  • "The French have no word for Entrepreneur"
  • "My fellow astronauts:"
  • "My fellow underevolved shit-throwers:"
  • "My fellow Texan pot-bellied fighting orangutans:"
  • "Why does asparagus make my pee smell funny?"
  • "You have more waffles than a house of pancakes."
  • "When I think, it hurts real bad up here."
  • "My name is George Dubya Bush. Won't you be my friend?"
  • "I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's just the way it goes." –Aug. 21, 2000
  • "They non-anti-non-anti-un-non-un-un-anti-un-non-misunderestimated me."
  • "Nancy Pelosi gave me a thumping, shows what I know! Why didn't Laura save me, I was nearly aborted but she agreed she wanted to work with me as she sat on my chest. A lot of new Congressmen and women got a seat that day."
  • "You have black people too?"—speaking to the President of Brazil
  • "The q-q-question is: Is our children learning?"
  • "We need the breast and brightest in our armed forces."
  • "Don't taze me, bro!"
  • "Will it Blend?"
  • "A village idiot is only an idiot if he has people to make him an idiot! Wait... uh, nevermind."
  • "Neeeeoum! I'm an Aeroplane! Kill the highjackers, quick!"
  • "Chuck Norris doesn't run for president of Texas, he wakes up one morning and realized that he's held that office his entire life". (it was later determined that this was actually a quote from This Guy and Dubyah simple stole it and changed the case on the verb "realizes" to make it seem more like an authentic "Bushism".)

Impeachment proceedings

The Senate has recently moved to impeach Bush after allegations that he used his brain. A leading ultra-radical conservative said that it seriously risked national security and several countries may have to be nuked as a result. The CIA denied any possibility of it happening stating that aliens are the more likely cause.

The last president to be impeached was That Guy Whatsisname, who did not sleep through terror attacks and preside over the destruction of New Orleans.

Re-election Campaign

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A George W. Bush bumper sticker supporting his 2008 presidential bid.

Bush has recently announced that he intends to run for a third term due to wartime expansions of executive power. When asked about the constitutional amendment specifically denying him the ability, he responded, "[the 22nd amendment] doesn't seem to understand that we're at war here. If we just start changing presidents in the middle of a fight, we're gonna get hit again. Besides, Congress authorized me to run for a third term when they authorized me to use force in Iraq."

The campaign slogan is provisionally "We are all in a whole lot of danger, so be afraid. No, not the kind of danger that implies Bush failed to make us safe, the other kind that just make you vote Republican." but is expected to be shortened by November. Consequentially, everyone has already stopped caring. Bush replied with, "The slogan is not short, but it is not long in the sense of the word. Once our children teached us that finger painting is the ultimate art, and such, takes long to innovate completely. Stay with us until we completely inaugurate this great land!" A reporter responded with, in a summary of the world's curiosities, "What the fuuck?"

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You think that's going to get you off the hook?
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George Bush in one of his 'Freedom Hats', as worn in The North American War

His Main (RE-only) Policy is to send the entire population of the United States to Iraq, this has not met with any critisism because of the Mind Controll Array placed by Dick Cheny in conjunction with Rupert Murdoch to increase sales of his Products, he plans to move to the moon with the Friend Queen Elizebeth the 24th it is at this time, The Best Country will move in, with war mammels and conquer the world

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See also

External links