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How it works

Top secret Military recipie, just add po rednecks."Git-R-Done!"

First, you have to have a problem. A big problem. The military only handles little problems if they're close cousins of big problems, like saying Granada had something to do with Communism, not nutmeg.

Then, you put on a big production about how the problem just won't fÜcking quit. "Oh, man! This guy with oil is soooo totally pissing me off with, um, whatever it is that he does to piss me off."

Everyone is like, "Well, that sucks."

And you're like, "Sure. Because oil guy violates human rights and he sponsors terrorism and sh!t."

And now, you call the military to fix oil guy's wagon. Oil guy gets his face beaten in proper. Problem is solved.