Last modified on March 5, 2011, at 03:20

Writing Homework One Answers - Student Ten

How to be the Perfect PETA Member - JRobbe

It is scary to think about what condition our world would be in without the existence of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). Cows would be slaughtered daily to feed meat to our planet’s billions of inhabitants. Dogs would be stealthily fed drugs by medical researchers that could possibly eradicate the AIDS virus. Parents would be able to take their children to see the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey’s circus travelling to their town. Kentucky Fried Chicken would continue feeding its millions of customers. Towns like Fishkill, New York, and Rodeo, California, would keep their animal-cruel names without question.

Well, thanks to the leadership of Ingrid Newkirk, PETA will be around for many years to come. As long as she is living and fighting for the rights of cats and centipedes, PETA will continue to shame those who use animals for food, entertainment, medical testing, and clothing. You hear that, Guide Dogs for the Blind? Shame on you for forcing dogs to help us undeserving and blinded humans get by in life!

Well, I myself am a proud PETA member—I have been one for three weeks now. In that time, I have not worn fur, eaten any meat, purchased MARS candy (they test their products on animals), or watched Marley and Me. I am proud to know that I am helping out animals all over the world by not using any products associated with them.

You can and should become a member, too. I became one after witnessing first-hand the stunning cruelty inflicted upon an animal by a sadistic human. I was jogging through my neighborhood one day when I saw a man lounging on his porch. His dog sat beside him, tied to a leash, drinking water out of a bowl. I was immediately perturbed by this sight. It is unnatural to force a dog (or any other animal) to be confined to a leash and have to drink water out of a revolting bowl, I thought to myself. The sight of that barbarous human torturing his feeble and defensive companion animal made me sick. On that day, I vowed to join forces with PETA.

Being a member of PETA brings hundreds of advantages to you, animals, and society as a whole. For one, not using any animal products reduces their suffering and allows them to live their lives peacefully. That alone should be enough to encourage you to join. Also, consuming meat is extraordinarily dangerous to your health, wearing fur can cause syphilis, and drinking milk has the potential to make you go deaf. There is no doubt that an animal-free lifestyle is a healthy and moral way to live.

For those of you who are not PETA members and are interested in joining, here is what I encourage you to do. First, turn to a vegetarian lifestyle—preferably vegan, but vegetarian works too. Avoid any restaurants that are not vegetarian/vegan. Do not purchase any products related to animals, especially those that were tested on animals, like flu vaccinations or insulin. Finally, participate in (or organize) a protest of a company of your choosing; KFC is always a good option.

These are the very basics, but for those out there who are already members, you may be asking: how can I help even more? Well, fear not, as it is very simple, though it may take more time and dedication. Here are a few options to guarantee you success and make you the best PETA member that you can possibly be.

1. Participate in an outrageous protest.

Instead of taking part in a regular demonstration, transcend to the next level and participate in one that is outrageous. Do not just stand outside of a McDonald’s with signs and shout vulgarities at pedestrians—that is far too bland. Perhaps promote vegetarianism by standing out there wearing nothing but lettuce. Or interrupt a fashion show by diving on stage and tearing a model’s fur coat off; but be sure to do so without being tackled by security first. Either way, let your demonstration’s goal be to attract attention, no matter how offensive it is. Do not be afraid to shout at families peacefully walking on the other side of the street.

2. Get the word out to the public.

Obviously, PETA wants the general populace to understand how animals are tortured and killed every day, so they must know whether they like it or not. If you see woman wearing a fur coat in below-freezing temperatures, let her know! Chase her, if you must, across parking lots, all the while shouting at her hideous apparel and informing her of her ignorance and cruelty. It is also a good idea to bring along a small, portable can of red paint with you so that you can throw it upon her repugnant coat. I always carry several cans with me wherever I go, just in case I do come across such a person. Also, if you see a person eating chicken in a restaurant, let them know! I always carry a pig cadaver with me to restaurants, and when I see someone eating meat, I chuck in onto their plate, provide them with free PETA pamphlets, and flee the scene before the police arrive.

3. Know your facts.

Learn about the hazards of eating meat. Talk to any PETA veteran about this, as they all undoubtedly have PhD’s in biology. Inform your family, friends, and random people you come across about the dangers of meat consumption. Understand the ineffectiveness of animal testing and the cruelty inflicted upon the subjects. Be ready with facts, statistics, and quotes from Peter Singer’s Animal Liberation to throw upon anyone who dares to question our organization. PETA’s website is filled with plenty of accurate information—use it to your advantage. People will challenge you with false facts; when they give you one, give them two. Do not listen to or believe anything they say, but just respond. Your victory is inevitable.

4. Request cruelty-free name changes—or change your own name!

Cities like Hamburg, New York; Fishkill, New York; and Rodeo, California, should feel ashamed of themselves for promoting animal cruelty through their names. Likewise, the Green Bay Packers (alluding to meat packing) should also feel ashamed, as their name is spread to millions of people each year. There is even a high school called Spearfish! To truly promote animal compassion, these names must definitely be altered to something more animal-friendly. PETA is now operating a campaign to change the name of fish to “sea kittens”. You would not want to eat a sea kitten, right? In 2008, a PETA intern legally changed her name to This should serve as an inspiration to everyone and the animal rights movement as a whole! I am currently working on changing my name to, and hope that every other true PETA member will too.

Of course, there are plenty of other things you can do to save animals, but these are just a few if you are striving to be the perfect PETA member. No act is too small when it comes to eliminating animal suffering. In times like these, the animal-rights movement needs all the help it can get. I urge you to join PETA and help put an end to animal suffering all over the world. Please, do it for the animals!