Difference between revisions of "Internet"

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'''{{PAGENAME}}''' is part of a series of '''[[tubes]]'''.
 
  
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* [[Internet]]s
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The '''Internet''' is a global network of interconnected smaller [[computer]] networks. Data is transmitted in small packets using the Internet Protocol (IP) where they are then reassembled. It originated in the work of DARPA, a research division of the US Army.
  
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[[Image:Series_of_tubes_small.jpg|150px|center]]
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The Internet is sometimes also known as "[[cyberspace]]." Sometimes it is inaccurately referred to as the Web or the [[World Wide Web]], because the Web is only one of numerous protocols that operate on the Internet.
  
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The common protocol used to access websites (including this one) is the Hyper-Text Transfer Protocol (HTTP). The creator of this is [[Sir Tim Berners-Lee]], who recently in an online magazine article claimed that given the opportunity, he wouldn't use the HTTP format for websites. Berners-Lee is currently the director of the W3 Consortium (World Wide Web Consortium).
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[[Image:bizness.jpg|thumb|Go steal a bike, you internet gangster.]]
 
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[[Image:notabigtruck.jpg|thumb|The internets should not be confused with [http://pokoeater.livejournal.com/profile trucks].]]
 
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[[Image:howeveritistubes.jpeg|thumb|Quick reference guide provided for ease of use.]]
 
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[[Image:Internet.jpg|thumb|This is where the rumors are]]
 
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[[Image:NTInternet.JPG|thumb|How to be a professional Internet-er.]]
 
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[[Image:map.GIF|thumb|Map of the internets on the [[piss|Urin]]oco River]] [[Image:GACACFTPODI_Family.jpg|thumb|This is an example of Internets Phenomena, aka shit that no one understands.]]
 
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[[Image:1157205216247.jpg|thumb|The Internets, circa 1997]]
 
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[[Image:Hear serious internets.jpg|thumb|[[W]] knows about the serious business]]
 
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[[Image:InternetsFlyBusiness.jpg|thumb|Internets: The keyboard is like a magic carpet ride to a land filled with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|knowldege]] and [[furry|pornograhy]]. Not featured in photograph: [[pedobear]]. ]]
 
  
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The '''Internets''' is a [[series of tubes]], once used to transfer important information worldwide but now used solely to spread [[porn]].
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[[Ted Stevens]] famously referred to the internet as "a series of tubes" during a panel on [[network neutrality]]. While the statement was technically inaccurate, it is a reasonable depiction of the internet as an interconnected system to a lay person. The internet is formed from two basic elements, routers and connections. A router is basically a small computer that acts like a switching station, similar to the pumping stations of public water utilities. The connections are the pipes themselves, acting as a means to move packets from one router to another, and eventually from server to client.
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==History==
 
  
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The Internets, a magical cloud of information that floats over your head in the stratosphere, was invented [[at least 100 years ago]] by [[Al Gore]] and pluralized by [[George W. Bush]]. Some time around 1981 or [[2007]] (if you're a [[fag|FAG]][[Oneoneone|!!!1!]]), some guy in his basement found that he could use his Atari 2600 with his 300 baud modem to get free [[pr0n]] and warez. 5 years later, AOL streamlined this process and the Internets as we know them now were born. Only these days, there is way more free pr0n and more warez. It is rumored there may be small pockets of useful information hidden deep in the bowels of the Internets. This has been proven to be false.
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==Controversy==
  
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The Internets is also unique to history in one way. Any person who uses the Internets has no idea what they're doing on it. Whereas most people who use a car know the basics of driving, no one on the Internets has a damn clue how to use the Internets. While the functional value of the Internet may be debated, the comedic value is off the charts. It has also been scientifically proven that the more you use the Internets, the less you will get [[sex]].  
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Although the Internet has been shown to contain valuable information, its popularity has spread largely through hosting of pornographic or otherwise vulgar material. Therefore, some conservatives would like to see tighter controls on the Internet which would limit what can be hosted and what can be downloaded.
  
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[[Last Thursday]], whilst [[Serial_killer|digging a hole in his basement]], [[at least 100 years ago|at least 100 year old]] [[furry|billy goat]] and [[hitler|Chairman]] of teh Senate [[email|Internets]] [[pwn|Pwning]] Committee, Sen. [[Ted Stevens]] ([[ass|R]]-Alaska) discovered that the [[email|Internets]] is not a big truck after all but actually just a bunch of tangled up tubes [http://www.crooksandliars.com/posts/2006/07/03/how-the-internet-works-by-ted-stevens] and that said tubes are all [[AIDS|clogged up]] with the pubic hairs from all the [[email|Internets]] [[porn|pr0n]]. This, of course, explained why his [[NAMBLA|Internets]] were taking so long to get to him. [http://blog.wired.com/27BStroke6/index.blog?entry_id=1513010]
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==See Also==
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*[[Digital Philosophy]]
  
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He then announced that he was the new [[Al_Gore|Inventor]] of teh [[email|Internets]] and [[mario|Plumber]] in Chief. Then he made a hawt [[disco]] record about it. [http://www.boldheaded.com/podcast/steves_viral/DJ_teds_techno_tubes.mp3]
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[[Category:Information technology]]
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==How It Works==
 
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Nobody knows how the internets work, except the [[Jews]], nor do they care, and no one seems to care about the [[Jews]]. Extensive research by [[Alan Turing]] shows that they can have intelligence and be indistinguishable from people but it has since been deciphered that they communicate in very different ways.
 
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Computers talk like this:
 
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:ONE ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ONE ONE ONE ZERO!
 
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People talk like this
 
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:"[[Lollercoaster|LOLLERCOASTER]]!!!! ^_________________^ [[Asl|ASL]]"
 
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Neither one makes any sense but sometimes the computers replace the ONE ZERO stuff with BEEPS and BOOPS like on non-cable modems (the phone kind, aka dial-up). Because that travels over speech wires. Cable Modems are faster because they travel over TV. The scrolling stuff at the bottom of CNN Headline News is fast like a cable modem.
 
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==How to Win at the Internet==
 
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#Get Internets (see ISP, below)
 
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#[[Troll]]
 
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#[[shock image]]s
 
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#?????
 
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#[[Profit]]!!!
 
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#Downloads a map.
 
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[[Image:Map_of_the_Internets.JPG|thumb]]
 
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==Internet Service Provider==
 
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An '''ISP''', or '''Internet Service Provider''', is the company that provides you with the [[bandwidth]] you need to soak up all your time on the Internets. The term is a misnomer as the Internets is not a service, since it [http://www.internetisshit.org/print.html really doesn't do anyone any good whatsoever.] ''see''[[Net Neutrality]]
 
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==Internet Phenomenon==
 
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The "internet phenomenon" is the tendency for suicide, murder, and rape to increase as people gain access to the Internet. It is best described as an exponential curve which most developed countries are just starting to travel.
 
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An Internet Phenomenon can also take the form of an annoying [[The game|game]] or [[meme]] that [[whore|spreads itself around]] the internet so much that it is considered a phenomenon.
 
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==Anonymity==
 
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[[Image:Average internets user.jpg|thumb|Before the internets, this man was cordial]]
 
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It's been scientifically proven that the Internets instantly turns '''you''' into an asshole. This is due to the fact that unlike [[IRL]], there are absolutely no social consequences to how you behave. This lead to a famous IRC quote that can be found [http://www.bash.org/?4281 here].
 
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Anonymity also allows people to entertain bizarre notions that would otherwise be suppressed or dismissed as completely inappropriate for an intelligent human being. Prior to the invention of the Internets, geographic separation and social sensibility would have made people think twice before having a bowl movement in their under clothing. The Internets however has facilitated the formation of a [http://www.wetset.net/pp-bbs/index.html communities] where similarly damaged individuals provide each other with mutual legitimization. Other perversions that are a direct result of the internets include:
 
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*[[furries]]
 
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*[[homosexuality]]
 
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*[[bukkake]]
 
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*[[Satanism]]
 
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==Rumors on the Internets ==
 
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Besides helping [[pedophilia|pedophiles]] better locate prey and giving [[basement-dweller | basement-dwelling]] [[nerd]]s a place to feel cool, the Internets has successfully promulgated more [[rumors]] than any other previous form of [[old media | media]]. Thanks to the Internets, if you can think of it, it probably has an associated rumor.
 
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===Conspiracy Based===
 
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The most widely-known rumors are almost all "conspiracy-based," which is to say that they hinge upon an "[[we|us]] versus [[they | them]]" mindset (where "us" equals everything good and normal, and "them" equals everything wrong with the world). Some especially popular conspiracy rumors include:
 
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* [[Conservatism|Conservative]] conspiracies
 
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* [[Liberal]] conspiracies
 
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* The [[Encyclopediadramatica | Encyclopedia Dramatica]] conspiracy
 
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* [[Homosexual]] conspiracies (also known as the [[Homosexual agenda]])
 
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* The worldwide [[Jews | Jewish]] conspiracy
 
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* The [[worldwide Masonic conspiracy]]
 
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* [[Religion | Religious]] conspiracies
 
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* [[Ginger]] folk don't bite
 
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* [http://www.citizensunitednegatingtechnology.org The Anti Internet Activists]
 
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* Most importantly, [http://thor.mirtna.org/stories/projectnightshade.html The Potato Conspiracy]
 
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===Non-Conspiracy Based===
 
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Of course, not all rumors are conspiracy-oriented; many are just stories spread by various sources about certain individuals or groups. Common subjects of rumor, as well as those vectors and groups by which they are spread, include:
 
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* [[AOL Instant Messenger]]
 
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* [[Adolf Hitler]]
 
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* [[Attention Whore | Attention whores]]
 
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* #[[Insub]]
 
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* [[IRC]]
 
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* [[LiveJournal]]
 
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* [[LJDrama]]
 
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* [[Mecha-Hitler]]
 
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* [[Pornography]]
 
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* [[16 year old girls | Sixteen year-old girls]]
 
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* [[Troll]]s
 
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* [[Furries]]
 
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* [[MySpace]]
 
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* And most importantly [[Paris Hilton]]
 
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==The Internet is Serious Business==
 
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[[White people|Some people]] speculate that the internet isn't just for [[lulz]] but they are [[YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG|wrong]], and by the looks of it, [[Popular Opinion]] agrees.  They tell us that the internet is [[The Internet is serious business|serious business]] and that it is used for such things as:
 
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* [[AOHell | Credit card]] transactions
 
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* [[The Internet is serious business | Business]] transactions
 
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* [[Wishlist | Buying]]
 
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* [[P-p-p-powerbook | Selling]]
 
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* [[Pokémon | Trading]]
 
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* [[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2006 | Rigorous political campaigns]]
 
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* [[Myspace | Networking]]
 
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* And [[Mediacrat | The Stock Market]]
 
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===People/Groups who Agree===
 
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*Fonzu
 
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*Afro Dave
 
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*[[SheezyArt]]
 
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*[[deviantART]]
 
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*[[Newgrounds]]
 
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*[[FireFox]]
 
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*[[adobe]]
 
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*[[Microsoft]](yup.. all that spyware is pretty damn serious if you ask me.)
 
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*SonicRocksMySocks
 
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*[[Psyguy]]
 
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*[[Tony Eveready]]
 
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*[[Hal Turner]] Biggest internet toughguy out there.
 
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*Any other weirdo or [[Social Networking]] site you can think of.
 
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==See also==
 
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[[Rules Of The Internet/sfw|Rules Of The Internet]] Safe for work
 
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{{Serious}}
 
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==External==
 
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*[http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Internet_%28video_game%29 Uncyclopedia's funniest article]
 
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*[http://www.internetisshit.org/ It's time we admitted the internet is rubbish.]
 
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*[http://bestcomputeradvice.freehostia.com/guide_internet.html About the internets.]
 
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[[Category:Internets Phenomena]] [[Category:Netspeak]]
 

Revision as of 19:48, May 31, 2007

Template:Stub

The Internet is a global network of interconnected smaller computer networks. Data is transmitted in small packets using the Internet Protocol (IP) where they are then reassembled. It originated in the work of DARPA, a research division of the US Army.

The Internet is sometimes also known as "cyberspace." Sometimes it is inaccurately referred to as the Web or the World Wide Web, because the Web is only one of numerous protocols that operate on the Internet.

The common protocol used to access websites (including this one) is the Hyper-Text Transfer Protocol (HTTP). The creator of this is Sir Tim Berners-Lee, who recently in an online magazine article claimed that given the opportunity, he wouldn't use the HTTP format for websites. Berners-Lee is currently the director of the W3 Consortium (World Wide Web Consortium).

Ted Stevens famously referred to the internet as "a series of tubes" during a panel on network neutrality. While the statement was technically inaccurate, it is a reasonable depiction of the internet as an interconnected system to a lay person. The internet is formed from two basic elements, routers and connections. A router is basically a small computer that acts like a switching station, similar to the pumping stations of public water utilities. The connections are the pipes themselves, acting as a means to move packets from one router to another, and eventually from server to client.

Controversy

Although the Internet has been shown to contain valuable information, its popularity has spread largely through hosting of pornographic or otherwise vulgar material. Therefore, some conservatives would like to see tighter controls on the Internet which would limit what can be hosted and what can be downloaded.

See Also

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