Difference between revisions of "Pastafarian"

Revision as of 04:01, July 22, 2007

Pastafarianism is a parody religion created by a group of atheists which claims to believe that a deity known as the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" created the universe. This belief system was brought into the public eye by Bobby Henderson when he wrote to the Kansas School Board when they were teaching intelligent design, and demanded that all forms of Intelligent Design be taught.

Difference between revisions of "Pastafarian"

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-The '''Flying Spaghetti Monster''' is a composite deity composed of two separate, and distinct parts, known throughout the earth for its deliciousness.
+'''Pastafarianism''' is a parody [[religion]] created by a group of [[atheist]]s which claims to believe that a deity known as the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" created the universe. This belief system was brought into the public eye by Bobby Henderson when he wrote to the Kansas School Board when they were teaching intelligent design, and demanded that all forms of [[Intelligent Design]] be taught.
-It is the central point of worship in the religion commonly known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism or Pastafarianism, according to which it is The Creator and Overseer, watching our lives and our world, changing them as it sees fit, by use of his most holy noodly appendage.
-Incredibly, this ancient religion was not well-known until its rediscovery in [[2005]] by graduate student Bobby Henderson. He, too, has huge, spicy meatballs.
-Due to this incredible rebirth, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is now one of the world's most [[food|edible]] and fastest-growing religions.
-=== The One True Monster ===
-The Flying Spaghetti MONSTER is only called such because of his distinctly non-human form; we were not created in his image, not by a long shot.
-{{Q|Let us sing praise to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for He is a loving God. Of His might and dominion, there is no compare; of His mercy and deliciousness, there is no equal. No other god can challenge Him; in the taste test, He is invincible. Through His pasta, He has blessed us with everlasting life, and holy is His Name. For He is the Flying Spaghetti Monster: the One, True, and Most High God, creator of man and midgit, giver of pasta, giver of sauce, from age to holy age; not created He was, but ever He lives, through the glory of spaghetti, now and forever. R'Amen.|Ishmali Camuwundra|the Flying Spaghetti Monster}}
-As previously noted, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is composed of two separate, and distinct parts (three if it happens to be covered in Parmesan cheese):
-==== The Major Pastaer ====
-* '''The Flying''': This part of the Flying Spaghetti Monster gives it flight, allowing it to span infinite distances in infinitesimal spans of time. This part is [[irreducible complexity|irreducibly complex]], hyper-real (see Weird [[Calculus]]), and cannot be broken down into components. Doing so &ndash; if it were even possible, and it isn't &ndash; would incur the wrath of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It is proven by this series of math-like squiggles:
-<div align="center"><math>\frac {tomato^2\ meat^{spice}}{dead cows^{An}apple} +\left[\frac{\gamma}{garlicky}+ \frac{\delta}{z-cook \, till \, done} + \frac{\epsilon}{dope-herbs} \right]\frac {dw}{dz} - \frac {\alpha \beta z -monster} {then eat\left(with-power\right)\left(z-d\right)} w</math></div>
-The original formula revealed to Pastafarian scholars did not include the [[butter]] and [[toast]] element, which is necessary to relate [[kittens]] to [[antigravity]]. The Flying Spaghetti Monster inspired this revision one day when He skipped [[breakfast]].
-* '''The Spaghetti Monster''': This is commonly recognized as the "body" of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and, unlike its other major counterpart, is composed of several smaller sections. These are called the Minor Pastaer.
-==== The Minor Pastaer ====
-* '''[[Meat|The Meatera]]''': It is a symbol of strength and fortitude. This is the source of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's power.
-* '''The Spaghettien''': ''Proceeds from'' the Meatera. Also known as the "Noodly Appendage," this allows for the Flying Spaghetti Monster to extend its grasp across the reaches of the universe, affecting everything and'' anything.
-* '''The Saucon''': ''Issues forth'' from the Meatara and the Spaghettien. This is the veil of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Through this, it is unseen and intangible, but allows it to affect anything and everything at will. There is a great deal more documentation on this phenomenon, but I wish to keep this section from being too lengthy.
-== Religion ==
-{{Q|Arrrr. To be a good follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, ye should drink much meade and surround yerself with as many buxom wenches as possible.|Mosey|Flying Spaghetti Monsterism}}
-{{Q|Accept His Noodly Magnificence into your heart, into your soul, and ye shall forever be free. R'Amen.|Ragu|Pastafarianism}}
-{{Q|In the Name of the Pasta, and of the Sauce, and of the Holy Meatballs...|Ishmali Camuwundra|FSMism}}
-[[Image:First_Church_of_FSM.jpg|thumb|right|105px|The largest and most widely recognized church of His Noodliness, the United Church is often said to have existed since the building of the holy city of Hanuwumdra.]]
-The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the sole deity in the monotheistic religion known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSMism pronounced 'effessmisum'). It has widely been accepted as fact that this is the one and only true religion, just as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the true Creator and Overseer. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not a jealous deity, He doesn't punish the worship of other, false gods, but He really wishes you got some sense and worshiped Him, so you can spend eternity in Heaven, near the Stripper Factory and the Beer Volcano.
-According to tradition, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will only inspire those who regularly feast upon the sacred meal of mead and undercooked spaghetti; apparently, He first appeared to the prophet [[Mosey]] in this way.
-[[Image:fsm.jpg|thumb|left|Modern separatists (mostly European youth) worship a simpler and hipper icon and spread the word via the rear chrome of their Vespas.]]
-Like the [[Bible]], much of Flying Spaghetti Monsterist lore was passed from generation to generation, much like [[The Iliad]], [[The Odyssey]], and [[The Aeneid]]. This was, of course, until it was codified in 1492. There are numerous records of this event as well.
-The religion's first three, and most important, religious figures all have texts on their life: Mosey, [[Ragu]], and [[Ishmali Camuwundra]]; the last two actually having written down their message, Mosey having died before transcribing his. Ragu himself penned many of the religion's prayers, which are still in use today, while Ishmali Camuwundra wrote most of FSM's more thoughtful and theological works, many of which contemplated the wonderful divinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
-According to the sacred creed of the [[First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster|First United Church]], Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the true religion. Much like the trickster, [[God]], of Christianity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster also deceives the scientific world. This is possible only because the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the only all-powerful being, and only all-powerful beings can change laboratory results unbeknownst to their finders, showing that the Flying Spaghetti Monster must, in fact, exist. Bear in mind that His ways are mysterious, and there are numerous texts that explain why.
-There are at least 18,000,000 Flying Spaghetti Monsterists in the world today, but due to persecution, they often remain in hiding. However, a recent revival movement by Bobby Henderson, America's foremost expert on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, shows promise in bringing them into the spotlight.
-=== Monsterist Sects ===
-[[Image:NoodleCeremony2.jpg|right|thumb|The earliest recorded appearance in Europe of the Flying Spaghetti Monster: [[Italy]], [[1403]].]]
-There are various known sects of modern Monsterism, from the tight-knit [[Orthodox Monsterist Church]] of West Virginia and Southern Québec, to the loosely associated [[Pastapharians]] of the Caribbean, to the [[Flaspamonists]] of South Central Los Angeles, [[the Underground FSMer's of Westford]], the [[Mystical Order of the Flying Spaghetti Monster]], the [[Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness]] of Jersey (channel Islands), the other [[Moomon Church of His Spaghettiness]], and the open-minded, deeply Piratian [[First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster]].
-A heretical sect, the [[Reformed Church of Alfredo]], is in deep opposition to the mainstream Monsterists, as is [http://www.yoism.org/?q=node/3 SPAM‘a] ('''S'''paghetti & '''P'''ulsar '''A'''ctivating '''M'''eatballs) Linuinism, another FSM splinter group.  Claiming to have [http://www.yoism.org/?q=node/3 The One, True Letter] to the Kansas School Board, SPAM‘a's founder, Skamfor Prophet, has warned that those who believe in Henderson's FSM version of the Letter will be sent—with only waxed-paper wrapping to protect them—into the sub-zero void of interstellar space, where they will be subjected to eternal freezer burn. Allegedly, the [[Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God]] is loosely allied with the Alfredists, though they have made no official statement.
-There also exists a small but increasing sect that broke off the traditional [[Pastafarians]], called [[Moundarianism]]. Moundarians believe that the [[grass|Mound]], a sacred lump of mold and accumulated dirt that resides at the end of the 96th St and Broadway ("1" train) subway station in [[New York]] City, is a Prophet of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The [[grass|Mound]] is appeased by sacrifices of various plastic-based items. Moundarians also take regular pilgrimages to their Mound, taking photographs and offerings of green-flavored soda.
-==Religious Leaders==
-:''(See [[Religious Leaders of Pastafarianism]])''
-== Pastafarian Quotes of Wisdom ==
-'''
-''"It is easier for lasagna to pass through the holes of a colander than it is for a rich person to enter Paradise."'' - ''Ishmali Camuwundra.'''''
-The literal interpretation of this quote in its original context is simple:  For a person to earn the right to everlasting happiness in the afterlife, he must first discard all property and belongings and hand them over to a tramp (so that person cn't enter paradise instead). To fail to rid one's self of such riches is to proclaim loudly one's lack of faith in the power of His Noodliness to sustain His children through the riches of faith alone.
-The contemporary definition of the term "[[rich]] person" is more simple:  ''"Anyone who has more than me"''.
-This new interpretation is praised by the majority of Pastafarians, as it alleviates any cumbersome sense of guilt or shame that an individual might otherwise feel while allowing him to continue his cherished tradition of condemning everyone else (because, as each of us knows, everyone else always has more).
-== His Names ==
-Although the Flying Spaghetti Monster does in fact have a name, it is so beautiful and so difficult to pronounce by humans that it not only kills whoever attempts to utter it, but also everyone within a 3.7614 mile (6.0534 kilometer) radius - this radius is doubled when one attempts to write or type His name.  This was done purposely by the Flying Spaghetti Monster not only to amuse Him but to also alert the Pirates as to the presence of a mass punishment, in which they are to join in.
-Because of this, humans have created alternative names by which to call their grand master - His Savoriness, the Noodle in the Sky, the Saucy Master and simply referring to Him and His Noodly Appendage instead of attempting to use His glorious name.  Apparently, some sects believe that a "Noodle by any other Name is not the same."  For example, consider the [http://www.yoism.org/?q=node/3 SPAMites] who believe that invoking the wrong name will be punished with eternal shelf-life among generic unbranded noodles.  Such sects are considered dangerous by mainstream Pastafarians, though as Madera Allen has said, "Some sects is better than none."
-== WWFSMD? ==
-Flying Spaghetti Monsterism operates on several core principles, most of which can be summed up by the ever-present abbreviation, WWFSMD? (What Would Flying Spaghetti Monster Do?)
-This conduct code centers around the Flying Spaghetti Monster and its parts.
-=== Meatitude ===
-* '''Represents power and strength.''' In order to please the Flying Spaghetti Monster, men must spread their meaty goodness about the land.
-=== Sauceredness ===
-* '''Represents richness, both in color and wit.''' The Flying Spaghetti Monster is pleased by highly oxygenated [[blood]]. This not only allows His followers to be of sharp mind, but also of sharp hue.
-=== Noodliness ===
-* '''Represents flexibility and energy.''' In order to please the Flying Spaghetti Monster, members must be quick-witted and enthusiastic about spreading the word about Him, often to the point of contortionism to convert non-believers.
-=== Piracy & Smuggling ===
-* '''Represents ARRRRRRRRRRRR'''. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is pleased by displays of piracy and smuggling. Dressing appropriately shows respect and loyalty.
-His Monsterness also encourages scurvy, to a small degree, amongst his followers. If a follower is capable of such control and sacrifice (not to be confused with saucrifice) demonstrated by maintaining a c-free lifestyle, it really shows dedication to His Noodliness.
-== Sects ==
-:''(See [[Pastafarian Sects]])''
-== Creation ==
-[[Image:FSM_Cave_Drawing.jpg|thumb|Ancient drawings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by cave people. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was so displeased by this rendition, He turned them into piles of [[fossil]]s to test the faith of His followers. The blue lines are speed lines.]]
-Long ago, His Noodliness decided, in his great wisdom, to make stuff. His first task was easily the most difficult. On the first day, he made a [[mountain]], [[tree]]s and a "[[midget|midgit]]" (sic). The midgit (sic) took the greatest time, as He had to create a small [[human]], having never even created a [[human]] before. At the end of that day, it was so, at which point, He spent the next 3 days making everything else, including the first 3-day weekend, the [[Shroud of Napkin]], and fake carbon atoms to fool scientists and geologists. He then rested on the 5th, 6th and 7th days.
-He initially created [[cave men]] with the intention of making a race that could be looked down upon by [[human]]s, but upon offending Him greatly, they were destroyed.  He then created the dinosaurs as a companion to man.  However, too many pirate ships sank due to the dinosaurs' great size, so they too were destroyed. The same happened with the giant sloth and the woolly mammoth. The dodo actually passed the test, but this was the result of a clerical error and was corrected when humans invaded the dodos' abode on an island.
-== Automated Creationism ==
-A controversial theory of Pastafarianism that has been adopted by many believers since the theory of Evolution was first put forward, is that of Automated Creationism. This theory proposes that the Flying Spaghetti Monster designed a process by which all of creation would come into existence through natural progression, initially triggered by Him in one significant event, called the Big Boil*. Such natural progression would also serve to mislead scientists, something that causes the Flying Spaghetti Monster much delight.  Due to its similarity to the much touted Big Bang Theory, this proposed version of the universe's creation received much popularity among Pastafarians who sought to accommodate both scientific and religious opinion, as the Big Boil denies neither faith nor science. The theory also received benign acceptance by the majority of the scientific community.
-The orthodox Pastafarian sect, however, labeled this theory as a heresy supported only by weak and disloyal disciples, and in the interest of peace and harmony began a long-running crusade of intimidation and harassment.  This crusade was tempered in later years by the influence of more sympathetic leaders of the faith who felt that, rather than condemning the divisionists as evil, they should instead be seen as victims of their own weakness of spirit and thus prone to the evil influence of science.  Accordingly, compassion was shown to them and their souls cleansed by means of beheading.
-The last known mention of Automated Creationism by a high-profile Pastafarian in a public forum was allegedly made in 1936 by the prophet Barry Foster, who had begun to consider the merits of the theory late in his life - specifically on his last day of life, which ended shortly after leaving the aforesaid public forum.
-*NOTE: The Big Boil Event took longer than He expected until He created salt and added it to the mix.  This initiated the Big Boil and also explains why the sea is salty.
-== Rituals ==
-:''(See [[Pastafarian Rituals]])''
-== Prayers ==
-[[image:Firstassembly.jpg|thumb|right|250px|A house of worship for the Flying Spagetti Monster.]]
-There have been many standard prayers chanted for the rejoicing and blessing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but here we only include those which were passed on to the human population by the prophet Ragu, who claimed to have been touched by His Noodly Appendage. Each of these prayers end in "R'Amen" (pronounced "rah men"), as dictated to us by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself.  Within the Ninjian heretical offshoot sects of Monsterism, the term "Al Dente" (pronounced "al dent eh"), a common term used to describe perfection, is used instead of R'Amen.
-=== The Noodles Prayer ===
-The most common prayer, as dictated by the prophet Ragu:
-* Our saucer which art in a colander, draining be Your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy meatballness be done on earth, as it is meaty in heaven. Give us this day our daily sauce, and forgive us our lack of piracy, as we pirate and smuggle against those who lack piracy with us. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us from non-red meat sauce. For thine is the colander, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R'Amen.
-An alternate prayer, with slightly more Piratical influence:
-* Our Pasta, who "Arghh" in the colander, Swallowed be thy sauce. Thy serving come, Thy strands be wrung, On forks as they are on spoons. Give us this day our garlic bread, And forgive us our starchiness, As we swashbuckle, splice the main-brace and cuss, And lead us not into Kraft parmessan, But deliver us from Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, For thine are Meatballs, and the beer, and the strippers, for ever and ever. R'Amen.
-The final <s>deformed/columbined</s> reformed/combined version:
-* Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles.  Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan.  Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns.  And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the onion, and the bay leaves, forever and ever. R'Amen.
-=== Hail Meatsauce ===
-This prayer is usually recited in retribution for consumption of any sauce other then red meat sauce.  Some sects (see the [[Reformed Church of Alfredo]] ) do not use this prayer, as they claim "Alfredo is the path to enlightenment". This prayer is typically repeated numerous times while running your fingers along a Rotini noodle.
-* Hail meatsauce, full of beef. The Spaghetti Monster is with you. Blessed are you among sauces, and blessed is the spice from your shaker. Heated meatsauce, monster of taste, pray for us non-pirates now and at the hour of our hunger. R'Amen
-* A vegetarian sect of FSMism in [[India]] is reportedly using a particular soybean extract in place of meatballs. "Soy Mio - it is still a spicy meatball! Tandori R'Amen!"
-===Glory To The Pasta===
-*Glory be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and to the Midgit, and to the Pirates. As it was in the beginning, is now (With a mountain), and ever shall be(and trees), world without end (and with Pirates). R'Amen.
-=== Hymns ===
-* Songs written by the beloved prophet Ragu are appropriate hymns for any Pastafarian gathering, the most holy of which include: '''Holy Holy Pastaroni''', '''A Meaty Pasta is Our God''', '''By His Noodly Appendage''', '''I Am The Braise of Life''', '''What Sauce is This''', and '''We Three Cheeses'''.
-* Perhaps the most widely known hymn of Pastafarianism is sung by members across the globe: '''On Top Of Spaghetti''' (All covered with cheese)
-* Other hymns accepted by The Noodly One for praise and worship services are those written by the pirate band 'Flogging Molly,' especially those written specifically about pirates, including but not limited to Salty Dog.
-== Schisms ==
-:''(See [[Pastafarian Schisms]])''
-== Afterlife ==
-Followers of FSMism believe that those with the proper measure of Meatitude will join the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the [[Great Pasta Bowl]] after they die, where they will enjoy stripper factories & beer volcanoes for all eternity. Have no fear, the beer volcanoes have all types of beverages and the stripper factory has quite a variety of strippers. Enjoy! However, those who die after living a life of rejection or ignorance of the One True Spaghetti Beast will be sent to the [[Underground Freezer of Doom]] where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth (shivering). There they will endure an eternity of freezer burns as punishment for their unbelief, the only way to escape shall be to don one of the pirate suits provided, and repent heartily by acknowledging the presence of "The Inner Pasta Sauce".
-== Ultimate Destruction And Punishment of Heathens ==
-The Flying Spaghetti Monster shall someday also come down from his invisible perch atop mount beerspoutalotoffermentedbarleyproducts, and destroy us all with his great and mighty noodly appendages. He will burn and destroy us all, killing and crushing us with his gigantic meatballs, reserving his most terrible and frightening wrath for non-believers and gerbils. He is not especially racist, but savages such as vegans and barbie co. employees will be crushed like the heathens they are, bloodily and painfully. "And yay, when upon the damn heathens come fiery meatballs and little bits of sausage, and His noodly appendages touch all, to embrace some and indeed, destroy all else. Thats when ill make your damn colored lights you ungrateful little boy!!!"-Thomas Edison
-= In Television =
-[[Image:Pop_culture_FSM.jpg|thumb|Image of His Noodliness as featured in an episode of "[[The X-Files]]"]]
-Flying Spaghetti Monsterists, and much of the Flying Spaghetti Monster lore have been featured in an episode of "[[The X-Files]]", entitled "A Mess of Meatballs."
-In this episode, the now famous "I Want To Believe" poster was modified by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, prompting investigation by Mulder.
-The decision to film and air this work came as a result of the beliefs of the cast and producers.
-* [[David Duchovny]], and [[Robert Patrick]] are Flying Spaghetti Monsterists.
-* [[Gillian Anderson]] is a second order acolyte.
-* [[The Lone Gunmen]] are not Flying Spaghetti Monsterists, but are currently striving to become fully initiated.
-* [[Chris Carter]] no longer has fingers because of his transgressions against His Noodliness
-* The Smoking Man quit due to his disbelief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He was consequently diagnosed with [[eminemitis]], died, reborn, and cast into a silent role in the movie Dogma.
-* Rumours persist that  [[Jamie Oliver]] is a secret convert. He was recently heard to mutter 'FSM? Pukka, innit? As if...easy peasy, arrrgghhh, R'Amen!'.
-If not for the His noodly appendages, a mass Unsilencing would have occurred. In the true version, the vast network of Flying Spaghetti Monsterists as found to be responsible for everything imaginable (including even the aliens and any plot holes). However, in the broadcast version, Flying Spaghetti Monsterists are shown to not actually exist, in addition to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
-It should also be noted that the series "Friends" was a major success due to David Schwimmer's secret (but strong) involvement in the church. He holds congregation at his house every Sunday, with complimentary meatballs.
-[[Spongebob Squarepants]] is secretly a true believer. He once confessed in Mrs. Puff's boating school that he wants to be a good noodle. The pirate themes in the set and costumes of the Spongebob Squarepants show point to the fact that Spongebob and his friends are Pastafarians.  This has caused [[right-wing]] [[Christian]] groups such as [[Focus on the Family]] to denounce Spongebob as a dangerous influence on [[children]].
-= In Art =
-[[image:Noodledoodle bg3.jpg||200px|thumb|The original version of the famous panel from the [[Sistine Chapel]]. Michelangelo was threatened with strangling and violent whipping if he didn't change it. He didn't, but the [[Pope]] did, after Mikey died (the cad!).]]
-{{main|Art}}
-There are numerous instances in which the Flying Spaghetti Monster has made appearances in fine art. However, many of these appearances have been edited out either by sinister forces, or by His Noodliness Himself. There is a great deal of scripture stating why He has done this, but those scrolls are in secure storage right now. It'd be too much of a bother to fish them out.
-His Meaty Visage has been seen:
-* In cave paintings by cave men (who were Smitten by the Flying Spaghetti Monster Himself)
-* On the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel (before hack editing job by the [[Pope]])
-* In [[Guernica]], by Pablo Picasso (frame too small, His Noodliness had to be sawn off, much to Picasso's chagrin)
-* In all of Jackson Pollock's works (all original work was attacked by a raging spinning paint toy)
-* On a grilled cheese sandwich
-[[image:Retouched2.JPG||200px|thumb|[http://www.yoism.org/?q=node/3 SPAM‘a's] replacement version of the famous panel. Used by SPAMites to accentuate their call for a Cruhad (a cross between a Crusade and a Jihad) against FSMism.]]
-He also appears in popular songs such as:
-* [http://blog.sparkletone.net/archives/230 What if God Wanted Pasta Sauce?]
-= In Education =
-The Flying Spaghetti Monster has provided guidance for the world's youth so that they might better understand his creation.
-{{:Flying Spaghetti Monster/education}}
-In 2005, the [[University of Phoenix]] campus in Kansas added a Bachelor's of Divinity in Creation program, with an emphasis in Flying Spaghetti Monster theory.
-==In Physics==
-[[Image:First Church of FSM.jpg|left|thumb|<font><font color=blue><center>'''CLERGY'''</center></font></font>]]
-Heretical, and yet surprisingly compelling, significant statements have been made by some in the physics community linking the Flying Spaghetti Monster with the underlying seemingly irrational behavior of our universe.
-===Supernoodle theory===
-Supernoodle theory (for which the fast food snack is named) is the [[unification theory]] of [[String Theory]] and FSMism.  They postulate that the essential nature of all the universe, as a network of tiny, vibrating strings, is really just our limited perspective--the universe is truly a giant bowl of strings, or pasta, and the "strings" are the body of the FSM itself.  Some have even gone so far as to imply that this makes all matter, waves, and energy a physical part of the FSM, which implies that it is sacred.
-As has often been said: the scientist painfully climbs the mountain of knowledge, only to reach the summit and find the Pastafarian already there, dressed as a pirate and drinking beer. There still remains, however, the question of whether the FSM is immanent or transcendent, that is: whether these strings ''are'' the FSM or whether they are merely ''manifestations'' of the FSM. Many support the "immanent" point of view, on account of it finally provides a secure empirical ground for pantheism.
-These scientists have not yet been torched by the FSM, so some more open-minded followers have started to pay attention to their theories.  It remains to be seen whether they will be blasted in the near future.  The prognosis is favorable for their survival, which would lend further weight to their claims.  It is, however, possible that the FSM is simply playing a nasty practical joke by changing the results of their tests and mathematical equations, and desires simply to test his followers prior to blasting all those foolish enough to believe the heresy.  So, some ninja have begun planning the assassination of the leading proponents of this theory in order to prevent more FSM followers from being led astray.  This situation is rapidly developing.
-=== Noodle-Light Theory ===
-[[Image:Noodle-light.gif|thumb|right|A highly simplified overview of the Noodle-Light Theory]]
-Perhaps one of the more important of the recent theories in the field of Pastafarianism is [[Penis|PENILE]] (shorthand "noggin" speak for "Pastafarian-Encouraged Noodle-Influenced Light Effect"). The maths involved in fully explaining this effect is completely incomprehensible to anyone but doctors, or someone wearing a hat that has "Doctor" or some derivative thereof written on it; however, the overall effect is simple, logical, and impervious to criticism. Quite simply, light traveling from a light source (the sun, a flashlight, or [[This guy]]) is influenced by the Flying Spaghetti Monster according to His will, and then received by our undeserving eyeballs. How this influencing comes about is as of yet uncertain - current theories range from interception and retransmission, to an external quantum transfer of information, to "just because He damn well wants to" - however, the end result is certain: we only see what He wants us to see.
-This explains a multitude of issues that until now remained complete mysteries, for example:
-#Why even with today's modern photographic technologies, [[ninja]]s remain completely invisible to the human eye. The [[Penis|PENILE]] theory gives us the obvious conclusion: how can we see something that He wills us not to? These deflected images are referred to as "artifacted light", and quite possibly the hallucinations given by [[kitten huffing]] are due to some feline ability to absorb these images and store them in their soul.
-#Why His image is perfect - every day he creates His image in the minds of millions, and every image is perfect in all His meaty glory. The image is adjusted to suit the mind for truly global appeal. Except if he hates you. Then he sends images of [[gay]] [[porn]]. This, coincidentally, explains why priests are so very fruity. This is referred to as the "noodlyfying" of the light.
-#Why Lindsay Lohan has suddenly become anemic, seemingly against all logic. Remember: we only have eyes for Him. He has the ability to destroy all visual competition with merely a sleight of noodle.
-This theory, however, is often maligned in the eyes of both rabid Pastafarians, and vehement opposers of Pastafarianism. Many Pastafarians put forth the logic that His creation is exactly as he planned, from the beginning until forever, and requires no such tricks to sweep inconsistencies under the rug, as it were. However, He wishes us to feel as if we're in control of our destinies, whether for greater pasta, or for linguini. This is his opiate of the masses.
-===Theory of Gravity and FSMism===
-New theories suggest that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is responsible for the illusion of gravity.  Like [[Intelligent Falling]], it is believed He is responsible for pushing objects back to the ground with the glorious multiplicity of his noodles, rather than any kind of gravitational attraction. This would solve the conflict between [[relativity]] and [[quantum mechanics]].
-===Spaghetti-Meatball Duality===
-Ever since its discovery the concept of wave-particle duality has confounded scientists. Obviously something cannot be a wave and a particle at the same time, if you have a single brain in your head you would know that. But as with all things in life it becomes clear when FSM is applied. You see, elementary particles are actually tiny meatballs and the waves that they are one with are actually spaghetti noodles. This phenomenon is a mechanism created by FSM so that he could easily change appearance and can only be seen by his followers.
-== In Politics ==
-[[Image:PirateGraph.jpg|thumb|Indisputable and irrefutable proof of both the existence, and wide-ranging influence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.]]
-[[Image:Kansas_School_Board.jpg|thumb|Banner of the eminent and superior Kansas Museum of Science, the apex of Educational Catalogueing.]]
-[[Image:bush_with_FSM.JPG|thumb|President Bush seeks the all knowing counsel of His Noodliness.  Also discussed, the immediate threat to the dwindling global pirate population.]]
-===Bobby the Redeemer===
-Through the years, the number of Flying Spaghetti Monsterists have increased dramatically. The numbers have recently risen to a critical point, and has resulted the eventual breakage of silence by one Bobby Henderson (pasta be upon him).
-In his work, [http://www.venganza.org/"Open Letter to Kansas School Board, or How I Learned to Love His Noodly Appendage"], Henderson gives a detailed account of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism to the extremely [[liberal]], [[atheist|atheistic]] School Board of [[Kansas]], the largest, and richest state in the [[United States]].
-In it, he demands equal time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterist Creationism, as well as other origin theories such as the crackpot [[Evolution]], and the secular [[Creationism|Creationist]] theory. He also provides exhaustive, conclusive proof of the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and its role in our world today, elucidating its influence on science as we know it. Furthermore, he cites the now-famous "Pirate Variance" proof to show that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is greatly displeased and as such, is steadily increasing the average global temperature.
-Mr. Henderson is slated to present at a reception in the Kansas Museum of Science in his final attempt to change the minds of Kansians prior to the final vote.
-It should also be noted that Asia is a generally cool place to be because it has many pirates around its coast, and is thus frequented more often by His Noodliness.
-== See also ==
-=== Landmark Documents ===
-* [[The St. Brelades Bay Scrolls]]
-* [http://www.venganza.org/  Mr. Henderson's original Letter to the Kansas School Board]
-* [http://www.yoism.org/?q=node/3 The New SPAMation Dispensation]
-* [http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1606325  Discussion among crazed conspiracy theorists.]
-* [[Plate_of_Shrimp]]
-* [[The DaVinci Code|The Da Vinshrimpi Code]]
-* [http://snarfix.bravehost.com/atom.html  The anatomy of an Atom created by FSM (All Atoms)]
-* [http://www.venganza.info/ German Site on the same thing]
-* [http://www.eqmsv.org/ Quebec's Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (in french)]
-* [[Flying Spaghetti Wager]]
-* [http://www.venganza.org/index.htm/  Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster]
-* [http://indyob.blogspot.com/2005/11/only-type-of-horned-helmet-found-in.html Evidence of ancient Viking worship of the FSM]
-* [[Pastafarian Linguinarian War]]
-== Important Figures ==
-* [[Pirate]]
-* [[Gluteus Maximus]], the first ruler to change his kingdom's official religion to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
-* [[Captain Jack Sparrow]] High Priest and well known [[Pirate]].
-== Assorted Lies ==
-* [[Christianity]]
-* [[Christian Science]]
-* [[Bible]]
-* [[Creationism]]
-* [[Evolution]]
-* [[Greek mythology]]
-* [[Stupid Design]]
-* [[Reformed Church of Alfredo]]
-* [[Alan Alda]]
-* Just about everything that [[Tony Blair]] ever says about spaghetti
-* Just about everything that [[Tony Blair]] ever says full stop
-* The Flying Spaghetti Monster as just a chopped-up version of the more perfect [[Flying Spaghettio Monster]]
-== Heretical Documents ==
-* The [[Principia Discordia]]
-* The [[Big Book of Petete]]
-* [[1001 ways to cook pasta]]
-* ''I Married the Flying Spaghetti Monster'' by [[Oprah]] Winfrey
-{{FA|date=26 August 2005|revision=145502}}
-[[Category:FSM]]
 [[Category:Religion]]
-[[Category:Not food]]
-<!-- Jackpot! -->
-{{Mediawatch|the New York Times|http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/29/arts/design/29mons.html}}
-==Appenducks A: FSM vs. FSM==
-Recently, there has been much confusion over the difference between The Federated States of Micronesia and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, as they both share the same acronym.  To differentiate between the two, listed below are some key differences:
-* Micronesia invaded New Zealand when they heard the sheep have breathing room there. FSM created Italy as a home for His most beloved worshipers.
-* Micronesians worship that which is small and portable, not grand and Noodly.
-* Nobody ever notices it when Micronesians invade anything. Everyone notices The Flying Spaghetti Monster's appearances daily at 11:00 AM, 3:00PM, and 5:00PM MST.
-* Bill Gates was pursuing a purchase of Micronesia, but negotiations broke down when he learned it was really that hypothetical island everyone talks about when they say "if you were stranded on an island..." and they wanted more than $5 because of it. Bill Gates also once pursued the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but was found dazed, on a [[#Creation|mountain with trees]] three days later.
-It is not to say, however, that there exists not a similarity between these two, of which key differences thereof are before here listed.  Indeed, one may say that there is a similarity of great interest to the scientific community.  However, when asked it was, the Micronesian President promised he would never tell and promptly dove into the microphone, where he continues to hide to this day.
-<!--I'm sure there's a joke to be had in here, but I can't think of anything... -192.41.10.145-->
-Experts on the matter are currently engaged in hot debate over whether there is a connection between the four stars of the Micronesian flag and the two eyes and meatballs of His Noodliness, and whether or not 2+2=4.
-{{Forcesoftheuniverse}}
-[[Category:Oscar Wildeizms]]
-[[category:Uncyclopoly]]
-[[ar:وحش الملوخية الطائر]]
-[[de:Fliegendes Spaghettimonster]]
-[[es:Dios]]
-[[ja:スパゲッティ・モンスター]]
-[[ko:날아다니는 스파게티 괴물]]