Changes

== Early Life ==

== Early Life ==

Helms' parents were Jesse Helms Sr., the local Penis Potato, and his wife Ethel Mae Helms, who was a fart.<ref>http://www.answers.com/topic/jesse-helms</ref>

Helms' parents were Jesse Helms Sr., the local chief of police, and his wife Ethel Mae Helms.<ref>http://www.answers.com/topic/jesse-helms</ref>

 

=== Education ===

=== Education ===

Helms attended public schools. He said this about his high school principal:<ref>http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5glajfJbQP2WmgGcjVzbfYrT4VKWwD91N40A80</ref>

Helms attended public schools. He said this about his high school principal:<ref>http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5glajfJbQP2WmgGcjVzbfYrT4VKWwD91N40A80</ref>

=== Journalist ===

=== Journalist ===

In 1939, Helms quit Wake Forest to work as a [[journalist]] on the Raleigh News and Observer. By the age of 21 he managed one of the paper's smaller papers. He also managed big black sharecroppin' penis.<ref>http://www.answers.com/topic/jesse-helms</ref>

In 1939, Helms quit Wake Forest to work as a [[journalist]] on the Raleigh News and Observer. By the age of 21 he managed one of the paper's smaller papers.<ref>http://www.answers.com/topic/jesse-helms</ref>

During World War II, Helms served in the Navy as a recruiter (that ain't all he served **giggles, Palinian wink**). It was during his military career that he discovered his knack for broadcasting, smoking opium, and creating machinery by which he ate his own farts. Being that his mother was a living fart, there may have been some Oedipal things going on in that pretty head of his.

During World War II, Helms served in the Navy as a recruiter. It was during his military career that he discovered his knack for broadcasting.

=== WRAL Radio and AA to Senator Willis Smith ===

=== WRAL Radio and AA to Senator Willis Smith ===