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{{Christianity}}

{{Christianity}}

'''Christianity''' is the world's largest [[religion]], having 2.1 billion followers.<ref>http://www.adherents.com/Religions_By_Adherents.html</ref> In terms of its geographic distribution, Christianity is the [[Global Christianity|most globally]] diverse religion.<ref>

'''Christianity''' is the world's stupidest [[religion]], having 2.1 billion sheep followers.<ref>http://www.adherents.com/Religions_By_Adherents.html</ref> In terms of its geographic distribution, Christianity is the [[Global Christianity|most globally]] diverse religion.<ref>

*[http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/08/27/many-religions-heavily-concentrated-in-one-or-two-countries/ Many religions heavily concentrated in one or two countries]

*[http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/08/27/many-religions-heavily-concentrated-in-one-or-two-countries/ Many religions heavily concentrated in one or two countries]

*[http://wwwgordonconwell.com/netcommunity/CSGCResources/ChristianityinitsGlobalContext.pdf Christianity in its global context]</ref>

*[http://wwwgordonconwell.com/netcommunity/CSGCResources/ChristianityinitsGlobalContext.pdf Christianity in its global context]</ref> Christians are one of the dumbest groups of people with an average IQ of approximately 90. Christians tend to believe the earth is flat and that Jesus rode on a dinosaur.

Christianity is the only religion that emphasizes [[faith]] rather than a mere belief system, and brings God closest to mankind through [[Jesus]] as the Son of [[God]].  Literally, Christianity means "of Christ," or "belonging to Christ."<ref>[http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=2661&dict=CALD Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary]</ref><ref>The early Christian faith was sometimes called ''That Way'', (Acts 19:1,9,23; 24:22), and its adherents were also called ''Nazarenes'' (Acts 24:5), evidently after the city of [[Nazareth]] where Jesus lived.</ref> The [[Acts of the Apostles|Book of Acts]] (Acts:11:26) records that "the disciples were called Christians first in [[Antioch]]." The title ''Christian'' is also used in Acts 26:28 and 1 Peter 4:16. Christians believe in [[God]], [[Resurrection of Jesus Christ|resurrection of Jesus Christ]], [[Heaven]], [[Virgin birth|virgin birth]], survival of the [[soul]] after death, and the teachings of [[Jesus Christ]] as written in the [[Bible]].

Christianity is the only religion that emphasizes [[stupidity]] rather than a mere logic system, and brings the Flying Spaghetti Monster closest to mankind through [[boiling water]] as the Son of [[Dick]].  Literally, Christianity means "of stupidity," or "belonging to a mental institution."<ref>[http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=2661&dict=CALD Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary]</ref><ref>The early Christian faith was sometimes called ''That Way'', (Acts 19:1,9,23; 24:22), and its adherents were also called ''morons'' (Acts 24:5), evidently after the city of [[Nazareth]] where tarzan lived.</ref> The [[Acts of the Apostles|Book of Acts]] (Acts:11:26) records that "the disciples were called Christians first in [[Antioch]]." The title ''Christian'' is also used in Acts 26:28 and 1 Peter 4:16. Christians believe in [[God]], [[Resurrection of Jesus Christ|resurrection of Jesus Christ]], [[Heaven]], [[Virgin birth|virgin birth]], survival of the [[soul]] after death, and the teachings of [[Jesus Christ]] as written in the [[Bible]].

== Main Christian Divisions ==

== Main Christian Divisions ==

* The [[Orthodox Church]]es (approx. 300 million baptized members) trace their roots back to the Apostles, and are organized in Autocephalous national or regional churches in communion with each other. Differing theological perspectives led to the [[Great Schism]] between the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Churches in A.D. 1054.

* The [[Orthodox Church]]es (approx. 300 million baptized members) trace their roots back to the Apostles, and are organized in Autocephalous national or regional churches in communion with each other. Differing theological perspectives led to the [[Great Schism]] between the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Churches in A.D. 1054.

   

   

* [[Protestantism]]: the largest Communions are the [[Anglican Church|Anglicans]] (approx. 115 million baptized members) and the [[Lutheran]] World Federation (approx. 68 million baptized members). Protestantism has its origins in the European [[Reformation]]. It broke from the Roman Catholic Church under [[Martin Luther]] when differences over the nature of [[faith]] and works in the role of [[Christianity#salvation|salvation]], as well as other practices of the Catholic Church that Luther saw as unBiblical, were raised.

* [[Protestantism]]: the largest Communions are the [[Anglican Church|Anglicans]] (approx. 115 million baptized members) and the [[Lutheran]] World Federation (approx. 68 million baptized members). Protestantism has its origins in the European [[Reformation]]. It broke from the Roman Catholic Church under [[Martin Luther]] when differences over the nature of [[faith]] and works in the role of [[Christianity#salvation|salvation]], as well as other practices of the Catholic Church that Luther saw as unBiblical, were raised. Protestants are specifically, the most bat shit crazy of all three. They tend to believe in bullshit such as creationism, an earth that is less than 6000 years old, and a bunch of other loony toons shit.

== Christian Beliefs ==

== Christian Beliefs ==

Christian beliefs [[Christian apologetics|are well supported via a large body of compelling evidence]].  Theologians, over two millennia, have debated a definitive summary of the Christian faith. While its interpretations vary drastically, probably the most commonly accepted statement of the faith is the [[Nicene Creed| Nicaea-Constantinopolitan Creed]].

Christian beliefs [[Christian apologetics|are well supported via a large body of compelling evidence]].  Theologians, over two millennia, have debated a pretty bullshit summary of the Christian faith. While its interpretations vary drastically, probably the most commonly accepted statement of the faith is the [[Nicene Creed| Nicaea-Constantinopolitan Creed]]. But they've concluded that Christianity is still mostly bullshit.

Christians and Christian denominations agree on many points of doctrine while disagreeing on some. According to an online Harris poll from 2003, 99% of all American Christians believe in [[God]], 96% in the [[Resurrection of Jesus Christ|resurrection of Jesus Christ]], 93% in [[Heaven]], 93% in the virgin birth, 92% in the survival of the soul after death, 82% in [[Hell]], 50% in ghosts, 27% in astrology and 21% in reincarnation.<ref>http://www.harrisinteractive.com/harris_poll/index.asp?PID=359</ref> Note that the latter two beliefs are in opposition to the religious tenants of most Christian denominations.

Christians and Christian denominations agree on many points of doctrine while disagreeing on some. According to an online Harris poll from 2003, 99% of all American Christians believe in [[God]], 96% in the [[Resurrection of Jesus Christ|resurrection of Jesus Christ]], 93% in [[Heaven]], 93% in the virgin birth, 92% in the survival of the soul after death, 82% in [[Hell]], 50% in ghosts, 27% in astrology and 21% in reincarnation.<ref>http://www.harrisinteractive.com/harris_poll/index.asp?PID=359</ref> Note that the latter two beliefs are in opposition to the religious tenants of most Christian denominations. 100% of American protestants are mentally retarded according to many scientific studies.

Nonetheless, the Nicaea-Constantinopolitan Creed offers a general overall picture of what Christian theology looks like, and serves as a useful outline and historic standard. Other creeds may prove helpful in research. See the [[Apostles' Creed]] and the Athanasian Creed.

Nonetheless, the Nicaea-Constantinopolitan Creed offers a general overall picture of what Christian theology looks like, and serves as a useful outline and historic standard. Other creeds may prove helpful in research. See the [[Apostles' Creed]] and the Athanasian Creed. .

===God===

===God===

{{main|God}}

{{main|God}}

God is a triune being. Though there is only one Divine nature there are three Divine Personages: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  The three Persons are collectively called the [[Trinity]] or the Holy Trinity. While God is tripartite, this does not imply that Christians are polytheists.  The doctrine of the Trinity is central to Christian theology, although several denominations that usually are considered Christian are non-Trinitarian. The God of the Christian is the creator of all things, is everywhere present, exists in all times, is transcendent, all-knowing (omniscient), just, and all-powerful (omnipotent).

God is a triune being; meaning that he does not exist. There is no evidence for God. There however, is evidence for the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FMG) -- Blessed be his noodly appendage. Though there is only one Divine nature there are three Divine Personages: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  The three Persons are collectively called the [[Trinity]] or the Holy Trinity OR, just "bullshit." While God is tripartite, this does not imply that Christians are polytheists.  The doctrine of the Trinity is central to Christian theology, although several denominations that usually are considered Christian are non-Trinitarian. The God of the Christian is the creator of all things, is everywhere present, exists in all times, is transcendent, all-knowing (omniscient) LOLZ JK, just, and all-powerful (omnipotent). lol jk. God is a fucktard and a terrorist.

A major theme of the Bible is [[love]].  In the Hebrew [[Old Testament]] the idea is expressed in the Hebrew word ''hessed'', which is variously translated as loyal love, tender mercy, steadfast love, mercy, goodness, etc.  in the [[New Testament]] the same idea is expressed in the Greek word ''agape'', which translates to love, compassion and charity.

A major theme of the Bible is [[lhating your neighbour, racism, and telling gays to die]].  In the Hebrew [[Old Testament]] the idea is expressed in the Hebrew word ''hessed'', which is variously translated as loyal hatred, tender stupidity, steadfast idiocy, instability, delusions, etc.  in the [[New Testament]] the same idea is expressed in the Greek word ''agape'', which translates to love, compassion and charity.

===Jesus===

===Jesus===

[[Image:Jesus' Baptism.jpg|180px|left|]]

[[Image:Jesus' Baptism.jpg|180px|left|]]

During the reign of [[Augustus Caesar|Caesar Augustus]] the Son (i.e. the second Person of the Trinity) took flesh from a virgin woman and was incarnated as a man. He was born in the town of [[Bethlehem]] and was given the name [[Jesus]].  At approximately the age of thirty he was baptised by his cousin [[John the Baptist]] and began to preach in the area of [[Judea]] and [[Galilee]]. About three years later, his teachings and works of mercy prompted the Jewish authorities to plot Jesus' death. Jesus was [[crucified]]. He rose from the dead and was seen by over 500 people. He ascended to Heaven. The four [[Gospels]] contain the basic account of what Jesus did and said.

During the reign of [[Augustus Caesar|Caesar Augustus]] the Son (i.e. the second Person of the Trinity) took flesh from a fat slut who slept around every night and was incarnated as a mangina. He was born in the town of [[Bethlehem]] and was given the name [[Flying Spaghetti Monster]].  At approximately the age of four he was baptised by his cousin [[Flying Ramen Devil]] and began to preach in the area of [[Miami]] and [[Compton]]. About three years later, his teachings and works of nude photography prompted the PIMP authorities to plot FMG's death. Jesus was [[crucified]]. He rose from the dead and was seen by over 500 people. He ascended to Heaven. The four [[Gospels]] contain the basic account of what Jesus did and said.

Jesus summarized his moral teachings in two commandments from the Old Testament:

Jesus summarized his moral teachings in two commandments from the Old Testament:

"'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets." ([[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 22:37-39; [[Book of Deuteronomy|Deuteronomy]] 6:5; Leviticus 19:18)

"'You shall love the Lord your God (money) with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself if he is white, straight, and upper middle class' On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets." ([[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 22:37-39; [[Book of Deuteronomy|Deuteronomy]] 6:5; Leviticus 19:18)

===Morality===

===Morality===

The fundamental principle in Christian moral teaching is [[love]] and forgiveness, as expressed by the life and teachings of Jesus Christ and the New Testament. In the Hebrew [[Old Testament]] the idea is expressed in the Hebrew word ''hessed'', which is variously translated as loyal love, tender mercy, steadfast love, mercy, goodness, etc.  in the [[New Testament]] the same idea is expressed in the Greek word ''agape'', which is variously translated as love, compassion, charity, etc.   

The fundamental principle in Christian moral teaching is [[hate]] and judgment, as expressed by the life and teachings of Jesus Christ and the New Testament. In the Hebrew [[Old Testament]] the idea is expressed in the Hebrew word ''hessed'', which is variously translated as asshole etc.  in the [[New Testament]] the same idea is expressed in the Greek word ''agape'', which is variously translated as being a dick, etc.   

There has been endless debate over how a person should express love for God in his or her moral behavior. This moral dialogue found expression in the New Testament, where the [[Apostle Paul]] addressed such controversies as [[circumcision]] ([[Epistle to the Romans|Romans]] 2:25-29), eating meat that was sacrificed to [[pagan]] deities (1 Corinthians 8), speculating about myths and genealogies (1 Timothy 1:3-5), and observing ceremonial dates and seasons (Galatians 4:9-11).  

There has been endless debate over how a person should express love for God in his or her moral behavior. This moral dialogue found expression in the New Testament, where the [[Apostle Paul]] addressed such controversies as [[circumcision]] ([[Epistle to the Romans|Romans]] 2:25-29), eating meat that was sacrificed to [[pagan]] deities (1 Corinthians 8), speculating about myths and genealogies (1 Timothy 1:3-5), and observing ceremonial dates and seasons (Galatians 4:9-11).  

Regardless of a person's ethical interpretations, adherents commonly point to New Testament passages John 3:16 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as scriptural depictions of love. The former states that <blockquote>"God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."</blockquote> The latter characterizes love, saying <blockquote>"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."</blockquote>

Regardless of a person's ethical interpretations, adherents commonly point to New Testament passages John 3:16 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as scriptural depictions of hate. The former states that <blockquote>"God so hated the world, that he sent a flood to kill all of yall."</blockquote> The latter characterizes love, saying <blockquote>" kill all da gay ppl."</blockquote>

Jesus Christ affirmed, "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35) In trying to understand the reason for the growth of Christianity in a pagan culture, it has been noted that while love of one's neighbor is not an exclusively Christian virtue, it appears that the primitive Christian church practiced it much more effectively than any other group.<ref>E.R. Dodds, 1970:136-137</ref>  

Jesus Christ affirmed, "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have hate for one another." (John 13:35) In trying to understand the reason for the growth of Christianity in a pagan culture, it has been noted that while hate of one's neighbor is not an exclusively Christian virtue, it appears that the primitive Christian church practiced it much more effectively than any other group.<ref>E.R. Dodds, 1970:136-137</ref>  

In addition to sacrificially showing care for those within the community as well as to those without, (cf. Gal. 6:10) the Christians elevated the sanctity of life, opposing abortion, infanticide, child abandonment, suicide, and gladiatorial contests.<ref>Kenneth Scott Latourette, ''A history of Christianity'' p. 244</ref><ref> Ted Cabal, Chad Owen Brand, Paul Copan, The Apologetics Study Bible, 274 </ref>  While the primitive church tolerated the existing and pervasive cultural economic institution of slavery in the [[Roman Empire]], the mandate of equal pay and just treatment (Col. 4:1; Eph. 6:9) greatly ameliorated the treatment of slaves, while advising them to seek freedom if possible, (1Cor. 7:21) and requiring that the escape slave Onesimus be received back not "as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved". (Philemon 1:6)  The Christian ethos of love also motivated a great expansion in the building of hospitals.<ref>Albert John Ochsner, Meyer Joseph Sturm, ''The organization, construction and management of hospitals'', p. 17</ref><ref>Roderick E. McGrew, ''Encyclopaedia of Medical Care'',  p. 135</ref> By A.D. 500, most large towns in in the Roman Empire had erected them.<ref>George D. Pozgar, ''Legal aspects of health care administration', p. 2</ref>

In addition to sacrificially showing care for those within the community as well as to those without, (cf. Gal. 6:10) the Christians elevated the sanctity of life, forcing rape victims to have babies, infanticide, child abandonment, suicide, and gladiatorial contests.<ref>Kenneth Scott Latourette, ''A history of Christianity'' p. 244</ref><ref> Ted Cabal, Chad Owen Brand, Paul Copan, The Apologetics Study Bible, 274 </ref>  While the primitive church tolerated the existing and pervasive cultural economic institution of slavery in the [[Roman Empire]], the mandate of equal pay and just treatment (Col. 4:1; Eph. 6:9) greatly ameliorated the treatment of slaves, while advising them to seek freedom if possible, (1Cor. 7:21) and requiring that the escape slave Onesimus be received back not "as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved". (Philemon 1:6)  The Christian ethos of love also motivated a great expansion in the building of hospitals.<ref>Albert John Ochsner, Meyer Joseph Sturm, ''The organization, construction and management of hospitals'', p. 17</ref><ref>Roderick E. McGrew, ''Encyclopaedia of Medical Care'',  p. 135</ref> By A.D. 500, most large towns in in the Roman Empire had erected them.<ref>George D. Pozgar, ''Legal aspects of health care administration', p. 2</ref>

===Atonement===

===Atonement===