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Line 1: − {{Q|I killed God to become him!|Bob Dylan|Religion}}+ − {{Q|Bah! I could be happy too if I believed a lot of shit|Oscar Wilde|Religion}} − {{Q|ha ha i killed you and became god|Lord heven|Religion}} − {{Q|I believe in Unicorns too! (sarcastic)|Atheist|Religion}} − {{Q|[[Humbug|Bah]], I'd rather believe nothing and just die and remain dead in the blackness of death, than believe and worry about whether or not I'm going to some sort of shitty afterlife after dying. (sincere)|Atheist|Religion}} − {{Q|...One of you will betray me....JUST JOKING!!! |Jesus|Religion}} − <center> − {| cellspacing="3" style="clear:both; width:70%;" − |- − | colspan="2" style="border: 2px solid pink; color: #000; background-color: lightpink; padding:10px;"|[[Image:Evileye.jpg|70px|left]]<small> − ATTENTION TROLLS AND EVANGELICAN CHRISTIAN WEBSITES DEDICATED TO SPREADING THE WORD OF HIS HOLINESS [[UnNews:God Rewrites the Bible|GRAKTHAR]]: Please read the Beginner's Guide, and please be funny and not just stupid. Just cause you guys know it's shitbull, don't take it out on the sane.</small> − |}</center> − [[File:Albrecht Altdorfer 016.jpg|thumb|right|250px|See. They are getting him down from the cross dammit!]] − − More specifically, it is a widespread and contagious mental illness with over 90% of the world's population infected with 1 or another of its many strains. Religion is usually brought on by infection by the group VI 'Facile And Ignorant Thinking Habits' virus more often known by the acronym ''[[faith|FAITH]]''. Symptoms involve believing something that is not only unproven but also outrageously illogical simply because someone (or occasionally a book), somewhere, says it's [[true]]. In this respect, faith can be considered the chronic form of the lesser mental disorder ''[[gullibility]]''. For synonyms, see [http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.php How To Make a Million Dollars]. The official catch phrase of religion is "Give us your money, and you will have a good afterlife!", known to critics as the "Pie In The Sky" allegory. People often catch religion when asking themselves questions like ''[[Why am I not rich and successful]]'', or ''[[a great lover]]'' etc. + + + + − Other symptoms involve slowing the [[Who built the moon|process of science]], donation of money to hobos, participation in race wars, a feeling of superiority over children, paedophiliac fetishes towards touching young boys, a sense of humour towards government jokes, a contradictory simultaneous avocation of anti-abortion and the death penalty, and [[Jihad|spontaneous combustion]].+ + + − It is commonly believed that religion is also able to manipulate one's personality/point like you may change people's views in such a way that the infected individual believes, and often inflicts upon others, the idea that o-wanking+ − is [[evil]] and mwankkingn in little boys is good, and that [[homosexuals]](such as Charles Hill) are pure, undiluted evil and deserve no rights but when the believers rape children its good (see [[Christian logic]]). People infected with ''[[faith|FAITH]]'' seem to have an addiction to being [[paedophile]]s who are members of the priesthood. But pedos are actually people and just like to rape kids as a hobby, like making aeroplane models therefore shouldn't be treated differently. And Doctors can't just shoot you full of Atheism to cure you either. They haven't invented liquid Atheism yet... − − == Treatment and Containment == − [[Image:Image-Bible DVD.jpg|thumb|left|The Bible on DVD; created for illiterate people in the Deep South. (Region 1 discs available)]] − Scientists are currently working on a cure for FAITH, and are hopeful to find an antidote within the time before Judgment Day. Scientists in Japan have been running a clinical trial injecting their subjects with 50cc's of common sense. The ingredients of common sense are so far unknown but the results so far are staggering. Japanese biochemist Ti Mi Schu has published a list of side effects that result from common sense.+ + + + + + + + + − 1. Changing of political parties, from Republican to Democrat.+ − 2. Joining of either book clubs and/or wine clubs.+ − 3. Urge to purchase a hybrid. − 4. The attendance of a college of liberal arts. − 5. Bleeding from the eyes. − Due to the simple construction and short life cycle of viruses, when a selective pressure is applied to them <s>[[Evolution]]</s> the [[intelligent design|intelligent designer]] quickly rewrites the viral genome so it is resistant to the anti-viral drug. A well documented example of this is when the drug company "Flaming Dragon" created an antiviral drug in [[1987]] which banned teaching the Book how to make Ice. This selective pressure led to a new resistant strain of the faith virus called ''intelligent design''. A recent development by the drug company "The Nuns" has overcome this strain in [[2006]]. It is only a matter of time before a new resistant strain emerges. The leading researcher in the field of overcoming the virus of faith is ''Cheif. Watches you pee'' from the University of the study and use of boobies and cocktails (also known as the University of Hot Knockers); he created a mild anti-religious anti-viral program. A more effective software package was developed by [[Christopher Hitchens|Christopher flip off the smartarse Hitchens.]]+ + + + + + + − [[Image:Spyware 2.png|thumb|300px|Example of anti-religious viral software. Compatible with human brain version 6.0.]]+ − [[Unitarian Universalism]] is sometimes suggested as a cure, but some would argue that it is simply a weakened version of the same virus that inoculates against the more extreme strains, resulting in less troubling symptoms, such as [[Agnosticism]].+ − Normal Religious affliction can often be treated with simple exposure to [[pornography]], fast application of [[booze | spirited liquors]], smoking or ingesting [[cannabis]], meeting a scientist or visiting a psychologist. In fact, Because of the magical, healing properties associated with [[Water|Beer]], a cult very similar to a religion has emerged to celebrate and promote this wonderful drink. However, as alcohol is perfectly wonderful, and as drunkenness a doctor-recommended state of existence for all humans, worshippers of beer are tolerated, and in some cases supported by the state. Because beer is such a remarkable cure for Religion, people infected with religion instinctively seek to destroy its consumption at all turns. As such, another useful test for determining how severely affected someone is by Religion, is their willingness to ingest this remarkable substance. + + + − The only harm related to consumption of [[beer]] has generally come from those seeking to destroy it. (''See also'' [[Beer#Religion|''Beer in religion'']])+ − [[Image:Mindware.jpg|thumb|left|400px|For those in need of serious help, there is a more powerful version out there.]]+ + + + + + + + − Those suffering from S.T.I are nearly untreatable however, and may soon lapse into complete intractable boorishness. Some Fundamentalists may be cured by extreme exposure to both [[science]] and [[logic]] but most Fundamentalists stubbornly resist treatment. Because of the [[violence]] and [[anti-social]] behaviour associated with Fundamentalism-induced religious affliction, these sad souls must be isolated from the normal population at great cost to [[society]].+ + − Due to unsafe sexual practices and a lack of limits on childbearing, religion is currently pandemic, affecting millions of people on every major [[continent]]. In fact, some nations are so infected by religion that it is now impossible for anyone not tragically infected to achieve political office or even influence over educational policy. Such nations are increasingly considered to be dangerous to friend and foe alike. (See also [[America|The USA]].)+ + + + + − The [[United Nations]] is currently experimenting with a massive education and treatment program designed to minimize the negative effects of religion. However, because several of the world's most powerful nations are dominated by the afflicted, this program has so far met with little success. Meanwhile, most esteemed intellectuals have become convinced that only [[Death Metal]] can save us now. Fundamentalists are aware of the power of Death Metal and are actively trying to counter that with the warped music known as Contemporary Christian Radio.+ − == Religious Apologetics ==+ − Apologists attempt to demonstrate the tenets of their faith with rigorous arguments. As such, religious apologists greatly hamper the efforts of those who seek to exorcise society's demon of religion.+ − + − One of the most famous arguments for the existence of an omnipotent God is the ontological argument. Its reasoning goes something like this: − # God is, by definition, a being greater than which nothing can be conceived (imagined). − # Existence in reality is greater than existence in the mind. − # God must exist in reality; if God did not, then God would not be that than which nothing greater can be conceived (imagined). − − This argument can be countered by similar reasoning, however: − # The creation of the world is the most marvellous achievement imaginable. − # The merit of an achievement is the product of (a) its intrinsic quality, and (b) the ability of its creator. − # The greater the disability (or handicap) of the creator, the more impressive the achievement. − # The most formidable handicap for a creator would be non-existence. − # Therefore if we suppose that the universe is the product of an existent creator we can conceive a greater being — namely, one who created everything while not existing. − # Therefore, God does not exist. − − == Christianity and Science == − For many years there have been sceptical peoples that claim many miracles that Jesus performed can be done by David Blane and Chris Angel, such as walking on water. Now, a session was held with the Pope and the Head Science Chief Of All That Is Sciency and decided to compromise. − − Religion: Jesus came back from the dead. − − Science: Similar scenario depicted in hit Japanese television show Dragonball Z. − − Christianity: Jesus can fly. − − Science: Criss Angel can fly. − − Compromise: Criss Angel must be Jesus. − − Chuck Norris could kill God and Jesus − − Truth: Criss Angel is Uber Jesus. − − Christianity: Jesus walked on water. Alleluia, it's a miracle. − − Science: Criss Angel walks on water, what's so great about Jesus? − − Tidbit: Lizards walk on water, what's so great about Jesus? − − Compromise: Criss Angel must be lizard Jesus. − − Truth: Criss Angel (Raptor Jesus) is a lizard. − − Christianity: Jesus fed a whole crowd on 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. − − Science: McDonalds, enough said. − − Compromise: Mr T is black Jesus. − − Mr T: I ain't no Jesus! I pity the fool who calls me Jesus! − − Truth: Jesus is Mr T's Bitch who abused the awesomeness of Mr T. − − Morality: We should all be worshipping Mr T instead of that noob Jesus. − − Religion: Jesus turned water into wine. − − Science: Kool-Aid can turn water into punch. − − Compromise: The Kool-Aid man ripped off Jesus. − − Truth: Kool-Aid man is really Satan. − − Morality: don't drink the Kool-Aid handed out in Jonestown, it's spiked with religious rhetoric from Jesus' fan club! Even Jesus cannot stand those lamers! − − Religion: Jesus healed people. − − Science: So do doctors... − − Religion: Jesus was a baller. − − Science: No, he never existed. − − Compromise: From Tuesday to Thursday, Jesus wears a Rolex and drives a Lexus. From Friday to Monday, Jesus was never here, OK? − − ==The ReliRelic Community == − − Not long after the introduction of Tha Intarweb, the underground community of relic collectors and traders utilized this new medium to form one of the most active communities online today outnumbering the ''bodyparts_of_Oscar_Wilde_or_Kermit_the_frog'' collectors community by a factor of 3 left thumbs. − Common articles traded within the group are Pieces-of-vinger, Blood with weird properties, ribs and various pieces of clothing and personal belongings. − − Famous trades: − − * Both of Joseph's left hands were traded in [[1992]] for one foot (damaged) that belonged to [[Moses|Jesus]] − * The staff that belonged to [[Jesus|Moses]] was swapped for 10,000 copies of [[Da Vinci Code|''The Da Vinci Code'']] ( with some Asian boat captain ) − * Half of Oscar Wilde's holy men finger bone collection was traded for a very stiff drink − − The most sought after pieces include: − − * Mary Magdalene Contraception recipes from the [[Nazareth]] drugstore − * Politico/religious satire sketches drawn by famous [[Muslim]] prophets − * Parts of Saint Peter's Roman commando battle suit − * Any arm that belonged to [[Kali]] the [[gOD]] of Tang and other soluble beverages. − * 8 Track recordings of the VOICE OF [[gOD]] − − Tips for beginning religious relic collectors: − − * Building a collection can be slow. Start with easy items like pieces of Popes ( there are plenty to go around ) − * For fleshy relics you need proper storage. Start out with solid items that do not rot ( at least not too much ) − * Beware of fakes. There are enough splinters from the cross of [[Jesus]] around to build 14 [[Noah|Noah's Arks]] − * Remember - the most valuable or desirable relics are not always the most expensive. Don't get tricked into buying a penguin corpse just because it's the most expensive item to supposedly touch [[Jesus]]. − − Famous relic traders: − − * [[Bill Gates]], Known to wear a clip-on beard made from [[gOD]]s beard hair ( the shaving date unknown ). − * [[Oscar Wilde]], Still the biggest collection of holy men's fingerbones. − * [[Tom Cruise]], Obsessed by holy men leisure [[sofa]]s ( claimed to own a couch owned by [[King David]] ) − * [[Catholic Church]], Everything including Abraham's kitchen sink − − − Religious groups each have their own thoughts about shit. − *[[Taoism]]: Shit happens. − *[[Hinduism]]: This shit happened before. − *[[Islam]]: If shit happens, take a hostage. − *[[Buddhism]]: When shit happens, is it really shit? − *[[Seventh Day Adventist Church]]: Shit happens on Saturday. − *[[Protestantism]]: Shit won't happen if I work harder. − *[[Catholicism]]: If shit happens, I deserve it. − *[[Jeohovas witness|Jeohova's Witnesses]]: ''*Knock* *knock*'' "Who's there?" "''Shit happens!''" − *[[Judaism]]: Why does shit always happen to me? − *[[Hare Krishna]]: Shit happens rama rama ding dong. − *[[Atheism]]: No shit. − *[[TV Evangelism]]: Send more shit. − *[[Rastafarianism]]: Let's smoke this shit! − *[[The Wiki Religion]][http://www.thewikireligion.com]: Hey I just made that shit up! − − Other Groups: − *[[Capitalism]] − *[[Christianity]] − *[[Scientamish]] − *[[Mormon|Latter-Day Saints]] − *[[Ludism]] − *[[Matrixism]] − *[[Terrorism]] − *[[Comcast]] − *[[Emos]] − *[[Wohnzimmer]] − *[[Wicca]] − *[[Boristany]] − *[[growlongs]] − *[[n00bz]] − *[[Bonerism]] − *[[Minkey]]ism − *[http://www.dogchurch.org/index.shtml Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua] − *[[Environmentalists|environmentalist nutjobs]] − *[http://singlesunion.info/creed.htm Singles Union] − *[[Nintendo]] − *[[Rosalinaism]] − *[[Pieism]] − − ==Religion of Uncyclopedia== − The official Religion of Uncyclopedia is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This is the letter to the Kansas Schools about the religion. − − I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design. − − Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him. − − It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith. − − Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artefact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artefact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease. − − I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t. − − You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature. − − In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence. − − Sincerely Yours, − − Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen. − {| width="100%"+ − |- valign=top+ − |width="15%" | − *[[Genocide]] − − − *[[Violence]] − *[[Suffering]] − *[[Sexism]] − *[[Racism]] − *[[Fiction]] − *[[Mythology]] − *[[Religon]] − − ==External links== − *[http://www.fadetoblack.com/consumerreport/religion/ Consumer Report: What Religion is the Best ?] − *[http://www.bidstrup.com/virus.htm More information about mind viruses (memes) and religion] − − [[Category:Religion]] [[Category:Scams]] [[Category:Mythology]] [[Category:Atheism]] [[Category:Fiction]][[category:Things Retards Believe]] − − {{Drugs}} − + − + + − + − [[da:Religion]] − [[de:Religion]] − [[el:Θρησκεία]] − [[es:Religión]] − [[fi:Uskonto]] − [[fr:Religion]] − [[he:דת]] − [[it:Religione]] − [[ja:宗教]] − [[li:Geluif]] − [[no:Religion]] − [[pl:Religia]] − [[ru:Религия]] − [[th:ศาสนา]] − [[zh:宗教]]
Reverted edits by Fanngo (Talk) to last version by Karajou
"'''Religion'''" refers to a set of core beliefs upon which people base their lives. Morality is often based on religion. Beyond this general definition, the word "religion" is used in several ways:
'''Religion''' is a [[lie]] used by rich retards to make money off poor retards. This menhas been around as long as there have been loopy people to believe in it; since the beginning of time. Some apologists argue that if humanity did not have religion, we would all be goat raping sex fiends - which presumably is what they would be were it not for their religious beliefs.
* '''Formal definition''': "The service and worship of [[God]] or the [[supernatural]];"<ref>[http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=religion "Religion"] in Merriam Webster dictionary.</ref> Under this definition, [[atheism]], [[agnosticism]], and [[secular humanism]] are not "religions." <ref>Religious Groups Participating in Religious Congregations & Membership Study 2000. [http://www.thearda.com/mapsReports/reports/alldenoms.asp]</ref>.
* '''Functional definition''': "A cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith"<ref>[http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=religion "Religion"] in Merriam Webster dictionary.</ref> By this definition, non-theistic belief systems such as [[atheism]], [[humanism]], and [[agnosticism]] could be considered religions. Indeed, the Supreme Court of the [[United States of America]] has acknowledged that "religion" does not need to include a belief in a god or gods, and included Secular Humanism as an example of a non-theistic religion.<ref>"Among religions in this country which do not teach what would generally be considered a belief in the existence of God, are Buddhism, Taoism, Ethical Culture, Secular Humanism, and others.". [http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/cgi-bin/getcase.pl?court=us&vol=367&invol=488#t11 Torcaso v. Watkins, (1961)]</ref><ref>"A federal court of appeals ruled ... Wisconsin prison officials violated an inmate's rights because they did not treat [[atheism]] as a religion." [http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=45874 Court rules [[atheism]] a religion] WorldNet Daily</ref>
* '''Organisational definition''': Under the definition, the term refers to a particular religious organisation or movement, such a [[Roman Catholic|Catholicism]], [[Methodist|Methodism]], or [[Lutheran]]ism. These groups generally consist of a central creed or body of beliefs, an ethical component (i.e. a code of morals), a body of literature or holy texts or stories, and a set of individual and communal practices. Under this definition, a person might say, "I'm not religious, because I don't go to church—but I believe in God."
* '''Practical definition''': Under this definition, the term refers to a set of practices, rites, or rituals observed by followers. Under this definition, a person might say, "I'm not religious, because I'm not into rituals. My relationship with God is enough."
== List of religions ==
Religions can be classified according to how many gods the religion recognises.
=== Monotheistic religions ===
Monotheistic ("one god") religions are followed by the vast majority of the world's population.
* [[Bahá'í]]
* [[Christianity]]
* [[Messianic Judaism]]
* [[Islam]]
* [[Jehovah's Witnesses]]
* [[Judaism]]
* [[Rastafari movement]]
* [[Sikhism]]
* [[Zoroastrianism]]
=== Polytheistic religions ===
Polytheistic ("many gods") religions believe in and worship multiple gods or spirits or other supernatural beings. Polytheism has declined since the rise of Christianity, but has seen a recent resurgence among pagan cults in developed nations.
* [[Cao Dai]]
* [[Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints|Mormonism]]
* [[Paganism]]
* [[Scientology]] {{fact}}
* [[Shamanism]]
* [[Shinto]]
* [[Wicca]]
=== Pantheistic religions ===
Pantheistic ("all is god") religions believe that all of creation or nature is divine.
* [[Hinduism]]
* [[Jainism]]
* [[New Age]] beliefs
It is also worth noting the existence of 'Panentheism' and the importance of distinguishing it from Pantheism. Panentheism is the belief that God is ''in'' all things and is chiefly manifest in [[Animism]]. Nonetheless, Pantheism and Panentheism have also been shown to feature in some outlooks generally defined as 'Monotheistic' (cf. [[Baruch Spinoza]]).
=== Non-theistic religions and philosophies===
Non-theistic religions do not have a belief in God or gods. Some consider the existence of God to be unknown or irrelevant, while (strong) [[Atheism]] is the belief that asserts it is false.
* [[Agnostic]]ism
* [[Atheism]]
** [[Strong atheism]]
** [[Weak atheism]]
* [[Buddhism]] (though with elements of [[Pantheism]])
* [[Secular Humanism]]
=== Parody and joke religions ===
Several "religions" have been invented in an effort to denigrate or parody traditional religions. As a rule, these religions do not have followers who actually believe the tenets of the religions.
* [[Flying Spaghetti Monster|The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster]]
* [[Discordianism]]
* [[Jedi]]
* [[Last Thursdayism]]
* [[Church of the SubGenius|SubGeniism]]
== Faith in organised religion ==
The percentage of respondents answering they had a "great deal" or "quite a lot" of confidence in organised religion has decreased in the [[United States]] according to a [[Gallup]] poll taken in 2007. Only 46% of respondents selected either of the choices above. The numbers peaked at 68% in May 1975.<ref>Christian Examiner, Sept. 2007, Vol 25, No 9, Pg. 24</ref>
==References==
<references/>
==Religious Groups==
==See also==
==See also==
* [[World Religions by Number of Followers]]
*[[Christianity in Conservapedia]]
*[[Stupidity]]
*[[War]]
[[nl:Religie]]
==External Links==
[[pt:Religião]]
*[http://www.aim.org/wls/category/religion/ What Liberals Say - Category: Religion], [[Accuracy In Media]]
*[http://www.opposingviews.com/questions/is-there-a-god Opposing Views: Is There a God?]
[[ar:الدين]]
[[Category:Religion]]