Difference between revisions of "Paper"

Revision as of 17:44, November 16, 2008

Paper is a material used for writing, printing, wrapping, and other uses. It is a thin material made of fibers, usually cellulose from wood pulp or from other plant fibers such as rice. The word paper comes from papyrus, which was an early form of writing material used in ancient Egypt. Papyrus however, is not paper - it is reed strips pounded together. True paper, or paper made from the cellulose and wood pulp of plant materials, was invented in the Han Dynasty around the 2nd century B.C.

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-[[Image:conservlogo.png|325px|thumb|right|Internet Toilet Paper]]
+'''Paper''' is a material used for writing, printing, wrapping, and other uses.  It is a thin material made of fibers, usually [[cellulose]] from [[wood]] pulp or from other plant fibers such as [[rice]].  The word paper comes from [[papyrus]], which was an early form of writing material used in ancient [[Egypt]]. Papyrus however, is not paper - it is reed strips pounded together. True paper, or paper made from the cellulose and wood pulp of plant materials, was invented in the [[Han Dynasty]] around the 2nd century B.C.
-Toilet paper is [[paper]] specifically designed to remove traces of faeces from the [[human]] lower orifice after [[User:Aschlafly|defecation]]. Toilet paper is designed to decompose in a [[Conservapedia|septic tank]] after use, as opposed to facial [[tissue|tissues]], which are not always by design able to do so.
-Toilet paper is known by many names, some of which include "toilet roll", "dunny paper" and "bathroom tissue".
+[[Category: Writing]]
-==Ancient Use of Toilet Paper==
-Toilet paper has played a large roll in human history, without it, the world would surely have descended into [[Conservapedia|chaos]] long ago. The earliest recorded use (or otherwise) of toilet paper was written by the [[China|Chinese]] scholar, Yan Zhitui during the year 589 AD.
-{{Cquote|Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes}}
-Before widespread use of toilet paper, many humans would use less gentle methods such as [[leaves]], [[grass]] or even [[shell|seashells]] to deposit their excess leavings.
-==Toilet Paper in the Modern Day==
-[[Image:ASchlafly.JPG|thumb|175px|left|The current holder of Guiness World Record's "Most Toilet Paper Consumed" record.]]
-With the invention of the [[internet]], toilet paper [[technology]] has advanced dramatically. Whereas in past eras people would wipe their excess [[Conservapedia|excrement]] on sheets of [[paper]], certain [[Conservapedia|websites]] have assumed the same role. While much more convenient, the [[Conservapedia|excrement]] remains in plain sight for all to see, this predicament is known as the "Online [[Conservapedia|Septic Tank]]" issue.
-[[Humanity|Select groups]] see this problem as humorous, while at the same time believe the [[Conservapedia|online septic waste]] should be dispatched to the sewer, where it belongs. If left unchecked, it is widely believed that the problem could lead to [[John_McCain|catastrophe]] of [[Great_Flood|biblical proportions]]
-==Interesting Notes==
-Similar to sightings seen in [[food]] products and [[cloud]] formations, likenesses of the [[Mary|Virgin Mother]] have been seen in used toilet paper. Such sightings are said to fortell great [[User:Aschlafly|mental problems]] to the beholder, as is the same with all sightings regardless of medium.
-[[Conservapedia]] is responsible for the decimation of approximately one third of all toilet paper manufacturing in the world. This is largely due to the amount of [[Conservapedia|excrement]] deposited to said site instead of [[god|traditional]] methods of removing excess faeces.

Difference between revisions of "Paper"

Revision as of 17:44, November 16, 2008

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