Difference between revisions of "User:JacobI"

Revision as of 03:37, September 10, 2009

JakeI was taken. Jake I is my name, and making minor corrections is my game.

"The Game. You just lost it."

Religious background

My parents decided to not tell me anything about religion until I was able to make certain decisions on my own and knew about the existence of death, which was around the age of five. At six years old, during my church's VBC, I chose to accept Jesus Christ as my personal saviour. I don't think I was able to fully comprehend what that meant beyond, "my friends are Christian and I'll get to see them after I die".

I continued to go to church regularly and felt okay with myself until a year after puberty. Around 7th grade I became a fairly "dark" person. I would write depressing things and believe that friends and emotions were worthless things invented by the world and Hallmark. I still went to church, but I placed on a facade so no one could see how I felt about my life.

At the beginning of my freshman year in high school, my parents dragged me off to youth group because "they have [the church has] a new youth pastor and he's really young!" (really young meant 23). So, I played with my calculator most of the time during the first meeting. I talked with someone at the end about music and our interests in it.. which made me decide to keep going.

Going to youth group brought me out of the depressing funk. I joined the youth worship team in my sophomore playing bass. That year was the first time a youth pastor at the church ever suggested starting one. Eventually, our worship team became good enough that once every 6 months we would play for the two Sunday morning worship services. And once, we played for a C&MA conference.

Other than the youth worship team and a few "parties", I didn't go to any events that the youth group hosted outside of the church -- Autumn Blaze, Creation, and some other ones. My reason was "I don't like to have fun"... and people became used to me saying that. Which probably explains why today, when one of my friends mentions a "hang out", they don't bother to invite me.

In my senior year, I was decided to question my faith because of some of the other things that just "felt natural" to me. Because of the "questioning my faith" thing, I requested that my youth pastor find a replacement for the youth worship team. Then we met once every two months to talk about things. During that year, I changed up my routine by going to the three out-of-church events: Autumn Blaze, Creation, and Life 2007.

During Life, I felt compelled for two things. Both, at the time, seemed like the voice of God (most likely were too): "give up the way you've been living" and "I want you to serve as a missionary in Pakistan some day". A lot of change seemed to happen during that week. ...but for some reason, the change didn't last.

I eventually went back to the way I was living and I ignored the messages I was given. I continued to call myself a Christian because I still believed Jesus was the Son of God and that he died for all our sins.

During my first year of college, I met some cool people who were affiliated with the college's Christian group. One of the women I ended up dating for a good amount of time.

Over time however, I was enlightened by how people really act when they aren't in the eyes of others. My girlfriend at the time said something along the lines of, "I care about you, but I won't bother with you when you're sad. It's just stupid!" We eventually broke up because God told her to (her exact words).

All the things I've seen during that year... that is probably why I've stopped aligning myself with Christianity. Not only the other people, but also the fact that I felt like such worthless junk at the end of the day. All the bad things I've done and all the bad things that I know I'll end up doing in the future. Because all humans are destined to sin. God hates sin. He's disappointed in us when we sin.

I still believe that Jesus has saved my soul, and that God created all that know, feel, taste, touch... all that we experience and a lot of the things we aren't capable of experiencing.

I didn't read the Bible much when I called myself Christian. I read it even more now because it interests me and I like to challenge the fake Christians on their knowledge of The Word of God.

For the people who don't want to read the whole thing

• I became a Christian when I was 6 years old
• I became a tad depressed in 7th/8th grade
• I recovered in 9th grade
• I questioned my faith in 12th grade
• I had a fire set in my during the summer after high school
• I saw how people act out of others' eyes
• I hated myself at the end of the day
• I stopped calling myself Christian because of the previous two points