Mathematics

Conservatives in the United States

Let's see, I think that I will annotate your hilarious article on conservatism.

In the United States, conservatives are generally characterized by adherence to limited government, public morality and free enterprise. Specifically, conservatives tend to adhere to the following principles:

• A strong national defense (at the expense of everything else)
• Return of prayer in school (to specifically exclude people of other creeds and those who aren't naturally inclined to have Christian beliefs rammed down their throat)
• The Second Amendment Right to Keep and Bear Arms (seriously, this was a product of the eighteenth century. this amendment has no relevance today.)
• Economic allocative efficiency (as opposed to popular equity)
• Stronger law enforcement and anti-crime laws, including the death penalty (how can you proclaim to be compassionate people and still practice the death penalty?)
• Parents, rather than school teachers, educating children about sex (yet you still want abstinence education in schools)
• Choice in education (their are hundreds of choices in terms of education, and almost all of them are underfunded because of statement 1)
• Private medical care and retirement plans (are you kidding?)
• Weakening or cancellation of failed social support programs (veiled statement of hatred for welfare. classy)
• Prohibition of abortion (because everyone should subscribe to Christian beliefs)
• Opposition to same-sex marriage licenses (because we should accept the tired testimony of a two-thousand year-old rambling piece of religious claptrap when we're considering social issues)
• Support of laws against pornography (because your teenage years should be very uncomfortable)
• Generally opposed to the United Nations (why? I can't even make sense of this one. you're generally opposed to a united peacekeeping force that at least tries to keep the United States' overwhelming influence in line)
• Support enforcement of current laws regarding immigration (so america's population can slowly dwindle until the neocons can repopulate the land [/facetiousness])
• Support tightening of border security (because the great wall of china definitely worked against those damned Mongols)
• Respect for our military...past and present (I like the unnecessary ellipsis . . . but seriously, I agree on this one)
• Low taxes (so that the deficit increases and we have an excuse to spend less on those silly "failed social support programs" [see number 9])
• Strong advocate for free trade and free markets
• Opening foreign markets to U.S. products (what is that supposed to mean)

About every 20-60 years a conservative has been elected president of the United States. (bullshit)