Emotional contagion

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Emotional contagion is a method how babies and little children communicate their feelings and needs. In effort to get other people to feel what they are feeling, they cry and fuss until their adult caretaker figures out what is wrong with them and then does anything necessary to calm them.[1]

Emotionally immature adults

The similar primitive way of communicating their feelings, esp. when they are distressed, is adopted by emotionally immature adults. They try to upset targeted people around them, typically with result that those are then willing to do anything to make emotionally immature person feel better. In addition, these people — unlike assertive ones — tend to expect others to read their minds and are often quick to anger if other side does not anticipate their wishes fast enough. They extremely dislike having to tell others what they need and instead hold back, waiting to see whether anyone will notice how they are feeling. Instead of assertively speaking up about what they need, emotionally immature people create a malignant guessing game that keeps everybody uneasy. They only feel good about themselves when they can get other people to give them what they want and to act like they think they should. When being confronted, they tend to become defensive, respond with anger, react with impulsive and insensitive responses which they rationalize with excuses, or dismiss the criticism altogether as ridiculous. Emotionally immature people crave attention to their needs, yet they are themselves — unlike emotionally mature people who are almost always sensitive to others — actually hard to give to. They typically believe that they are not required to be tuned in to others’ feelings. They often accuse the person hurt by their misbehavior to be overly emotional or too sensitive.[1]

Helping emotionally immature people

Emotionally immature people want others to show concern about their problems, but they are not likely open-minded to accept helpful suggestions. They reflexively reject endeavors to make them feel cared about. They pull others in, but when those try to help, they pushed them away.

Helpers must offer comfort tactfully and obliquely, allowing the emotionally immature person to save the face.[1]

References

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 Lindsay C. Gibson (2015). "3", Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications, 53–58.