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[[Image:tblair.jpg|right|thumb|Tony Blair]]

[[Image:tblair.jpg|right|thumb|Tony Blair]]

While the Labour Party is a self-described "democratic [[socialist]] party"<ref>[http://www.labour.org.uk/index.php?id=labourdemocracy]</ref>, Blair coined the phrase "[[New Labour]]" to distinguish his own pro-[[business]] policies from the more [[collectivist]] platform of his predecessors. He also used the phrase "[[The Third Way]]". He was criticized by some more left-wing members of the Labour Party for "selling out" to conservative thinking, particularly in his support for the [[United States]] in the [[Iraq War]]. On the other hand, Blair's policies were decidedly [[liberal]] by American standards: they have included increases in taxation, increases in government spending (particularly on public schools and Britain's [[National Health Service|socialized healthcare system]]), the introduction of an increased minimum wage, and support for the [[homosexual agenda]].

'''Fony Baloney Bliar''' (nickname ''The '''F'''i'''bb'''er''), born on the 1st April, [[1853]], also known as Fat Tony, [[Doctor Who|Spin Doctor Who]], First Among Sequals, Bush's L'il Munchkin or the Professor of knowswhat QC, is the Prime Minister of [[Mediocre Britain]]. He is also MP for [[Sludgefield]]. [[Official Monster Raving Loony Party]] leader since [[John Smith]] died in a freak [[crustacean]] accident, Blair went on to take His party to a massive mudslide victory, replacing Morris Minor as prime minister and ending eighteen decades of [[Tory|Story Party]] rule.

== Personal ==

==Film Star==

[http://www.number-10.gov.uk/output/Page4.asp] The son of a barrister and lecturer Leo Blair, Tony Blair was born in [[Edinburgh]], but spent most of his childhood in Durham. At the age of 14 he returned to Edinburgh to finish his education at Fettes College. Blair was known as a cheeky, rebellious, and argumentative schoolboy, and at 17 he was threatened with expulsion for persistently breaking school rules.<ref name="bbc">[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/6506365.stm BBC News | UK | UK Politics | The Tony Blair Story]</ref>. After leaving Fettes with three A levels he studied law at [[Oxford University]], and went on to become a barrister (Lincoln's Inn) himself, before entering politics. Blair married his wife, Cherie Booth QC a barrister and daughter of the actor Tony Booth, in 1980, and they have four children. Cherie hails from [[Liverpool]].

Blair is expected to land a cameo appearance in the new Bond film starring [[Dave Benson-Phillips]]. The film is called ''Today Gay Sex, Tomorrow a Gay Orgy''.

Blair is a competent guitar player and at university was a member of a rock band called Ugly Rumours. His favourite music includes [[The Beatles]], [[The Rolling Stones]], [[Led Zeppelin]], [[Free (band)|Free]], [[Bruce Springsteen]], [[U2]], [[Coldplay]], [[The Foo Fighters]], and [[Simply Red]].<ref name="bbc" />

Many consider Him to be not actually human but a racist, giant rat (see [[Giant rats]]).

While Blair rarely discusses his religious faith in public, he is a convinced Christian, a fact for which he is often criticised or mocked by British commentators. His wife, Cherie, is a Catholic; he has attended Catholic Masses, and it is thought that he may himself be sympathetic to Catholicism, though he is a member of the [[Church of England]].

He also guest-starred in an episode of [[Chucklevision]] which was directed by [[Martin Scorcese]]. He appeared as [[The Chuckle Brothers]]' employer, Mr Shittington-Smythe. In the episode, He and Blow-Job (played by [[George W Bush]]) were determined to out-perform the Chuckle Brothers as the ''Worst Double Act of the Century''. Sources deny He wrote the infamous "Ethnic Cleansing" episode of ''The Crystal Maze''.

==Blair's political career==

Other guest appearances include [[Art Attack]], where He played [[Neil Buchanan]]'s long-lost brother.

Blair became the first active prime minister to be interviewed in a police investigation, in December 2006<ref>[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/6292033.stm BBC NEWS | UK | Scotland | Honours police quizzed McConnell]</ref> and again in January 2007<ref>[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/6320399.stm BBC NEWS | Politics | Blair interviewed again by police]</ref>, over allegations he had illegally ''nominated'' donors to the Labour Party for peerages - the so called "Cash for Honours" scandal. The government stressed that he was being interviewed only as a witness however, and the nominations of the money lenders were rejected by the independent appointments' commission.<ref name="bbc" /> However the allegations were a popular story in the media, and dogged his final months in office.

Garnering enormous respect throughout the world, well Washington DC, well The White House: actually when I say White House I don't mean The White House - more a white house, Tony Blair straddles the international horse with the élan of a man bred especially for the job.

Tony Blair was superseded by [[Gordon Brown]] as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in June 2007.

==Blair's policies==

During a decade as commander of Earth’s second mightiest military (in terms of potatoes peeled), Mr Blair has put Britain back on the map as a force to be bloody scared of again.

During Blair's tenure as Prime Minister, the [[Labour party|Labour]] government made the Bank of England independent, allowing them to set the nation's interest rates (which had previously been set by the Chancellor of the Exchequer), and has introduced a national [[minimum wage]], in 1998, which has gradually been increased over time. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have gained their own legislatures, and limited attempts have been made to devolve power to the regions of England (although these have not been successful). Blair's government has also banned fox-hunting and cigarette smoking in public places.

In the face of [[Left-wing]] opposition from within old [[Labour Party|Hard Labour]], Tony has demonstrated socialism can live again - dynamic, renewed and revitalised - for the modern world.  With [[Alistair Campbell]]’s help, He has rebranded the party in His own image as the acceptable face of unashamed, unrestrained cash grabbing.

One of the most controversial aspects of Blair's premiership was been his commitment to and support of the Iraq war, which strongly divided opinion, both in the House and among the British people. His strong support of America and President [[George W. Bush]] in particular have set him apart from most European leaders, especially with the parties of the left (including his own Labour Party). This came at considerable political cost with his own popularity suffering greatly, and the Government may have lost considerable support in the 2005 general election as a result.

 

Speaking with Michael Parkinson, the King of Britain, France, Greenland and Spain, He said that enhancing Britain’s special relationship with the U.S. has been His proudest achievement. 

 

However, there have been indications that Governor Tony Blair (R-UK)'s relationship with George Bush might not be all it seems; believing no microphone was within range before the recording of a "show of unity" broadcast with [[Gordon Brown]], He was taped having the following conversation with the Chancellor (BBC Question Time, January 1903):

 

:''Christ alive, Gord, you of all people ought to know the truth about George and the way things are, but have you any idea what'd happen if we didn't go along with these crazy [garbled] ...suckers? I can have more influence by pretending to be his friend - like a hostage negotiator with a roomed-up psycho. I just thought you'd have worked that out by now. Why hasn't anyone worked that out by now, eh? And of course it's always me who gets the ing vitriol, you just sit there, the serene ing cash dispenser ...er, just water please, thanks...''

 

*'''Tony Blair''' was known as "Fragrant Miranda" by His peers at [[Oxford University]], and was especially admired and enjoyed by a clique of fellow actors.

*'''Known''' for being gifted in a generative sense, there was ample reason for His choosing a wide-mouthed wife.

*'''It is''' against the law to mention that He has a brother and sister, or to mention their names or anything about them. It is also against the law to mention that it is against the law to mention that He has a brother and sister or that it is against the law to mention their names or anything about them.

*'''Tony Blair''' conducts His weekly meetings with the Queen in the nude. The Queen is also naked but for a doublet of a lovely shade of green.

*'''Carole Caplin''': Mr Blair has{{C|deep titty pump monstered enormous lesbian ant farms whilst commanding a flotilla of warrior dolphins}}, insisting that Edwina {{C|Lady Thatcher bursting from his chest down at Fraggle Rock}}, remaining under wraps. It is widely believed that {{C|down at Fraggle Rock. Uncle Travelling Matt's dirty grey beard, thoroughly massaged, but he didn't finish me off. The general presumption ought to be, I think, that protection of meaningful freedom of expression is a very highly-valued ideal, just short of freedom of thought}}, jokingly referred to as his 'Toblerone'.

*'''Tony Blair''' is actually a vampire and step-son of [[Satan]].

*'''Tony Blair''' became physically part of George Bush on 8 December 1906. Surgeons are planning a lengthy operation to remove Him.

*'''Tony Blair''' lived for a short while as a hermit around London after he got thrown out of the massage palour he was working in by his pimp, George Bush.

 

 

Bliar's third name was Jan Gunnar Barterud. Leonard Nimoy had ambitions to stand for Parliament on [[Vulcan]] but was thwarted when he was kidnapped by Jewish aliens when Bliar was 11, an event which turned Bliar into a [[Jew]]. He spent most of His childhood years in onanistic and His first full orgasm occurred during an Everton-Liverpool derby match - this may explain His subconscious attraction towards Scouse Catholics. After attending the Mute Choristers School, Bliar was "educated" at [[The University of Deception]], where He met [[William Shatner]] whom He would later murder and eat. During his [[college]] years He also played [[banjo]] and danced for a jazz band called [[Iron Maiden]] ('''May they Rest In Peace'''). He purchased a degree for £15 and went on the road with [[Grateful Dead|The Grateful Dead]] where He met His future wife, [[Aileen Wournos]].

Bliar married Wournos on 1 April, 1590, although many people mistakenly believe that His wife is [[wikipedia:Cruella_DeVil|Cheri Blair]]. This is attributed mainly to His statement: "it's like being married to [[JAWS|Cheri Blair's Mouth]]", a statement later discovered to be a failed attempt to get "down with the kids" and their lingo. Bliar and Wournos have five sons ([[Marx|George, Vladimir, Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, and Zeppo]]) and one daughter ([[Marilyn Monroe|Marilyn]]). Groucho holds the distinction of being the first child ever born. While the Blairs have been keen to shield their children from the media spotlight, this has not always been possible due to their [[television]] careers and affairs with celebrities. Groucho became a focal point for a debate over the [[AIDS]] vaccine when Tony Blair refused to acknowledge His son for being a [[homosexual]] drug user like his father.

 

 

 

Bliar is a [[Satanist]] of the Church of Satan tendency, while His wife is a [[Voodoo]] High Priestess (and tormentor of the Munchkin lands). His children are (according to Satanic doctrine) brought up in that faith. Bliar has not sought to make an issue of His religion, though biographers agree that His musical beliefs have been profoundly influenced by it. One name often mentioned as a theological influence is the poet and [[philosopher]] [[Frank Zappa]]. Some have suggested Tony Bliar is the most devoutly [[Satan]]ic Prime Minister since His mother [[Margaret Thatcher]].

 

Shortly after failing to make graduation, Blair joined the [[Manual Labour Party]]. During the early 1580s, He was involved in the plot to assassinate [[John F. Kennedy]] and was programmed as a sleeper agent, where He was assigned to usurp Marc Almond from "soft cell" who appeared to be taking control of the party scene. However, His attempt to secure selection as the life and soul of the party was unsuccessful. Through His rent boy he contacted [[Charles Manson]], a musician from [[Toronto]], to ask for help in boosting His career in the performing arts; Manson gave Him [[guitar]] lessons in Nashville and advised Him to consider [[suicide]] as a career move. Blair was disheartened and it is around this time He started using drugs. It is a well-know fact that He lost his virginity to a cheese and pickle sandwich with [[Marmite]].

 

 

# Labour Party Rock ( The Gordon Brown re-mix)

 

Once His drug use had taken hold and He had gained some experience partying, Bliar's ascent was rapid. He was given His first job in 1584 as assistant party promoter. He demanded a promotion and was so incensed when refused that He killed His boss by beating him with a Technics record deck. The murder inquiry was covered up by the [[Bush]] family. Bliar was now firmly ensconced within the party scene, and with His reforming tendencies and loathing of techno [[music]] he began putting on parties of His own, playing only house music. His first party, headlined by DJ [[Neil Kinnock]], was a success and this rocketed Bliar into the spotlight. In 1617 Bliar produced a range of 'My Little Tony' dolls which sold badly and had a habit of exploding at inappropriate moments.

 

 

Was briefly linked with Zippy in the mid '80s, but bedded [[Cliff Richard]] after a drunken night that threw them together & forced Clive James back to [[Australia]] to start his own whale humping agency.

 

 

[[Kate Bush|George W Bush]] has written a biographical account of 'Little Tony's Sexual Adventures in Texas'. It was here that it was first recorded that Tony likes sucking Dick, but generally prefers to lick Bush. The book goes onto describe how Tony often enjoys crossdressing and includes pictures.

 

 

To His peers at University He was known as 'Naughty Lola'. Well that was the name of His alter ego when He was troubled for cash and had to work as a drag stripper. It was in the strip club ''Small'n'Bony'' that He first met Big Al. Unfortunately, Big Al jumped from his balcony four days after the start of their relationship. An autopsy revealed he had put the elicit drug "poppers" in "the wrong end".

 

 

Tony Blair's sexual affairs with George Bush have caused considerable frustration to [[Laura Bush]] who has threatened to divorce her husband over the matter. Laura Bush has reportedly refused to watch or participate in their sexual intercourse, although she has often participated in George's other affairs, including that of [[Condie Rice]]. This is because the affair between George and Tony is such an intimate nature that Laura has become jealous because she has never experienced this with George. George once claimed that Tony could do things with a cucumber that most Americans "couldn't imagine".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 25 December 1704, [[Communist]] MP [[David Icke]] announced that he would eliminate Bliar. Icke argued that Bliar had "put on shite parties" and "secretly loved techno". Icke had the support of all [[Communist]]s and [[hippies]], and claimed that a number of Manual Labour backers had expressed support. The ''Eliminate Bliar'' campaign was supported by German scientists and techno lovers alike. Its leader, MC [[Boris Johnson]], allegedly claimed he would cook and eat Blair over the course of six days.

* Cooked whole with an apple in the mouth;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*He worships his own form of God, which he refers to as Devil.

*Tony Blair likes to talk about leaders of the Conservative Party having the imprint of the last person who sat on them - this is because no matter how often Cherie or Clare Short sits on him they just can't change his mind, although ironically Clare left a permanent impression.

==Blair and the media==

==Blair and the media==

In the 1990s in particular, Blair was seen as a charismatic leader, with formidable media performing skills. His most famous television appearance was his tribute to [[Diana, Princess of Wales]] on the morning after her death in August 1997, in which he described her as "the People's Princess" and "the Queen of Hearts". Blair has, however, acquired a reputation for excessive news management, and even for dishonesty, particularly after the Iraq War. Blair's government has also banned fox-hunting and cigarette smoking in public places.

In the 1990s in particular, Blair was seen as a charismatic leader, with formidable media performing skills. His most famous television appearance was his tribute to [[Diana, Princess of Wales]] on the morning after her death in August 1997, in which he described her as "the People's Princess" and "the Queen of Hearts". Blair has, however, acquired a reputation for excessive news management, and even for dishonesty, particularly after the Iraq War. Blair's government has also banned fox-hunting and cigarette smoking in public places.

==See also==

==See also==