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'''Rachael Domenica Ray''' (born August 25, 1968 in Glens Falls, [[New York]]) is a TV [[chef]] and [[author]] who currently hosts the syndicated series ''Rachael Ray''.  She started her career hosting ''$40 a Day'', ''Inside Dish'', and ''30 Minute Meals'' on the [[Food Network]].

'''Rachael Domenica Ray''' (born August 25, 1968 in Glens Falls, [[New York]]) is a TV [[chef]] and [[author]] who currently hosts the syndicated series ''Rachael Ray''.  She started her career hosting ''$40 a Day'', ''Inside Dish'', and ''30 Minute Meals'' on the [[Food Network]]. Behind her innocuous facade, Rachael Ray is the long foretold Anti-Christ, and will begin her seven years' reign of terror in the autumn of 2008. After seven years, Ray's demonic troops will be defeated by the New Model Army of Heaven, and Ray herself (along with her second-in-command, Jimmy Carter, who lately has been preparing for the Battle of Armageddon with visits to the Holy Land) will be slain by the Messiah. The Second Coming of Christ is part of the God the Son component of the Holy Trinity but is distinct from the First Coming, who arrived in 1 AD in the person of Jesus of Nazareth; this new messiah who will slay Rachael Ray is the half-brother of Jesus, and arrived in 1983 in the person of Oral McClarty of Rhea County, Tennessee. Oral will then succeed his father as ruler of the universe, and will judge the souls of mankind, hurling all regular viewers of the Food Network into a fiery pit, and wiping off the map every state that Jimmy Carter carried in the U.S. presidential election of 1976. (it is partly because of Carter's victory in Tennessee that Oral has abandoned his home state for a heavily fortified bunker in a remote location in Idaho.) Oral's half-brother, the fag enabler Jesus, will be punished for his tendencies toward homosexuality by assignment as janitor in what used to be the city hall of Pandemonium.

==Further Readings==

==Further Readings==