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Line 1: − [[Image:conservlogo.png|325px|thumb|right|Internet Toilet Paper]]+ − Toilet paper is [[paper]] specifically designed to remove traces of faeces from the [[human]] lower orifice after [[User:Aschlafly|defecation]]. Toilet paper is designed to decompose in a [[Conservapedia|septic tank]] after use, as opposed to facial [[tissue|tissues]], which are not always by design able to do so.+ − Toilet paper is known by many names, some of which include "toilet roll", "dunny paper" and "bathroom tissue".+ − + − + − Toilet paper has played a large roll in human history, without it, the world would surely have descended into [[Conservapedia|chaos]] long ago. The earliest recorded use (or otherwise) of toilet paper was written by the [[China|Chinese]] scholar, Yan Zhitui during the year 589 AD.+ − {{Cquote|Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes}}+ − + − Before widespread use of toilet paper, many humans would use less gentle methods such as [[leaves]], [[grass]] or even [[shell|seashells]] to deposit their excess leavings.+ − + − + − + − With the invention of the [[internet]], toilet paper [[technology]] has advanced dramatically. Whereas in past eras people would wipe their excess [[Conservapedia|excrement]] on sheets of [[paper]], certain [[Conservapedia|websites]] have assumed the same role. While much more convenient, the [[Conservapedia|excrement]] remains in plain sight for all to see, this predicament is known as the "Online [[Conservapedia|Septic Tank]]" issue. − − [[Humanity|Select groups]] see this problem as humorous, while at the same time believe the [[Conservapedia|online septic waste]] should be dispatched to the sewer, where it belongs. If left unchecked, it is widely believed that the problem could lead to [[John_McCain|catastrophe]] of [[Great_Flood|biblical proportions]] − − ==Interesting Notes== − Similar to sightings seen in [[food]] products and [[cloud]] formations, likenesses of the [[Mary|Virgin Mother]] have been seen in used toilet paper. Such sightings are said to fortell great [[User:Aschlafly|mental problems]] to the beholder, as is the same with all sightings regardless of medium. − −
Undo revision 571203 by MatthewK (Talk) Oh, what an adult.
'''Kenneth D. Wald''' is a professor of Political Science at the [[University of Florida]]. He has written several books on the topic of religion and politics in [[America]], [[Great Britain]] and [[Israel]].
==Books by Kenneth Wald==
==Ancient Use of Toilet Paper==
*[[Religion and Politics in The United States]]
*[[Crosses on the Ballot: Patterns of British Voter Alignment Since 1885]]
==External Links==
[http://www.polisci.ufl.edu/people/faculty/waldk.shtml| University of Florida]
==Toilet Paper in the Modern Day==
{{DEFAULTSORT:Wald, Kenneth D.}}
[[Image:ASchlafly.JPG|thumb|175px|left|The current holder of Guiness World Record's "Most Toilet Paper Consumed" record.]]
[[category:authors]]
[[Conservapedia]] is responsible for the decimation of approximately one third of all toilet paper manufacturing in the world. This is largely due to the amount of [[Conservapedia|excrement]] deposited to said site instead of [[god|traditional]] methods of removing excess faeces.