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Conservapedia talk:Debate Topics (view source)
Revision as of 23:13, February 16, 2009
, 23:13, February 16, 2009→Why We Should Remove New Hampshire: new section
::Ah! I think I've got it! [[User:Alexander|Alexander]] 14:07, 21 December 2007 (EST)
::Ah! I think I've got it! [[User:Alexander|Alexander]] 14:07, 21 December 2007 (EST)
== Why We Should Remove New Hampshire ==
As you know, the American government has accumulated a huge national debt, and they are having a bit of trouble getting rid of it. Getting rid of $8 trillion can be a bit tricky, so they are asking American citizens to come up with ways to help eliminate it. Of course I, like the helpful guy that I am, have come up with the perfect option: Let’s get rid of New Hampshire.
Why New Hampshire? It’s quite easy. New Hampshire has nothing special about it. Not since Old Man in the Mountain collapsed. I mean, it doesn’t have a professional sports team, it has no important colleges, and it’s really small, too. Only 1.2 million people live on 9350 square miles. We could easily get rid of this and no one would care!
Here’s how it happens: First, the government reclaims New Hampshire from private citizens with that wonderful eminent domain power that they have, give the citizens a couple hundred bucks to keep them happy, and then sell the land to another country. It doesn’t matter which one, we’re trying to save America here. Canada comes to mind. They’re already the second-biggest country in the world, so they wouldn’t mind having a nice patch of land south of the Great Lakes. Mexico could be fun. We’d have people complaining of the hundreds of illegal immigrants coming from “East of the border”. Heck, I’d bet Iran or North Korea wouldn’t mind having a small patch of land right next to America. I’d bet they’d be willing to pay top dollar!
Now, let’s get back to actually selling the place. The average price per acre of land in New England is $528,000. If we multiply that by the 2.2 million acres of land in New Hampshire, we’d get over a quadrillion dollars! Not only would we be out of debt, we’d be in in the black! We might even be able to spend a few more years in Iraq without bankrupting the country if we did this!
Hey, here’s another reason: New Hampshire is a bigger money pit than the educational system! New Hampshire spends over $2 billion a year. They also have the second-lowest tax burden in the country! So can you tell me why these people spend so much money with almost no taxes? In addition to that, New Hampshire has the highest per capita sales of alcohol in the country! And speaking of education, New Hampshire doesn’t publicly fund kindergarten! They don’t care about our children and their education! The only thing that they care about is filling their wallets with money and their hip flasks with bourbon. New Hampshirian-ites have the highest per capita income in the country, and none of it is taxed! These greedy, drunken, corrupt, penny-pinching misers deserve to be gotten rid of!
There are political reasons, too. For almost its entire history, God’s chosen political party has governed New Hampshire, but as a result of current trends, New Hampshire is now being ruled… by the left! How terrifying is that? I mean, liberals have wasted enough of this country’s money on health care and alternative energy; can you imagine what it would be like if one more state was ruled by these pagan tax-and-spenders? If we sell New Hampshire, these horrible people will be able to go back to those terrible states that spawned them: California, New York, and Minnesota.
Now, I can tell some of you are squeamish about this idea. You might say that it would cost too much to get rid of New Hampshire. You might say we’d have to redesign the flag to accompany the loss of one state. Surely you jest. Not many people know this, but Texas has a special amendment in its constitution that allows it to split into as many as five separate states if needed. So, after we sell New Hampshire, we can simply split up Texas into two separate states: South Texas and Souther Texas. It would be clean, easy, and efficient.
Besides, if you still think it would cost too much, remember that in 2004, the federal government passed a bill that set aside $25,000 to be spent on researching mariachi music. I think that pretty much proves that this country can afford anything.
Now, my reasons to get rid of New Hampshire are quite clear: New Hampshire is worth a lot of money, incredibly small, and is losing money faster than the Automotive industry. It has no reason to exist, so it shouldn’t. And remember, if you don’t think that we should eliminate America’s national debt quickly and efficiently, it can only mean one thing: you hate America. Thank you and have a nice day.