Changes

Our  respective representatives can effortlessly divide  other assets since both  sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.  We don't like redistributive  taxes so you can keep them.  You are welcome to the liberal judges and  the ACLU.  Since you hate guns and  war, we'll take our firearms, the  cops, the NRA and the military.  You can  keep Oprah, Michael Moore and  Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible  for finding a bio-diesel  vehicle big enough to move all three of them).  We'll keep the  capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall  Street.  You can have your  beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and  illegal aliens.  We'll keep the  hot  Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's  and rednecks.  We'll keep the Bibles and  give you NBC and  Hollywood.  You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and  we'll retain  the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.  You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.  When our allies or our  way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them  security.  We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values..  You are  welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain.  You can  also have the  U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the  bill.

Our  respective representatives can effortlessly divide  other assets since both  sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.  We don't like redistributive  taxes so you can keep them.  You are welcome to the liberal judges and  the ACLU.  Since you hate guns and  war, we'll take our firearms, the  cops, the NRA and the military.  You can  keep Oprah, Michael Moore and  Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible  for finding a bio-diesel  vehicle big enough to move all three of them).  We'll keep the  capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall  Street.  You can have your  beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and  illegal aliens.  We'll keep the  hot  Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's  and rednecks.  We'll keep the Bibles and  give you NBC and  Hollywood.  You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and  we'll retain  the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.  You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.  When our allies or our  way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them  security.  We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are  welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain.  You can  also have the  U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the  bill.