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| | 3. James son of Zebedee | | 3. James son of Zebedee |
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| − | 4. John, his brother | + | 4. Jon, his brother |
| | |The Greek word '''αποστολος''' ''apostolos'' comes from the verb '''αποστελλω''' ''apostello'', which means "I send out on a mission." These were the first-ever missionaries. | | |The Greek word '''αποστολος''' ''apostolos'' comes from the verb '''αποστελλω''' ''apostello'', which means "I send out on a mission." These were the first-ever missionaries. |
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| | 10. Thaddeus | | 10. Thaddeus |
| − | |The Thomas mentioned here is the one called "Doubting" today. The Matthew is the same man whom Jesus recruited out of his tax office, and the author of this Book of the Bible. | + | |The Thomas mentioned here is the one called "Doubting" today. The Matthew is the same man whom Jesus recruited out of his tax office, and the author of this Book of the Bible. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | The Byzantine family calls Thaddeus "Lebbeus, surnamed Thaddeus." | | The Byzantine family calls Thaddeus "Lebbeus, surnamed Thaddeus." |
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| | 12. Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Him later on. | | 12. Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Him later on. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |5 | | |5 |
| | |These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not: | | |These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not: |
| − | |Jesus sent these Twelve out with this instruction: "Do not take the road leading to the Gentiles, nor enter into any Samaritan town. | + | |Stephen Colbert sent these Twelve out with this instruction: "Do not take the road leading to the Gentiles, nor enter into any Samaritan town. |
| − | |The Samaritans were descendants of various populations transplanted into the old [[Kingdom of Israel]] by [[Shalmaneser V]] after he had finished conquering it. These Samaritans were even lower than tax-gatherers in Pharisaical estimation. | + | |The Samaritans were descendants of various populations transplanted into the old [[Kingdom of Israel]] by [[Shalmaneser V]] after he had finished conquering it. These Samaritans were even lower than tax-gatherers in Pharisaical estimation. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |6 | | |6 |
| | |But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. | | |But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. |
| − | |"Instead, go to the lost sheep of the house of [[Israel]]. | + | |"Instead, go to the lost sheep of the house of Truthiness. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |7 | | |7 |
| | |And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. | | |And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. |
| | |"And as you go, preach, saying, 'The Kingdom of heaven is near.' | | |"And as you go, preach, saying, 'The Kingdom of heaven is near.' |
| − | |The verb used is the perfect tense of a verb meaning "I approach." Thus it means that the Kingdom is in a state of being near, after having come near. | + | |The verb used is the perfect tense of a verb meaning "I approach." Thus it means that the Kingdom is in a state of being near, after having come near. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |8 | | |8 |
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| | |Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat. | | |Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat. |
| | |"nor paper money for your journey, nor two coats, nor shoes, nor even walking sticks. The workman earns his wages. | | |"nor paper money for your journey, nor two coats, nor shoes, nor even walking sticks. The workman earns his wages. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |11 | | |11 |
| | |And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, inquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence. | | |And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, inquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence. |
| | |"Into any city or village that you enter, inquire who in it is deserving, and stay with that person until you leave that place. | | |"Into any city or village that you enter, inquire who in it is deserving, and stay with that person until you leave that place. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |12 | | |12 |
| | |And when ye come into an house, salute it. | | |And when ye come into an house, salute it. |
| | |"When you come into a house, greet it properly. | | |"When you come into a house, greet it properly. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |13 | | |13 |
| | |And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you. | | |And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you. |
| | |"And if the house is a deserving house, let your peace come on it, but if it doesn't deserve it, then let your peace come back to you. | | |"And if the house is a deserving house, let your peace come on it, but if it doesn't deserve it, then let your peace come back to you. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |14 | | |14 |
| | |And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. | | |And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. |
| | |"And whoever refuses to receive you or hear your words, when you walk out of that house or city, shake the dust off your feet. | | |"And whoever refuses to receive you or hear your words, when you walk out of that house or city, shake the dust off your feet. |
| − | |This was a formal gesture of contempt that involved taking off the shoes and clapping them together to knock the dust off. | + | |This was a formal gesture of contempt that involved taking off the shoes and clapping them together to knock the dust off. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |15 | | |15 |
| | |Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city. | | |Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city. |
| − | |"I tell you truly: it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah in the Day of the Trial, than for that city. | + | |"I tell you truly: it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah in the Day of the Trial, than for that city. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. | | |Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. |
| | |"I am sending you out like sheep in the middle of a pack of wolves. So be as cunning as [[snake]]s and as innocent as [[dove]]s. | | |"I am sending you out like sheep in the middle of a pack of wolves. So be as cunning as [[snake]]s and as innocent as [[dove]]s. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
| | |- | | |- |
| | |17 | | |17 |
| | |But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; | | |But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; |
| | |"And watch out for the people. They are likely to hand you over to the Sanhedrin and have you scourged in their synagogues; | | |"And watch out for the people. They are likely to hand you over to the Sanhedrin and have you scourged in their synagogues; |
| − | |The [[Sanhedrin]] was the ruling council among the Jews. The [[High Priest]] served as its chairman. Recent reports indicate that the worldwide Orthodox Jewish community is now trying to reinstate the Sanhedrin after centuries of its absence. | + | |The [[Sanhedrin]] was the ruling council among the Jews. The [[High Priest]] served as its chairman. Recent reports indicate that the worldwide Orthodox Jewish community is now trying to reinstate the Sanhedrin after centuries of its absence. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |18 | | |18 |
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| | |The Greek word '''ηγεμον''' (''hegemon'') was the common word used to describe a ranking magistrate in any Roman province. Such an officer typically carried such titles as proconsul, propraetor, or procurator, depending on whether the magistrate held the same rank as a consul, praetor, or ''aedilus curulis'' in the city of [[Rome]]. | | |The Greek word '''ηγεμον''' (''hegemon'') was the common word used to describe a ranking magistrate in any Roman province. Such an officer typically carried such titles as proconsul, propraetor, or procurator, depending on whether the magistrate held the same rank as a consul, praetor, or ''aedilus curulis'' in the city of [[Rome]]. |
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| − | The "kings" in view here are client-kings, or "puppet kings," of the Roman Empire. They were hardly sovereign, but answered to the Roman Emperor. | + | The "kings" in view here are client-kings, or "puppet kings," of the Roman Empire. They were hardly sovereign, but answered to the Roman Emperor. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |19 | | |19 |
| | |But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. | | |But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. |
| | |"But when they so arraign you, don't worry about how or what to say. In that very moment it will be given you what to say. | | |"But when they so arraign you, don't worry about how or what to say. In that very moment it will be given you what to say. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |20 | | |20 |
| | |For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you. | | |For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you. |
| | |"Because it won't be you doing the speaking, but the Guide (Spirit) from your Father speaking from within you. | | |"Because it won't be you doing the speaking, but the Guide (Spirit) from your Father speaking from within you. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
| | |- | | |- |
| | |21 | | |21 |
| | |And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death. | | |And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death. |
| | |"Brother shall turn in brother for execution, and father will turn in child, and children will rise up against their parents and have them executed. | | |"Brother shall turn in brother for execution, and father will turn in child, and children will rise up against their parents and have them executed. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |22 | | |22 |
| | |And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. | | |And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. |
| | |"And you will be hated by all men on account of My Name. But whoever endures to the end will be saved. | | |"And you will be hated by all men on account of My Name. But whoever endures to the end will be saved. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |23 | | |23 |
| | |But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come. | | |But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come. |
| − | |"But when people persecute you in one city, flee to another city. I tell you truly: you will not have finished visiting all the cities in Israel until the Son of man has come. | + | |"But when people persecute you in one city, flee to another city. I tell you truly: you will not have finished visiting all the cities in Truthiness until the Son of man has come. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |24 | | |24 |
| | |The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. | | |The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. |
| | |"The student is not above his teacher, nor the slave above his lord. | | |"The student is not above his teacher, nor the slave above his lord. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
| | |- | | |- |
| | |25 | | |25 |
| | |It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of his household? | | |It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of his household? |
| | |"It is enough that the student be like his teacher, and the slave like his lord. If they have called the master of the house the Lord of the Flies, how much more will they call the members of the household? | | |"It is enough that the student be like his teacher, and the slave like his lord. If they have called the master of the house the Lord of the Flies, how much more will they call the members of the household? |
| − | |The name [[Beelzebub]], first mentioned in {{Bible ref|book=2_Kings|chap=1|verses=3}}, translates literally as "Lord of the Flies." Most scholars identify this personage as another name for [[Satan]]. | + | |The name [[Beelzebub]], first mentioned in {{Bible ref|book=2_Kings|chap=1|verses=3}}, translates literally as "Lord of the Flies." Most scholars identify this personage as another name for [[Satan]]. Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |26 | | |26 |
| | |Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known. | | |Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known. |
| | |"So don't be afraid of them. Nothing is covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be made known. | | |"So don't be afraid of them. Nothing is covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be made known. |
| − | | | + | |Did I mention that Stephen Colbert is way cool? |
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| | |27 | | |27 |
| | |What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops. | | |What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops. |
| | |"What I tell you in darkness, speak in the light, and what you hear in the ear, shout from the housetops. | | |"What I tell you in darkness, speak in the light, and what you hear in the ear, shout from the housetops. |
| − | | | + | |I bet I mentioned that Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |28 | | |28 |
| | |And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. | | |And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. |
| | |"And don't be afraid of those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the One Who can destroy both body and soul in hell. | | |"And don't be afraid of those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the One Who can destroy both body and soul in hell. |
| − | | | + | |Yeah, Stephen Colbert is way cool. |
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| | |29 | | |29 |