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→These are, as always, merely suggestions: new section
[[User:SamHB|SamHB]] 00:20, 23 July 2011 (EDT)
[[User:SamHB|SamHB]] 00:20, 23 July 2011 (EDT)
:I have been working very hard on improving this article and Sharon and Iduan did a few copyedits. It's not finished yet, and I will go a bit more in depth on some areas. And That's All Right was his first professional recording for Sun and Heartbreak Hotel was his first #1 hit. And I am not so sure about going into the hoax stuff. I may do a bit about it, but not discuss it in detail. Glad you like the reworking and expansion of this article!--[[User:JamesWilson|JamesWilson]] 00:27, 23 July 2011 (EDT)
:I have been working very hard on improving this article and Sharon and Iduan did a few copyedits. It's not finished yet, and I will go a bit more in depth on some areas. And That's All Right was his first professional recording for Sun and Heartbreak Hotel was his first #1 hit. And I am not so sure about going into the hoax stuff. I may do a bit about it, but not discuss it in detail. Glad you like the reworking and expansion of this article!--[[User:JamesWilson|JamesWilson]] 00:27, 23 July 2011 (EDT)
== These are, as always, merely suggestions ==
Miscellaneous suggestion:
*Keep an eye on the verb tense. Most of the article should be in the past tense.
Possible clarifications:
Opening paragraph
* What year did Elvis win the lifetime Grammy award?
Early life
* Interesting tidbit from one of your references – the house didn't have electricity or running water. You might consider adding this to the article.
* What was Vernon imprisoned for?
* Was it a particular Pentecostal church? Add name if you have it.
* Building complex or apartment complex?
* Name of band he was in with the 4 boys?
* What did he do at Crown Electric?
Early career
* "That's All Right" – does "backed by" mean the "B side"? Was it a 45? You might want to explain that, because younger people might not understand. I know my teenaged boys wouldn't know what it meant.
* You might consider explaining what the Louisiana Hayride was. Also, who did he sign the one-year contract with? The Hayride or a parent company?
* When did he move from Sun to RCA?
* When did Parker become his manager?
Repetitive info:
You have info about him being filmed from the waist up in two different places: The Ed Sullivan Show and Early concerts. It really only needs to be in once – I'm not sure which section would be best.
Concerts
* When did he perform in Vegas and when was his road tour?
1970s Live Concerts
* What two films?
* "He had recording sessions and concerts." Maybe this could be incorporated better into the other sentences, unless they were specific recording sessions and concerts.
Aloha from Hawaii
* Was there a reason the US delayed broadcast?
Army service
* Where did he go through basic training?
* Where in Germany was he stationed?
Marriage
* Wasn't Priscilla really young?
Death
* Didn't he die of cardiac arrest, caused by the drugs and weight?
Discography and filmography
* Is there a way to make the text into two columns? It would make it read better. I'm not great at wiki editing yet, but I think I've seen it done. Hmm, maybe I'll look into it.
Article is looking great! Keep up the great work and I'm looking forward to your Cash and Seeger articles too! [[User:SharonW|SharonW]] 21:36, 27 July 2011 (EDT)