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[[Image:Porcupine.jpg|right|250px|thumb]]

[[Image:Porcupine.jpg|right|250px|thumb]]

The '''porcupine''' is a large heavyset quilled [[rodent]]. It has short legs that move it slowly and it is usually solitary, [[nocturnal]], and spends much of its time in [[tree]]s.

The administrator '''conservative''' is a large heavyset, incredibly irrational [[rodent]]. It has short legs that move it slowly and it is usually solitary, unintelligent, and spends much of its time obsessively editing conservapedia and undoing vandalism such as this in an effort to stave off dealing with reality.

The porcupine's barbed quills detach easily and can become embedded in the flesh of an attacker. Not only do they inflict painful wounds, but they also work into the skin and may even cause death if they puncture vital organs or if the wounds become [[infection|infected]]. Porcupine quills embedded in an attacker's face may prevent the assailant from feeding successfully, leading to death from [[starvation]].

The conservative's rotten teeth detach easily and can become embedded in the flesh of an attacker. Not only do they inflict painful wounds, but they also work into the skin and may even cause death if they puncture vital organs or if the wounds become [[infection|infected]].

==Biology==

==Biology==

The porcupine is the second largest of all rodents. It has a small [[head]], a large, chunky body with a high arching back and short legs. Its head and body are 30 to 40 inches long, with a long, thick, muscular [[tail]] growing as long as 12 inches. It weighs from 40 to 80 pounds. Long, yellowish guard hairs cover the front half of its body while up to 30,000 quills are interspersed among the dark, coarse guard hairs of the back and tail. These quills are the most distinguishing characteristic of the porcupine. The black-tipped, yellowish quills are stiff, barbed spines about 5 inches long that can become deadly once embedded in other animals' flesh.

The conservative is the largest of all rodents. It has a small [[head]] (obviously), a large, chunky body with a high arching back and short legs. Its head and body are 54 to 80 inches long, with a long, thick, lice-ridden beard growing as long as 12 inches. It weighs from 400 to 800 pounds. Long, matted, body hair cover the front half of its body while up to 30,000 pimples are interspersed among the dark, coarse body hairs of the back and face. These pimples are the most distinguishing characteristic of conservative.

==Behavior==

==Behavior==

The porcupine is usually regarded as arboreal and found in woodlands. The porcupine is primarily nocturnal and may rest by day in hollow trees and logs, crevices in rocky bluffs or underground burrows. Porcupines are strict [[vegetarian]]s. In the spring they feed on leaves, twigs and green plants. In winter, they chew through the outer bark of [[fir]], [[hemlock]], [[aspen]] and [[oak]] trees to eat the tender layer of tissue below. Sometimes, they will completely girdle, and thus kill, trees. They may also gnaw used ax handles, canoe paddles, crutches, or other items for the [[salt]] and [[oil]] they contain. The two large, front gnawing teeth continue to grow as long as the porcupine lives.

Conservative is usually regarded as antisocial and found in basements. Conservative is primarily diurnal and may rest by night (or day because he is a lazy dude) on sweaty mattresses, beat-up sofas or in his shitty-ass car, although he does not prefer the latter since he can barely fit. Conservative is a strict carnivore, devouring several big macs a day (pickles don't count). In the spring he feeds mostly on fast food, and perhaps soda. His body odor is such that it will sometimes wilt, and thus kill, trees. He may also gnaw used ax handles, canoe paddles, crutches, or other items for the [[salt]] and [[oil]] they contain, since he is a glutton. The two large, front gnawing teeth continue to grow as long as conservative lives, since he is a type of rat.

==Life Cycle==

==Life Cycle==

Porcupines breed in the [[fall]] or early [[winter]]. The courtship ritual involves males who are looking for a mate uttering several high falsetto squeaks, while females announce their availability by squatting. When the two come together, they confirm the arrangement with a great deal of nose rubbing. One or two young are born with soft quills and eyes open about 10 days later. Their quills harden within the hour and they begin eating solid food after two weeks, but they continue to nurse for 4 or 5 months. While captives have lived up to 30 years, porcupines in the wild tend to have a life expectancy of 15 to 20 years.

Conservative never breeds. His large size and small penis, along with the traits mentioned above, mean it's both socially and mechanically impossible for him to do so.

 

== References ==

== References ==

* http://www.nhptv.org/NatureWorks/porcupine.htm

* http://www.nhptv.org/NatureWorks/porcupine.htm