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no edit summary
Person reading "Conservative jokes" page: Why do relativity-deniers think puns are so funny?
Person reading "Conservative jokes" page: Why do relativity-deniers think puns are so funny?
Answer: They still think of puns as one of the four humors.
Answer: they're not offensive to their fi fis
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Conservapedia vandal: Hmmm...if I make two fake accounts, instead of one, they'll never suspect me!
Conservapedia vandal: Hmmm...if I make two fake accounts, instead of one, they'll never suspect me!
What do progressive stores hold to show their "progressive" reverse racism?
What do progressive stores hold to show their "progressive" reverse racism?
:Black-only Friday.
:like progressives and regressives were the same thing.
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When did Michael Shermer become a skeptic?
When did Michael Shermer become a skeptic?
Where was evidence of ''Archaeopteryx'' first discovered?
Where was evidence of ''Archaeopteryx'' first discovered?
:Wall Drug's gift store.
:Germany.
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Why did Westminster University give Richard Dawkins an honorary degree?
Why did Westminster University give Richard Dawkins an honorary degree?
:They thought he was [[Richard Dawson|the guy from ''Family Feud'']].
:They thought he was [[Richard Dawson|the guy from ''Family Feud'']].
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What's the only creationist question an evolutionist has answered?
What's the only creationist question an evolutionist hasn't answered?
:"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"
:"why are creationists not dead off their ignorance?"
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What's the only reason pseudoscientists know of for the universe's not being homogenous?
What's the only reason pseudoscientists know of for the universe's not being homogenous?
:They know of no matter existing between Las Vegas and Washington.
:background radiation.
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How many [[liberal]]s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many [[liberal]]s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
:Zero, they prefer to remain in the dark.
:Zero, they prefer to remain in the dark. you know, about shit like evolution or MLK being a socialist.
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What is an abortion surgeon's least favorite song?
What is an abortion surgeon's least favorite song?
:"(You're) Having my Baby."
:"HAHA I PEE PEE WITH MY WEE WEE"<ref>m°↓https://genius.com/Kevinbo202-already-over-part-2-annotated</ref>
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How can we stop global warming?
How can we stop global warming?
:Leaving our refrigerators open.
:by not being blind
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What God-inspired physicist can be eaten as a snack?
What God-inspired physicist can be eaten as a snack?
:Isaac Fig Newton
:Isaac Fig Newton. because christians are demons if they care about science.
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Did you hear about the new Obama diet?<ref name="ijr">Hulsey, Emily. "21 Jokes That Only Conservatives Will Find Funny". ''Independent Journal Review''. http://ijr.com/2014/05/139652-21-jokes-conservatives-will-find-funny/</ref>
Did you hear about the new Obama diet?<ref name="ijr">Hulsey, Emily. "21 Jokes That Only Conservatives Will Find Funny". ''Independent Journal Review''. http://ijr.com/2014/05/139652-21-jokes-conservatives-will-find-funny/</ref>
What do you call a basement full of liberals?
What do you call a basement full of liberals?
:A whine cellar.<ref name="ijr" />
:A science club.<ref name="ijr" />
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Today, it was so cold, I saw a liberal with his hands in his own pockets.
Today, it was so cold, I saw a conservative with his hands in his own pockets.
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I hope [[global warming]] is real. Those [[Liberal|snowflakes]] will melt in the politically incorrect heat!
I hope [[global warming]] is real. Those [[Conservative|snowflakes]] will melt in the politically incorrect heat!
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What is [[Hillary Clinton]]'s favorite breakfast cereal?
What is [[Ted Cruz]]'s favorite breakfast cereal?
:Subtle Trix.
:Subtle Trix.
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And her favorite Everly Brothers song?
And his favorite Everly Brothers song?
:"All I Have to Do is Scheme,"
:"All I Have to Do is Scheme,"
What's a conservative's favorite shape?
What's a conservative's favorite shape?
:A right triangle.
:A flat head.
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What do you call a conservative accountant?
What do you call a conservative accountant?
Why can't a group of all liberals assemble a country?
Why can't a group of all liberals assemble a country?
:They don't have the Right.
:because you're giving wayyyyyy too much attention to the shitty ones.
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How do atheists search for nuclear fusion?
How do atheists search for nuclear fusion?
:Through intensive trial and error with expensive laboratory equipment and taxpayer dollars.
:actually trying.
But how do the Christians do it?
But how do the Christians do it?
:Looking out their windows.<ref>The Sun, and all stars, are examples of nuclear fusion (in this case, fusing hydrogen to form helium and other gases). Scientists are seeking to replicate this at lower temperatures, called "cold fusion."</ref>
:they're pigs if they like science.<ref>The Sun, and all stars, are examples of nuclear fusion (in this case, fusing hydrogen to form helium and other gases). Scientists are seeking to replicate this at lower temperatures, called "cold fusion."</ref>
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What did Obama do when a ship from outer space landed on Earth?
What did Obama do when a ship from outer space landed on Earth?
:How lazy are they?
:How lazy are they?
They're so lazy, they didn't get around to the [[October Revolution]] until November.
They're so lazy, they didn't get around to the [[October Revolution]] until November. because liberal = Communist
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How does [[Carl Sagan]] think the universe was formed?
How does [[Carl Sagan]] think the universe was formed?
:A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
:from a giant explosion.
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What do you call a party for pseudoscientists?
What do you call a party for pseudoscientists?
:Dance dance evolution.
:The Grand old party.
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What did the conservative parents name their sons?
What did the conservative parents name their sons?
Why do many conservatives listen to heavy metal?
Why do many conservatives listen to heavy metal?
:Because they rock.
:they don't because they're a bunch of cowards.
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How did Hillary Clinton lose the 2016 presidential election?
How did Hillary Clinton lose the 2016 presidential election?
:She was Trumped.
:they found she rigged the primaries against bernie.
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What causes road rage among liberals?
What causes road rage among liberals?
:When the street light doesn't go green.
:When the street light doesn't go green.
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What is the difference between Barack Obama and a vampire?
What is the difference between George Bush and a vampire?
:Well at least a vampire eventually stops sucking.
:Well at least a vampire eventually stops sucking.
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Guns make liberals triggered.
Guns make liberals triggered, unlike me. a creationist homophobic science denying genius.
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Why do conservatives like guns unlike liberals?
Why do conservatives like guns unlike liberals?
:Because conservatives can actually take a bullet for someone or something.
:Because hunter avallone doesn't exist
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What is [[Chris Christie]]'s favorite animal?
What is [[Chris Christie]]'s favorite animal?
:A [[RINO]].
:A [[RINO]].
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What do liberals and iPhones have in common?
What do dumbasses and iPhones have in common?
:If you don't hear them for a long time, they probably lost.
:If you don't hear them for a long time, they probably lost.
What is the difference between liberals and cigarettes?
What is the difference between liberals and cigarettes?
:[[Donald Trump]] doesn't smoke cigarettes.
:cigarretes don't have amazing brains.
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What do liberals and businesses have in common?
What do liberals and businesses have in common?
:They're both owned by Donald Trump.
:They're both helping the economy.
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Knock, knock!
Knock, knock!
Bernie.
Bernie.
Bernie who?
Bernie who?
Bernie got fucked by the corporatist left!
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Knock, knock!
Knock, knock!
Irate.
Irate.
Irate who?
Irate who?
Irate the Obama administration a zero out of ten!
Irate this shitty site a zero out of ten!
==Wikipedia's Slogan==
==Wikipedia's Slogan==
What liquid is worth 0.4 cents a gallon to a conservative, but $1.22 per gallon to a liberal?
What liquid is worth 0.4 cents a gallon to a conservative, but $1.22 per gallon to a liberal?
:Water, whether tap or bottled
:brain juice, liberals earn their smarts.
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If an atheist deifies himself enough ... is he still an atheist?
If a christian sins enough ... is he still a christian?
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A book never written ... ''The Ultimate Liberal Government'' by Ann R. Key.
A book never written ... ''i am normal'' by Gary Busey.
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Another book never written ... ''Clinton Explains Benghazi'' by Heidi Bodhis
Another book never written ... ''Clinton Explains Benghazi'' by Heidi Bodhis(fair enough)
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Another book never written ... ''A World of Total Animal Liberation'' by Pete Ah
Another book never written ... ''A World of Total Animal Liberation'' by Pete Ah