Difference between revisions of "Charlemagne"

Revision as of 11:19, October 5, 2007

Charlemagne is what you get when you jizz thrice in the face of a baby. If the baby spits any quantity of jizz out, you must kill it.

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-Charlemagne (Charles the Great) was the second leader of the [[Carolingian Dynasty]] and ruled the [[Franks]] from AD 768 to 814.  He was a Christian and did much to expand both his kingdom and Christianity.  Though illiterate himself, he promoted education, starting palace schools, and attempted to reestablish the Roman Empire. He crowned himself to become Emperor in 800 AD, which marked the begin of [[Holy Roman Empire|Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation]]. It lasted until the 19th century.
+Charlemagne is what you get when you jizz thrice in the face of a baby.
-==Early life==
+If the baby spits any quantity of jizz out, you must kill it.
-He was the grandson of [[Charles Martel]] the powerful Mayor of the Palace. When King [[Childeric III]] was deposed at Soissons and replaced with his father he became the Heir Apparent to the Frankish throne.
-==Song of Roland Depiction==
-He is depicted in the epic poem "[[Song of Roland]]" as being significantly above human height, and 200 years old.  The exaggerations are obvious markers of the [[oral tradition]] common to the era.  The poem begins with a description of the Emperor:
-:: Carlon the king, our emperor Charlemayn,
-:: Full seven years long has lived abroad in Spain,
-:: He's won the highlands as far as the Main,
-:: City nor wall is left for him to break,
-:: Save Sargossa in its high mountain place.
-:: Marsilion holds it, the King who hates God's name.
-:: Mahoud he serves, and to Appolyon prays.
-:: He'll not escape the ruin that awaits.<ref>''Song of Roland,'' trans. Dorothy Sayers, available [http://www.amazon.com/Song-Roland-Penguin-Classics/dp/0140440755/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-6896887-5284101?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174767907&sr=8-1 here]</ref>
-Careful readers notice markers of typical medeival Christian anti-Muslim [[polemic]] - characterization of Muslims as worshiping [[Mohammed]] rather than [[God]], and praying to [[Apollo]].  The poem dramatizes Charlemagne's attempt at reconquering [[Spain]] from the [[Moors]], a process begun by his grandfather [[Charles Martel]], but attributed in the poem to Charlemagne.
-== References ==
-<references/>
-[[category:Political people]]
-[[Category:European History]]

Difference between revisions of "Charlemagne"

Revision as of 11:19, October 5, 2007

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