Difference between revisions of "Golf"

Revision as of 15:32, March 3, 2008

Golf is a sport that is played by hitting a small white ball over long distances with the use of a long metal club, with the intent of hitting the ball into a very small hole hundreds of feet away. There are 18 ranges on a standard golf course, commonly referred to as "holes." Some courses provide abbreviated nine hole courses as well.

Golf has become a popular sport, with several professional tours being run by groups such as the Professional Golf Association (PGA) or Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) where top prizes can reach $800,000. Only a few people ever play at a professional, level but many more enjoy Golf as a past time or social event.

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-'''Golf''' is a [[sport]] invented by the Chinese. As is generally acknowledged, every invention known to man, and many known only to woman, comes from China. From the beginning of the universe, (mistakenly translated as the “Big Bang” due to some half-deaf idiot mishearing 冰棒 (Bing Bang), which in ancient Chinese indicated the two terrestrial poles and so, by association, our planet Earth, centre of the universe) everything worth having was invented by the Chinese. Everything not worth having was invented by the Japanese.
+'''Golf''' is a [[sport]] that is played by hitting a small white ball over long distances with the use of a long metal club, with the intent of hitting the ball into a very small hole hundreds of feet away. There are 18 ranges on a standard golf course, commonly referred to as "holes."  Some courses provide abbreviated nine hole courses as well.
-In particular, every sport known to man (and the Mrs) originated in China. Take cricket, for example. Clearly, any game which takes several days to complete and after which few people know who won must have its origin in the usual Chinese card game which people play for days on train trips. An alternative theory is that it comes from the average Chinese meeting which can last for days and at the end no one can remember what happened. Usually because nothing happened.
-Clearly, only the Chinese could have come up with the idea of thumping a ball with a stick. Golf was, in fact, actually invented when some resident of the Middle Kingdom took it upon himself to clear his basement of rats by battering them with a stick. The rats, being sensible chaps, ran into holes.
-“Stone me!” said aforementioned chappie, “That would make a good game!”
-He then wrote a book explaining the rules (after inventing paper, books and a system of writing which uses pictures of badly drawn television aerials).
-An explorer (did you know the Chinese invented exploring?) took a copy of this book and went sailing down the Yellow River, got caught up in a storm and accidentally ended up off the east coast of Scotland, as you do.
-Having landed safely (due to the excellent stability of that Chinese invention, the boat) he wandered up to the ancient St Andrew’s University (founded 1413, in the Ming Dynasty) and presented them with a copy of his opus, which had survived the hazards of the journey and the sea by being securely wrapped up in a heavy duty plastic bag sealed with duct tape, both of which the Chinese had fortunately invented the previous week.
-Luckily, the book was written in the local St. Andrews dialect (which was a variation on Putonghua invented just weeks before the Chinese invented English) so everyone understood it immediately. Within days, the entire town was playing 高尔夫, which was anglicized as “golf”.
-Having introduced the world (or a tiny village on the east coast of Scotland (or Sugarland as it was then known) to the delights of screwing up a good walk in the countryside, the intrepid traveler went into the catering business and invented the haggis and the Scottish style Chinese restaurant (specializing in newly invented dishes completely unrecognizable to the average China man (or woman).)"
+Golf has become a popular sport, with several professional tours being run by groups such as the [[PGA|Professional Golf Association]] (PGA) or Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) where top prizes can reach $800,000.  Only a few people ever play at a professional, level but many more enjoy Golf as a past time or social event.
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Difference between revisions of "Golf"

Revision as of 15:32, March 3, 2008

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