American History Final Exam 2008

Final Exam - Closed Book.
10 questions; no points deducted for wrong answers.

To avoid traps on difficult questions, eliminate wrong answers before picking the correct one.

1. Christopher Columbus...:
(a) Was an evil European colonizer
(b) Liberated America from the natives
(c) Was the first president of the U.S.A.
(d) Proved the Earth is flat
(e) Maintained his virginity until marriage

2. In the original U.S. constitution, Native Americans...
(a) Were counted as 1/5th of a person in census data
(b) Were counted as 2/5ths of a person in census data
(c) Were counted as 3/5th of a person in census data
(d) Were described as liberals
(e) Were alluded to via the statement "The only good indian is a dead indian."

3. Thomas Jefferson was a liberal because...
(a) He had a gay affair
(b) He was friends with Karl Marx
(c) He supported abortion rights
(d) He had an abortion after a gay affair with Karl Marx
(e) He invaded Tripoli

4. Instead of 3 branches of government, the ideal conservative system would...
(a) Give all power to President George W. Bush
(b) Make George W. Bush "President for Life"
(c) Combine the judicial and legislative branches into a "puppet parliament"
(d) Have a 4th branch of government, called "Dick Cheney"
(e) Revert to Roman Republic government, with Bush and Cheney as the two ruling consuls

5. The Civil War started because...
(a) Negroes wanted to be called "colored"
(b) Colored people wanted to be called "black"
(c) Black people wanted to be called "African Americans"
(d) Abraham Lincoln got drunk
(e) Patriotic Americans needed to use their guns for something

6. The U.S. Entered World War I after...
(a) Germany declared gay marriage legal
(b) The sinking of the Lusitania
(c) Germany declared abortion legal
(d) An abortion was performed on the Lusitania
(e) A gay marriage was performed on the Lusitania

7. The stock market crash of 1929 was caused by
(a) The repeal of prohibition, as all traders got drunk
(b) Communists
(c) Liberals
(d) Pro-abortion folks
(e) Liberal fiscal policies

8. World War 2 ended shortly after
(a) Heroic Americans dropped the bomb
(b) Patriotic Americans dropped the bomb
(c) God declared America the greatest country in the world
(d) God helped build the nuclear bomb
(e) That liberal President FDR died

9. President Nixon was...
(a) The inventor of wiretaps
(b) A crook
(c) A chinese panda bear
(d) The greatest president until Reagan
(e) The owner of the dog Checkers

10. Vice President Al Gore...
(a) Invented the internet
(b) Should be tried by a war crimes tribunal
(c) Caused global warming
(d) Got a little chubby in recent years
(e) Should make a musical based on his movie

THE END. CONGRATULATIONS!