Changes

They let her get [better than "get" here:  "stand"] up. They gave her breakfast and talked to her. They seemed to really like her. They gave her clean clothes and a toothbrush, they seemed to accept her, she experienced an emotion that she had not felt in a while. She was happy, she knew she could be herself. She recognized that for once in her life she had true friends, a family again.

They let her get [better than "get" here:  "stand"] up. They gave her breakfast and talked to her. They seemed to really like her. They gave her clean clothes and a toothbrush, they seemed to accept her, she experienced an emotion that she had not felt in a while. She was happy, she knew she could be herself. She recognized that for once in her life she had true friends, a family again.

They didn’t seem to care that her hair wasn’t perfect or that she didn’t look like a model. For once in her life she had found a group of people that really accepted her for her [better: "for who she was"].

They didn’t seem to care that her hair wasn’t perfect or that she didn’t look like a model. For once in her life she had found a group of people that really accepted her for her [perhaps better: "for who she was"].

:Terrific essay - very strong opening and a perfect closing.  Substance: 9.8.  On technical merit this essay is quite good also: 9.7.--[[User:Aschlafly|Andy Schlafly]] 21:25, 7 February 2012 (EST)

:Terrific essay - very strong opening and a near-perfect closing.  Substance: 9.8.  On technical merit this essay is quite good also: 9.7.--[[User:Aschlafly|Andy Schlafly]] 21:25, 7 February 2012 (EST)