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Writing Homework One Student Six (view source)
Revision as of 02:26, February 8, 2012
, 02:26, February 8, 2012no edit summary
They let her get [better than "get" here: "stand"] up. They gave her breakfast and talked to her. They seemed to really like her. They gave her clean clothes and a toothbrush, they seemed to accept her, she experienced an emotion that she had not felt in a while. She was happy, she knew she could be herself. She recognized that for once in her life she had true friends, a family again.
They let her get [better than "get" here: "stand"] up. They gave her breakfast and talked to her. They seemed to really like her. They gave her clean clothes and a toothbrush, they seemed to accept her, she experienced an emotion that she had not felt in a while. She was happy, she knew she could be herself. She recognized that for once in her life she had true friends, a family again.
They didn’t seem to care that her hair wasn’t perfect or that she didn’t look like a model. For once in her life she had found a group of people that really accepted her for her [better: "for who she was"].
They didn’t seem to care that her hair wasn’t perfect or that she didn’t look like a model. For once in her life she had found a group of people that really accepted her for her [perhaps better: "for who she was"].
:Terrific essay - very strong opening and a perfect closing. Substance: 9.8. On technical merit this essay is quite good also: 9.7.--[[User:Aschlafly|Andy Schlafly]] 21:25, 7 February 2012 (EST)
:Terrific essay - very strong opening and a near-perfect closing. Substance: 9.8. On technical merit this essay is quite good also: 9.7.--[[User:Aschlafly|Andy Schlafly]] 21:25, 7 February 2012 (EST)