Difference between revisions of "Cat"

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[[Image:conservlogo.png|325px|thumb|right|Internet Toilet Paper]]
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{{Taxonomy|image = cat.jpg|kingdom = Animalia|phylum = Chordata|subphylum = Vertebrata|class = Mammalia|order = Carnivora|family = Felidae|genus = Felis|species = F. silvestris|sub = F. s. catus (Domesticated cat)}}
Toilet paper is [[paper]] specifically designed to remove traces of faeces from the [[human]] lower orifice after [[User:Aschlafly|defecation]]. Toilet paper is designed to decompose in a [[Conservapedia|septic tank]] after use, as opposed to facial [[tissue|tissues]], which are not always by design able to do so.
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Toilet paper is known by many names, some of which include "toilet roll", "dunny paper" and "bathroom tissue".
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'''Cats''' are a group of [[carnivore|carnivorous]] [[mammals]] with sharp [[teeth]] and retractable [[claw]]s (except in the case of the [[cheetah]]) on their paws, originally distributed worldwide apart from [[Australasia]], [[Madagascar]] and [[Antarctica]]. Several of the larger kinds of cat can be dangerous to humans.
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==Ancient Use of Toilet Paper==
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The [[domestic cat]], believed to derive from the [[Africa]]n wildcat, has been used to control [[vermin]] or kept as a pet for thousands of years, and worshiped as a god by the ancient [[Egyptian]]s, amongst others. Today the domestic cat remains extremely popular as a [[pet]]; there are an estimated 76 million pet cats in the [[United States]].
Toilet paper has played a large roll in human history, without it, the world would surely have descended into [[Conservapedia|chaos]] long ago. The earliest recorded use (or otherwise) of toilet paper was written by the [[China|Chinese]] scholar, Yan Zhitui during the year 589 AD.
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{{Cquote|Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes}}
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Species of cat include the [[lion]], [[tiger]], [[leopard]], [[cheetah]], [[jaguar]], [[puma]], [[cougar]], [[ocelot]], [[lynx]], [[caracal]], [[serval]] and many smaller breeds.
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Before widespread use of toilet paper, many humans would use less gentle methods such as [[leaves]], [[grass]] or even [[shell|seashells]] to deposit their excess leavings.
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==Feral Cats==
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==Toilet Paper in the Modern Day==
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A '''feral cat''' is a direct descendant of a domestic cat but is untamed and generally frightened of any human contact. A feral cat is usually one that has returned to the wild, foraging for food and living in areas with open space. This is usually as a result of someone abandoning a cat (or cats), some of which are able to survive in the wild and breed, which leads to the establishment of a colony of feral cats. The life of a feral cat is usually difficult, and many do not survive for very long, due to various factors such as having to catch their own food, inadequate shelter from the elements, encounters with other animals ([[skunk]], [[raccoon]], etc) or dogs or other feral cats, dangers from vehicles on roadways, and not receiving medical treatment for illnessess or injuries. Cats as domesticated animals (pets) on average are afforded better care and thus have a better quality of life and longer life spans.
[[Image:ASchlafly.JPG|thumb|175px|left|The current holder of Guiness World Record's "Most Toilet Paper Consumed" record.]]
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With the invention of the [[internet]], toilet paper [[technology]] has advanced dramatically. Whereas in past eras people would wipe their excess [[Conservapedia|excrement]] on sheets of [[paper]], certain [[Conservapedia|websites]] have assumed the same role. While much more convenient, the [[Conservapedia|excrement]] remains in plain sight for all to see, this predicament is known as the "Online [[Conservapedia|Septic Tank]]" issue.
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A ''stray'' cat is a cat that is unowned, but generally accepts [[human]] [[touch]], may take food directly from a human, etc. The terms are often interchangeable, especially in popular usage.
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[[Humanity|Select groups]] see this problem as humorous, while at the same time believe the [[Conservapedia|online septic waste]] should be dispatched to the sewer, where it belongs. If left unchecked, it is widely believed that the problem could lead to [[John_McCain|catastrophe]] of [[Great_Flood|biblical proportions]]
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==External Links==
==Interesting Notes==
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*[http://www.feralcat.com/ Feral Cat Coalition]
Similar to sightings seen in [[food]] products and [[cloud]] formations, likenesses of the [[Mary|Virgin Mother]] have been seen in used toilet paper. Such sightings are said to fortell great [[User:Aschlafly|mental problems]] to the beholder, as is the same with all sightings regardless of medium.
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*[http://www.hsus.org/pets/issues_affecting_our_pets/feral_cats/ Humane Society Info on feral cats]
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[[Conservapedia]] is responsible for the decimation of approximately one third of all toilet paper manufacturing in the world. This is largely due to the amount of [[Conservapedia|excrement]] deposited to said site instead of [[god|traditional]] methods of removing excess faeces.
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*[http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,290840,00.html | FOXNews.com - Oscar the Cat Predicts Nursing Home Deaths]
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{{Nb_zl_felines}}
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[[Category:Felines]]
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[[Category:Domestic Animals]]

Revision as of 00:49, November 18, 2008

Cat
Cat.jpg
Scientific classification
Kingdom Information
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Information
Phylum Chordata
Sub-phylum Vertebrata
Class Information
Class Mammalia
Order Information
Order Carnivora
Family Information
Family Felidae
Genus Information
Genus Felis
Species Information
Species F. silvestris
Subspecies F. s. catus (Domesticated cat)
Population statistics

Cats are a group of carnivorous mammals with sharp teeth and retractable claws (except in the case of the cheetah) on their paws, originally distributed worldwide apart from Australasia, Madagascar and Antarctica. Several of the larger kinds of cat can be dangerous to humans.

The domestic cat, believed to derive from the African wildcat, has been used to control vermin or kept as a pet for thousands of years, and worshiped as a god by the ancient Egyptians, amongst others. Today the domestic cat remains extremely popular as a pet; there are an estimated 76 million pet cats in the United States.

Species of cat include the lion, tiger, leopard, cheetah, jaguar, puma, cougar, ocelot, lynx, caracal, serval and many smaller breeds.

Feral Cats

A feral cat is a direct descendant of a domestic cat but is untamed and generally frightened of any human contact. A feral cat is usually one that has returned to the wild, foraging for food and living in areas with open space. This is usually as a result of someone abandoning a cat (or cats), some of which are able to survive in the wild and breed, which leads to the establishment of a colony of feral cats. The life of a feral cat is usually difficult, and many do not survive for very long, due to various factors such as having to catch their own food, inadequate shelter from the elements, encounters with other animals (skunk, raccoon, etc) or dogs or other feral cats, dangers from vehicles on roadways, and not receiving medical treatment for illnessess or injuries. Cats as domesticated animals (pets) on average are afforded better care and thus have a better quality of life and longer life spans.

A stray cat is a cat that is unowned, but generally accepts human touch, may take food directly from a human, etc. The terms are often interchangeable, especially in popular usage.


External Links