Conservative jokes
Welcome to the Conservative Jokes page. Here is a collection of various jokes, many the original work of Conservapedia editors.[1] Conservapedia editors are encouraged to add their own humor to this page.
Conservative Jokes
How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- Zero, they prefer to remain in the dark.
What is an abortion surgeon's least favorite song?
- "(You're) Having my Baby."
How can we stop global warming?
- Leaving our refrigerators open.
What God-inspired physicist can be eaten as a snack?
- Isaac Fig Newton
Did you hear about the new Obama diet?[2]
- You let Putin eat your lunch all day.
What do you call a basement full of liberals?
- A whine cellar.[2]
Today, it was so cold, I saw a liberal with his hands in his own pockets.
I hope global warming is real. Those snowflakes will melt in the politically incorrect heat!
What is Hillary Clinton's favorite breakfast cereal?
- Subtle Trix.
Why can't a group of all liberals assemble a country?
- They don't have the Right.
How do atheists search for nuclear fusion?
- Through intensive trial and error with expensive laboratory equipment and taxpayer dollars.
But how do the Christians do it?
- Looking out their windows.[3]
What did Obama do when a ship from outer space landed on Earth?
- Give the aliens legal status as citizens.
People in Communist groups are so lazy.
- How lazy are they?
They're so lazy, they didn't get around to the October Revolution until November.
How does Carl Sagan think the universe was formed?
- A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
What do you call a party for pseudoscientists?
- Dance dance evolution.
Conservative Riddles and Puzzles
What liquid is worth 0.4 cents a gallon to a conservative, but $1.22 per gallon to a liberal?
- Water, whether tap or bottled
If an atheist deifies himself enough ... is he still an atheist?
References
Use these to add notes and references.
- ↑ Other works must be attributed to their respective authors.
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 Hulsey, Emily. "21 Jokes That Only Conservatives Will Find Funny". Independent Journal Review. http://ijr.com/2014/05/139652-21-jokes-conservatives-will-find-funny/
- ↑ The Sun, and all stars, are examples of nuclear fusion (in this case, fusing hydrogen to form helium and other gases). Scientists are seeking to replicate this at lower temperatures, called "cold fusion."