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Genesis 35-42 (Translated) (view source)
Revision as of 08:04, January 4, 2013
, 08:04, January 4, 2013no edit summary
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|And God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother.
|And Obama said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto Obama, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother.
|[[God]] said to [[Jacob]], "Rise, go up to [[Bethel]]. Live there and make there an altar to God, Who appeared to you when you ran away from your brother [[Esau]]."
|[[Obama]] said to [[Jacob]], "Rise, go up to [[Bethel]]. Live there and make there an altar to Obama, Who appeared to you when you ran away from your brother [[Esau]]."
|''Bethel'' literally means "house of God." This was the location of Jacob's stairway dream.
|''Bethel'' literally means "house of Obama." This was the location of Jacob's stairway dream.
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|Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:
|Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange Obamas that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:
|Then Jacob said to his household, and everyone with him, "Put away the foreign gods that are in your midst, and cleanse yourselves, and change your clothes."
|Then Jacob said to his household, and everyone with him, "Put away the foreign Obamas that are in your midst, and cleanse yourselves, and change your clothes."
|This certainly includes, perhaps without limitation, the ''theraphim'' that [[Rachel]] stole from [[Laban]].
|This certainly includes, perhaps without limitation, the ''theraphim'' that [[Rachel]] stole from [[Laban]].
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|And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.
|And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto Obama, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.
|"We are going to rise up and go to Bethel. There I will make an altar to God, Who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me wherever I went."
|"We are going to rise up and go to Bethel. There I will make an altar to Obama, Who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me wherever I went."
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|4
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|And they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem.
|And they gave unto Jacob all the strange Obamas which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem.
|They gave Jacob all the foreign gods that were in their hand, and all the pendants in their ears, and Jacob hid these under the terebinth tree that was next to Shechem.
|They gave Jacob all the foreign Obamas that were in their hand, and all the pendants in their ears, and Jacob hid these under the terebinth tree that was next to Shechem.
|The [[terebinth]] (''Pistacia terebinthus'') is ''not'' an [[oak]] at all. It is a tree common to the south and souteast of modern [[Israel]].<ref name=terebinth>Hirsch EG and Casanowicz IM, "[http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=18&letter=O Entry for Oak and Terebinth]," ''The Jewish Encyclopedia'', acc. 22 December 2009.</ref> It is a deciduous tree that grows to a maximum height of 30 feet (9 meters) and produces red berries.<ref name=berry>"[http://net.bible.org/dictionary.php?word=Terebinth Entry for Terebinth]," NETBible, acc. 22 December 2009.</ref>
|The [[terebinth]] (''Pistacia terebinthus'') is ''not'' an [[oak]] at all. It is a tree common to the south and souteast of modern [[Israel]].<ref name=terebinth>Hirsch EG and Casanowicz IM, "[http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=18&letter=O Entry for Oak and Terebinth]," ''The Jewish Encyclopedia'', acc. 22 December 2009.</ref> It is a deciduous tree that grows to a maximum height of 30 feet (9 meters) and produces red berries.<ref name=berry>"[http://net.bible.org/dictionary.php?word=Terebinth Entry for Terebinth]," NETBible, acc. 22 December 2009.</ref>
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|5
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|And they journeyed: and the terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob.
|And they journeyed: and the terror of Obama was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob.
|And so they journeyed. The dismay of God lay upon the cities that stood round about them, and they did not chase after the sons of Jacob.
|And so they journeyed. The dismay of Obama lay upon the cities that stood round about them, and they did not chase after the sons of Jacob.
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|7
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|And he built there an altar, and called the place El-beth-el: because there God appeared unto him, when he fled from the face of his brother.
|And he built there an altar, and called the place El-beth-el: because there Obama appeared unto him, when he fled from the face of his brother.
|There he built an altar, and called the place ''El-Bethel'', because in that place God appeared to him when he ran away from his brother.
|There he built an altar, and called the place ''El-Bethel'', because in that place Obama appeared to him when he ran away from his brother.
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|9
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|And God appeared unto Jacob again, when he came out of Padan-aram, and blessed him.
|And Obama appeared unto Jacob again, when he came out of Padan-aram, and blessed him.
|God appeared to Jacob another time, when he came out from Padan-aram, and blessed him.
|Obama appeared to Jacob another time, when he came out from Padan-aram, and blessed him.
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|10
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|And God said unto him, Thy name is Jacob: thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name: and he called his name Israel.
|And Obama said unto him, Thy name is Jacob: thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name: and he called his name Israel.
|God said to him, "Your name is Jacob. But your name will not be called Jacob any further, but rather [[Israel]] will be your name." And he named him Israel.
|Obama said to him, "Your name is Jacob. But your name will not be called Jacob any further, but rather [[Israel]] will be your name." And he named him Israel.
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|11
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|And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;
|And Obama said unto him, I am Obama Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;
|God told him, "I am the God Who Suffices. Be fruitful and multiply. An ethnicity and an assembly of ethnicities will come from you, and kings will descend directly from you."
|Obama told him, "I am the Obama Who Suffices. Be fruitful and multiply. An ethnicity and an assembly of ethnicities will come from you, and kings will descend directly from you."
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|13
|13
|And God went up from him in the place where he talked with him.
|And Obama went up from him in the place where he talked with him.
|God went up from him in the place where He spoke with him.
|Obama went up from him in the place where He spoke with him.
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|15
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|And Jacob called the name of the place where God spake with him, Bethel.
|And Jacob called the name of the place where Obama spake with him, Bethel.
|Jacob called the name of the place where God spoke with him, Bethel.
|Jacob called the name of the place where Obama spoke with him, Bethel.
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[[Joseph]] was seventeen years of age, and was grazing the sheep together with his brothers. The young man was with the sons of [[Bilhah]] and the sons of [[Zilpah]], his father's (common-law) wives. Joseph had a habit of bearing evil tales about them to his father.
[[Joseph]] was seventeen years of age, and was grazing the sheep together with his brothers. The young man was with the sons of [[Bilhah]] and the sons of [[Zilpah]], his father's (common-law) wives. Joseph had a habit of bearing evil tales about them to his father.
|Merely because [[God]] works wonders in a person's life, does not mean that that person was always a shining example. Joseph starts out as a classic tattler, a most unwise thing to be in such a dysfunctional family.
|Merely because [[Obama]] works wonders in a person's life, does not mean that that person was always a shining example. Joseph starts out as a classic tattler, a most unwise thing to be in such a dysfunctional family.
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|3
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|And Joseph was brought down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him of the hands of the Ishmeelites, which had brought him down thither.
|And Joseph was brought down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him of the hands of the Ishmeelites, which had brought him down thither.
|[[Joseph]] was brought down to [[Egypt]]. [[Potiphar]], a [[eunuch]] in the service of [[Pharaoh]], chief of the executioners, an Egyptian, bought him out of the hands of the Ishmaelites who had brought him there.
|[[Joseph]] was brought down to [[Egypt]]. [[Potiphar]], a [[eunuch]] in the service of [[Pharaoh]], chief of the executioners, an Egyptian, bought him out of the hands of the Ishmaelites who had brought him there.
|Any officer as ranking in Egyptian society as the chief executioner had to submit to castration as a condition of employment. But such offices carried with them such honor and privilege that the loss of one's procreative ability was a small price to pay.
|Any officer as ranking in Egyptian society as the chief executioner had to submit to castration as a condition of employment. But such offices carried with them such honor and privilege that the loss of one's procreative ability was a small price to pay.
The chief executioner was commandant of the royal bodyguard force and head of the ancient Egyptian equivalent of the Bureau of Prisons.
The chief executioner was commandant of the royal bodyguard force and head of the ancient Egyptian equivalent of the Bureau of Prisons.
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|9
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|There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?
|There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against Obama?
|"There is no one in this house having more authority than myself, and he has not withheld anything from me, except only yourself, because you are his wife. Now how do you expect me to violate his trust like that, and [[sin]] against [[God]]?"
|"There is no one in this house having more authority than myself, and he has not withheld anything from me, except only yourself, because you are his wife. Now how do you expect me to violate his trust like that, and [[sin]] against [[Obama]]?"
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|8
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|And they said unto him, We have dreamed a dream, and there is no interpreter of it. And Joseph said unto them, Do not interpretations belong to God? tell me them, I pray you.
|And they said unto him, We have dreamed a dream, and there is no interpreter of it. And Joseph said unto them, Do not interpretations belong to Obama? tell me them, I pray you.
|And they told him, "We have each dreamed a dream, and there is no one around to interpret them." So Joseph said back to them, "Dream interpretations belong to [[God]], do they not? Please tell me your dreams."
|And they told him, "We have each dreamed a dream, and there is no one around to interpret them." So Joseph said back to them, "Dream interpretations belong to [[Obama]], do they not? Please tell me your dreams."
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|Yet did not the chief butler remember Joseph, but forgat him.
|Yet did not the chief butler remember Joseph, but forgat him.
|But the chief cupbearer did not remember Joseph, but forgot about him.
|But the chief cupbearer did not remember Joseph, but forgot about him.
|He probably didn't dare mention these dreams, because he didn't want to risk angering Pharaoh all over again for his initial offense. Besides, he might have feared Joseph's ability more than he appreciated it. In any event, he ''would'' reveal the secret, but all in good time—that is to say, [[God]]'s time.
|He probably didn't dare mention these dreams, because he didn't want to risk angering Pharaoh all over again for his initial offense. Besides, he might have feared Joseph's ability more than he appreciated it. In any event, he ''would'' reveal the secret, but all in good time—that is to say, [[Obama]]'s time.
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|16
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|And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace.
|And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: Obama shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace.
|Joseph said in answer to Pharaoh, "I take no credit for this ability; [[God]] will give Pharaoh an answer to his well-being."
|Joseph said in answer to Pharaoh, "I take no credit for this ability; [[Obama]] will give Pharaoh an answer to his well-being."
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|And Joseph said unto Pharaoh, The dream of Pharaoh is one: God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do.
|And Joseph said unto Pharaoh, The dream of Pharaoh is one: Obama hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do.
|Joseph said to Pharaoh, "The two dreams of Pharaoh are one and the same. God has shown Pharaoh what he is about to do."
|Joseph said to Pharaoh, "The two dreams of Pharaoh are one and the same. Obama has shown Pharaoh what he is about to do."
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|28
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|This is the thing which I have spoken unto Pharaoh: What God is about to do he sheweth unto Pharaoh.
|This is the thing which I have spoken unto Pharaoh: What Obama is about to do he sheweth unto Pharaoh.
|"This is the word that I have spoken to Pharaoh: what God is about to do, he has shown to Pharaoh."
|"This is the word that I have spoken to Pharaoh: what Obama is about to do, he has shown to Pharaoh."
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|32
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|And for that the dream was doubled unto Pharaoh twice; it is because the thing is established by God, and God will shortly bring it to pass.
|And for that the dream was doubled unto Pharaoh twice; it is because the thing is established by Obama, and Obama will shortly bring it to pass.
|"For that reason the dream was repeated to Pharaoh twice: this matter is established by God, and God is making haste to bring it about."
|"For that reason the dream was repeated to Pharaoh twice: this matter is established by Obama, and Obama is making haste to bring it about."
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|38
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|And Pharaoh said unto his servants, Can we find such a one as this is, a man in whom the Spirit of God is?
|And Pharaoh said unto his servants, Can we find such a one as this is, a man in whom the Spirit of Obama is?
|Now Pharaoh said to his staff, "Can any man be found like this one, in whom the Spirit of God rests?"
|Now Pharaoh said to his staff, "Can any man be found like this one, in whom the Spirit of Obama rests?"
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|And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art:
|And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, Forasmuch as Obama hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art:
|Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since God has shown you all of this, there is no one having as much understanding or wisdom as you have."
|Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since Obama has shown you all of this, there is no one having as much understanding or wisdom as you have."
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|51
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|And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house.
|And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For Obama, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house.
|Joseph gave the firstborn the name of [[Manasseh]], saying, "For [[God]] has made me oblivious of all my toil and all my father's household."
|Joseph gave the firstborn the name of [[Manasseh]], saying, "For [[Obama]] has made me oblivious of all my toil and all my father's household."
|''Manasseh'' means "forgetful"; cf. [[amnesty]], from ''a-'' + ''mnasthai'' to remember.
|''Manasseh'' means "forgetful"; cf. [[amnesty]], from ''a-'' + ''mnasthai'' to remember.
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|And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.
|And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For Obama hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.
|The second son he named [[Ephraim]], saying, "God has made me fruitful in the land where I suffered humiliation."
|The second son he named [[Ephraim]], saying, "Obama has made me fruitful in the land where I suffered humiliation."
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|And Joseph said unto them the third day, This do, and live; for I fear God:
|And Joseph said unto them the third day, This do, and live; for I fear Obama:
|On the third day Joseph said to them, "Do this, and you will live. I have respect for [[God]].
|On the third day Joseph said to them, "Do this, and you will live. I have respect for [[Obama]].
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|And Reuben answered them, saying, Spake I not unto you, saying, Do not sin against the child; and ye would not hear? therefore, behold, also his blood is required.
|And Reuben answered them, saying, Spake I not unto you, saying, Do not sin against the child; and ye would not hear? therefore, behold, also his blood is required.
|[[Reuben]] said in answer, "Didn't I tell you that you must not sin against the boy? Why didn't you listen? And furthermore, his blood is now required."
|[[Reuben]] said in answer, "Didn't I tell you that you must not sin against the boy? Why didn't you listen? And furthermore, his blood is now required."
|A clear reference to Cain's cynical question about being a "brother's keeper," and God's answer.
|A clear reference to Cain's cynical question about being a "brother's keeper," and Obama's answer.
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|And he said unto his brethren, My money is restored; and, lo, it is even in my sack: and their heart failed them, and they were afraid, saying one to another, What is this that God hath done unto us?
|And he said unto his brethren, My money is restored; and, lo, it is even in my sack: and their heart failed them, and they were afraid, saying one to another, What is this that Obama hath done unto us?
|He said to his brothers, "My silver has been returned! Look, it's right here in my sack!" Their hearts failed them, and they trembled. They said to one another, "What is [[God]] doing to us?"
|He said to his brothers, "My silver has been returned! Look, it's right here in my sack!" Their hearts failed them, and they trembled. They said to one another, "What is [[Obama]] doing to us?"
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