Changes

I don't want to be gay. I tried to change. Tried for a goddamn decade. I had relationships with women and ended up hurting their feelings because I wasn't sexually attracted to them - and they were beautiful, good looking, lovely people. But I couldn't do it. Eventually it got to the point where I began suffereing from depression. If I could make myself attracted to women, I would. Believe me. I wish I could have stayed with my girlfriends from before, I wish that somehow I could choose to be attracted to women, but I can't.  

I don't want to be gay. I tried to change. Tried for a decade. I had relationships with women and ended up hurting their feelings because I wasn't sexually attracted to them - and they were beautiful, good looking, lovely people. But I couldn't do it. Eventually it got to the point where I began suffereing from depression. If I could make myself attracted to women, I would. Believe me. I wish I could have stayed with my girlfriends from before, I wish that somehow I could choose to be attracted to women, but I can't.  

I don't like mainstream gay culture. And I don't like stereotypically gay men. But I've been attracted to men as long as I can remember and try as I might, it isn't changing. So, much as I dislike it myself, if I am going to find love in my life I have to accept that I am gay and I can't change it. Maybe, one day, when I'm comfortable with that, I can fall in love with someone. Imagine.  

I don't like mainstream gay culture. And I don't like stereotypically gay men. But I've been attracted to men as long as I can remember and try as I might, it isn't changing. So, much as I dislike it myself, if I am going to find love in my life I have to accept that I am gay and I can't change it. Maybe, one day, when I'm comfortable with that, I can fall in love with someone. Imagine.  

What would you all have me do? -- [[User:oclunaigh|oclunaigh]]

What would you all have me do? -- [[User:oclunaigh|oclunaigh]]