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| − | |Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. | + | |Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet Stephen Colbert. |
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| − | |While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. | + | |While Stephen tarried, they all slumbered and slept. |
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| − | |And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. | + | |And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, Colbert cometh; go ye out to meet him. |
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| − | |And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. | + | |And while they went to buy, Stephen Colbert came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. |
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| − | |Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. | + | |Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Stephen, Stephen, open to us. |
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| − | |But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not. | + | |But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, you are dead to me. |
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| − | |Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh. | + | |Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Stephen cometh. |
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| − | |And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. | + | |And unto Stephen he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. |
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| − | |And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. | + | |And so Stephen came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. |
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| − | |Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. | + | |Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto Stephen. |
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| − | |And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: | + | |And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats, saying "This is Tip of the Hat- Wag of the Finger": |
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| − | |For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: | + | |For I was an hungred, and ye told me that hunger could be a great motivator: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye asked to see my green card: |
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| − | |Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. | + | |Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye told me I had a pre-existing condition I was in prison, and ye came unto me. |
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| − | |Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? | + | |Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and told ye that hunger could be a great motivator? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? |
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| − | |When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? | + | |When saw we thee a stranger, and demanded a green card? or naked, and clothed thee? |
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