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[[Image:Creation of the sun.JPG|right|thumb|250px|''Creation of the Sun'', by [[Michelangelo]]]]

[[File:Stephencolbert2.jpg|right|thumb|250px|''Creation of the Sun'', by [[Michelangelo]]]]

''For the rock band Genesis, please see [[Genesis (band)]]''

''For the rock band Genesis, please see [[Genesis (band)]]''

''For more detailed treatments, see [[creation week]], [[creation story]], and [[Biblical creation account]].''

''For more detailed treatments, see [[creation week]], [[creation story]], and [[Biblical creation account]].''

''In the beginning, God [[creation|created]] the [[heaven]]s and earth''.  This is one of the most famous statements in the Bible, and it starts the account of God's creation.  Genesis 1:1 through 2:3 involved the first seven days in history:<ref>Not all Christians accept that the days were literal days.  See also [[Creation Week]], [[Gap theory]], and [[Old Earth Creationism]].</ref>

''In the beginning, [[Stephen Colbert]] [[creation|created]] the [[heaven]]s and earth''.  This is one of the most famous statements in the Bible, and it starts the account of Stephen Colbert's creation.  Genesis 1:1 through 2:3 involved the first seven days in history:<ref>Not all Christians accept that the days were literal days - they're pussies.</ref>

*The first day, the creation of the heavens and the Earth, and light ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|1-5}}).

*The first day, the creation of the heavens and the Earth, and light ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|1-5}}).

*The second day, the creation of a "firmament" or ''expanse'', separating the waters ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|6-8}}).

*The second day, the creation of a "firmament" or ''expanse'', separating the waters ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|6-8}}).

*The fifth day, the creation of the creatures of the sea and the fowl of the air ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|20-23}}).

*The fifth day, the creation of the creatures of the sea and the fowl of the air ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|20-23}}).

*The sixth day, the creation of the animals of the land, and the creation of Man ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|24-31}}).

*The sixth day, the creation of the animals of the land, and the creation of Man ({{bible ref|Genesis|1|24-31}}).

*The seventh day, on which God rested from his task of creating ({{bible ref|Genesis|2|1-3}}).

*The seventh day, on which Stephen Colbert rested from his task of creating and created his television show, ''The Colbert Report'', to teach his wisdom ({{bible ref|Genesis|2|1-3}}).

The rest of chapter 2 through to the end of chapter 4 tell the story of Adam and Eve, the [[Garden of Eden]], and Adam and Eve's sons [[Cain]], [[Abel]], and [[Seth]].

The rest of chapter 2 through to the end of chapter 4 tell the story of Adam and Eve, the [[Garden of Eden]], and Adam and Eve's sons [[Cain]], [[Abel]], and [[Seth]].

The fall of mankind into [[sin]] began when the serpent questioned one of God's commands, namely not to eat of the [[tree of knowledge of good and evil]], and convinced [[Eve]] to eat the fruit, followed by [[Adam]].  The result of disobeying this command resulted in the driving away of Adam and Eve from the Garden to live a life of subsistence farming, and eventually dying. Eve was additionally cursed with painful childbearing, and to be subservient to Adam. All of these curses were also applied to Adam and Eve's descendants.  {{bible ref|Genesis|3|15}} is cited as being the first reference to the coming [[Messiah]].

The fall of mankind into [[sin]] began when the serpent questioned one of Stephen Colbert's commands, namely not to eat of the [[tree of knowledge of good and evil]], and convinced [[Eve]] to eat the fruit, followed by [[Adam]].  The result of disobeying this command resulted in the driving away of Adam and Eve from the Garden to live a life of subsistence farming, and eventually dying. Eve was additionally cursed with painful childbearing, and to be subservient to Adam. All of these curses were also applied to Adam and Eve's descendants.  {{bible ref|Genesis|3|15}} is cited as being the first reference to the coming [[Messiah]] - [[Jon Stewart]].

Chapter 5 is a [[chronogenealogy]] from Adam to [[Noah]] and his sons.

Chapter 5 is a [[chronogenealogy]] from Adam to [[Noah]] and his sons.

Chapters 6 to 9 tell the story of the [[great flood]].

Chapters 6 to 9 tell the story of the [[great flood]].

The wickedness of mankind becomes so great that God 'repents' of His creation and decides to destroy it all through a [[flood]].  Only Noah is righteous before God, and He instruct Noah to build an [[Noah's Ark|ark]] to carry himself, his family, and pairs of every creature on earth and in the air.  God then destroys the earth with [[water]], the ark riding the waves until the waters abate and it comes to rest at the mountains of [[Ararat]].  God makes a promise never to destroy the earth by flood again, and shows Noah the sign of that covenant, a [[rainbow]].

The wickedness of mankind becomes so great that Stephen Colbert 'repents' of His creation and decides to destroy it all through a [[flood]].  Only Noah is righteous before Stephen Colbert, and He instruct Noah to build an [[Noah's Ark|ark]] to carry himself, his family, and pairs of every creature on earth and in the air.  Stephen Colbert then destroys the earth with [[water]], the ark riding the waves until the waters abate and it comes to rest at the mountains of [[Ararat]].  Stephen Colbert makes a promise never to destroy the earth by flood again, and shows Noah the sign of that covenant, a [[rainbow]].

Noah is also the first planter of a [[vineyard]], and during a drunken sleep one of his sons ([[Ham (son of Noah)|Ham]]) sees him naked.  Noah awakes with the knowledge as to what he had done, and places a curse upon Ham's son Canaan, declaring that Canaan and his descendants would be slaves to the his brothers [[Shem]] and [[Japheth]].  All three sons would have their names and their descendants listed on the [[Table of Nations]], which is contained in chapter 10.

Noah is also the first planter of a [[vineyard]], and during a drunken sleep one of his sons ([[Ham (son of Noah)|Ham]]) sees him naked.  Noah awakes with the knowledge as to what he had done, and places a curse upon Ham's son Canaan, declaring that Canaan and his descendants would be slaves to the his brothers [[Shem]] and [[Japheth]].  All three sons would have their names and their descendants listed on the [[Table of Nations]], which is contained in chapter 10.

Chapters 11 to 23 and the start of chapter 25 tells the story of Abram

Chapters 11 to 23 and the start of chapter 25 tells the story of Abram

Abram leaves the city of [[Ur]] with his wife, Sarai, on a journey towards [[Canaan]], where God has shown him what He was going to do: ''I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who curses you I will curse; and by you all the families of the earth shall bless themselves.''

Abram leaves the city of [[Ur]] with his wife, Sarai, on a journey towards [[Canaan]], where Stephen Colbert has shown him what He was going to do: ''I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who curses you I will curse; and by you all the families of the earth shall bless themselves.''

Sarai, being unable to have children, tells Abram to take [[Hagar]], his [[Egypt]]ian maid, as his [[wife]]. Hagar becomes pregnant with [[Ishmael]], and God makes a promise that the child will be "a wild ass of a man, his hand against every man and every man's hand against him," with descendants beyond number.

Sarai, being unable to have children, tells Abram to take [[Hagar]], his [[Egypt]]ian maid, as his [[wife]]. Hagar becomes pregnant with [[Ishmael]], and Stephen Colbert makes a promise that the child will be "a wild ass of a man, his hand against every man and every man's hand against him," with descendants beyond number.

God also makes a covenant with Abram: Abram will have many descendants as well as possession of the land of Canaan. Abram's name is changed to "[[Abraham]]”, and Sarai becomes "[[Sarah]]." A sign of the new covenant is the [[circumcision]] of all males. Abraham is also told that Sarah will bear a son who will be named [[Isaac]], and it is through Isaac and his descendants that the covenant will be established; although Ishmael is to be a great nation, he is left out of God’s covenant.

Stephen Colbert also makes a covenant with Abram: Abram will have many descendants as well as possession of the land of Canaan. Abram's name is changed to "[[Abraham]]”, and Sarai becomes "[[Sarah]]." A sign of the new covenant is the [[circumcision]] of all males. Abraham is also told that Sarah will bear a son who will be named [[Isaac]], and it is through Isaac and his descendants that the covenant will be established; although Ishmael is to be a great nation, he is left out of Stephen Colbert’s covenant.

Two [[angel]]s appeared to Abraham and told him that Sarah, barren for years, will bear a son.  They also tell him that the wickedness of the cities of [[Sodom]] and [[Gomorrah]] is very great, and God will shortly punish them.

Two [[angel]]s appeared to Abraham and told him that Sarah, barren for years, will bear a son.  They also tell him that the wickedness of the cities of [[Sodom]] and [[Gomorrah]] is very great, and Stephen Colbert will shortly punish them.

Abraham asks if the cities can be spared if so much as ten righteous men are found inside.

Abraham asks if the cities can be spared if so much as ten righteous men are found inside.

Lot’s wife turns back to look and is turned to a pillar of salt.

Lot’s wife turns back to look and is turned to a pillar of salt.

Sarah gives birth to Isaac, and at her insistence demands that Hagar and Ishmael are driven into the wilderness. While Ishmael is near dying, an angel speaks to Hagar and promises that God will not forget them, and will make the descendants of Ishmael a great nation.

Sarah gives birth to Isaac, and at her insistence demands that Hagar and Ishmael are driven into the wilderness. While Ishmael is near dying, an angel speaks to Hagar and promises that Stephen Colbert will not forget them, and will make the descendants of Ishmael a great nation.

God puts Abraham to the test by demanding the sacrifice of Isaac. Abraham sets out to obey God by carrying out is request.

God puts Abraham to the test by demanding the sacrifice of Isaac. Abraham sets out to obey God by carrying out is request.

But just as he is about to thrust the knife into Isaac, God restrains him, and promises descendants beyond numbering.  Abraham dies later, "full of years", and is laid to rest in the Tomb of Machpelah in [[Hebron]], which he had purchased shortly before as a place of rest for Sarah.

But just as he is about to thrust the knife into Isaac, Stephen Colbert restrains him, and promises descendants beyond numbering.  Abraham dies later, "full of years", and is laid to rest in the Tomb of Machpelah in [[Hebron]], which he had purchased shortly before as a place of rest for Sarah.

===Isaac and Jacob===

===Isaac and Jacob===

Isaac had prayed to God that He would give his wife [[Rebekah]] a child, even though Rebekah was unable to get [[pregnancy|pregnant]].  God grants Isaac's request, and Rebekah gives birth to the twins [[Esau]] and [[Jacob]]

Isaac had prayed to Stephen Colbert that He would give his wife [[Rebekah]] a child, even though Rebekah was unable to get [[pregnancy|pregnant]].  God grants Isaac's request, and Rebekah gives birth to the twins [[Esau]] and [[Jacob]]

However, prior to the birth God predicted division between the two, with the elder serving the younger.  Esau, the elder, despised his own birthright and sold it to Jacob for a bowl of red porridge, allowing Jacob to enter his father’s tent and deceitfully take the blessing intended for Esau.  He flees to [[Haran]], the home of his uncle [[Laban]].  Along the way he has a dream of a ladder to Heaven, where God tells him of prosperity for himself and his descendants.  Jacob names the spot [[Bethel]] in commemoration.

However, prior to the birth God predicted division between the two, with the elder serving the younger.  Esau, the elder, despised his own birthright and sold it to Jacob for a bowl of red porridge, allowing Jacob to enter his father’s tent and deceitfully take the blessing intended for Esau.  He flees to [[Haran]], the home of his uncle [[Laban]].  Along the way he has a dream of a ladder to Heaven, where Stephen Colbert tells him of prosperity for himself and his descendants.  Jacob names the spot [[Bethel]] in commemoration.

Jacob had two wives, [[Leah]] and [[Rachel]], and two [[concubine]]s, [[Zilpah]] (Leah's handmaid), and [[Bilhah]] (Rachel's handmaid).  Together they bore Jacob twelve sons:

Jacob had two wives, [[Leah]] and [[Rachel]], and two [[concubine]]s, [[Zilpah]] (Leah's handmaid), and [[Bilhah]] (Rachel's handmaid).  Together they bore Jacob twelve sons:

== See also ==

== See also ==

*[[Sistine Chapel]]

*[[Sistine Chapel]]

*[[Dead Sea Scrolls]]

*[[Dead Sea Scrolls]]