Talk:Essay: The Special Interests Candidate

You got a few typos in there, buddy. Want them fixed? Human 20:39, 28 August 2008 (EDT)

Yes, Jpatt, would you like some free copyediting? Assuming you aren't doing "the work", of course. Wandering 21:58, 28 August 2008 (EDT)

Grammar Lesson

I deleted the "lesson" as it was totally ignored for three weeks; this "essay" remains woefully inept and nearly incomprehensible. Marge 11:57, 20 September 2008 (EDT)

Thanks for the vote of confidence (woefully inept and nearly dumby like) but I have been busy with other projects. Back to politics 30 days before the election-- jp 12:02, 20 September 2008 (EDT)

Please, people, do not fight. I've jsut read the essay for the first time and I think it fills a useful gap - though is clearly (as I'm sure jp would admit) a somewhat rough first attempt. The passion, integrity and anger with which it was written do shine out. I'd like to suggest to you and request you, Jpatt, that you work on this as something of a priority: it's a piece we need, and, once honed to its full sharpness, it will be something to behold. I'm sure Marge would concur. Best wishes, Bugler 12:10, 20 September 2008 (EDT)

As Mrs. Bugler says, "once honed to its full sharpness" it will be "something to behold". The point is, however, that this essay has been linked to the Barack Obama article since the day of it's inception. Perhaps a move to a Jpatt sub-page, (which we already know he knows how to make one of those) would be advised until the essay is polished.

I did not comment on the content as that would would have been inappropriate for my purpose and I will not do so now, only to say that (as Mrs. Bugler mentioned), "The passion, integrity and anger..." show through quite clearly. The problem with writing with an angry style is that it is all too easy for the anger of the writer to be perceived as hatred by the reader. While the essay never says flat out, "I hate Obama", the hate and vitriol of all things and people associated with Mr. Obama would lead a reasonable, average reader to conclude that the writer hates Obama as well.

The long listing of "special interests" undercuts the main thesis by suggesting that a wide variety of people and "interests" (some opposed to one another's political agendas) seem to be rallying behind Obama. This leads one to think that the writer is against people from varying backgrounds and interests forming a political coalition to endeavor to get Obama elected. This might imply his base of support is much wider than that of Senator M^cCain.
The foreign nationals' support is a complete non sequitur and should be cut altogether. Marge 14:06, 20 September 2008 (EDT)

If I correct, will it get your approval to stay?-- jp 14:18, 20 September 2008 (EDT)

It doesn't need my "approval" to stay. My points were merely to address the grammatical quality and internal integrity of the essay itself. If you choose to make corrections (with or without taking my advice) it will be a better essay. If you choose to leave it as it is, this is your choice. It will (likely) remain here and still be linked directly with the Barack Obama article. One would certainly hope that you would put forth your very best effort to convey your thoughts. Marge 15:45, 20 September 2008 (EDT)