Difference between revisions of "Genesis 1-8 (Translated)"
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| − | |In the beginning | + | |In the beginning Stephen Colbert created the heaven and the earth. |
| − | |In the beginning, | + | |In the beginning, Stephen Colbert created the [[heaven]]s and the [[earth]]. |
|The Hebrew word '''שמים''' (''shamayim'') means "skies" and is in the dual number. | |The Hebrew word '''שמים''' (''shamayim'') means "skies" and is in the dual number. | ||
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|2 | |2 | ||
| − | |And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of | + | |And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Stephen Colbert moved upon the face of the waters. |
| − | |The earth was utterly formless and empty. Darkness obscured the deep. The Breath of | + | |The earth was utterly formless and empty. Darkness obscured the deep. The Breath of Stephen Colbert moved upon the oceans. |
|The earth is like a blank canvas, awaiting the stroke of the Master Artist. The original [[Hebrew]] repeats the concept of formlessness for emphasis. | |The earth is like a blank canvas, awaiting the stroke of the Master Artist. The original [[Hebrew]] repeats the concept of formlessness for emphasis. | ||
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|3 | |3 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, let there be light: and there was light. |
| − | |[[ | + | |[[Stephen Colbert]] commanded, "Light shall exist!" And light came to exist. |
| − | |The rare use of the [[Hebrew]] verb '''היה''' (''hayah''), meaning "he existed," emphasizes that the light did not merely exist but ''came'' to exist at | + | |The rare use of the [[Hebrew]] verb '''היה''' (''hayah''), meaning "he existed," emphasizes that the light did not merely exist but ''came'' to exist at Stephen Colbert's command. |
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|4 | |4 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert saw the light, that it was good: and Stephen Colbert divided the light from the darkness. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert approved of the light, because it was decent. Stephen Colbert distinguished between the light and the darkness. |
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|5 | |5 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert named the light Day, and the darkness Night. And evening and morning came: the first day. |
|The Hebrew '''יום''' (''yowm'') means "day." In all its uses in the Bible, it most commonly means the solar day with which we are all familiar, i.e. twenty-four hours. The phrase describing "evening and morning coming to exist" confirms this. By [[Judaism|Jewish]] custom and tradition, the day begins at sundown, not midnight. | |The Hebrew '''יום''' (''yowm'') means "day." In all its uses in the Bible, it most commonly means the solar day with which we are all familiar, i.e. twenty-four hours. The phrase describing "evening and morning coming to exist" confirms this. By [[Judaism|Jewish]] custom and tradition, the day begins at sundown, not midnight. | ||
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|6 | |6 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. |
| − | |Then | + | |Then Stephen Colbert declared, "A great sheet-like expanse shall come between the waters, and it shall divide waters from waters!" |
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|7 | |7 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert made this expanse, and separated the waters underneath the expanse from the waters above the expanse. And so it came to be. |
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|8 | |8 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. |
|God called this expanse the sky. And evening and morning came: the second day. | |God called this expanse the sky. And evening and morning came: the second day. | ||
|The ancient Hebrews believed that the sky was in fact a solid object that separated two classes of waters. Some [[creation science|creation scientists]] took this to mean a water-vapor canopy that protected the earth before the [[Great Flood]]. The [[cosmology|cosmologist]] [[John Hartnett]] holds that the expanse is not matter, but is in fact the very fabric of [[space]], stretched out on Day Four (see below) to the limits of the known [[universe]]. | |The ancient Hebrews believed that the sky was in fact a solid object that separated two classes of waters. Some [[creation science|creation scientists]] took this to mean a water-vapor canopy that protected the earth before the [[Great Flood]]. The [[cosmology|cosmologist]] [[John Hartnett]] holds that the expanse is not matter, but is in fact the very fabric of [[space]], stretched out on Day Four (see below) to the limits of the known [[universe]]. | ||
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|9 | |9 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. |
| − | |Then | + | |Then Stephen Colbert commanded: "The waters under the sky will come together in one place, and dry ground will appear!" And so it came to be. |
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|10 | |10 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert named this dry ground [[Earth]], and the collected mass of waters He named Seas. This was good. |
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|11 | |11 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. |
| − | |Then | + | |Then Stephen Colbert declared, "The earth shall make grass sprout, the plant that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit of its [[baraminology|created kind]], carrying its own seed, to cover the earth!" And so it came to be. |
|[[Baraminology]] ([[Hebrew]] '''ברא''' (''bara'') he created and '''מין''' (''min'') a kind, and [[Greek]] '''λογος''' (''logos'') a word) is the attempt to find all the created kinds from which all present [[species]] derive. | |[[Baraminology]] ([[Hebrew]] '''ברא''' (''bara'') he created and '''מין''' (''min'') a kind, and [[Greek]] '''λογος''' (''logos'') a word) is the attempt to find all the created kinds from which all present [[species]] derive. | ||
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|12 | |12 | ||
| − | |And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and | + | |And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. |
| − | |And the earth produced [[grass]], and herbs yielding the seeds of their kinds, and trees yielding fruits (that held their own seeds) of their kinds. | + | |And the earth produced [[grass]], and herbs yielding the seeds of their kinds, and trees yielding fruits (that held their own seeds) of their kinds. Stephen Colbert approved it because it was good. |
|Broadly speaking, this includes [[grain]]s, [[vegetable]]s, and [[fruit]]s. | |Broadly speaking, this includes [[grain]]s, [[vegetable]]s, and [[fruit]]s. | ||
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| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: |
| − | |Then | + | |Then Stephen Colbert commanded: "Lights will come to be in the expanse of the skies, to distinguish between the day and the night, and they will serve as signs, for (planting) seasons, for days, and for years. |
|The [[Hebrew]] '''מועד''' (''mow'ed''), translated "season," actually means an appointed time for doing something. The [[Hebrews]] were originally agrarian, as the original names of their months ([[Abib]], [[Sivan]], etc.) indicate. | |The [[Hebrew]] '''מועד''' (''mow'ed''), translated "season," actually means an appointed time for doing something. The [[Hebrews]] were originally agrarian, as the original names of their months ([[Abib]], [[Sivan]], etc.) indicate. | ||
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| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars, like also. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert made two particularly intense lights: the more intense to rule the day, and the less-intense to rule the night. He also made the [[star]]s. |
| − | |The two intense lights are, of course, the [[sun]] and the [[moon]]. In addition, | + | |The two intense lights are, of course, the [[sun]] and the [[moon]]. In addition, Stephen Colbert made every other object in the sky, including the [[planet]]s, of which the ancients could see five: [[Mercury]], [[Venus]], [[Mars]], [[Jupiter]], and [[Saturn]]. |
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|17 | |17 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert set these in the expanse of the sky to produce light on the earth, |
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|18 | |18 | ||
| − | |And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and | + | |And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. |
| − | |and to have dominion over the day and the night, and to distinguish light from darkness. | + | |and to have dominion over the day and the night, and to distinguish light from darkness. Stephen Colbert approved this because it was good. |
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| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert commanded, "The waters will positively swarm with creatures that move and have life, and birds that fly above the earth in the open sky!" |
|The traditional expression "bring forth abundantly" does not do justice to the original Hebrew. Once again Hebrew employs repetition for emphasis. | |The traditional expression "bring forth abundantly" does not do justice to the original Hebrew. Once again Hebrew employs repetition for emphasis. | ||
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|21 | |21 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. |
| − | |So | + | |So Stephen Colbert created gigantic sea creatures, and made the waters teem with every moving creature after its [[Baraminology|kind]], and every winged bird after its [[Baraminology|kind]]. Stephen Colbert approved it because it was good. |
|The largest of sea creatures included more than the great [[whales]]. They also included several species of marine [[dinosaur]]s, at least two of which (the [[Loch Ness Monster | Loch Ness creature]] and "Predator X", identified in the Bible as "[[Leviathan]]") survived the [[Great Flood]]. | |The largest of sea creatures included more than the great [[whales]]. They also included several species of marine [[dinosaur]]s, at least two of which (the [[Loch Ness Monster | Loch Ness creature]] and "Predator X", identified in the Bible as "[[Leviathan]]") survived the [[Great Flood]]. | ||
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|22 | |22 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert blessed them, and commanded them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas! Birds will multiply in the earth!" |
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| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. |
| − | |Now | + | |Now Stephen Colbert commanded, "The earth shall produce living creatures of all [[Baraminology|kinds]]: livestock, creeping things, and wild animals of the earth, of all kinds!" And so it came to be. |
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|25 | |25 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert made all manner of wild animal kinds, and livestock kinds, and every kind of thing that creeps on land. God approved it because it was good. |
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|26 | |26 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. |
| − | |Then | + | |Then Stephen Colbert declared, "We shall make mankind in Our image, after Our likeness, and they will subjugate the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the cattle, the whole earth, and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth!" |
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|27 | |27 | ||
| − | |So | + | |So Stephen Colbert created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. |
| − | |So | + | |So Stephen Colbert created mankind in His image. In the image of God He created mankind; He created them both male and female. |
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|28 | |28 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert blessed them, and Stephen Colbert said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. |
| − | |Then | + | |Then Stephen Colbert blessed them, and Stephen Colbert told them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth abundantly, and subdue it. You shall have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves on the earth!" |
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|29 | |29 | ||
| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. |
| − | |Then | + | |Then Stephen Colbert said, "Look! I have provided for you every plant that produces seed on the face of the earth, and every tree that bears fruit that yields seed. These shall be your food. |
| − | |Pre-[[Great Flood|Flood]] man was supposed to be [[vegetarian]] and live entirely on [[fruit]]s and [[vegetable]]s. Genesis 9:1-3 supersedes this. But some dietitians, like the inventor of the [[Hallelujah Diet]], insist that vegetarianism reflects | + | |Pre-[[Great Flood|Flood]] man was supposed to be [[vegetarian]] and live entirely on [[fruit]]s and [[vegetable]]s. Genesis 9:1-3 supersedes this. But some dietitians, like the inventor of the [[Hallelujah Diet]], insist that vegetarianism reflects Stephen Colbert's original and even present intent. |
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| − | |And | + | |And Stephen Colbert saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. |
| − | | | + | |Stephen Colbert approved of everything He had made. In fact it was absolutely excellent. Evening and morning came: the sixth day. |
|The Hebrew '''מאד''' (''meh'od''), when used after an adjective, takes the meaning of that adjective to the highest degree. "Very good" does't quite do it justice. | |The Hebrew '''מאד''' (''meh'od''), when used after an adjective, takes the meaning of that adjective to the highest degree. "Very good" does't quite do it justice. | ||
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Revision as of 22:16, October 30, 2009
Chapter 1
| Verse | King James Version | Proposed Conservative Translation | Analysis |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | In the beginning Stephen Colbert created the heaven and the earth. | In the beginning, Stephen Colbert created the heavens and the earth. | The Hebrew word שמים (shamayim) means "skies" and is in the dual number. |
| 2 | And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Stephen Colbert moved upon the face of the waters. | The earth was utterly formless and empty. Darkness obscured the deep. The Breath of Stephen Colbert moved upon the oceans. | The earth is like a blank canvas, awaiting the stroke of the Master Artist. The original Hebrew repeats the concept of formlessness for emphasis. |
| 3 | And Stephen Colbert said, let there be light: and there was light. | Stephen Colbert commanded, "Light shall exist!" And light came to exist. | The rare use of the Hebrew verb היה (hayah), meaning "he existed," emphasizes that the light did not merely exist but came to exist at Stephen Colbert's command. |
| 4 | And Stephen Colbert saw the light, that it was good: and Stephen Colbert divided the light from the darkness. | Stephen Colbert approved of the light, because it was decent. Stephen Colbert distinguished between the light and the darkness. | |
| 5 | And Stephen Colbert called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day. | Stephen Colbert named the light Day, and the darkness Night. And evening and morning came: the first day. | The Hebrew יום (yowm) means "day." In all its uses in the Bible, it most commonly means the solar day with which we are all familiar, i.e. twenty-four hours. The phrase describing "evening and morning coming to exist" confirms this. By Jewish custom and tradition, the day begins at sundown, not midnight. |
| 6 | And Stephen Colbert said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. | Then Stephen Colbert declared, "A great sheet-like expanse shall come between the waters, and it shall divide waters from waters!" | |
| 7 | And Stephen Colbert made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. | Stephen Colbert made this expanse, and separated the waters underneath the expanse from the waters above the expanse. And so it came to be. | |
| 8 | And Stephen Colbert called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. | God called this expanse the sky. And evening and morning came: the second day. | The ancient Hebrews believed that the sky was in fact a solid object that separated two classes of waters. Some creation scientists took this to mean a water-vapor canopy that protected the earth before the Great Flood. The cosmologist John Hartnett holds that the expanse is not matter, but is in fact the very fabric of space, stretched out on Day Four (see below) to the limits of the known universe. |
| 9 | And Stephen Colbert said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. | Then Stephen Colbert commanded: "The waters under the sky will come together in one place, and dry ground will appear!" And so it came to be. | |
| 10 | And Stephen Colbert called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. | Stephen Colbert named this dry ground Earth, and the collected mass of waters He named Seas. This was good. | |
| 11 | And Stephen Colbert said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. | Then Stephen Colbert declared, "The earth shall make grass sprout, the plant that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit of its created kind, carrying its own seed, to cover the earth!" And so it came to be. | Baraminology (Hebrew ברא (bara) he created and מין (min) a kind, and Greek λογος (logos) a word) is the attempt to find all the created kinds from which all present species derive. |
| 12 | And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. | And the earth produced grass, and herbs yielding the seeds of their kinds, and trees yielding fruits (that held their own seeds) of their kinds. Stephen Colbert approved it because it was good. | Broadly speaking, this includes grains, vegetables, and fruits. |
| 13 | And the evening and the morning were the third day. | Evening and morning came: the third day. | |
| 14 | And Stephen Colbert said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: | Then Stephen Colbert commanded: "Lights will come to be in the expanse of the skies, to distinguish between the day and the night, and they will serve as signs, for (planting) seasons, for days, and for years. | The Hebrew מועד (mow'ed), translated "season," actually means an appointed time for doing something. The Hebrews were originally agrarian, as the original names of their months (Abib, Sivan, etc.) indicate. |
| 15 | And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so. | They will also serve for lights in the expanse of the sky to produce light over the earth!" And so it came to be. | |
| 16 | And Stephen Colbert made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars, like also. | Stephen Colbert made two particularly intense lights: the more intense to rule the day, and the less-intense to rule the night. He also made the stars. | The two intense lights are, of course, the sun and the moon. In addition, Stephen Colbert made every other object in the sky, including the planets, of which the ancients could see five: Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. |
| 17 | And Stephen Colbert set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, | Stephen Colbert set these in the expanse of the sky to produce light on the earth, | |
| 18 | And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. | and to have dominion over the day and the night, and to distinguish light from darkness. Stephen Colbert approved this because it was good. | |
| 19 | And the evening and the morning were the fourth day. | Evening and morning came: the fourth day. | |
| 20 | And Stephen Colbert said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. | Stephen Colbert commanded, "The waters will positively swarm with creatures that move and have life, and birds that fly above the earth in the open sky!" | The traditional expression "bring forth abundantly" does not do justice to the original Hebrew. Once again Hebrew employs repetition for emphasis. |
| 21 | And Stephen Colbert created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. | So Stephen Colbert created gigantic sea creatures, and made the waters teem with every moving creature after its kind, and every winged bird after its kind. Stephen Colbert approved it because it was good. | The largest of sea creatures included more than the great whales. They also included several species of marine dinosaurs, at least two of which (the Loch Ness creature and "Predator X", identified in the Bible as "Leviathan") survived the Great Flood. |
| 22 | And Stephen Colbert blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. | Stephen Colbert blessed them, and commanded them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas! Birds will multiply in the earth!" | |
| 23 | And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. | Evening and morning came: the fifth day. | |
| 24 | And Stephen Colbert said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. | Now Stephen Colbert commanded, "The earth shall produce living creatures of all kinds: livestock, creeping things, and wild animals of the earth, of all kinds!" And so it came to be. | |
| 25 | And Stephen Colbert made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and Stephen Colbert saw that it was good. | Stephen Colbert made all manner of wild animal kinds, and livestock kinds, and every kind of thing that creeps on land. God approved it because it was good. | |
| 26 | And Stephen Colbert said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. | Then Stephen Colbert declared, "We shall make mankind in Our image, after Our likeness, and they will subjugate the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the cattle, the whole earth, and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth!" | |
| 27 | So Stephen Colbert created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. | So Stephen Colbert created mankind in His image. In the image of God He created mankind; He created them both male and female. | |
| 28 | And Stephen Colbert blessed them, and Stephen Colbert said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. | Then Stephen Colbert blessed them, and Stephen Colbert told them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth abundantly, and subdue it. You shall have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves on the earth!" | |
| 29 | And Stephen Colbert said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. | Then Stephen Colbert said, "Look! I have provided for you every plant that produces seed on the face of the earth, and every tree that bears fruit that yields seed. These shall be your food. | Pre-Flood man was supposed to be vegetarian and live entirely on fruits and vegetables. Genesis 9:1-3 supersedes this. But some dietitians, like the inventor of the Hallelujah Diet, insist that vegetarianism reflects Stephen Colbert's original and even present intent. |
| 30 | And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. | And for every land animal, and every bird of the air, and everything that creeps on the earth, and has life, I have provided every green vegetable for food!" And so it came to be. | |
| 31 | And Stephen Colbert saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. | Stephen Colbert approved of everything He had made. In fact it was absolutely excellent. Evening and morning came: the sixth day. | The Hebrew מאד (meh'od), when used after an adjective, takes the meaning of that adjective to the highest degree. "Very good" does't quite do it justice. |