User:LT/jokes
Welcome to my unlisted (non)secret user page! The following is a list of jokes I come up with:
Question: What does CNN and the Middle East have in common?
Answer: They were both blasted by Martha McSally.
Question: Why is the Deep state currently furious at Donald Trump?
Answer: Trump's attorney general is Barring their efforts.
Question: What is worth absolutely nothing that a liberal would buy but a conservative wouldn't?
Answer: Mainstream media narratives.
Question: What does a bacon-heavy breakfast and a Democrat spending bill have in common?
Answer: Both are filled with pork.
Person A: Have you heard about the new restaurant that opened?
Person B: Oh yeah, I think I read about it on the newspaper.
Person A: Want to check it out? From what I know, there are some weird menu items.
Person B: Oh?
Person A: For example, they have a “Trump impeachment sandwich”.
Person B: What's the description?
Person A: Full of baloney.
Person B: What else?
Person A: There's also a menu item called “Proof of the Trump-Russia conspiracy theory”... oops, my bad! It turns out that it doesn't exist.
Person B: Another good menu item?
Person A: There's one called The Mueller burger.
Person B: And what's the description?
Person A: I remember it saying “Costs over $30 million dollars, took over two years to make, and the burger patty has been redacted.”
Question: For which former U.S. senator does their last name accurately describe them overall?
Answer: Jeff Flake.
Person A: I think we should just officially call WaPo the Washington Compost.
Person B: Actually, that wouldn't entirely be accurate.
Person A: Why?
Person B: Because unlike compost, WaPo isn't useful for anything.
Question: What melts down faster than snow in the sun?
Answer: Twitter leftists.
Question: What's the different between a hand puppet, a finger puppet, and a sock puppet?
Answer: CP admins aren't always fond of sock-puppets.
Chris Cuomo: Knock knock.
Random person: Who's there?
Chris Cuomo: Cuomo.
Same random person: Fredo who? Younger or Elder?
Chris Cuomo: ARRRRRRRGH!
Again, the same random person: Ah, it's Chris!
Question: Why do liberals favor long-sleeved shirts?
Answer: They oppose the right to bare arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Locker.
Locker who?
Hillary Clinton, of course. Lock her up!
Question: What happened to Lisa Page's reputation?
Answer: It got Strzok down.
Question: Where is the largest swamp in the United States located at?
Answer: Washington, D.C..
Question: What's the difference between a 20th century KKK member and a 21st century Antifa member?
Answer: A KKK member then would've been honest about their intent and not pretend the opposite.
Question: What should Kamala Harris do to try being Biden's VP pick?
Answer: Douse her hair in perfume.
Question: What's the difference between a fading glow stick and a liberal vandal?
Answer: One is dim, while the other is dimwitted.
Question: What does a left-wing troll and a broken light bulb have in common?
Answer: Neither are useful nor considered bright at all.
Democrat official: Have you counted in all the votes yet?
People "counting" votes: Yep! All 117% of them!