Kangaroo

Kangaroo
Scientific classification
Kingdom Information
Kingdom	Animalia
Phylum Information
Phylum	Chordata
Class Information
Class	Mammalia
Sub-class	Marsupialia
Order Information
Order	Diprotodontia
Sub-order	Macropodiformes
Family Information
Family	Macropodidae
Genus Information
Genus	Macropus
Population statistics

Kangaroos are the largest marsupials alive today. Excluding specimens sent overseas, they are only found on the continent of Australia apart from some species in some areas of Papua New Guinea. There are at least sixty-nine species of kangaroo , which include wallabies and tree-kangaroos.

Description

Kangaroos have large ears on top of their small heads, a long snout, and short arms with clawed fingers. Their legs are strong, powerful, and are made for leaping. Their feet have four toes at the end of elongated metatarsi that they rest on when standing. They also have a powerful, thick tail that is used as support when standing, a third-leg when walking slowly, and for counterbalance while leaping. Like all Marsupials, female kangaroos have a pouch on their stomachs in which they carry their young.

Diet

Kangaroos are herbivores, eating grass, roots, and shrubs. They have a chambered stomach similar to sheep and cattle. They are able to regurgitate their food, chew it again as cud, and then swallow it for digestion.

Social Order

Kangaroos travel in mobs of about ten or more males and females. The leader of the mob, called a "boomer", is a male determined by age and size. The boomer has access to females in his mob for mating and will wander around the mob intimidating any other males who try to mate with his harem.

Reproduction

Female kangaroos usually only have one baby kangaroo (called a "joey") at a time. The newborn joey weighs as little as 0.03 ounces when first born, after which it crawls into its mothers pouch where it will nurse, grow, and develop. Red Kangaroo joeys will stay in their mothers pouch for about eight months and Grey Kangaroo joeys stay in there for about one year.

Origins

Creationism

Consistent with their view that the fossil record as a whole does not support the evolutionary position, creationists state that there is a lack of transitional fossils showing an evolutionary origin of kangaroos. Rebecca Driver writes:

The Macropod family is alleged to have evolved from either the Phalangeridae (possums) or Burramyidae (pygmy-possums)...
However, there are no fossils of animals which appear to be intermediate between possums and kangaroos. Wabularoo naughtoni, supposed ancestor of all the macropods, was clearly a kangaroo (it greatly resembles the potoroos which dwell in Victoria’s forests). If modern kangaroos really did come from it, all this shows is the same as we see happening today, namely that kangaroos come from kangaroos, "after their kind."

According to the origins theory model used by young earth creation scientists, modern kangaroos are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah's Ark prior to the Great Flood. It has not yet been determined by baraminologists whether kangaroos form a holobaramin with the wallaby, tree-kangaroo, wallaroo, pademelon and quokka, or if all these species are in fact apobaraminic or polybaraminic.

After the Flood, these kangaroos, bred from the Ark passengers, migrated to Australia. There is debate whether this migration happened over land with lower sea levels during the post-flood ice age, or before the super-continent of Pangea broke apart.

The idea that God simply generated kangaroos into existence there is considered by most creation researchers to be contra-Biblical.

Evolution

The evolutionary view is that kangaroos and other marsupials evolved from a common marsupial ancestor which lived hundreds of millions of years ago.

Dreamtime

Some Australian Aborigines believe that kangaroos were sung into existence by their ancestors during the Dreamtime.

Ed Poor

His Royal Highness Edward Zephyrus Poor is the Arch-Duke of Andyland, a post-rapture dystopia under the rule of the mighty despot referred to as the Assfly

History

Early Childhood

Edward has lived a fascinating life, ranging from encyclopedia editor to a KKK cross burner.

Not much is known of Ed's childhood, as he was kidnapped by pirates as his family traversed the great flood, clinging to a floating piece of debris from the RMS Titanic. This door later went on to greater things, such saving the life of Kate Winslet, while Ed was left in the care of the dreaded pirate Assbeard.

Assbeard later renamed his stolen child "Ed Poor", due to the fact he could not afford a decent education for the child.

1950s

The 50s were a turbulent time for young Ed, never having had a decent family to raise him. Ed turned to a life of crime, and fashioned himself the alias "Red Herring", due to his lack of capacity when it comes to keeping a debate on-topic.

After many arrests for lewd behavior and theft of knowledge, Ed gave up his violent ways and abandoned his crime gang. It is still said that the criminal syndicate known as the Liberals still hunt Ed, hoping to avenge their fallen member, Truth, who was murdered by Ed, using the weapon of gun.

1960s

Edward attended rehabilitation for his criminal leanings during this time. He would occasionally fall back into his old ways, until a young man named Zephyrus befriended the troubled youngster.

Zephyrus and Ed grew closer with each passing week, until Zephyrus' incarceration for his leanings. The young Edward was devastated by his loss. He changed his name back to "Ed Poor", and assumed the middle name Zephyrus so he would always remember that one warm summer's night.

1970s

Fresh from his ten-year rehabilitation session, Ed was jobless and had no aim in life. His family was lost, his only friend was incarcerated and he had never known the importance of education or employment.

After once again falling into his old ways, Ed was caught stealing from the clothing donation box outside the local Unification Church. A minister by the name of Peter Gnuss took the young Ed under his wing, and promised to turn him into a proper man. Ed was taught the importance of chivalry and prayer in school, while learning to selfishly spread words of hate against homosexuals.

Father P. Gnuss was never aware of the past dealings between young Ed and Zephyrus, until he lay on his deathbed. It is often rumored the last words to escape his mouth were "Damn you, Ed".

1980s

Ed was now a grown man, he had faith and direction. He assumed a job at Grumman Aircraft Corporation, a supplier of aircraft to the military and navy.

Grumman was a prosperous business, with over twenty five thousand employees at the time of Ed's arrival. Between the time of Ed's employment and the end of the decade, Grumman's workforce had shrunk dramatically, as people fled from the horrors that awaited them at their workplace.

1990s

With the invention of the internet, Ed had found a new passion. Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia which could be edited by any member of the general public, had become a fascination of Ed's.

Ed was one of Wikipedia's most renowned and respected authors. He quickly advanced through the ranks to become a powerful and influential member of the community. However, Ed had never learned that power corrupts. Never having received an education he never had the chance to be forewarned about this fact. After abusing his powers and bullying contributors to the encyclopedia, Ed was stripped of this rank, and left Wikipedia in shame.

2000s

It was soon after his disgrace at the hands of Wikipedia Ed was contacted by the Assfly. A new, ambitious vision was forged between the two. A new, better Wikipedia, one where their power would be absolute, one where only their vision would be accepted.

The concept of every lower individual working toward one end, with no individual gain or power appealed to Ed. He would be able to relive his days of crime, deceit and power with no man able to stand in his way. The project was started, and the nightmare began.

Views

Ed is a Conservative, believing that every man is created inferior to himself. Traditional families are an important part of Ed's vision of America, as he was able to witness first hand the damage that a broken family can cause.

Homosexuality

Homosexuality is a conflicting issue for Ed. Father P. Gnuss had always taught Ed that selfishly denouncing homosexuals is important, however Ed still remembers that warm summer's night he spend with Zephyrus.

Scared of his past becoming known by his peers, Ed spends his days creating numerous articles on Conservapedia, explaining how homosexuals are lesser people. This act causes great conflict in Ed's mind, as he is aware that his religion stresses compassion, understanding and forgiveness. It had been hypothesized that Ed is already aware of the fact that he will go to Hell, and therefor disregards these prime principles set by his faith.

Ed has also violated the law by attempting to ask minors for their phone numbers, causing many to question Ed's true intention on Conservapedia.

Mathematics

Ed has been observed displaying a troubling practice of removing maths which he cannot understand. This has left many scratching their heads, as an Encyclopedia is about learning, not removing content of which one is not aware.

He has also been known to attempt to explain his understanding of Kepler's laws of planetary motion. The resulting incident was so embarrassing, even the Assfly could not bear to look at it, and deleted it from Conservapedia.

Future

2011

Here lies Edward Zephyrus Poor

Tried jumping off a cliff to prove there is no such thing as gravity

We are richer for having lost him