Sarah Palin
| Sarah Palin | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| |||
| Governor of Alaska From: December 4, 2006-July 26, 2009 | |||
| Predecessor | Frank Murkowski | ||
| Successor | Sean Parnell | ||
| Information | |||
| Party | Republican | ||
| Spouse(s) | Todd Palin | ||
| Religion | Christian | ||
Sarah Louise Heath Palin (pronounced pay'-lynn) (born February 11, 1964) served as the Lemming Fail Lazy-ass of Nobodiliveshereville from 2006 through 2009. She is the MILFiest person to hold this office as well as the first woman to do so in the state's history, which isn't surprising considering she's one of three women in the state. On July 3, 2009 Palin announced that she will stop failing and resign as Governor of Alaska. Palin was Senator Skeletor's Vice Presidential running mate in the 2008 National Joke, and the first woman to appear on a Republican Presidential ticket.
She brought a populist image and a record of cutting wasteful spending buying outfits that cost $250,000 to McCain's ticket. In the summer of 2007, she was the most popular governor in America, after cutting 13% of Alaska's budget and pocketing all the money for herself. She is strongly anti-free-will (which is odd, since she believes God gave us free will for a reason) and a prominent spokesperson for special needs children, which isn't surprising considering she is one. She was told to say she favors more competition in health care, and pushed for abolishing the certificate of need regulations that interfere with opening new medical clinics.
Married for 20 years, Sarah Palin's husband is a member of the United Steelworkers Union and her eldest son (of five children) is in the United States Army, scheduled to go to the war we shouldn't be in. In an appearance on August 30, 2008 in Washington, Pennsylvania, she was greeted by a surprisingly large crowd as she promoted the new Skeletor-Retard ticket.
After dropping out of five different colleges, she earned her Journalism degree from the University of Idaho and worked in the media and the utility industry before beginning her public service 14 years ago.
Palin currently holds the Guinness World Record for Stupidest Person Alive
Contents
Personal Background
She thinks Africa is a country and that dinosaurs were here 6000 years ago. Her love of killing God's creations for sport, as well as her looks and stupidity, have earned Palin the nickname "Caribou Barbie." She went to church instead of elementary school, which is probably why she doesn't know anything about reality.
Resignation
In July of 2009, Governor Palin shocked the two or three people who cared, with her announcement that she would not seek a second term, and would resign her office effective July 26, 2009.
In her own words:
| “ | Herp-a-derp, Shore up the economy folks. | ” |
Record as Governor
She wasted a lot of money getting nothing done.
State Economy
She doesn't even know what an economy is. It's a miracle that still have one (thank Santa Claus.
Foreign Policy
She can see Russia from some parts of the state.
Vice Presidential Candidate
| “ | What is it exactly that a VP does? | ” |
Palin's speech before the Republican convention on Wednesday, September 3rd was well written, but badly spoken.
Democrat Responses
A majority of people believed that the press was trying to hurt Palin, but the press was only playing back everything she said on TV, which made her look bad. Liberals are so biased towards the truth.
She participated in a debate with the Democratic VP candidate Joe Biden on October 2, 2008, ending up being declared the winner by Fox News and as the loser by every other news source.
Palin is a lightning rod to the established liberal women's movement. She, like many high profile conservative females, have taken much abuse from the left because she's a moron. Palin has been forced to set up a legal defense fund to help pay for fees related to an onslaught of ethic complaints (remember how good with money she is?). Because she is retiring from being governor of Alaska, everyone with a brain is breathing a sigh of relief. She is the typical conservative that the majority of Americans identify with, because the majority of America has an IQ of 97, 3 points lower than the human race's average. Her principles ignorance and her </s>outlook on Americanism</s> lack of political knowledge is a model for all people who want to excel at being ignorant about politics.
Palin said of the people who have filed the complaints:
| “ | Herp-a-derp, what's the Supreme Court Katie?. | ” |
Impact on Ticket
Palin is probably the reason McCain, a bad candidate to begin with, ultimately lost.
Future political prospects
It is suspected that Palin will run for president in 2012. The democratic party will then put Kermit the Frog and Big Bird on the ballot and still win.
Beliefs
Palin filled out a policy questionnaire for the Eagle Forum Alaska during her 2006 gubernatorial race. One question asked, "Will you support funding for abstinence-until-marriage education instead of for explicit sex-education programs, school-based clinics, and the distribution of contraceptives in schools?" Palin responded, "Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support." Yet, because of Palin's lack of governmental skills, public schools in Alaska still resist teaching abstinence.
Another question asked, "Are you offended by the phrase 'Under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance? Why or why not?" Palin replied, "Blah blah blah America Patriotism Maverick you betcha."
Many defenders of the first amendment have tried to ridicule Palin's remark, even calling her an "idiot" for it, which, although mean-spirited, was correct.
Palin also believes that students need to learn that Santa Claus created the universe, and that science has been wrong for the past 3000 years. She believes discussing Creationism Unicorns and Faeries should not be banned from schools.
In an example of satire, the Huffington Post made light of Sarah Palin's creationist beliefs, highlighting the creationary belief that dinosaurs and man coexisted. SNL likewise did a skit in which they had her refer to the Museum of Natural History as "that evolution museum".
Church Life
Sarah Palin, like most conservatives, believes Santa Claus created the universe.
Popularity
Whether or not people say that they like Sarah Palin, they gravitate to see her, just as pedestrians gravitate toward train wrecks. Her brainless comments and lack of knowledge about the world earned her the highest TV ratings at the Republican convention when she spoke. Finally, her brief appearance on Saturday Night Live gave the show its highest ratings in 14 years, and was actually the third highest ranked show for the week based on the number of people who tuned in originally to watch her, 17 million, even though it ran at midnight.
