Melissa Fryrear

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Melissa Fryrear is a former lesbian[1] who has been on the staff of Focus on the Family for a number of years.[2]


Melissa says a traumatic event in her life left her confused about her sexuality. She had been sexually violated as a child by a man outside of her family. That affected her gender identity in that she thought it was bad to be a woman. In her childish thinking, it was a liability to be a woman, because it meant that she could be hurt. At 16 years old, she had her first lesbian relationship, and by the time she was in college, Melissa had embraced a lesbian lifestyle. For 10 years Melissa went from one failed relationship to the next. Her life was disintegrating. Apart from being involved homosexually, she was abusing alcohol almost on a daily basis and the drugs on the weekend. Her live-in partner was fearful of Melissa’s outbursts where Melissa would scream, hit walls and throw things. Finally, she could take no more and confronted her. Melissa thought about going to church to get help, but she didn’t think she’d be welcome there. From a few snapshots through television she presumed that all Christians hated people like her who self-idenitfied as gays and lesbians. However, Melissa’s boss, a Christian man, treated her in a way that was contrary to her preconceptions.

After many spiritual conversations with her boss, Melissa asked her partner to go to church where there was a couple in their 70s, Doris and LJ. They taught Melissa about the Bible and one day, Melissa responded. Her partner also made a commitment to Christ, but it took time to work out the complexities of their relationship, because they were emotionally entangled, enmeshed and codependent. They started a process of slowly untangling their lives from one another and from the gay and lesbian community that they were a part of. They repented of sexual behavior and they fully separated their lives in 1994.

Today Melissa believes God healed her wounds in her heart, and He began to teach her that woman is good, femininity is good, she’s equal to man in masculinity, and they both share dignity of creation. She claims: “I have so many points of reference of who I used to be versus who I am now. It is, radically, two different people.

See also


  1. Alan E. Sears, Craig J. Osten (2003). The Homosexual Agenda: Exposing the principal threat to religious freedom today. B&H Publishing Group, 3+. ISBN 978-0-8054-2698-4. 
  2. Melissa Fryrear: Free at Last. Retrieved on 27 Aug 2017.